Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this sunny Thursday afternoon? Mom is not doing so hot today but I wanted to take the time to write to you anyways. I don't like skipping a day if I don't have too. The weather is blue skies and lots of sunshine but the temps are so dang cold. I think it is 5 degrees today. Remember those days, Tyler? These are the days that we dreaded for you because it was so hard to keep you warm. Mom is glad that you no longer have to worry about them things or anything else for that matter. You are freed from all the illness, sickness and the limitations that you had here. I am sure there is still not a single day that you don't sit down or slow down as you lived that life here for 22 years. I don't blame you one bit. I miss you though. More than words can say. You were my everything, you were my whole world and still after almost 6 years I still have a hard time with your passing. I still find it rough to want to do anything in my life. I am still very much lost without you and I don't know if that will ever change or not. Mom tries daily but lately I am not succeeding at all. As you can see I am dealing with a lot of things right now. I know these things are not making you happy and I know you are concerned and worried about me. Right now I am pretty much at a loss other than my school work. I don't know about anything else right now, especially after last night. The night started out okay and very quiet when Mark got home but after dinner that changed quite rapidly. Mark and Mom started to have quite the heated argument. I just don't understand a lot of things about him anymore as he doesn't with me. I finally realized that I can't even try to give him anything to show as examples of how things are these days because to do that someone has to care about it and he doesn't. It was pretty clear last night. Many things that he said were quite hurtful to me. Mom is just tired of being degraded, belittled. I just want to be happy in my life again and right now I am not. Last night was the first night that I didn't just sit quiet, I stood my ground and said what I wanted to. I stood up for myself for a change. Mom usually does not say anything to anyone about my personal life because I don't want to burden anyone with it because they have their own things going on in their lives and they don't need to hear about mine. I guess when I write you these letters still it is things that we would talk about. I guess you could say it is my personal journal but for the whole world to read and to Mom that is okay. My life as been pretty much an open book as it is. I guess it shows that I don't have a "perfect" life even though I never claimed that I did. I guess I wish that others would see that I am human and I have feelings and emotions and that a lot of things I take personal and I get hurt by them and that is not okay! I have so much to give to others, I care so much and maybe more than I should to some and I love so deep, I guess I just wish someone felt that way about me for a change. I wish someone loved and cared about me. As you saw and heard last night, Mom has a lot to think about and a lot choices that I will be needing to make. Please be with me and keep me strong, Tyler. I need your strength to get me through this whole thing. Thank you so much my sweet precious son. I love you so much and I love you with all my heart and soul. To the moon and back and all the way around the world.
 Mom is pretty tired today. After the argument last night I was up until after midnight because I could not sleep. I finally started to fall asleep and Ozzy was up a couple times getting sick. Didn't surprise me through because last night I he was chewing his toy and I tried to get it away from him but I did not succeed and he swallowed the part he chewed off. He is fine today though. Just as peppy as ever. Mom also woke up sneezing like crazy and watery eyes...I was hoping that it was just a morning thing but I was not that lucky. As the hours passed today it is still the same way and I know I have a low grade fever so guess I am the lucky winner of a cold...lol. I sure do hope that it doesn't last or linger too long. I still got up, did laundry, ate breakfast and then got to studying. I didn't want to lay on the couch all day because I did want to get accused of being lazy and not productive. I managed to read the first 3 chapters and I took the first exam. There were 40 questions. I knew I did okay except on one part as things were not clear to me but I just decided to submit it and I was surprised yet again because my grade was a 95! I only got 2 wrong. I really did think I was going to get like a 65. Mom looked and I am 10 exams and 2 final exams away from the finish line. I am going to try and do an exam a day so that means if I am really good I can be done by February 14th...We shall see. 
 Tonight looks like a very quiet night with Mom eating some chicken soup and then snuggling on the couch watching TV. There has been no conversation what so ever between Mark and I. I don't see anything changing anytime soon that is for sure. Mom will be going to bed early so that I can try and kick this dang cold. I sure hope that you have a wonderful evening doing all kinds of things that you need to do and may want to do. If you can, come visit me in my dreams tonight when I am sleeping. Always remember that you are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom will light the candle in a little while and I will whisper to you as I always do. Smile for me and I will smile for you too. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. For now, I have a couple things to finish up before I can go relax for the night. I love you, Tyler. Unconditionally.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet, till her righteousness shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch. Isaiah 62:1, NIV

Lord our God, we worship you, for you come to meet us everywhere and you reveal your glory on our earth. May we become worthy of you, people who can represent you with our whole being. Give us the strength to endure, even through struggles and temptations. Be merciful to us at all times through Jesus Christ our Savior. May we remain body and soul in his hands, that at last we may come to you, our Father in heaven, as your true children, reborn through the Holy Spirit. Amen.