Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? It is already 4 pm and Mom is just getting this letter written to you. I have been up since 7 am and been on the go ever since. I fed the pups and walked them and then I came upstairs and made the bed and got ready and out the door I went. I had to go grocery shopping. I got home 40 minutes later, put everything away, made a quick bit to eat and it was already after 12 noon by then. I have been in my office the rest of the day purchasing everything else I needed for this April box coming up. I did it and I finished it. All I have to get is candy and tissue paper. Boxes are on order now and Mom just sits and waits for everything to come in. I am planning on looking at some of my school work after dinner tonight. I will feed the pups early, walk them and then I will grab dinner and bring it upstairs to eat and look over some of the projects that I need to finish. I have 1 week to do it. I plan on working on it all day tomorrow and Sunday as Mark will be gone teaching and he will have my vehicle so I will not be able to go anywhere at all. I am hoping to get a start on it tonight for a couple hours and then get a lot accomplished all day tomorrow and maybe Sunday fine tune everything. That is the plan...wish me luck! Mom needs to get this done and now! 

Last night was another horrible evening. Mark and Mom tried to talk things over and of course everything was thrown at me saying it was my fault so I got defensive and said how I felt and we ended up arguing yet again. We haven't spoken hardly at all today. He has been working and on the phone all day and he is getting ready to leave in a few minutes for class tonight. He will be gone until about 11 pm tonight...so sick of this crap. I really am. The driver the other night costs $200.00 round trip....we can't afford that at all so guess what...he vehicle still has not been worked on at all and they will have it until next week so until then he gets to take mine. Mom loses yet again. The walls just keep climbing higher and higher. Pretty soon they will be up so high that no one will break them down again. All Mom wants is to be treated fairly, loved and to feel like I matter to someone. I didn't think that was difficult but I guess it is... I guess I am asking too much. Sad but that is exactly how I feel. Mom will be alright though. I have been through this so many times, Tyler. 5 times to be exact.

Nothing new on the house. Haven't heard anything and no offers have come in. I am really starting to have so many doubts now. I am beyond discouraged at this point. I have a feeling that we will never be able to sell this damn place. I am still saying the prayers every day though. Whatever you can do to help us down here will be absolutely appreciated. Thank you my sweet precious son. 

Mom will light the warmer this evening while I am working and also when I am in the bedroom watching tv. I will whisper to you later this evening as well. Smile when you hear my voice and I will smile back to you. Have fun while I get some rest tonight. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. I miss you more than ever. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Mom has to get stuff ready now so I have to close for now. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams later.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💖

 

 Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! Hope are you doing on this Tuesday late afternoon? It is 3:45 pm already. This day just flew by! Mom got to bed around 10 pm last night and was woken up at 11:30 pm when Mark got home from teaching at the college. He turned on all the lights in the closet and bathroom. After that I could not get back to sleep for at least an hour or so. Once again, I got about 5 hours of sleep total and that's it. Not much but at least more than the other couple nights. Mom was up at 7 am and the pups were fed and walked and then I headed right upstairs to get ready as I had to leave at 9:15 to to go my appointment. I was right on time. I got there at 9:45 am and I went right in. I left my appointment at 12:05 pm and got home at 12:30 pm. One hour before the 2 showings that we had today. I was able to send a few emails and make a call before it all started. Everyone...the realtors and the folks looking were all so pleasant and super nice. I had a great conversation with one couple. They were really funny. Maybe something great will come out of this. Mom has her fingers crossed for it and I still continue to pray to St Joseph. I pray to all of you. Maybe today or tomorrow will be the day that we get an offer. I am trying to stay positive! Mom will keep you posted about all this!

Everything else here is still all messed up. Meme is not really talking....very little and maybe a word or two and that is it. Bob never does. Mark isn't talking to Mom at all. He is very angry at me. Yesterday, he expected to take my vehicle to the college. I told him he was sadly mistaken on that. He assumed and never asked me at all. I asked him if he actually thought I was going to let him take my vehicle when he chose the college over me? NOT!!!! I told him he was bold in thinking that. he ended up getting a driver. He was not impressed. He still isn't. He may think that I am being a mean person but what he needs to see is that I meant what I said. I am sticking to it. I have to. I am tired of being pushed to the side, not being heard, or not taken seriously. I don't know what is going to go on from here but Mark said we would talk after dinner tonight. We shall see later... stay tuned on tomorrows letter!

The weather here is nasty. It is damp, rainy and just overcast. The rest of the country is having severe cold weather, many are without power, snow, sleet and ice in the mix too. I guess we are suppose to have major thunderstorms again this evening. I hope they are earlier than later. It would be super nice to get at least a full nights sleep tonight! I think that Mom will take a bubbles bath this evening to relax and unwind. There is so much going on with everyone being at each others throat, the house, the showings, the jobs, school, the business, etc... that Mom is stressed out to the max! Maybe a glass of wine will help too tonight! I do know that lights will be out early! Tomorrow I have nothing to do or no where to go so my butt is in my office and working on my projects. I hope to at least get half done. I have 8 days left and that is it. Mom sure hopes that you are able to do all that you need to do and also I hope you get to do all that you want to do. Have fun while I sleep. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Please continue to watch over us. Keep us safe and healthy. Thank you my sweet precious son. I have a candle burning for you right now. I will light the warmer later too. Be sure to be listening out for my voice later when I whisper to you before I fall asleep. Smile for me and I will smile for you. I will be back tomorrow afternoon with another letter. It is after 4 pm now. I have just a bit of time to finish things up before I have to feed the pups, walk them and then get dinner going for us. I hope you always know that I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are mom's hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams, pumpkin.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💖

 

 Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom wishes I could tell you that I am doing good but that would be a huge lie. Last night was just as I suspected it would go. Had dinner, took the pups out and then headed upstairs for the night. Watched tv for a bit and then decided to get some sleep. The thunderstorm came in around 1 am and lasted until about 2:30 am. I got to sleep around 3:30 am just to get up at 7 am. This is the 3rd night in a row that I haven't really gotten any sleep. I am exhausted and just fed up with all the crap in this house. This morning Meme and I had it out. I am tired of her doing things and then not owning up to them when she is called out on it. It is never her fault or she never did anything. She acts like a friggin child and I told her to stop. I was done with the lies and the attitude that she gives everyone. She did her usual and closed her door, giving the silent treatment and canceled all her nail appointments again for the 4th time. She has the most massive temper tantrums that I have ever seen. She is worse than a child. Mom is so tired of it. Then if that wasn't enough...after I got home from my nail appointment around 1:30 pm, I went in Mark's office to tell him I was back and we had another blow out. He told me he had 2 calls and then he needed to shower and get ready to heard to the college. I asked him how he was going to get there. He said with the only working vehicle we had right now...mine. I told him that was pretty bold of him to think he was going to take mine. I gave him a choice the other night...it was the college or me and I meant it. He clearly has chosen the college. With that said and noted...why the h*ll would I let him take my vehicle there? I asked him that and he said because his got towed away yesterday morning. Yep it did but that was not because of something I did to it. It is the lack on his part for not getting it fixed when he should have. I have asked him several times since Sunday what was he going to do about the college and every time he has given me the answers" I don't know". Well...rude awakening...don't assume I am going to do a dang thing for you when you chose a friggin college over me and our marriage. You want to go teach...you don't have a vehicle...get an uber driver or rent a car. It is not my problem. That is what he always tells me. Mom is tired of everyone here. I am tired of always being told I am lying or it is all my fault for whatever is going on around here. I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is I am done with it all. I don't want any pity at all... all I want is to not feel so alone and unloved. I have felt that way for some time now. I have felt this way before in my past relationships but I always had you, Tyler. You were always there for Mom. Now I don't even have that anymore. It is the saddest feeling in the world to feel the way I do. To feel so unloved and unwanted. To always be the blame for everything and everyone else's behavior. I don't really know what to do or where to go but what I do know is that it needs to either improve or it needs to stop and go away. Mom would rather be lonely and alone then lonely and be in a place where I am not really wanted.  I know that you have seen me so sad for many days/weeks now. Please just know that Mom will be ok. I will get my sh*t together and I will do what is best for myself. I will keep you updated as I know of things.

Not much is on tap for tonight. I will be alone eating dinner and then back upstairs with the pups and watching tv for the evening. I know that I will be going to bed very early as I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 10 am. I will have to leave around 9:30 am to get there. I want to make sure I get some much needed rest for this. I will have the candle warmer on for you this evening and then I will whisper to you before I go to bed. I hope that you hear Mom and you smile when you hear my voice. I will smile back to you to. Mom hopes that you get to do all kinds of wonderful things tonight while I am sleeping. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. thank you my sweet precious son. I love you so much. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul.

I am so sorry for using my letter to you today to vent about everything that is going on here with me. I know it isn't right but honestly, I have no one to talk to. Literally no one. Mom always makes time for people when they need help or need to vent but no one is ever available when I need to. It makes me stop and think about a lot of things. Maybe Mom needs to do a lot of soul searching and purge certain things and people in her life to be happy again. Mom just really doesn't know. I wish you were here. I wish we could talk. You always knew what to say to me in times like these. You were wise beyond your years. No matter what in this world...we always had each other through it all and Mom doesn't even have that now. I am alone and I feel it so much lately. I hate it. Mom needs to be in a better place in her life. I need positivity and people who truly do love me. I will get there so don't you worry. I will show you that I am still very strong. I will show you, Tyler, that I can do this. I can rise above it all and come out stronger than ever. I promise you this! 

Mom needs to get going. I have a couple hours to work on my classwork. I have 9 days to get it done. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. I love you with all my heart and soul. Please watch over me and the rest of our family. Keep us safe and healthy. I love you with all my heart and soul. I miss you more than words can say. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💖

 

 Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom is doing alright. Not much sleep again I am afraid. I slept from 11 pm until 3:30 am and then I was up and cleaning up after Princess again. Once I finished that up I tried to get back to sleep and the renters 2 houses down was blaring their music until 5 am. I called the police. I finally got to bed again at 5:15 am and then I was awake at 7:45 am. Mom was not happy at all. It is just another reason why I hate living where we do. This is why we need to move and fast! 

We had a request for a showing today at 11:15 am. We were all ready and right at the time they were suppose to be here, Mom got a text saying that they cancelled on us. This is the 2nd Monday right in a row that this has happened. Mom and Mark are getting super frustrated. I am praying every day for a sale on this house so we can leave here. I am praying to St Joseph as well. I say that prayer every day like it says to. I really hope something happens and FAST!!! I know there will not be any showings tomorrow or Wednesday as Mom has appointments during the day. It is a very busy week for me. Mom will keep you posted though! 

Yesterday was not a fun at day all. It was very quiet all around and very little was spoken. All afternoon after I wrote to you, Mom packed a lot of her things up in her office. I did that until 5:30 pm and then came up after dinner and did it again until 8:15 pm. I was pleased with the progress that was made.  After Mom is done with this letter today, I will be heading downstairs to pack up some up the stuff that is on the shelves. Not sure how much I will get done but I will do a little bit. After that is finished, then Mom will be tackling her closet and getting that straightened out. That will be a whole day event...lol. I have all my business stuff in there so it makes it tough but I will figure it out! Mark stayed in his office all day and only came out to have dinner then he went right back in his room. Meme and Bob had an early night. They were in bed at 6 pm. Mom called and spoke to Grandpa for a little bit. Something seems to be off with him. He is very quick and grumpy. He seems to have a "short fuse" lately. aunt Shirley said she saw him at church the other night and he didn't look happy. He looked angry. Not sure what is going on with him but I will be calling him in a day or 2 to chat again and maybe I will see what is going on. Debbie always says that he is not talkative. She kind of blames him for everything. That is not cool or ok. It takes two! Mom will keep you posted on everyone and all the updates when I have them. 

It is 87 degrees her today and the sun is shining bright right now but later we are suppose to get lots of rain. From 11 pm until 4 am. I guess that means another sleepless night for us again. That isn't cool. Mom and Mark both need sleep. He has work tomorrow and he is determined to go to the college to teach as well and I have an appointment in the afternoon for my nails. I need to be ok to drive. I really hope that things turn around and it won't be as bad. That guy better not blare his music again either or I am going to be so pissed off.....ugh! Anyways....Mom hopes that you are having a good day wherever you are. May you have fun doing all the things you need to do and want to do. Come visit Mom in my dreams tonight if you can. I had a candle burning for you today so I hope you saw that. I will light the candle warmer this evening for you too. Mom always whispers to you before I fall asleep so I hope you hear my voice. Smile and I will smile back to you my sweet precious son. Please watch over mom and everyone that we love. Keep us healthy and safe. Thank you. Mom appreciates it so much.

I have to get going now if I want a chance to pack some of that stuff tonight. It is already 3:47 pm. I will be back tomorrow morning with another letter as I am gone during the afternoon. I miss you more than words can say. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Fly high and free. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💙