Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom had a few minutes to write to you before I needed to do the next set of things for the day. I am sorry that I did not get a chance to write to you over the weekend like I was hoping to but things were really not that great. Let me explain....

Saturday... we were up at the usual time feeding and walking the pups. We all got ready and then Mark and Mom were taking Meme shopping for Bob's granddaughters. we went to the post office and then to about 4 stores. It was crowded and busy. We got home after 2 pm. We put everything away and then relaxed for a few. We made dinner and then cleaned up. Instead of watching tv, Bob asked if we wanted to  play poker. We played until after 8 pm and then everyone went upstairs. We watched tv while meme and Bob went to bed. 

Sunday... we were up again at our usual time for the pups. We made breakfast and then cleaned up. Mark did a few things in his office and so did Mom. We then went into the garage and broke down all the cardboard and bagged all the paper. 13 bags later and a huge stack of boxes...we finished in about an hour. after that, mark and Mom needed to figure things out about the bills situation. I had been trying for the last several days to have him answer me on what we were going to do...we ended up in a huge fight. He stopped talking to me. He ate dinner with Meme and Bob and I ate alone. I was upstairs and watching tv at 6:30 pm. Mark was downstairs watching the news...same sh*t being said over and over again and he was playing a video game on his cell alone and ignoring me so I decided to just go be by myself. I watched tv until 10 pm and then went to bed.

This morning was just a sh*t show once again. mark was not talking to me and if he was he was mean and insulting my intelligence. I walked away. I didn't want to hear it anymore and I had things to do...or so I thought. Mom was suppose to meet a friend today but they never got in touch with me so that blew that. I saw that the renewal date for my boxes were today. I looked into my account and I was so upset. I saw that out of 31 subscribers.... 20 of them are now past due as there payment declined. I upped my quantity because it was December and thought it was a good idea... I never should have because now I have so many boxes to sell. We are talking over 35 boxes. Mom is so depressed and discouraged about this. I am sick to my stomach and I can't think straight. 2 videos are posted on youtube and I am getting a lot of hits and views. Everyone is liking what they see and nothing negative or mean but I am still not getting any traffic for sales. Ty...what is Mom going to do? I am trying. I made posts today about the boxes and said other things on social media. I am devastated if I can't move these. It doesn't help when I have no support at all here. A couple of my friends are there for me which I totally am blessed with. It means a lot but dang... I guess I just wish that my own husband would be supportive....fat chance of that. With everything going on... the business, my marriage on the rocks again, Meme, Bob not feeling well (he has had chest pains for the last 4 days and is sleeping a lot), and all the sh*t with Grandpa and Debbie.... I can literally feel the depression and the downward spiral starting. It is not a good feeling at all. I hate it. this is not me... this is not who I am. I am a strong person but this all is weighing very heavy on me. I know you see it and are witnessing it and I am sorry. I think for a few days I am going to just not say anything or do anything. I am going to just be by myself. Maybe these feelings will fade and pass...who knows because I don't anymore. Please be with Mom. Send me signs to tell me you are around. Please watch over me and keep me safe and healthy. Thank you my sweet precious son. 

I love you so much. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom will keep you posted on everything. I have had a candle lit for you all day today. I will light the warmer later as well. I will whisper to you before I go to bed tonight. Smile for me and I will smile to you. Have fun later while I sleep. I know you are doing great things wherever you are. Mom is proud. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. I have to go for today but I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Until then....good night and sweet dreams tonight. Fly high and free. I miss you more than words.....

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💛

 

 Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Boy today feels like a Monday as it has been a shit show of a day. Mom is just not in a good mood at all. Things seem to be coming at me in all directions and I have no control over any of it and because of that it makes me very sad. I cried many tears today already. I don't know why all of this is happening at all. I can only take a deep breath and hope for the best! Mom can also hope that better news will come along with all this heartache that I feel.

Of course, yesterday was Thanksgiving and that was a hard day but just a sh*tty day completely. No one here in this house cared that it was a holiday. No one really talked and if there was any talking it was mostly a lot of yelling and not in a good way. Mom called the police 3 times on renters as they were being awful with the loud music, yelling, screaming, etc... the music was so loud that it was vibrating our windows. Just the same crap we always deal with. All the houses were full and there were 4-5 cars in each driveway and 11-15 people in each house. No masks or social distancing at all. So much for having people take Covid seriously. It disgusts Mom to no end as Covid is real and no one cares to keep themselves safe or others. I was told this week that 2 people tested positive and then today I received a message that a friend's son tested positive and they all had to go and have a test done and some of them tested positive. This is not cool. This is getting really bad. Friends have lost loved ones and others are getting it....even members of our family, Ty. Mom is praying that there is a cure and that every one is healthy again. I pray for the ones who lost their loved ones. ease continue to keep us safe and healthy. Thank you my sweet precious son. It means so much to Mom. 

Last night I called Aunt Donna as it was her Birthday along with Thanksgiving. She was in a good mood. That was nice. She was sad as this was the 1st holiday without her Dad but she was handling it well. Her brother and sister were good to her this year. That was super nice to hear! We chatted for about an hour. I also ended up calling Grandpa as he didn't call me. He finally answered the phone. He didn't wish me a Happy Thanksgiving and his answers were short and curt. I knew something was up. He told me that him & Debbie hadn't spoken to one another since Monday and it was because of the gift that we sent. Debbie chose to leave and end their marriage. I got blamed for it. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Grandpa didn't want to talk and he cut the call short. I was so hurt. I was quiet for the rest of the night. Everyone went to bed early and Mom and Mark watched football and then went to bed around 10 pm. 

Today, Mark had to work. Meme and Bob have been fighting all day long. Mark and Mom got into one as well so no one really is talking again. Go figure, right? I didn't feel like doing a darn thing and I haven't. I have checked emails, made calls and then sent messages that needed to be sent. I did call Grandpa today to make sure he was ok. He answered and I asked if he was alright. He told me this" Yup...everything is fine and good" I asked what that meant and he said that him and Debbie talked and they are going to try once again and work on things. I told him I was happy for him if that is what he wanted. He sounded good. I told him that I would let him go and then Debbie had to chime in and tell me that the tickets we got them needed to be voided. They were not going to come down in March. I told them that I couldn't and they told me that was not their problem. Grandpa agreed with her. Talk about a slap in the face again. I didn't realize that she was dictating both of their lives now. I am far beyond angry and hurt and disgusted with them both. I told Grandpa I would call him this weekend and he told me that I didn't have to. Wow...just wow. Another blow.... Tyler...Mom is so hurt. I am trying not to think about it as I start to cry. I just don't get it. I guess I never will. I have to say that I will not be calling Grandpa for a bit. I can't. Not now or for a bit. I need to let this go for a bit. I can't forgive either of them for this though. I never will. I know that sounds horrible but I can't. Anyways... I need to stop talking about this... you can see that this is hurting me. 

Also today, Mom saw some sad news. There was a pup named Violet that I followed for many years now. Mom has helped this family out who had her with food, treats, toys, etc... early this morning something happened and she took her last breath at 3 am. I read that on social media and I cried. Mom was heart broken to hear this. The couple who had this precious girl knew I loved her very much. I reached out to them and told them how sorry I was. Jackie wrote back and told me that she knew just how much I loved her just as they did. That made me feel good. Violet had cancer and it was too much for her little body. I hope she knows that she will be missed and still loved. May she rest easy and run free now with her brothers and sisters that crossed the rainbow bridge before her. Today I will be posting pictures of her so you can see her. You would have loved her too. 

Like I said... it has been a sh*t show for several days now.... I hope it get better and things turn around. I will keep praying. I love you so much. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inb my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom will light a candle tonight for you and I will whisper to you. Smile for me and I will smile back. Have fun while Mom sleeps. Come visit if you can. I will be back over the weekend. For now... It is after 4 pm and Mom needs to get things started for the night routine. Until tomorrow...good night and sweet dreams.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💛

 

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? Mom is doing the best I can. Today is November 26th...it is Thanksgiving Day 2020. Things are more difficult and different this year because of Covid19. Families can't be together and traveling is at minimum or should be. People are alone, dinners are not made, many tears are shed for all our loved ones that are not with us. Holidays are not the same anymore and definitely not now during these trying times. 

Here... we are basically treating it like a Sunday. It sucks. Mom made breakfast, did the dishes, got ready and then sat outside for about an hour. I wanted to spend the day outside but we have noisey renters next to us so that didn't happen. Came inside, relaxed, made some calls and now we are watching football. Our dinner is cooking. Mom needs to prep the last bit after I finish writing to you. Tonight will be all about having dinner, feeding the pups, walking them and then probably watching football and then upstairs we will watch a movie. Tomorrow is another work day for Mark. Mom is going to go shopping with Meme to do our Christmas Shopping. We don't have many to buy for Mom wants to get it done. All my boxes are curated for December now. Everyone renews their subscription on Monday so once that happens I will be shipping all the boxes out within the 1st few days of December. Then it will be all about curating the box for February. Mom will have time to finish her studies and be done by the new year!!! My goals will be met if I can pull it off. 

Mom misses you so much. These kind of days are more painful. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart,mind,body and soul. Always remember this. Please watch over Mom and all of us. Keep us safe and healthy. Send me a sign to let me know you are around. I will light a candle for you later and I will whisper to you before I go to bed. Smile for me and I will smile back to you my sweet precious son. 

 Aunt Beck called. Her and John are not doing anything today. She gave us some not so good news the other night. I will not go into any details of it on here though. You know what I am talking about. Please take care of them too. Thanks pumpkin. Mom tried calling Grandpa but no luck. I called twice last night and no answer either. I will try again but if no answer or call back then I am going to stop. I am still heartbroken over all this. I don't understand it at all. I hope that it all works out but something tells me that it won't because of the way Debbie is acting towards me again. We shall see. Mom will keep you posted. 

Mom wanted to write to you quickly to tell you that you are so missed. Please give everyone wirh you a big hug and kiss from me. I miss them all. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Have fun tonight while Mom is sleeping. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. It is time for Mom to do some cooking for our dinner. We are eating early today. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams later.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 🧡

 

 Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom is writing to you as it is 4 pm now. I have a bit of time to chat and write to you before it is time to start the night routine. Mom is sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday but it was pretty much a shit show and I will explain to you in a couple minutes. I am just happy to write to you right now.

Yesterday was far worse then a typical Monday. Mom was up early feeding the pups and walking them. I came upstairs to my office to start things right off. I curated 21 boxes yesterday so that was amazing. I have 13 left to do and that is it. I am hoping that I sell them all now. It is a slow start this time but hopefully it will pick up. Guess we will see! Mark worked all day and then had 2 hours off and worked all night until 11:30 pm. The pups were restless and Princess was not feeling good so Mom got about 3 hours of sleep total. I am very tired today but I will say nothing because Mark got up and drove to the office this morning. He is far more tired than me. So now... this is what happened to make Mom not write to you....during the afternoon, Debbie wrote to me and said that her and Grandpa are basically on the outs again...just like this time last year. I told her that obviously that something is bothering Grandpa and what that was... I didn't know. I offered to talk to him but she said no. Later last night, I called them after the pups were fed and walked and our dinner was cooking. I knew that the box arrived to their door and I was so excited to get their reaction of the Christmas gifts that we sent early. Debbie answered when I called. She said that Grandpa had just gotten home and that Grandpa opened the box. Nothing else was said which was odd. They said nothing about their masks, the star or the flight tickets. Mom asked them if they opened everything and she said yes....still thinking it was odd. I asked if they looked at all the paperwork...she said she thought so but I told her to please check again. She finally was reading the tickets and said Boston to Orlando and she asked if they were tickets... Mom told her yes...Merry Early Christmas...Surprise.... the reaction I received was not what I thought it would be....she got very angry and she started to yell. I told her I didn't understand. She just continued to say that I tricked her and I had no right to do this, etc... I explained to her that I didn't trick her at all but she wouldn't listen to me. She threw the phone at Grandpa and he got on. I asked what the heck was going on? He said he didn't know because she walked out of the house. I spoke to him for a few minutes and he told Mom to get a refund on the tickets. I told him I couldn't as they were nonrefundable. Debbie flat out said she was not coming and Grandpa told me that if she didn't go, he wasn't either. Mom was stunned. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Grandpa ended our conversation fast. Guess he went to go look for Debbie. Mom doesn't know. I got off the phone and I was so crushed and hurt. I can't believe that they are angry with me because we bought them round trip tickets to come see us at the end of March. They didn't have to pay for anything. If anyone should be angry it is Mom and Mark because of their ungrateful behavior. Now Debbie is back to not talking to me again...just like last year and she will not answer the phone when I call. She is silent and treating me just like she does Aunt Shirley. We are back where we were last year when she walked out on Grandpa. I forgave her last time but I will not forgive her this time at all. I did nothing to get treated this way. Anyways... to say the least... when I hung up with Grandpa I lost my appetite and I couldn't focus on anything. I was so hurt and I still am. Mark worked as I already said, Meme and Bob went to bed at 6:30 pm and Mom was watching tv in the bedroom. I sat there all last night dazed and confused as to what and why things happened the way they did. I just don't understand. Mom does not plan on talking to either of them for a while. I know that Thanksgiving is in 2 days but I am not calling them at all. when they are ready to talk and apologize for their behavior then they will call me. Mom just can't. 

This is the reason that I didn't write to you last night. I couldn't do anything. I walked around like a zombie. I couldn't concentrate at all. I think I just stared at the tv because I can't tell you what I watched. If I had to guess... Debbie is going to walk out on Grandpa again just like she did last year. I hope she understands that if she does that then that will be it...it will be final. He will not take her back like he did before. He told me that on the phone. I guess time will tell for all of this. Either it will blow over and things will get smoothed out or if not...she just put a huge wedge between Grandpa and I. For her sake I hope she doesn't do the lather one. 

Tonight will be a quick dinner and then Mark will be back at his computer working until 11 pm. Mom will feed the pups and walk them and then we will eat and both of us will be upstairs for the evening. I will just watch tv while the pups are snuggled up in the bed with me. It will be an early night for me. I sure hope you have fun while Mom is sleeping. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. I miss you so much. I wish I could hear your voice and talk to you. You would make me feel better. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. I will light the warmer later tonight and I will whisper to you before I fall asleep. Please watch over us and keep us safe and healthy. Thank you my sweet precious son. I will be back tomorrow with another letter so until then...good night and sweet dreams. 

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💛

 

Dear Tyler, 

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom is okay. I am just really tired and my body is run down and sore from everything I did all this week. Yesterday I had every intention of writing to you but after 8.5 hours of bending, twisting, reaching, standing....my body was a hurting unit. My back was so sore. Mom took a hot shower and then put stuff on it but that didn't work really. We spent a lot of time upstairs watching TV and around 9:30  pm I was so tired I went to bed. 

Mom and Mark....mostly Mom though took down decorations for Autumn and put all the decorations up for Christmas. We have 3 full size trees this year and then there are a few little displays throughout the house. It is pretty. Mom has your ornaments on the tree. I shed a few tears yesterday as well. I knew I would. I just miss you my sweet precious son. Holidays are just not the same anymore. Nothing is really. Mom does her best. Yes, I laugh and smile but I will never have a whole heart again. That is gone. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul.

Today was a good day. Mark and I went out for a bit. We did a little shopping. Mom needed a tree skirt and a couple extra things. We got lunch and then headed home. Mom put things away and then relaxed for a but. It was nice because I haven't done that in a week. We feed the pups and walked them and now Mark had dinner and dessert. Mom didn't have anything to eat. My stomach hasn't felt good this afternoon so I am drinking water and ginger ale. I will feel better in a bit. Meme had the same thing and she isn't feeling well either. It is almost 6 pm and they are upstairs for the night. We are watching TV downstairs for now but will make our way back upstairs in about an hour. Mom just wanted to write to you quickly to tell you I love you so much. I will light the warmer for you when I go upstairs. I will whisper to you later this evening before I go to bed. Smile for me and I will smile back to you. Have fun tonight while Mom is sleeping. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Please keep watching over us. We ask you to keep us safe and healthy. Thank you, pumpkin. Mom will be back tomorrow with another letter. Right now I am going to relax and get comfortable for the evening. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 🤍

 

 Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom is doing alright but boy I am exhausted as all heck. I am running super late again tonight as I just got done taking the day and running errands and curating 14 boxes today. I am hoping to do at least that many tomorrow starting early in the morning again. I think I have a great head start. Now it is all about selling them all so I have zero left. I hope I can. Please help Mom to make that happen, Tyler. I would love to not haver any left over!!! Thank you my sweet precious son. 

Mom was up at 4 am this morning in pain. I guess maybe I slept on one side to long and my left side of my head was throbbing. I couldn't sleep at all. I tossed and turned. I am hoping that I get some solid sleep tonight. I think I may have a glass of wine to help me out. Mark was home today so that was nice. Princess was super happy. She is drinking and eating again and she is no longer sick. I think it is separation anxiety from Mark that has her all upset. Poor little girl. I wish she could know that Mom is here for her and I would never do anything but love her and cuddle her to pieces. Maybe someday. Ozzy is good. He is looking at me right now because it is the time to feed them and walk them. I will make this letter quick and I am so sorry for that but I at least wanted to get a letter in instead of skipping it. I know you understand. No judgement where you are anymore. 

Mom went to the post office, the grocery store and grabbed lunch. I left at 10 am and was back home at 11:15 am. Not bad. I ate lunch and started the boxes at 12 noon. 4 hours and I did 14 boxes like I said above. I have a routine so it should go much faster tomorrow. I think I can get all the ones I need to done by 12 noon. I will take a break and write to you and then go back to doing a few more. I have 50 total to do so I have a good start and I still have 12 days before everyone renews their subscription. I might even have time next week to do a bit of my school work again. That would be cool! We have nothing planned for the weekend. I am thinking of decorating for Christmas though. That way I don't have to do it after Thanksgiving and I can just sit back and relax a bit! That would be super nice as I don't do that much anymore and if I do it is after 7 pm and I am sleeping by 9:30 pm...lol.

Mom sent the box out to Grandpa. He will get it Monday. I wonder what he is going to say about their early Christmas presents. I hope they will be surprised and happy. I hope that they don't get upset. Guess we will find out in a few days. Not much else is new. Phones have been quiet so I assume no news is good news. Mom will keep you posted though. I have to get going though as it is 5:06 pm and I need to get the pups fed and walked plus make dinner for us. I will light a candle or the warmer for you later. I will whisper to you too so smile for me and I will smile to you. Please watch over us and keep us safe, healthy and happy. Thank you so much. It means so much to Mom to have you as my Angel who watches over me. I miss you so much though. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Have fun tonight while I get some sleep. Come visit me if you can. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams my bright shining star.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💛

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? Mom is so sorry for not writing to you yesterday but I have been extremely busy these last couple of days/nights. I am so far behind with my December boxes that I have been busting my butt to get a lot done. I have successfully accomplished this and starting tomorrow I will be able to do the curating all the rest of them. Mom is hoping to get a lot done between tomorrow and Friday. Wish me luck! 

Not much really has been going on. Mark has been working at his office the past 2 days. He leaves at 8 am and gets in around 5 pm. Our nights consist of having dinner late...around 6:30 pm, cleaning up and then we are both exhausted that we go upstairs and we watch TV for bout 2 hours and then crash. Looks like it will be this way all week. Meme and Bob have been going out during the morning and getting back a few hours later. I wish that would knock it off. Mark and Mom go out but not have as often as those 2 do. They are going out again tomorrow as well. 

The Covid cases here are horrible. Just today 7900 cases were announced. This is terrible and so scary. The governor will not shut us down and others are pushing him to do so. I think it should be locked down for a couple weeks. Things in the grocery stores are getting low again especially paper products.... ugh....we are going backwards instead of forward. A lot of states are shutting down again. Please keep us all here and all our family everywhere safe and healthy. Thank you my sweet precious son. Mom will keep you updated on things as I know. 

Mom hasn't heard from anyone really. I spoke to Auntie Kristina today. Mark is in the hospital. Guess he is really sick. She is concerned. We didn't talk long at all though. She said she was feeling pretty ill. I will check on her after I am finished with your letter. I hope they find answers to what is going on. He has been sick for awhile now. Mom also called Charlie yesterday. I left a message as he didn't answer. He never called Mom back. Guess that tells me a lot. We have not spoken in a year and over a  year for Marion. Pretty sad but that is their choice not me. Other than that...no one calls. I am just as busy as everyone else but I still try. Guess Mom needs to stop trying on this end. I can't and won't be the only one.

It is already 7 pm. Mom is going to spend some time with Mark now. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. I will light the warmer upstairs in a few minutes. I will whisper to you later this evening. Smile for Mom and I will smile back to you. I miss you more than words. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Have fun tonight while Mom is sleeping. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Please watch over Princess too. She still is sick 😢 Thanks pumpkin. 

Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💖