Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom is doing better today after I got some sleep last night. It sure is another frigid day here. It is 11 degrees but the wind chill makes it feel like -15 degrees. Do you remember those days? I remember them all too well for you. It was horrible because your body temp dropped so fast and it was hours and hours to get you warm again. You would have layers and layers on, blankets, and you even had to wear a hat in the house to keep you warm. You have an electric blanket as well to help and it really didn't. The winter were tricky months for you and Mom hated that you had to deal with all that plus the every day things. I never told you because I didn't want to hurt you in any way but I think you could feel and sense how I was feeling. We were and I believe that we still are very connected. Mom is sad that you are not here with me and our family anymore but I would never wish for you to be back with the limitations that you had. You suffered so much in 22 years. I think about that daily and it kills Mom that I could not fix things for you. I want you to know that I grieved every day for you while you were here. I would ask "why Tyler?" all the time. I hurt for you but never wanted to show it. I never cried in front of you either because I didn't want you to feel the pain that I was feeling or I didn't want you to be worried. I cried many of days and nights. I still do. I miss you so much. I look at your pictures and when I do it feels like you are still here and we just live in different states now but then my mind comes back to the reality that you have been gone for almost 6 years and my heart cries and hurts like hell of reliving that pain over and over. Mom tries so hard to be strong and for the most part I am when I am around people but in private...well that is a different story. I don't have to hide behind my feelings. I can be as honest as I want to be. I am vulnerable and Mom is okay with that. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be at peace with losing you. I don't think I ever will be and maybe I need you to help me with this. I know you want Mom to be but I still don't know how. I know you know what happened to you to make you the way you were here in the physical world and you said in my angel reading that you understood completely. It was right in front of the doctor's faces and they just didn't see it. You never told Mom what it was. I think that Mom wants to know that answer now. I want to know what it was after all this time. Help me to know what it was, Tyler. Please? Thank you my sweet precious son. I love you more than life itself. I love you with all my heart and soul. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. Never forget this.
 Today, Mom went out to get her nails done, grab the mail and the packages that were at the office. It is still like an ice rink out there. It is so hard to walk. Salt is not even helping at this point. This is crazy! We did not get much snow at all but the plows dumped all of it from around the complex right on the corner of our apartment. It is so tall that Mom can't see over it at all. I sure hope the next couple of days of rain melts some of it before we get hit with another storm. The next one is lurking about. That name is Indra. Mom will be happy when winter is over with. 58 days until Spring and I am counting down...lol! Mark was suppose to take today off as a comp day for working the weekend but as usual he was one the phone all morning and then another call this afternoon. He doesn't understand that a comp day is a day without doing any work....ugh...it frustrates me that he doesn't see that they all take advantage of him at his job. I don't want to "nag" at him, I just want to open his eyes to it. This will be a work in progress. Again....day 2 that Mom did no studying. I think I burnt myself out with all that I did in 4 days last week. I almost completed the entire course in those days. I will plan on doing a little studying tomorrow and by the weekend I will be working on the final exam. Mark has to work anyways so it will keep me busy.
 Mom spoke to Grandpa last night. He said they only got about 7" of snow there. He sounded good but tired as he shoveled and snow blowed for over 10 hours on Sunday. That is crazy. Mom will touch base with everyone during the week and over the weekend. I will update you as I know of things. 
 The sun is setting already for the night. It will be dark very soon. The sky is blue and white with no other colors. It is pretty though. I hope that your night will be everything that you need and want it to be. Come visit with Mom in my dreams or sit next to me while I sleep. Thank you. I will light the candle in a bit and I will whisper to you later this evening. Smile and I will smile too. I will be back tomorrow with another letter so until then just know that you are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. You are forever inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Good night and sweet dreams my bright shining star. I love you.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the daily prayer:

 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and l will give you rest. Matthew 11:28, RSV

Dear Father in heaven, grant us the inner quiet we need so that we may come into your presence and hear you speak, forgetting all the things that try to force themselves upon us. May we experience your true and living support. Keep our hearts glad and thankful for everything, even in grief, anxiety, and suffering. In this thankfulness we can remain with you, and Jesus Christ can help us, Jesus, whom you have given as our support and helper in all that most deeply concerns us. We entrust ourselves to you. Keep us in your Spirit. Amen.