Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? Today is May 12th and it once again is a day that I dread....it is Mother's Day. It is such a hard day for Mom. It is the 7th one that I have not been able to spend with you and it hurts so bad. The weather today really matches my mood... it is gloomy, gray and raining again. It will be doing this for the next 3 days. Mom wrote you something on facebook earlier and I wanted to share it with you on here. This is what I wrote:
 Mother’s Day is just one of the days that gives me mixed emotions. I am blessed to have my Mom still here with me but it also reminds me of what I have lost. I understand and it is easy to say...Once a Mom, always a Mom but it sure doesn’t feel that way. There is a void and a huge part of you is missing. Nothing is ever the same again, you are not the same. The grief is daily and that will never change.

Tyler Howard,
So many things that I could say to you. You made me a Mom in 1990. You were a surprise as Mom was told she would never get to have a child when I was 17 years old and 2 years later you came along. We went through so much in your 22 years here in this world. We were so much alike... Caring, loving, and yes even stubborn... Lol. You made my world whole. You were my life, my everything. You made me laugh, you made me cry and many of times you made me crazy but that’s what being a parent is all about. I wouldn’t change it for the world. You showed me the true meaning unconditional love and for that I am beyond grateful.
I lost you June 20, 2013. My world was shattered in billions of tiny pieces. My heart broke like I never thought was possible. I lost a part of me that day. You were and still are my hero. You were my miracle and now you are my Angel. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. I know you are with me in the only way you can be now and it’s a comfort in ways to know this. Thank you for making me a Mom so many years ago. It was a true honor that you chose me. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world xoxoxo. Muah 🖤 

 Everything that I wrote it so very true. Thank you again for picking me to be your Mom. We had some amazing times and not so amazing times through the years and I really would not trade it for the world. I would do it all over again if I could and you know that is true. 

 Mom is so sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday but Mark and I went and did a lot of shopping and we got home quite late. The weather was so beautiful. It was sunny, warm and the skies were so blue! Total opposite of what today is. Mom never got on her computer at all and I was in bed sleeping by 9:30 pm. I was so tired.  Mark has been helping Mom get through today and he is being a really good husband. It is not an easy day for him as well. He lost his Mom when he was 17 years old. Earlier I wished Meme, Debbie and Karen a Happy Mother's Day and I also wished Mark's Mom, Olive a Happy Mother's Day in Heaven. I never got to meet her but I sure would have liked too. Mark and Mom went out again today as well. Mom got treated to her nails being done, then we went and picked up a few things at the store and then we went to go grab lunch but it really turned into dinner for us...lol. Now, we have fed the pups their dinner and Mark is making phone calls to his side of the family and then later it will be relaxing and watching some TV before bed. Mark needs to be up and on the road at 7 am again. Mom will have an interesting day tomorrow with the pups but I will leave that story for tomorrows letter. I am hoping to get some studying in but not really sure just how that will go. We shall see. 

 Mom has no updates for you at all. I will though tomorrow when I make my calls to everyone tonight. Aunt Beck messaged me ad they are still on the road. They are in NY right now. They should be home soon. I hope that you night is everything that you need and want it to be. Have fun while I get some sleep tonight. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Mom would love that. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then know that I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Thank you for being my bright shining star. Please continue to watch over us like I know you do. Fly high and free. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams. 

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.” John 14:23, NIV

Lord our God, we thank you that we can be children of your Spirit. We thank you that because you have called us, we receive eternal gifts that enable us to stand firm even when many sorrows and burdens weigh us down. For you are our life, and in all the darkness, even that of death, you give us light and strength and joyful hope. Keep these alive in us. May an ever brighter light shine on all that you have already put into our hearts, on all that draws us daily to you. Amen.