Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday late afternoon? Today is the 17th and what a shitty day it has been here. Sorry to put it so bluntly but that is the honest truth. Everything was going well until around 9 am. That is when everything went to shit. Mom made a comment and everything blew up. So to say the least every hour here that goes by is quieter and quieter. I guess that is a good thing because clearly no one gives a care to my feelings or the thoughts that I have in regards to a few things. I guess I will do what I always do and I will say nothing at all. I know that you have seen every emotion from me today. I have laughed because someone sent me something that made me laugh which was a good thing and you have also seen me upset, starring blankly outside the window and you have seen some tears too. Mom is human. I have feelings and I wish that some would recognize that instead of telling me that I over react or that I nag or anything else that would just put me down. I am super caring and I wear my heart on my sleeve and it hurts to be degraded. It makes me stop to think that no one really cares about me at all other than our family... Meme, Grandpa, etc... It makes me feel unwanted and that is a very lonely feeling. In the last few months I have felt that more and more. I didn't want to admit that but after today it really is hard not too. I don't have to go into details at all in what I mean by this because you already know and Mom really doesn't want to "air" my stuff on your blog. Mom is just asking that you please be with me during this time right now. I need you more than ever right now my sweet precious son. I thank you so much. I miss you more than words can say. I wish I could talk to you right now. What I wouldn't do to hear your voice and to get your advice on all this stuff. You were wise beyond your years. I sure hope you knew that and if you didn't I hope you do now. I love you with all my heart and soul. To infinity and beyond and all the way around the world and back. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Mom will forever keep you inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Tyler, I want you to know that no matter what...Mom will be okay. You may see many things and hear many things but I will get through all this and I will be better in the end. Mom promises you this! Anyways.....
 Mom has no updates for you at all. Last night Rick was here until 9 pm. Him and Mark chatted in his office while I was watching TV and then I went to bed around 10:30 pm. Mom has not been sleeping very well. It would be nice to get some solid sleep this evening. I could really use it. Today Mom was up early and I got ready and I was studying by 10 am. I wanted to finish my exam but with everything going on I was not focused on it. I did try and tomorrow I will try again. I need quiet and I need to focus on this part of the test as it is tough and I can't when everything else is always going on. I will do it though. If I have to I will shut the door and turn the music up so I can focus and not be interrupted. I have been really well lately and nothing is going to stop me from continuing that either. Mom did not or has not spoken to Meme or Grandpa in a few nights now. I think everyone is just working a lot and really prepping for this massive storm that will be upon us in less than 48 hours now. Every day it is getting worse. This one will be the biggest thus far for us this winter. Our totals keep going up more every day. On Monday it was 1-3", then it went to 3-5", yesterday was 5-8" and today it is 8-12" of snow and Sunday will be another 1-3" of snow and ice as well. I have never seen just a thing with the weather channel and the totals being like this. NH will be getting about 18-24" or more. Mom will let you know how it goes when it happens. Please be with Mom and the pups through it all. I will need you then as well. Thank you. 
 It is already going on 4:45 pm and it is dark. Mom needs to feed the pups and get dinner going for one tonight. I have no clue what to eat but I will figure it all out. The rest of the night will be just watching TV quietly and doing or saying nothing. I hope that your evening will be everything you want and need. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. I will light the candle in a bit and whisper to you later. I will send you a smile and hope you will send Mom one as well. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Hopefully Mom will be in a better mood but no promises this time....sorry. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is todays prayer:

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake. Psalm 23:1-3, NIV

Dear Father in heaven, we thank you that we need never feel forsaken. We thank you that we are led and guided by your hand. We thank you for all we have received from you, your care for our bodies, for our material needs, and for our inner life. We praise you, O God! Continue to lead us, we pray. Continue to work among us so that we can all see and come to know that the Good Shepherd is leading us. Amen.