Hi my sweet son! Today is a very special day...it is July 29th and it was your Birthday here in the physical world. You would have turned 29 today. Happy Heavenly Birthday to you my sweet precious son! Mom is doing alright but there are times during the day that I have shed a few tears. It is just one of those days that jabs my heart harder. So hard to believe that you would have been 29.... I have to say that over and over because it just doesn't seem possible that 29 years ago I gave birth to you and you enter this world. Today is the day that you made me your Mom and I am so honored that you chose me so many years before we ever met. I remember the day vivid like it was yesterday. I was in labor with you for so long. I had 13 hours that I walked straight because my contractions were all in the back and it was so painful. I couldn't get comfortable sitting. Aunt Beck, Meme, Auntie Ann and your Dad were there with me. They tried helping but it was really between you and Mom. I went into the hospital around 7 pm on the 28th and was in hard labor for 17 hours (20 hours total). Mom's water never broke so around 11:45 am on the 29th the doctor broke my water and noted that I needed to have an emergency c-section as we were both in distress. I was wheeled down immediately and knocked out. You were born and entered this world at 12:12 pm. I didn't get to see you until about an hour after you were born because I was in recovery. Meme, Aunt Beck, Grandpa Ed and a few others told me that you were beautiful. I remember seeing your precious face the first time. I cried such happy tears. I held you and wondered what kind of a Mom was I going to be. Was I going to get and do everything right? Well that answer through the years was hell no but Mom always tried my best. You were my first priority always. Everything else and everyone else came second. Through the years after you got sick.... it was always you and Mom. We had each other. At times life knocked us down and we stumbled many of times along the way but we always drew strength from one another and we got back up. We both are fighters. Mom thinks back to the last party we had for you. What a fun celebration we had with our family and friends along with Jeremy, Ron and a few others. There were a lot of laughs and pictures taken. You had a great time. You and Mom discussed what we would get for tattoos. Never did I think that you would only be here for 11 more months and then I would have to say goodbye to you. Mom hates to think of that so I won't. Today is hard enough for me so I only want to try and think of memories that make me happy. When Mom got ready this morning... I said that I was going to wear your favorite color....Red. I chose my red sundress just for you. My letter today will be nothing like the usual because I want it to be all about you. I will fill you in on everything on tomorrows letter.
Lots of memories came up on my feed today. Lots of releasing of balloons to you in heaven from past years. Mom stopped doing that because, well, for one it is now illegal to do and second I didn't want to take the chance of hurting innocent animals. You were such an animal lover so I know you will understand what I am saying. On one of the pictures I will post on here today will be of white balloons. Just picture Mom sending those to you. There were a lot of family and friends wishing you a Happy Heavenly Birthday as well. You are so loved and I hope you feel that just not today but every day. We all miss you so much but no one misses you more than Mom does. Maybe Dad, but still not as much as me. I carried you in my body for 10 months because you we so comfortable and didn't want to come out...lol. We always had that special bond. The bond between a mother and her son. I still have that bond but it is in a different way now. I know you are always around me even when I don't see the signs clearly. I know you watch over me and everyone else you love. I thank you for that. Mom knows that you are truly at peace and you are happy and free now. You would never trade that for anything. I know you. Mom doesn't blame you one bit either. I know there will be a day that you will be waiting for me with open arms when my time on this earth is done. I promise you that you will get one long hug because it will have been many many years since our last. I know for Mom, I have many years left here in the physical world, I need to do all that I came here to do and I won't leave until everything is done and I learned all that I needed to but I want you to know that I look forward to that day of reuniting with you and all our family, pets and friends. That will be the day that we will never have to part again. It will be for eternal life.
Your candle was lit early this morning and will stay lit until Mom goes to bed tonight. I wanted it to burn all day for your Birthday. I whispered to you as I lit the candle so I hope you heard Mom and smiled. I will whisper to you again later this evening. I sure hope that throughout your busy day you will have a chance to send me a sign to let me know you are around me today. Maybe a painting in the sky later? I will be looking. I miss you so much, Tyler. No words can ever express just how much. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Come visit me in my dreams tonight if you can while I sleep. Thanks pumpkin. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then....good night and sweet dreams later tonight. Again, Happy Heavenly Birthday to you, Tyler. 29 years old but forever 22.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is todays prayer:
True, he died on the cross in weakness, but he lives by the power of God; and we who share his weakness shall by the power of God live with him in your service. 2 Corinthians 13:4, NEB
Lord our God, we thank you for the love you show us so that we may be delivered from weakness and sickness, from sin and misery, and may be given strength to serve you, our Father in heaven. Bless us in all we have on our hearts, that through your mercy the battle of life may be fought aright. Bless us in our times and grant that justice may gain the upper hand and we may live in peace, praising you into all eternity. Protect us, your children, forevermore. May your name be honored, your kingdom come, and your will be done on earth as in heaven. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment