Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet precious son! How are you doing today on this Thursday afternoon? Mom first wants to tell you that I am sorry for not writing to you yesterday like I said that I would but the last 2 days have been pretty much h*ll for me here and today is no better. Tuesday morning Mark left for NY for his work and Mom was able to get a few things done before the night time came. After the sun set though is when Princess started pacing the floors, scratching at the doors and whining like crazy. It got worse through the night. Mom got to bed at 2 am and was up yesterday morning at 5:45 am. Princess was still acting up. she just missed Mark so much. All I could do yesterday is sit on the couch. As long as I was there she would sit beside me and sleep but again once the sun went down she acted right back up. Mom was completely exhausted and the only thing I did yesterday was talk to Meme on the phone. She called to check in on me. Mark arrived home just a bit before 9 pm and Princess was so happy. Mom was in bed at 10 pm and I slept until almost 8 am this morning. I did get some sleep but after the morning that I have had I can't tell anymore. My head is pounding and I just don't know what to do or think anymore. I overheard a conversation that Mark was having and I was not happy in the least with what was said. When Mark was off the call I told him that I was confused at what I heard. It asked what I was confused about and I told him. Instead of talking to me about it...he took offense and then started to raise his voice at me. We are back to the silent treatment yet again for what seems like the 20th time in a month. So much is going through Mom's head right now. So much I want to say but won't because it won't matter anyways. I am hurt and upset but again won't show it because it won't matter. I don't seem to matter anymore to Mark. That is the hardest thing. Anyone can say words but actions speak and show it. If Mom was to tell you that I knew what I was going to do then that would be a big huge lie. I don't know. I am all over the place right now. I know the way we are living is wrong and not fair, I know that I am unhappy with the way I am being treated (there is no physically violence going on but sometimes I think words that are said are worse). I know that I have been sad, hurt and upset for far too long now and that needs to change but I am just not sure how to do that just yet. Mom is thinking that maybe a separation for a bit would be good. It would be able to clear my mind and maybe his but I highly doubt that. If after a separation a divorce is the only way to go then that is what will have to happen. Do I want that? No I really don't. I love Mark. I just don't like the way I am treated or spoken to. I don't like the fact that I am never thought of or about. It is all what he wants and I just have to deal with it. That is not a marriage at all. The last few days being alone really opened my eyes to a lot of things and this morning overhearing what I did just made things 100 times worse. Mom is strong and I have always had a very strong will but within the last couple months I am starting to second guess myself. I want you to know that I know you see and hear everything that is going on. I want you to also know that Mom will eventually be okay. No matter what the long term decision is I will be fine in the end. It will take a lot of time and healing but I will make it through. All I ask is that you are with me, Tyler. I need you by my side forever and always. I miss you so much. When you were here and something happen I always had you and I knew somehow or some way everything would be okay but now I don't have you and it would be just Mom. It is the loneliest feeling in the entire world. Mom really has nothing at all. Yes I have family who cares, loves and supports me and I am grateful for that indeed but that is it. That is all I have. Maybe that is what it is suppose to be.... the way my life is suppose to go. I can no longer question things. I just need to take one day at a time and keep moving my feet forward one step at a time. 
 As you know, last night was quiet and then Mom went to bed. I think the rest of today and tonight will be even quieter. No words will be spoken and Mom does not plan on answering the phone if it rings. I just need to start planning and figuring things out right now. I will contact them either tomorrow or be seeing them over the weekend. Mom will keep you posted as well to how I am doing but I will not write where I am as I don't have to because you will already know and see me. I wanted to take the time today to write to you quickly because I didn't yesterday. Mom just got done doing some housework that needed to get done and I had every intention of starting my classes but I think that is going to have to wait another day. My head is not in that mind set right now. I will get there though it just won't be today. Mom will light the candle for you this evening and whisper to you like I always do.I sure hope that your evening is everything you need and want it to be. If you can come be with Mom tonight or visit me in my dreams. I would love that pumpkin. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. I hope that my mind will be in a better place and I can think clearer. I miss you like crazy and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

...till the Spirit is poured on us from on high, and the desert becomes a fertile field, and the fertile field seems like a forest. The Lord’s justice will dwell in the desert, his righteousness live in the fertile field. The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 32:15-17, NIV

Lord our God, we look to your Holy Spirit. Unite us with your Spirit, we pray. May we be children of your Spirit, ruled throughout our lives by your Spirit. There is so much else around us wanting to teach us and claiming to represent the truth, and we are full of fear unless help comes from your Spirit alone. Your Spirit comes to us as helper and comforter, who helps us find the way to go. Hear us, your children, whom you want to lead and whose Savior you want to be through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.