Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Saturday afternoon? Mom is doing alright. It is December 21st and it is Winter Solstice... the shortest day of the year and the longest night of darkness. I think I read that we loose 5.5 hours of daylight today but starting tomorrow, every day will stay lighter and lighter out until we get to Summer Solstice. It really amazes Mom how all of this stuff works. It fasinates me. 

 Mom is sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday but Meme and I left at 10ish yesterday to go do some shopping and then headed to the nail salon, from there we went grocery shopping and came home. We arrived around 4 pm. We put everything away and then made dinner and all that and dishes were done by 6:30 pm. Every one came upstairs and went there separate ways. Bob went to bed, Meme stayed up and watched a movie and Mark and I did the same thing. I never once turned my computer on at all and Mom was fast asleep by 9:30 pm. I felt bad that I didn't write to you but I was just so tired. I thought I would get a good night sleep but I was wrong. I was up every 2 hours. I am really tired tonight. I am hoping to get a really good nights sleep because we have to be up and out the door by 9 am tomorrow to go to the movies. Mark is excited to see it and so is Meme. I think Bob is just going because he got a ticket and Mom is just happy to spend time with Mark. I can't believe that it is 4 days away from Christmas. Mark and Mom went out today for a few hours alone. It was so nice and we had fun. The people were crazy as they were doing their last minute shopping. We went into one store and the line was outside and all the way to the front registers and it wrapped around. It took us over 30 minutes to stand in line. It was crazy. Mom felt bad for the cashiers because I know exactly how they were feeling today. We went into a few more stores and called it a day. The weather went from sunny to cloudy, very windy and rainy so we left. We got home around 1:30 pm or so. Mom put everything away, reorganized the refrigerator and freezer, vacuumed the downstairs while Meme was upstairs looking for some papers, Bob went to sleep and Mark hopped on the computer and has been playing his game with his brothers online. His brother calls him every day and it gets so annoying. He calls right before dinner, during dinner, after dinner and continues to get in touch with him by text until Mark responds. I know that it is his brother but every day is a bit much. He always wants Mark to play his game with him. He may not have a life but I sure want one. I told Mark to play his game until it was time to cook dinner. That gave him 3 hours to play. Hopefully that will hold him over for another week. It just gets tiring. we live in Florida now where the weather is always good! It is not like it was in Massachusetts where it was cold, snowy and miserable and he had all kinds of time to play because there was nothing else to do really in the winter. I know that Mom is hoping for a miracle with this but I am going to keep wishing!

 Not too much for updates today. Grandpa called me Thursday night. He seemed like himself. He was telling me that him and Debbie went shopping and they got a new snow blower and a few other things. He is setting up appointments for Spring and Summer already so it doesn't seem to bother him too much that he is not moving down here. That hurt Mom like hell but I didn't show it in my voice. Debbie said nothing in the background to me so nothing has changed there. It is only going to be so long that Mom is going to accept that behavior from her. I won't tolerate it for much longer. I will give until New Years and then I wash my hands clean of it. I will not take it into the new year. I saw a post on facebook where Auntie Kristina's dad is now in hospice. My heart is breaking for her and her family. It must be so hard. I will call her on Monday to check in with them. she told me that she would call if anything changed. I am saying prayers that he will make a turn around. Mom will keep you posted on that. Not much else. Aunt Beck said she would call on Christmas Day. I am sure they are staying busy in Arizona. That is all I have for updates today, pumpkin. 

 Mom needs to be getting off the computer so that I can feed the pups soon and get dinner going for us. Mark will be needing to get off his computer as well and go cook the steak on the grill as Bob is sleeping and it is going to be taking awhile for that chunk of meat. We should be eating no later than 5:15 pm. That is less than an hour away. Mom will be back tomorrow with another letter to you and tell you how the movie was. I would like to think you are right there with me at the theater watching it too. I will light your candle when I go downstairs too. Smile when you hear Mom's voice later tonight when I am whispering to you. I will be sure to smile back to you. Have fun while I sleep tonight and if you can come visit me in my dreams. Thank you my sweet precious son. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams. I miss you, Tyler.

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain. 2 Peter 1:17–18, NIV

Lord Jesus Christ, to you we may lift our eyes, for you have broken free from our world of death and live in the glory of life, and you offer your life to us on earth. Let the power of your life be revealed today in us and in many others who want to celebrate Christmas. Send your Spirit to move our hearts so that we hear, see, experience, and understand what you and your gift of eternal life truly mean for us. So watch over us in these days and strengthen us in faith. Shed the light of your grace over us and within us. Protect us as your disciples. Lead us into communion with our Father in heaven and into community with you, O Jesus Christ, for all eternity. Amen.

Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? Mom is doing alright. I started the day with wanting to do a few things and then get to studying while Meme and Bob were out for a doctors visit today but only half of that happened. Mom managed to get up at 7:15 am and get coffee made while Mark fed the pups. I relaxed for a bit before getting ready. I made the bed, did laundry and I vacuumed the entire house..... carpets and floors. I made something to eat and then came into my office. Mark was in a pretty bad mood because of work and he started to take it out on me and I said to him to stop. "Don't take it out on me, take it out on the ones who made you mad. " He had lunch by himself and then a cigar out by the pool. I left him alone because I didn't want to deal with it at all. I sat quietly in my office minding my own business and I paid the bills for this week and then tinkered around on line. I tried to talk to a couple of people but no responses. I did however chat with Auntie Kristina over the phone. Things are pretty rough there with her Dad. She was saying that the nurse came to the house today and spoke to him sternly with what is going on. They said that there was nothing more that they could do for him now. Hospice will be entering the home sometime next week and that it will be day to day. Auntie Kristina was saying that her Dad is very frail, doesn't eat a lot anymore and he is in a lot of pain now. When she was telling me this, she was trying to sound so strong but I know her and she wanted to just start crying but she didn't. I can't imagine what she is going through and I told her that. She knows that I know what it is like to lose you but not a parent. I told her that I would be here for her no matter the time or day...she could call me. Mom will be saying a lot of prayers for Jim and Alice and Auntie Kristina. I know that you will do whatever you can as well when it comes to him. He has always liked you, Tyler. When you passed away, he performed a song for you that touched Mom so deeply. It pops up on my memories on here every year and I listen to it. He is such a wonderful man. It breaks my heart.
 Mark is working right now. He started at 8 am and he has a cutover starting in about 5 minutes. He is hoping it only goes until 7 pm but 9 pm at the latest. He already had dinner so Mom will just go and make something in a little bit and then come upstairs and just watch TV. Meme is on the phone and Bob, I guess is sleeping. Who knows. He hasn't said anything since his doctors visit today. He came in and ate and has said nothing. Mom isn't saying a word anymore. I will treat others the way I am being treated and that is it. That is my new motto for the coming year. I started to down size again on social media. If I don't talk to the person on a regular basis then they don't need to know what is going on in my life anymore. I deleted about 16 people this morning. I don't wish any ill or harm to them, only happiness but Mom just really needs to keep her circle small. I am tired on getting hurt by my so call friends and I won't let that happen anymore. I have suffered enough by them all when all I ever was was good to them. Lots of new changes for the New Year. Less drama and more love to those that I can give it to. More time for Mark and Mom and the pups of course and hopefully some travel from time to time for us. Mark and Mom will be celebrating our 5 year Anniversary and we never got to take a honeymoon. All the vacations that we have been on we have taken Meme, Bob, Grandpa and Debbie. It is time to go somewhere by ourselves even if it is just for 4 days. Just a short get away. we are going to plan it for the Spring time I think. Mom will keep you posted. Not much else for updates I am afraid. I will fill you in when I know of anything. 
 I sure do miss you so much my sweet precious son. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom will be back tomorrow afternoon with another letter to you. I will be going Christmas shopping and then to get my nails done in the afternoon. It will be early to bed for me tonight as well so that I can get up in the morning and head out early. Mark is taking the day off. He has things he wants to do as well. We will meet up later in the day to do something together. The weekend is going to be a bust as it will be raining both days but we do have the movies on Sunday to look forward to. Next week is Christmas so it is a short week for everyone for work. Mark only works 3 days and 3 days the following week as well for New years. I will whisper to you later this evening so smile for me and I will smile for you. Have fun tonight while I get some sleep. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Thanks Tyler. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler, 

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? The rain and thunderstorms are all gone now and it is bright and sunny once again here in Florida. The storms last night were pretty bad. There was a lot of lightning and some pretty loud thunder. The dogs were so scared and didn't settle done much before 10 pm and then again they were scared around 2 am. They settled down pretty quickly from that one though. Mom was suppose to go out and do the last of the Christmas shopping for Meme but I was so tired I decided not to. I have to go out on Friday so I will leave a bit early and go shopping and then I will get my nails done. It will be a full day out but it should be fun! 
 Today is the 18th.... One week it will be Christmas. It is just so hard to believe though. I remember all the Christmas' with you through the years. You were so cute to see that Santa came. As you got older you were still as sweet as could be. We would do our presents Christmas Eve though so that you could sleep in the next morning and there would be no rushing. We would have breakfast in the morning and then the dinner with everyone in the afternoon. Oh how I miss those times with you. I know they are days and years gone by but the memories will remain in my head and heart forever. 
 Mom and Meme put together a glider rocker for my office. Yesterday she put hers together. Mom's came in yesterday as well but it came broken. That one was returned and the replacement showed up today. I really like it. Looks good in my new office. It is comfortable too. Meme also had purchased a computer desk for Bob. That showed up today as well. She asked me to help her put it together and I said yes until Bob was in there and not doing a dang thing. He was just sitting there and I said nope that isn't happening as this is his desk so I walked out and made him help Meme. I guess he was getting angry so they stopped for a bit. I know he has medical issues but dang....he can do things and he should. He isn't just going to get away with just sleeping and sitting there. Again, it was another day where he has said hardly anything. It makes it tough for Mom to want to talk to him when he acts this way. I have no patience and tolerance for anyone who wants to be that way. He doesn't even say thank you at all for anything. He has become so disrespectful and I don't know why but it is hurtful to us all. Bob never used to be that way...ever! Ugh... just writing it and thinking about it makes Mom angry so I am moving on from this!
 This weekend the last Star Wars Movie comes out in the theater. Mom surprised Mark and purchased tickets for us all on Sunday. That should be fun. Well at least it will be for 3 of us. I know Mark will enjoy it and that is all that matters. I know you loved those movies. I remember watching them with you and you would explain them to me. You caught on so quickly to so many things. You really were super intelligent. You just never thought you were. Nothing else is going on this weekend though as it is going to rain all day Saturday and Sunday. Next week is a short week for Mark for work as it is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. That will be super nice to get some much needed time with him. We don't get much at all. He works on the weekends and at night now. He is working tomorrow night as well too. The weather looks good for the Holidays though. Sunny and in the mid 70's. That is perfect weather. Mom will be sitting by the pool for sure! Not much for updates for you as I really have none. Phones have been super quiet again. No one has called. That is okay though. I am used to it and have come to terms with it all. I will update you on anything that I know. 
 It is already after 4:20 pm and you know what that means. In a few minutes it will be time for Mom to go feed the pups and then get dinner going for us. I think it will be leftovers tonight so it won't be so bad. I think the rest of the evening will be doing nothing. Maybe a bit of TV and a night walk with the pups before going to bed. I think we are all tired. Mom will light your candle and whisper to you later this evening so smile for me and I will smile to you my sweet precious son. Have fun doing all the things you need to and want to do while I sleep. Come visit Mom if you can. Mom loves you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then...good night and sweet dreams. I miss you, Tyler.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the daily prayer:

Praise awaits you, O God, in Zion; to you our vows will be fulfilled. O you who hear prayer, to you all men will come. Psalm 65:1–2, NIV

Lord our God, our Father, out of reverent silence comes the praise that is due to you, O God in Zion. It is right for us to praise you and to keep our promises to you. People everywhere shall come to you, for you answer prayer. Protect us your children in the task you have given us. Watch over us so that we can serve you in the right way and receive from you the gifts we need in order to go toward your kingdom and witness to your name. Help us on every step of the way. May our lives be entrusted to your hands, and may we always find our strength in you, our God and Savior. Amen.

Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom to be quite honest is tired and irritable today. I didn't get much sleep and I have been doing everything for everyone these past 2 days and I am just getting tired of it. Mark is working most of the time, Meme says she can't do things because of her shoulder and her arm but she won't go to get it checked and then there is Bob.... the one who still after a week hospital stay and doctors telling him to get up and do stuff is just sitting there doing nothing. No talking at all...just sitting there. Today, I lugged in 2 boxes that were outside that were well over 50 lbs. No help from anyone and Bob just watched me do it. Mom was beyond furious. I said something to Meme and she said that she just ignores it. I told her that I don't and I am quite tired of it. She said nothing and switched the subject. I am just going to let them do things on their own now and I am not going to do a damn thing about it. If they need something then they will have to do it themselves as Mom needs to start doing things for me for a change. I don't mind helping out but I expect help with it especially if it is something that doesn't involve me. Anyways....
 Last night I was up every 2 hours. 12 am, 2am, 4 am and 6 am. I don't know why but I am tired today. I have helped Meme put things away in her new room, made phone calls and emails, and I also applied for a job. I am not sure if I will get a call or interview but at least I put it out there. It is also 4:16 pm and Mom has premade dinner for tonight. I have made homemade Shepard's pie and homemade biscuits to go with it. I will start it around 5 pm so that it will be done by 6 pm so that Mark has a chance to eat with us after his 5 pm call. I am sure it will be late for everyone else but oh well. No one helped me and the last time I checked it wasn't my job to make dinner for everyone every night. Mom is just ugly and plain frustrated with things these days. It is suppose to be the most wonderful time of the year and it isn't. No one is in the Holiday spirit here either and that makes it tough too. This year seems like no one is in the Christmas spirit. Everyone is saying they are having a hard time with it. The whole holiday season is just weird this year. Mom is sure hoping for a wonderful New Year. Mom is planning on having a lot change in 2020 too. More things for myself and for Mark and I. Hopefully I will have a job so that I have income coming in and more time to go out and do things instead of always seeming to be hermits. 
 The weather was surprising today. It was suppose to be thunderstorms all day and night and it began cloudy and the sun has been out the rest of the day. We may get a thunderstorm later tonight before 9 pm but that is about it. That made Mom happy. I smiled at that! Not much has been going on at all. The phones have been pretty quiet. No calls from Grandpa or anyone. I have pretty much given up on anyone who I once called my friend. Charlie, Marion, Gary, Christina, Chris, Lacie, Kristi.... no one calls me or checks in. I am pretty much done with that and basically ruling them out and not bothering at all with them anymore. I have a couple people that check in to say online but that is it. I am not going to be the one who only tries to contact them. Doesn't work that way at all and it stops here and now. Lessons learned. I have helped all of them out so much many of times in the past. The only thing I asked for in return was their friendship and I don't even get that. I guess there is a lot of things changing in my life. 2020 will be a good year though. I can feel it! 
 Christmas Day is in 8 days and the New Year is in 14. So hard to believe. I miss you so much Tyler. I look at your picture and smile, I tell you that I love you and I miss you all throughout the day. I whisper to you at night before I go to bed and I say good morning to you when I wake up. I hope you hear Mom and you smile. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom hopes that you have fun tonight while I try to get some much needed sleep. I think later I will curl up with a blanket and watch a Christmas movie and eat some popcorn before going to bed. Mark will probably play his game tonight. Tomorrow I will be going out to finish up my Christmas shopping. We drew names this year so we only had to buy for one person. Mark got Mom, Mom got Meme, Bob got Mark and Meme got Bob. Mom also got Mark an Anniversary gift as well. It is #5 for us this year. We have been together for 7 years total now. Mom didn't do any other shopping for anyone either. I didn't even send out Christmas Cards. I think it is because of the move. After 8 weeks we still are not all settled in. I am hoping that next year will be different. Hopefully Grandpa will be here with us to celebrate and that will make me happy. I really miss him. I tell him that too. Anyways.... it is time for Mom to go feed the pups and put dinner in the oven. I will be back tomorrow again with another letter to you. Come visit me in my dreams tonight if you can. Mom would love that! Until next time.....good night and sweet dreams my sweet precious son.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

For it was life which appeared before us: we saw it, we are eyewitnesses of it, and are now writing to you about it. It was the very life of all ages, the life that has always existed with the Father, which actually became visible in person to us mortal men. 1 John 1:2, Phillips

Lord our God, we thank you that you have given us the light of life, that we can now learn how to live, and that through your great grace we may understand life in direct relationship with the Lord Jesus, who was crucified and who rose from the dead. Grant that the power of Christ may be made visible in us. Grant that his life may become our life, that we may leave behind all doubts and anxiety, even though we are often surrounded by darkness and night. Keep us in your Word. Let your will hold sway over all the world, for your will must be done in heaven, on earth, and down to the lowest depths. Let your will be done on earth as in all the heavens. Amen.