Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? Happy 28th Birthday in Heaven today. Mom is trying to hold it together so that I make you very proud but it is a pretty rough day for me. I am trying to stay busy so that I don't have to think about things very much today. I guess you could say that I am pretty quiet. Mark keeps asking if I am alright and I just nod and say yes. Mom is sorry that I did not write to you on here last night but I did write something on social media for you that I will re post on this letter as it is pretty long for me to retype out. 
 Saturday wasn't a great day for Mom as you could probably have seen. I was back at Urgent Care to be checked again and get more antibiotics for this bladder infection. Usually 1 round of it doesn't clear it all up for Mom. It usually takes 2 rounds of it to clear completely. Mark and Mom spent 2 hours waiting to me to be seen. After we left there, I had my medicine refilled and then off to go grocery shopping and run a few errands. We got back home around 4 pm. Mom put everything away and then we had dinner and we relaxed for the night. Mom was pretty tired so I went to bed around 10 pm while Mark stayed up. Not sure how long he was awake for as I fell right to sleep. The pups woke us up around 6 am and then again at 7 am. Mom fell back to sleep and got up around 8:30 am. I made a good breakfast...your favorites....eggs, toast and bacon. I did all the clean up of that and then Mark and Mom went down to the garage to breakdown boxes and take apart 3 bookcases and two end tables. We got that all done and bagged them up and Mark took almost all of it to the dumpster while Mom swept the garage and cleaned that all up. Now it is 1:23 pm and Mom plans on finishing this letter up to you and then turning the computer off for the entire day and evening and I am going to take a shower and then relax the rest of the day. I don't want to do anything else or think about anything. I will just go with the flow and make sure that I am drinking a lot of water like I am suppose to. Mark is playing his game on the computer with his brother so he is occupied. He will probably do that most of the day. Aunt Beck, Sam I Am, Megan and a few others have sent messages to Mom or said Happy Birthday to you on social media. Lots of family and friends commented on my post from last night. It was all sweet. Mom appreciates it a lot. Here is what I wrote to you:

 Dear Tyler,
I don't even know where to start or if I will make any sense to what I write to you. Mom is having a hard time as tomorrow, ( Sunday) July 29th you would have turned 28 years old. Another day that does not get any easier for Mom. I remember being told that I was pregnant & I had 1 1/2 months left before you were coming. You were suppose to be a July 4th baby but decide you were cozy & comfy & wanted to wait almost 10 months to enter this world. I look back at it now & I giggle but I wasn't then.. it was an extremely hot summer & I was ready & eager to meet you. You gave me one heck of a hard time. After 24 hrs of labor & 12 hours of it was " hard labor " you decided that you still didn't want to come out so I ended up having an emergency c-section because we were both tired & in distress.
I remember the 1st time I saw your face. I wondered if I was going to be a good Mommy to you, did I know how to as I was only 19 years old. I shed many of tears as I wanted to do all the right things but knew I would somehow make many mistakes along the way. It's funny because I never wanted to be a Mom when I was growing up & when someone asked me if I would ever have children I would say " Nope. " but now that is the 1 thing I miss the most...being a Mom. When you got sick in June of 1994.... our worlds were shattered but through the years we were each others strengths to get through it all. We learned along the way, we made mistakes, I made wrong choices that I thought were the best for you. God know how much I miss you. I didn't think that June 20, 2013 I would have to say goodbye to you. That is a decision that will haunt Mom for the rest of my life. I relive it over & over again in my mind. Since that day Mom is not the same person & I will never be that person again. She left this world when you did. No one should ever have to make the decisions I had to. No parent should ever have to lose their child no matter what age they are. It is not right. It is not the Circle of Life. I hate the fact that I can't ever see you again, hear your voice, see your smile, touch your sweet face. I love you so much. You were my world. You were my everything. You still are. Nothing will ever change that.
I know that you don't celebrate Birthdays anymore but Mom is still going to wish you a Happy Heavenly Early Birthday. You are on my mind a lot these last few days. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. You are my true hero, the wind beneath my wings & my bright shining star that lights my path day & night.
I love you. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond & more than all the stars in the sky, Tyler Howard
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 

 Mom misses you so much my sweet precious son. Every day is tough without you but days like these are even more. I know you are watching over Mom and you are always around me and I do thank you for that. I love getting your signs letting me know. They always surprise me and they always put a smile on my face. I love you beyond words. Like I said in my message to you above.... you are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. You are my shining star that lights my way day and night. You will forever and always live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. I want you to never forget that ....Ever! 

 Mom was going to go out and get a couple balloons and send them up to you but I didn't want to take the chance and get caught and get in trouble so I decided as much as I wanted to I went against it. I know that you understand what I am saying. I found a picture that I will post on here today that shows Mom sending you up heart balloons to you in Heaven. Each one has a great big hug and kiss for you. Smile when you read this letter and see the pictures. I will smile to you as I send them. 

 There are a few updates that I will write to you on tomorrows letter. I just don't want to write them on here today. Just doesn't seem appropriate to do it today. I will light the candle for you later this afternoon and all evening so know that it is shining bright just for you. I will whisper to you as I always do so smile again for Mom and I will smile back to you as well. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. I sure hope that you are celebrating your special day with all our family and friends up there in Heaven. May you have fun tonight while Mom sleeps. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. I would love that so much. Continue to fly high and free in the Heavens above. Until tomorrow comes..... good night and sweet dreams. Again, Happy Heavenly 28th Birthday to you, Tyler. I love you with all my heart.

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for your special day:

True, he died on the cross in weakness, but he lives by the power of God; and we who share his weakness shall by the power of God live with him in your service. 2 Corinthians 13:4, NEB

Lord our God, we thank you for the love you show us so that we may be delivered from weakness and sickness, from sin and misery, and may be given strength to serve you, our Father in heaven. Bless us in all we have on our hearts, that through your mercy the battle of life may be fought aright. Bless us in our times and grant that justice may gain the upper hand and we may live in peace, praising you into all eternity. Protect us, your children, forevermore. May your name be honored, your kingdom come, and your will be done on earth as in heaven. Amen.