Dear Tyler,

Hope you got all your balloons on your Birthday! There were so many that went up. I posted all the pictures on here. When I saw them all I felt the love from all our family and friends. I was touched beyond words. You were so loved. I hope you know that. Things here for Mom are going ok. Getting used to Texas and the new apartment. It is really quiet here. Its a small community and a safe area so thats nice for Mom. Aunt Becky and Uncle John are going to drive our stuff to Texas in October. It will be nice to finally see our stuff again after it being in storage for 9 months. It will also give me things to do during the day while Mark is working. After we are settled there.... I am going to look for a job. It will help me pass the time and keep me from thinking so much. I think it is about time that I do this. Writing this blog helps me heal but I need to be around people. I am alone too much. I am hoping to get into a support group as well. That way I can talk to other parents that are going through this or have gone through it. I think it will help me some. I miss you so much. I just need help getting through the days and nights and then I will be ok. Oh yeah... Aunt Becky's friend Forrest called yesterday. We are going to have our session Thursday, August 1st at 1pm. I hope that I get a chance to communicate with you through him. It would be so nice to know you are ok and happy. I think I just need to know this to help myself move forward. I am lost. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know where I should be or what I should be doing. I kinda just creep through the day hour by hour now. I dont feel I have a purpose any longer. I hate this feeling. It hurts, I hurt. Your dad texted me the other day. He still is not ok. I am still worried about him. I hope the best for him. He told me that " some day things will be better. " I told him yeah someday. Just wonder when that ' someday " will be. I know that you watch over me and you are keeping me safe. Thanks pumpkin. I love you with all my heart. I will write more later. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!