Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today on this Friday afternoon? If I had to guess you are right here with me while I am typing you this letter or you are doing something amazing & important. Either way I know you are free of any pain that you had while you were here with me & you are happy. That is all I ever wanted for you. I wish that I could see you & talk to you again though. I miss you so much. Some days it feels like you have been gone for several years & others it seems like it just happened. No matter how much time has gone by I always am reliving the 3 day nightmare before you passed & the week after & every day after that. In 15 more days it will be 15 months. I still hear from so many people that they miss you & love you. You were such an inspiration to so many people. I know you never believed it but you were. You amazed me. You were & always will be my true Hero!!! 
 I know that I have a couple of daily prayers to type to you so I better get those started. Here is the 1st one. September 4~ For you, O Lord, have blessed & are blessed forever. Almighty God, I thank you for giving me the ability to be blessed by simple things. A friend drives by as I'm walking, & my mood is lightened by her smile& her wave. 3 deer stroll across my lawn & peek in at my office window. A hummingbird lingers over me just a moment while I'm reading outdoors as if to say hello. My life is tremendously rich with simple moments like these, Lord. I recognize that each & every one is a blessing from you, & I thank you. We have talked about this many of times Tyler. We may not have had every material thing we ever wanted & life at times were definite struggles but we were rich in so many ways. We awoke each morning for a new day to start, we have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, many family & friends that loved us, & most of all we always had each other. I can remember at times just stepping outside to feel the sun on my face, the smell of fresh cut grass, hear the birds chirping... the simple things that made me smile. These days I don't do that as often as I should. Sometimes it is hard for me to just smile at all. I try my hardest but no matter what I am thankful for everything that I still do have. I make sure to express my gratitude to God for each...every morning & every night. 
 September 5~ Like obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires that you formerly had in ignorance. Instead, as he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in all your conduct; for it is written, " You shall be holy, for I am holy. "  Lord, in you I find renewal & the courage to see in a different way. By following your will, I am filled with an excitement, energy, & enthusiasm for life that recharges my purpose & gives me new hope that all will be well. I thank you for this chance to do things differently, with a different perspective, & to follow the light you shine for me, making my path easier. In your presence I know I can accomplish anything & live my dreams. Amen. I can't say that I am fully there yet or if I ever really will be but again I am trying my hardest. I am finding the renewal & courage through God, but through you as well, Tyler. 
 The weather is rainy right now & the clouds are thick, & the sky is gray. I am not sure if this is something that rolled in & will be leaving just as quick or if it is going to be like this through the evening. I am hoping that when I go out later for a nightly walk with Snickers the sky will have cleared & I can see the moon & stars shining brightly. That always makes me smile.. another little thing in life! I will whisper to you as I always do whether I can see them or not. I hope that you have a wonderful evening with doing all that you want & need to do. Please continue to watch over us all. Thank you my precious son. I miss you beyond any words could every say & I love you so much. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope whatever you are doing & wherever you may be is making you happy & you are smiling like crazy. I sure do miss that smile of yours! That " Cheshire cat grin " you always used to give = ]. Mom is writing to you early in hopes that I can do the necessary things I have to & then relax for the rest of the day. I haven't been feeling the greatest the last couple nights. Been up mostly around the clock with very little sleep. Not sure what is going on but I really could use your help along with the Angels on getting back to feeling like me! I still could use the help in the nightmare department too. Those are still happening & I am not sure why but I would like them to stop. Anyways... I wanted to write to you because I was missing it & I am missing you badly today. Guess this is a harder day then most. Everything else here is fine. Mark is well & Snickers is still getting used to being the only pup. He has his good days & his bad days of missing Max just like we do. I can't believe that next week it will be 2 months since he passed. So hard to believe that time is just passing us by so quickly. Sunday it will be 15 months since you left. Blows my mind on that. I still can't get used to this. I just keep thinking you are on vacation & can't call me or we can't skype while you are away. I guess it is what I call a "head game" to help me cope with losing you. Sad isn't it??? I just don't know what else to do.
 I wanted to write out the last 2 days of the daily prayers. So here is the 1st one. September 2~ I am like an evergreen cypress;your faithfulness comes from me. Dear God, the ability to talk to you directly & bring my cares & needs to you is nothing short of incredible. That a being of your magnitude & limitless power wants to have a personal relationship with each of your creatures amazes me. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to feel your presence daily. Knowing you are near me makes me love you more. Our delight in God's love cannot compare with his joy in loving us. Just a beautiful prayer, Tyler. I pray daily as you know & I have come to believe & live that I can't change anything or anyone. I ask for help & leave it in the hands of God. I believe this helps me keep my stress level down & helps me daily. 
 September 3~ I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. Dear Jesus, with your death, you gave me hope. I no longer have to fear the future or shy away from death. Lord, you have liberated me through your selfless sacrifice. I accept your gift with open arms, embracing you & the life you have promised me. Thank you for giving yourself wholly for me, & I endeavor to do the same- to offer my life to you & to your will. Take me & use me, for I am yours. Amen. I am trying to do this daily. Some days are better then others for me, but I am trying. I do thank God for my life & all the blessings that I have. I am trying to embrace the changes that have come in my life & to see all the good in them. 
 I hope that you enjoy the daily prayers as much as I like writing them to you in my letters. In the last 20+ years I have not been the go to Church kind of girl, but I do believe & I pray daily like I have told you. I have my own relationship with God & I believe that, that is ok. I had become more active in my faith since you always spoke about it with curiosity & even more since you passed away. I don't believe that I am a bad person... I have had my share of times but I know that I have done a lot of good in my life so far so I will continue to do just this so I have all the chances in the world to be reunited with you some day. I know I will be because you have already told me this!
 The day is still bright, warm & cheery but Mom is getting tired & I have a headache. I will look forward to the evening sky to see if the stars & moon are out shining brightly. I will whisper to you as I always do so hopefully you will be listening for Mom. Thanks for showing me the moon last night! 1st time seeing in it a couple weeks. It was such a nice surprise. Made me smile. I hope that your evening tonight is all that you want & need it to be. Please watch over us like you do. All your family & friends miss you & need you still. I know Mom does. May you fly high & free tonight. Sweet dreams my precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!