Dear Tyler,
Hope you got all your balloons on your Birthday! There were so many that went up. I posted all the pictures on here. When I saw them all I felt the love from all our family and friends. I was touched beyond words. You were so loved. I hope you know that. Things here for Mom are going ok. Getting used to Texas and the new apartment. It is really quiet here. Its a small community and a safe area so thats nice for Mom. Aunt Becky and Uncle John are going to drive our stuff to Texas in October. It will be nice to finally see our stuff again after it being in storage for 9 months. It will also give me things to do during the day while Mark is working. After we are settled there.... I am going to look for a job. It will help me pass the time and keep me from thinking so much. I think it is about time that I do this. Writing this blog helps me heal but I need to be around people. I am alone too much. I am hoping to get into a support group as well. That way I can talk to other parents that are going through this or have gone through it. I think it will help me some. I miss you so much. I just need help getting through the days and nights and then I will be ok. Oh yeah... Aunt Becky's friend Forrest called yesterday. We are going to have our session Thursday, August 1st at 1pm. I hope that I get a chance to communicate with you through him. It would be so nice to know you are ok and happy. I think I just need to know this to help myself move forward. I am lost. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know where I should be or what I should be doing. I kinda just creep through the day hour by hour now. I dont feel I have a purpose any longer. I hate this feeling. It hurts, I hurt. Your dad texted me the other day. He still is not ok. I am still worried about him. I hope the best for him. He told me that " some day things will be better. " I told him yeah someday. Just wonder when that ' someday " will be. I know that you watch over me and you are keeping me safe. Thanks pumpkin. I love you with all my heart. I will write more later. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Tyler's 23rd Birthday Balloon Launch
Dear Tyler,
Hope you enjoyed getting all your balloons tonight on your birthday. They were sent with love from your family and friends who miss you. There were over 40 balloons from over ten states and Canada released this evening in celebration of you. Happy Birthday, Tyler.
I love you with all my heart, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hope you enjoyed getting all your balloons tonight on your birthday. They were sent with love from your family and friends who miss you. There were over 40 balloons from over ten states and Canada released this evening in celebration of you. Happy Birthday, Tyler.
I love you with all my heart, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Dear Tyler,
It took me several minutes to get myself together to write to you today. I wasnt sure on how to word things and I still dont know so I will just speak from the heart as I always do. Today is a special day! It is your 23rd Birthday. I wished you a Happy Birthday on Facebook already but to me thats not enough. I always wanted to give you the world if I could. I wanted the best for you and I did my best to give it to you. I cant believe that 23 years ago you were born. We were both so scared. You entering the world and depending on me and I being so young and wondering if I could do all this. Take care of you and me. Eventually we got the hang of it. We managed through the years. We had our share of fights, arguements, disappoints but we always managed to stick together. It was always you and Mom against the world. We learned together what life was really about. We learned what was important and what wasnt. We laughed, we cried, but again we were together. I never thought that last year would be the last Birthday we would share together. I thought we had so many more years ahead of us. Today is so bittersweet for me. I want to be with you and I want to be sharing your special day with you...together like we always did. I dont want to have to be wishing you Happy Birthday in Heaven. It just isnt right and it isnt fair. You should be getting gifts and things you want. I should be buying you a new computer that you wanted and gadgets to go with it, not picking a head stone out for you. I know you told me so many times that you were tired. You were ready to go to Heaven. I guess I wasnt ready to let you go. I wanted you here with me. I wanted to be selfish. I am sorry for that. You suffered for so many years. You fought a good fight. It is you were just so young. I didnt know if I could be a Mom way back when. I got used to being a Mom, and now I cant stop thinking that I am no longer a Mom. I just didnt want to let that go. It hurts too much. You were the love of my life and you always will be. You are my # 1. No one will ever take that away from me. Happy Birthday to the BEST son a Mom could ask for! Enjoy your balloons that will be released to you in Heaven tonight. Each one is sent with love. Fly high and fly free with them. I love you with all my heart and soul. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
It took me several minutes to get myself together to write to you today. I wasnt sure on how to word things and I still dont know so I will just speak from the heart as I always do. Today is a special day! It is your 23rd Birthday. I wished you a Happy Birthday on Facebook already but to me thats not enough. I always wanted to give you the world if I could. I wanted the best for you and I did my best to give it to you. I cant believe that 23 years ago you were born. We were both so scared. You entering the world and depending on me and I being so young and wondering if I could do all this. Take care of you and me. Eventually we got the hang of it. We managed through the years. We had our share of fights, arguements, disappoints but we always managed to stick together. It was always you and Mom against the world. We learned together what life was really about. We learned what was important and what wasnt. We laughed, we cried, but again we were together. I never thought that last year would be the last Birthday we would share together. I thought we had so many more years ahead of us. Today is so bittersweet for me. I want to be with you and I want to be sharing your special day with you...together like we always did. I dont want to have to be wishing you Happy Birthday in Heaven. It just isnt right and it isnt fair. You should be getting gifts and things you want. I should be buying you a new computer that you wanted and gadgets to go with it, not picking a head stone out for you. I know you told me so many times that you were tired. You were ready to go to Heaven. I guess I wasnt ready to let you go. I wanted you here with me. I wanted to be selfish. I am sorry for that. You suffered for so many years. You fought a good fight. It is you were just so young. I didnt know if I could be a Mom way back when. I got used to being a Mom, and now I cant stop thinking that I am no longer a Mom. I just didnt want to let that go. It hurts too much. You were the love of my life and you always will be. You are my # 1. No one will ever take that away from me. Happy Birthday to the BEST son a Mom could ask for! Enjoy your balloons that will be released to you in Heaven tonight. Each one is sent with love. Fly high and fly free with them. I love you with all my heart and soul. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Dear Tyler,
There is so much I want to tell you pumpkin. I wish Heaven had a phone so I could call you every night and day. I miss you so much. The world just keeps going and everyone for the most part are happy and for me... the world is just turning. I smile and laugh some, but not like I used to. I dont know if I will ever be that person again. I like to think I am trying my hardest. Somedays I would agree and other days not so much. Mark and I are doing ok in Houston. Starting to get to know the area alittle. Did alittle shopping for the new apartment. I said to myself the other day I wish that you could see it, but I know you can. I know you are watching over us. I remember our conversation. I remember you telling me that when it was your time to return to Heaven, you would watch over me every day and you would let me know you were around with giving me a sign. Some have said that you are a hawk, others have said you are flying in the sky watching over family. It makes me smile. I know you are flying high and free. That makes me happy. To be honest with you, I am alittle out of sorts today. I am lost. In 2 days it would have been your Birthday. Usually I am running around making sure things for your party were going ok and everything was all set and this year I cant do that. It makes me so sad. I cant help but feel lost. Please know I am trying. I am doing my best. Every day doesnt get easier, but I manage. You were my world. You still are! I love you all the way around the world and back. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
There is so much I want to tell you pumpkin. I wish Heaven had a phone so I could call you every night and day. I miss you so much. The world just keeps going and everyone for the most part are happy and for me... the world is just turning. I smile and laugh some, but not like I used to. I dont know if I will ever be that person again. I like to think I am trying my hardest. Somedays I would agree and other days not so much. Mark and I are doing ok in Houston. Starting to get to know the area alittle. Did alittle shopping for the new apartment. I said to myself the other day I wish that you could see it, but I know you can. I know you are watching over us. I remember our conversation. I remember you telling me that when it was your time to return to Heaven, you would watch over me every day and you would let me know you were around with giving me a sign. Some have said that you are a hawk, others have said you are flying in the sky watching over family. It makes me smile. I know you are flying high and free. That makes me happy. To be honest with you, I am alittle out of sorts today. I am lost. In 2 days it would have been your Birthday. Usually I am running around making sure things for your party were going ok and everything was all set and this year I cant do that. It makes me so sad. I cant help but feel lost. Please know I am trying. I am doing my best. Every day doesnt get easier, but I manage. You were my world. You still are! I love you all the way around the world and back. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hey buddy, I hope you are having a good day. It is super hot here today in Texas. Mom thought she would write to you as she is sitting on the hardwood floor waiting for furniture to arrive.Things are going better and I actually got some sleep last night. I was just on FB and saw this beautiful video of a girl that is getting married and her Dad is dying of cancer. He wont be there to celebrate her day so she set up a Father / Daughter dance with him in a tux and her in her wedding gown. It wont be the same as if he was there but she got the dance none the less. I thought it was something so special between the 2 of them. I cried and cried because it reminded me of when you were taking your last breaths I was singing you our song "Wind Beneath my Wings". You passed from the physical world over to the spiritual world just a few minutes after the song ended. That was another special moment that we got to share. I hope you could hear me and everyone else that joined in. I miss you so much, Tyler. I love you so much too. I alwalys wonder where you are and what you are doing. I wonder if things are the way we are told about if Heaven is really beautiful Aunt Becky is setting something up for Mom with a friend of hers. His name is Forrest and he says that he has seen you already. He is going to have a conversation with me and hopes that we can communicate with eachother. I hope that you do go to him during that time. I would love to know you are there. I have so many questions. Hopefully that will be really soon. Sweet dreams, pumpkin. Continue to watch over Mom, Dad, and our whole family. I love you with all my heart and soul. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hey buddy, I hope you are having a good day. It is super hot here today in Texas. Mom thought she would write to you as she is sitting on the hardwood floor waiting for furniture to arrive.Things are going better and I actually got some sleep last night. I was just on FB and saw this beautiful video of a girl that is getting married and her Dad is dying of cancer. He wont be there to celebrate her day so she set up a Father / Daughter dance with him in a tux and her in her wedding gown. It wont be the same as if he was there but she got the dance none the less. I thought it was something so special between the 2 of them. I cried and cried because it reminded me of when you were taking your last breaths I was singing you our song "Wind Beneath my Wings". You passed from the physical world over to the spiritual world just a few minutes after the song ended. That was another special moment that we got to share. I hope you could hear me and everyone else that joined in. I miss you so much, Tyler. I love you so much too. I alwalys wonder where you are and what you are doing. I wonder if things are the way we are told about if Heaven is really beautiful Aunt Becky is setting something up for Mom with a friend of hers. His name is Forrest and he says that he has seen you already. He is going to have a conversation with me and hopes that we can communicate with eachother. I hope that you do go to him during that time. I would love to know you are there. I have so many questions. Hopefully that will be really soon. Sweet dreams, pumpkin. Continue to watch over Mom, Dad, and our whole family. I love you with all my heart and soul. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
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