Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom is doing okay today. Lots going on again but all is well. I am sorry that my letter to you last night was not long at all but Mom was so tired and I also never turned my computer on so I was trying to do the letter on my iPad. That thing is great for some things but not so much for other stuff. Mom was up early this morning and lounged in bed for a bit and then decided to start the day by getting ready and making breakfast. After eating and ding those dishes, Mom came right in to finish up her second exam and I just submitted it. I sure hope I get a good grade on it but we shall see. There were 4 questions with several multiple parts to it plus I had to design graphs in all of them. The questions are worth 25 points a piece. Hope my instructor sees that I took the time and effort to do it all. I probably won't get that grade until Tuesday or Wednesday so Mom will let you know what I got when I know. 
 Today is a day of reflecting for Mom. I wrote something earlier and I thought I would share it with you on here. This is what I wrote about what this day means to Mom:
  October 15th is a day of reflecting for myself for the last 23 years. It is a day that holds the scariest, happiest, & saddest memories for me. At age 24, I walked into my doctor's office & never thought I would hear the words.... “ You have Cancer “ let alone hearing the words....“ You have Stage IV terminal cervical cancer....your ratio of beating this is 1:3. My doctors gave me 3 months. I can still remember my reaction as if it was yesterday. My head was in a whirlwind. I remember calling my family & telling them the news but the hardest part was telling my son that Mommy was very sick. Tyler didn't really understand as he was only 5 years old at the time. Every day was a blur, every day was a challenge for me. The road ahead was a tough battle but I was determined to make it through this. I looked into my doctors eyes & said I will be that 1! You just wait & see! I went through 5 surgeries plus 4 months of radiation & chemotherapy every single day. I was judged by people I didn't even know as I didnt look like a " cancer patient " in their eyes. Sure I was frail, tired looking, pale white skin but I didn't loose my hair.... ( it grew 6 inches during that time . ) It didn't matter though.....it made me more determined then ever when people talked about me behind my back or directly to my face....I was going to beat this! There were days that I wanted to give up & quit. It was hell & I was tired. My doctor knew this & introduced me to a girl that was in the next room. She told me her story, we talked for hours. She gave me the hope I desperately needed at the time. I will never forget her words or her. A couple weeks later, I learned that she lost her own battle with cancer. Days that followed I drew my strength from my family & friends...especially from Tyler Howard & for that I am forever grateful. 
23 years.....so much has happened during this time. A marriage on this very same day that ended in divorce several years later, moving to 3 different states, learning the challenges of each new place, losing family & friends along the way whether it's been through an illness of their own, just simply that it was their time to part from the physical world or we somehow grew apart, losing pets, losing my son, Tyler 5 1/2 years ago & relearning to live my life without him,( Oh this has been the worst by far...every day this is a challenge in itself to continue to go on..... ). BUT.....There have been happier of times as well....getting married again, living closer to family & friends, new pets, enrolling in college and finally almost finished with it, family vacations, making new friends, getting to see friends & spending precious time with them. All things I will forever cherish. 
No matter what though....through the good, the bad & the ugly....I have learned so much along the way. I have seen things, done things, said things, felt things that have changed my life forever. I will never be the same again & that's ok....I wouldn't want to be that same girl anymore. I thank God. I am blessed. I thank my family & friends who were with me through it all. There are not enough words to say to show my love & appreciation for everything you all did for me. I love each & every one of you from the bottom of my heart. I take nothing for granted...not even 1 single breath. I am who I am today because of all these things that I have endured in my life. I may be a lot of things to this world but I am STRONG! I am a FIGHTER & most of all I am a SURVIVOR. ( Happy 23 years as a Cancer Survivor to me! )

 Mom is so thankful for so many things! I thank God every day for what he gives me and I really do not take anything for granted.... not one breath, one step, my eyesight, my voice...nothing. Those are blessings and gifts to me pumpkin. Thank you for helping Mom in one of the darkest and trying times in my life. You were so small at the time but you gave a big impact for me. It is one I will forever cherish. I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the would. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you are in my heart, mind, body and soul. 

 The phones were quiet last night as no one called at all. Mom and Mark relaxed after another full day of packing (sad part was it took over 3 hours to just pack the kitchen up!) We watched TV for a bit but we were both so tired that we called it a night at 9:30 pm. Good football yesterday though. Cowboys won 40 to 7 over the Jaguars and Patriots won 43-40 over the KC Chiefs. Not sure if the Dolphins played or if they won but I will check later and let you know tomorrow. Mom was so busy today that I didn't get in touch with anyone at all. The phone literally has not rang one time today. That is so unusual. Mark is busy with work and has been all day. He has a tough week ahead so he needs to get as much rest and sleep as possible. It will be an early dinner tonight and then an early night to bed again. We will watch some TV later but that is about it. Mom is so sore from packing the last 2 days that I need to take a break from it. I might do the bathrooms as those are easy but that is it. So far the living room, dining room, computer nook, kitchen, and master closet are done. If I do the bathrooms tonight then what will be left is both offices, 2 closets and the master bedroom which is really nothing but big stuff. We have so many boxes just sitting everywhere and we still need to go get more. There must be around 60 boxes or more now. I think by the time it is all done there will be close to 80 boxes along with all the big stuff. The plan is to finish it all up over the weekend so that all next week it will be cleaning, dusting, vacuuming the apartment and everything will be ready to move over on Friday. All in all it has gone smoother than what was expected. Mom is just really sore. I tweaked my right side shoulder and neck pretty bad. It hurts like H*ll but I am working through it and I will be just fine. Mom will keep you updated on the packing as it continues!

 Mom received a message on facebook this afternoon from Megan. It was so sweet and made me tear up. Her and the kiddos (Logan and Aubrey) made you a pumpkin and placed it down by your bench. It was of Jack. She did a great job! It was so thoughtful of her to do that. I am sure you are smiling down on them 3. I can vision your smile right now. I will be posting the picture of it on here tonight for you. 

 Mom is going to get going for now though. It is a little after 4 pm and I need to think of what to have for dinner. It is being creative for sure when we are trying not to grocery shop and just eating what we have in the refrigerator, freezer and pantry. We figured we would do that so we didn't have to box all that stuff up. It has been interesting but we are doing good...lol. Mom will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. I will most likely do it mid day or early afternoon again. I will be starting my new chapters and new exam so wish me luck my sweet precious son. Have fun tonight and come visit me in my dreams if you can. The candle has been lit again for you all day. It was a new one. That is 5 candles burned in less than a week! Mom will whisper to you as I always do so be listening and smile for me and I will smile right back to you. Looks like we are going to get a good thunderstorm. It is getting so dark and it has yet again been raining most of the day. No sunshine at all....Maybe tomorrow we will have some! Remember that I love you with all my heart. Good night and sweet dreams. 

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Matthew 9:12–13, NIV

Dear Father in heaven, we come into your presence as imperfect, sinful children, who do many foolish things and who are involved in much that is evil and corrupt. We come to you, Father, knowing that your fatherly love is with us through all eternity. Be gracious to us and free us from all the harm and injury we are bound to suffer in this earthly life. May the grace your kingdom brings on earth finally blot out the sins of all people, so that as your children they may rejoice because you have helped them. May your name be praised among all people. Amen.