Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom to be quite honest is tired and irritable today. I didn't get much sleep and I have been doing everything for everyone these past 2 days and I am just getting tired of it. Mark is working most of the time, Meme says she can't do things because of her shoulder and her arm but she won't go to get it checked and then there is Bob.... the one who still after a week hospital stay and doctors telling him to get up and do stuff is just sitting there doing nothing. No talking at all...just sitting there. Today, I lugged in 2 boxes that were outside that were well over 50 lbs. No help from anyone and Bob just watched me do it. Mom was beyond furious. I said something to Meme and she said that she just ignores it. I told her that I don't and I am quite tired of it. She said nothing and switched the subject. I am just going to let them do things on their own now and I am not going to do a damn thing about it. If they need something then they will have to do it themselves as Mom needs to start doing things for me for a change. I don't mind helping out but I expect help with it especially if it is something that doesn't involve me. Anyways....
 Last night I was up every 2 hours. 12 am, 2am, 4 am and 6 am. I don't know why but I am tired today. I have helped Meme put things away in her new room, made phone calls and emails, and I also applied for a job. I am not sure if I will get a call or interview but at least I put it out there. It is also 4:16 pm and Mom has premade dinner for tonight. I have made homemade Shepard's pie and homemade biscuits to go with it. I will start it around 5 pm so that it will be done by 6 pm so that Mark has a chance to eat with us after his 5 pm call. I am sure it will be late for everyone else but oh well. No one helped me and the last time I checked it wasn't my job to make dinner for everyone every night. Mom is just ugly and plain frustrated with things these days. It is suppose to be the most wonderful time of the year and it isn't. No one is in the Holiday spirit here either and that makes it tough too. This year seems like no one is in the Christmas spirit. Everyone is saying they are having a hard time with it. The whole holiday season is just weird this year. Mom is sure hoping for a wonderful New Year. Mom is planning on having a lot change in 2020 too. More things for myself and for Mark and I. Hopefully I will have a job so that I have income coming in and more time to go out and do things instead of always seeming to be hermits. 
 The weather was surprising today. It was suppose to be thunderstorms all day and night and it began cloudy and the sun has been out the rest of the day. We may get a thunderstorm later tonight before 9 pm but that is about it. That made Mom happy. I smiled at that! Not much has been going on at all. The phones have been pretty quiet. No calls from Grandpa or anyone. I have pretty much given up on anyone who I once called my friend. Charlie, Marion, Gary, Christina, Chris, Lacie, Kristi.... no one calls me or checks in. I am pretty much done with that and basically ruling them out and not bothering at all with them anymore. I have a couple people that check in to say online but that is it. I am not going to be the one who only tries to contact them. Doesn't work that way at all and it stops here and now. Lessons learned. I have helped all of them out so much many of times in the past. The only thing I asked for in return was their friendship and I don't even get that. I guess there is a lot of things changing in my life. 2020 will be a good year though. I can feel it! 
 Christmas Day is in 8 days and the New Year is in 14. So hard to believe. I miss you so much Tyler. I look at your picture and smile, I tell you that I love you and I miss you all throughout the day. I whisper to you at night before I go to bed and I say good morning to you when I wake up. I hope you hear Mom and you smile. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom hopes that you have fun tonight while I try to get some much needed sleep. I think later I will curl up with a blanket and watch a Christmas movie and eat some popcorn before going to bed. Mark will probably play his game tonight. Tomorrow I will be going out to finish up my Christmas shopping. We drew names this year so we only had to buy for one person. Mark got Mom, Mom got Meme, Bob got Mark and Meme got Bob. Mom also got Mark an Anniversary gift as well. It is #5 for us this year. We have been together for 7 years total now. Mom didn't do any other shopping for anyone either. I didn't even send out Christmas Cards. I think it is because of the move. After 8 weeks we still are not all settled in. I am hoping that next year will be different. Hopefully Grandpa will be here with us to celebrate and that will make me happy. I really miss him. I tell him that too. Anyways.... it is time for Mom to go feed the pups and put dinner in the oven. I will be back tomorrow again with another letter to you. Come visit me in my dreams tonight if you can. Mom would love that! Until next time.....good night and sweet dreams my sweet precious son.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

For it was life which appeared before us: we saw it, we are eyewitnesses of it, and are now writing to you about it. It was the very life of all ages, the life that has always existed with the Father, which actually became visible in person to us mortal men. 1 John 1:2, Phillips

Lord our God, we thank you that you have given us the light of life, that we can now learn how to live, and that through your great grace we may understand life in direct relationship with the Lord Jesus, who was crucified and who rose from the dead. Grant that the power of Christ may be made visible in us. Grant that his life may become our life, that we may leave behind all doubts and anxiety, even though we are often surrounded by darkness and night. Keep us in your Word. Let your will hold sway over all the world, for your will must be done in heaven, on earth, and down to the lowest depths. Let your will be done on earth as in all the heavens. Amen.