Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom had a few minutes to write to you before I needed to do the next set of things for the day. I am sorry that I did not get a chance to write to you over the weekend like I was hoping to but things were really not that great. Let me explain....

Saturday... we were up at the usual time feeding and walking the pups. We all got ready and then Mark and Mom were taking Meme shopping for Bob's granddaughters. we went to the post office and then to about 4 stores. It was crowded and busy. We got home after 2 pm. We put everything away and then relaxed for a few. We made dinner and then cleaned up. Instead of watching tv, Bob asked if we wanted to  play poker. We played until after 8 pm and then everyone went upstairs. We watched tv while meme and Bob went to bed. 

Sunday... we were up again at our usual time for the pups. We made breakfast and then cleaned up. Mark did a few things in his office and so did Mom. We then went into the garage and broke down all the cardboard and bagged all the paper. 13 bags later and a huge stack of boxes...we finished in about an hour. after that, mark and Mom needed to figure things out about the bills situation. I had been trying for the last several days to have him answer me on what we were going to do...we ended up in a huge fight. He stopped talking to me. He ate dinner with Meme and Bob and I ate alone. I was upstairs and watching tv at 6:30 pm. Mark was downstairs watching the news...same sh*t being said over and over again and he was playing a video game on his cell alone and ignoring me so I decided to just go be by myself. I watched tv until 10 pm and then went to bed.

This morning was just a sh*t show once again. mark was not talking to me and if he was he was mean and insulting my intelligence. I walked away. I didn't want to hear it anymore and I had things to do...or so I thought. Mom was suppose to meet a friend today but they never got in touch with me so that blew that. I saw that the renewal date for my boxes were today. I looked into my account and I was so upset. I saw that out of 31 subscribers.... 20 of them are now past due as there payment declined. I upped my quantity because it was December and thought it was a good idea... I never should have because now I have so many boxes to sell. We are talking over 35 boxes. Mom is so depressed and discouraged about this. I am sick to my stomach and I can't think straight. 2 videos are posted on youtube and I am getting a lot of hits and views. Everyone is liking what they see and nothing negative or mean but I am still not getting any traffic for sales. Ty...what is Mom going to do? I am trying. I made posts today about the boxes and said other things on social media. I am devastated if I can't move these. It doesn't help when I have no support at all here. A couple of my friends are there for me which I totally am blessed with. It means a lot but dang... I guess I just wish that my own husband would be supportive....fat chance of that. With everything going on... the business, my marriage on the rocks again, Meme, Bob not feeling well (he has had chest pains for the last 4 days and is sleeping a lot), and all the sh*t with Grandpa and Debbie.... I can literally feel the depression and the downward spiral starting. It is not a good feeling at all. I hate it. this is not me... this is not who I am. I am a strong person but this all is weighing very heavy on me. I know you see it and are witnessing it and I am sorry. I think for a few days I am going to just not say anything or do anything. I am going to just be by myself. Maybe these feelings will fade and pass...who knows because I don't anymore. Please be with Mom. Send me signs to tell me you are around. Please watch over me and keep me safe and healthy. Thank you my sweet precious son. 

I love you so much. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom will keep you posted on everything. I have had a candle lit for you all day today. I will light the warmer later as well. I will whisper to you before I go to bed tonight. Smile for me and I will smile to you. Have fun later while I sleep. I know you are doing great things wherever you are. Mom is proud. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. I have to go for today but I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Until then....good night and sweet dreams tonight. Fly high and free. I miss you more than words.....

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💛