Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom wishes I could tell you that I am doing good but that would be a huge lie. Last night was just as I suspected it would go. Had dinner, took the pups out and then headed upstairs for the night. Watched tv for a bit and then decided to get some sleep. The thunderstorm came in around 1 am and lasted until about 2:30 am. I got to sleep around 3:30 am just to get up at 7 am. This is the 3rd night in a row that I haven't really gotten any sleep. I am exhausted and just fed up with all the crap in this house. This morning Meme and I had it out. I am tired of her doing things and then not owning up to them when she is called out on it. It is never her fault or she never did anything. She acts like a friggin child and I told her to stop. I was done with the lies and the attitude that she gives everyone. She did her usual and closed her door, giving the silent treatment and canceled all her nail appointments again for the 4th time. She has the most massive temper tantrums that I have ever seen. She is worse than a child. Mom is so tired of it. Then if that wasn't enough...after I got home from my nail appointment around 1:30 pm, I went in Mark's office to tell him I was back and we had another blow out. He told me he had 2 calls and then he needed to shower and get ready to heard to the college. I asked him how he was going to get there. He said with the only working vehicle we had right now...mine. I told him that was pretty bold of him to think he was going to take mine. I gave him a choice the other night...it was the college or me and I meant it. He clearly has chosen the college. With that said and noted...why the h*ll would I let him take my vehicle there? I asked him that and he said because his got towed away yesterday morning. Yep it did but that was not because of something I did to it. It is the lack on his part for not getting it fixed when he should have. I have asked him several times since Sunday what was he going to do about the college and every time he has given me the answers" I don't know". Well...rude awakening...don't assume I am going to do a dang thing for you when you chose a friggin college over me and our marriage. You want to go teach...you don't have a vehicle...get an uber driver or rent a car. It is not my problem. That is what he always tells me. Mom is tired of everyone here. I am tired of always being told I am lying or it is all my fault for whatever is going on around here. I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is I am done with it all. I don't want any pity at all... all I want is to not feel so alone and unloved. I have felt that way for some time now. I have felt this way before in my past relationships but I always had you, Tyler. You were always there for Mom. Now I don't even have that anymore. It is the saddest feeling in the world to feel the way I do. To feel so unloved and unwanted. To always be the blame for everything and everyone else's behavior. I don't really know what to do or where to go but what I do know is that it needs to either improve or it needs to stop and go away. Mom would rather be lonely and alone then lonely and be in a place where I am not really wanted.  I know that you have seen me so sad for many days/weeks now. Please just know that Mom will be ok. I will get my sh*t together and I will do what is best for myself. I will keep you updated as I know of things.

Not much is on tap for tonight. I will be alone eating dinner and then back upstairs with the pups and watching tv for the evening. I know that I will be going to bed very early as I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 10 am. I will have to leave around 9:30 am to get there. I want to make sure I get some much needed rest for this. I will have the candle warmer on for you this evening and then I will whisper to you before I go to bed. I hope that you hear Mom and you smile when you hear my voice. I will smile back to you to. Mom hopes that you get to do all kinds of wonderful things tonight while I am sleeping. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. thank you my sweet precious son. I love you so much. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul.

I am so sorry for using my letter to you today to vent about everything that is going on here with me. I know it isn't right but honestly, I have no one to talk to. Literally no one. Mom always makes time for people when they need help or need to vent but no one is ever available when I need to. It makes me stop and think about a lot of things. Maybe Mom needs to do a lot of soul searching and purge certain things and people in her life to be happy again. Mom just really doesn't know. I wish you were here. I wish we could talk. You always knew what to say to me in times like these. You were wise beyond your years. No matter what in this world...we always had each other through it all and Mom doesn't even have that now. I am alone and I feel it so much lately. I hate it. Mom needs to be in a better place in her life. I need positivity and people who truly do love me. I will get there so don't you worry. I will show you that I am still very strong. I will show you, Tyler, that I can do this. I can rise above it all and come out stronger than ever. I promise you this! 

Mom needs to get going. I have a couple hours to work on my classwork. I have 9 days to get it done. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. I love you with all my heart and soul. Please watch over me and the rest of our family. Keep us safe and healthy. I love you with all my heart and soul. I miss you more than words can say. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💖