Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom is not doing so well today so I thought that I would write to you now to see if that would help me out. I am sure you can see that I am typing you this letter through tears and that is okay. Mom refuses to hide them anymore. Mark and Mom just had another one of our wonderful blow outs. I have never been so disrespected, degraded and spoken to the way I just was. Even through the pain of it and the tears it is something that I need to hear instead of not knowing any of it. Once again, I am the blame of it all and everything is my fault. This is what I will not choose to believe. I have done nothing but care and love Mark and in return just continuously get put down and get told that I piss him off all the time. That is kind of hard to do when he doesn't even talk to me hardly ever anymore. I keep asking myself what I did to deserve all this once again. Am I that bad of a person to be getting this treatment from him? Mom doesn't know what else to do or how much more I can take. I have started to pack my stuff up. I know that I can't take much at all but I will take the things that matter most to me. I will have the pups, my clothes and a few pictures of you that will be with me. The rest will have to go into a storage unit until I can get a job and get on my feet again to get a place to live. I am just so lost right now. I can't even think straight at all. My mind is going in a thousand different directions. The best thing that I can do right now is just lay low, say nothing at all and just do the things I need to do to get by until I can leave this place. Mom is hoping to be out of here by the weekend if I can get everything done in time. I will do some more packing later this evening instead of watching TV. I didn't sleep all that well again last night. I was in bed at 10 pm and up at 4 am because of Ozzy. Mark took off last night around 5:30 pm and didn't get back until after 10:30 pm. Mom had dinner and did the dishes and then I chatted with Auntie Kristina and Meme. The rest of the night I just watched TV before heading to bed. Maybe tonight I will take a nice long bath to try and relax. That sounds really nice. I have no idea if he is going out again for the 3rd night in a row but I don't care at this point. I need to just take care of the pups and start taking care of me. The rest can wait now. Mom wishes that I could say that I have updates for you today but I do not. I have not spoken to anyone at all. Grandpa called last night but I was on the phone with Auntie Kristina. By the time I hung up the phone with her I just didn't feel like talking anymore and it was pretty late too. Mom doesn't think that it will be a good idea to talk to anyone while Mark is here. I will have to do the talking when I am alone now. He doesn't need to hear anything that I have to say or what my plans are. He is not letting me hear anything of his conversations now. He is using a head set. He is just being sneaky. Guess what is good for the goose is good for the gander, right?
 Mom tried to study today but after that blow out my head was not in it anymore. I couldn't concentrate any longer. I will try to pick it back up tomorrow again. Maybe tonight I can get some sleep and feel somewhat better in the morning. Time will tell right? Time will do a lot of things...time will heal all this pain that I feel, time will mend the heartache that I have.  Mom may not know much of anything right now but what I do know is that I love you with all my heart and soul. I miss you more than words can say. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you will be inside my heart, mind, body and soul. I sure do hope that you have a wonderful night tonight doing all the things you need to and want to do. Come be with Mom or visit me in my dreams if you can. I sure would love that. Thank you my sweet precious son. Mom is going to get going for now. I think I will try to study for a bit more today before calling it a night and turning my computer off. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. I will try to light the candle for you tonight but I am not sure if I will be in the living room at all later. If I am then I will light it but if not then I will try again for tomorrow. I will whisper to you as I always do though. Smile for Mom and I will give you a sweet smile as well. Until tomorrow comes... good night and sweet dreams.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

 Thus we have come to know and believe the love which God has for us. God is love; he who dwells in love is dwelling in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16, NEB

Lord our God, we come to you as poor, heavily burdened people who often do not know where to turn. But we have trust in you, for you are love. Your love penetrates deep into our lives, righting what is wrong and making amends for our blundering. And so we are joyful and await your grace and your help on all our ways. Bless us, and help us find what is right in every situation, to your praise and your honor. Amen.