Dear Tyler,

It took me several minutes to get myself together to write to you today. I wasnt sure on how to word things and I still dont know so I will just speak from the heart as I always do. Today is a special day! It is your 23rd Birthday. I wished you a Happy Birthday on Facebook already but to me thats not enough. I always wanted to give you the world if I could. I wanted the best for you and I did my best to give it to you. I cant believe that 23 years ago you were born. We were both so scared. You entering the world and depending on me and I being so young and wondering if I could do all this. Take care of you and me. Eventually we got the hang of it. We managed through the years. We had our share of fights, arguements, disappoints but we always managed to stick together. It was always you and Mom against the world. We learned together what life was really about. We learned what was important and what wasnt. We laughed, we cried, but again we were together. I never thought that last year would be the last Birthday we would share together. I thought we had so many more years ahead of us. Today is so bittersweet for me. I want to be with you and I want to be sharing your special day with you...together like we always did. I dont want to have to be wishing you Happy Birthday in Heaven. It just isnt right and it isnt fair. You should be getting gifts and things you want. I should be buying you a new computer that you wanted and gadgets to go with it, not picking a head stone out for you. I know you told me so many times that you were tired. You were ready to go to Heaven. I guess I wasnt ready to let you go. I wanted you here with me. I wanted to be selfish. I am sorry for that. You suffered for so many years. You fought a good fight. It is you were just so young. I didnt know if I could be a Mom way back when. I got used to being a Mom, and now I cant stop thinking that I am no longer a Mom. I just didnt want to let that go. It hurts too much. You were the love of my life and you always will be. You are my # 1. No one will ever take that away from me. Happy Birthday to the BEST  son a Mom could ask for! Enjoy your balloons that will be released to you in Heaven tonight. Each one is sent with love. Fly high and fly free with them. I love you with all my heart and soul. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!