Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Friday evening? It is already 5 pm and the sun is starting to set. It is nice to see that the snow is finally melting and we can see some grass once again. That is always a good sign. Mom had a pretty rough night last night and day today, I am not going to lie. I have no reason to anyways. After the conversation that Mark and Mom had the other night, I thought that maybe just maybe things could start getting on the right track but boy that was pretty short lived. Less than 24 hours we were back to fighting and the silent treatment again. It all started last night. we were eating dinner and playing Chess when his brother called. Mark tried to make a joke saying that whoever lost a piece of the chess game had to take a drink....no one was drinking alcohol, Mark was trying to be funny. After that comment was made, Sarah decided to chime in and say that Mark could only have two drinks. That was a jab at Mom from Sunday when they were here. I did not find that funny at all and I told that to Mark after he hung up with them. I said that if Sarah wanted to crack jokes at me I had plenty that I could say about her and she wouldn't like it. Well, that is all it took. Mark yet again took their side and laughed about it all. He knew that the comment made me angry and hurt because he said that. Instead of understanding where I was coming from he walked away and played his video game. He wasn't talking to me so I took a nice bubble bath and then did some writing in my journal that I just recently started. After that I watched TV before calling it a night. He continued to play his game all night and into the wee hours of the morning. Mom fell asleep and woke up at 1:30 am. He was sleeping on the couch again. I told him that at any time last night he could have come in to try to talk to me but he couldn't be bothered with it. His game was too important and also talking on the phone. I am not a priority to him at all. I should be on the top of the list but I am at the bottom of it. I am a door mat and a speck of dirt on his shoes. This morning he walked right by without saying anything. I fed the pups and then lounged in bed for about an hour before getting up, getting ready, making something to eat and then right in my office to study. I needed a break this afternoon so I decided to ask if we were going to continue the silent treatment or if he would like to talk. Mom could tell he had no desire to say anything to me at all. We spoke but it ended in another argument...shocker...not! Mom pretty much decided that I had or have anything left to give in this marriage. I can't be the one who only tries and I can't always be the blame of everything in his eyes as that is not fair. He says that he is a happy person and I am not. Geesh... really how can I be? I am not treated with any respect or I am not being treated the way a husband should treat his wife that he loves. I can tell there is no love at all coming from him. I don't think he really knows how to love anyone but himself. We are no better off then where we were a few days ago....honestly I think it is worse now. Mom stayed quiet the rest of the day and I am trying to come up with a plan for me and the pups. I know that I can take the weekend to pack a few things up and get on the road first thing Monday morning. He will be leaving really early to go to a customer site that day and will be gone for until the evening. That would be the best time for me to leave without him knowing. I will leave a note telling him that I decided to leave and someone will be in touch with him soon about my belongings. I am not a quitter at all and I give over 100% with every situation but this one has defeated me. I have nothing left to try and I have nothing to want to anymore. It sucks... no lie there but eventually some day I will be okay again. It is going to be a long and hard road ahead for Mom as I lost everything several years ago. I have nothing to my name anymore thanks to Mark. Please know that our family will help Mom get through it all. They will be the biggest and best support system that I can have. I know that you will be right by my side as well. Thank you my sweet precious son. I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you will live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom has no updates for you at all as I have not spoken to anyone in 2 days. I will try to catch up with them over the weekend to let them once again know what is going on here. Mom will light the candle for you in a few minutes and I will whisper to you later this evening. Smile for me and I will smile to you. I hope that you have fun tonight while Mom is trying to get some sleep. Come be with me please. Thank you so much. Mom needs to go for now as I need to make dinner for one and get the pups all set. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then...good night and sweet dreams. Please continue to be my bright shining star that lights my way. Thank you. I love you with all my heart and soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, 'The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.' Exodus 34:6-7, NIV

Dear Father in heaven, how great are your goodness and mercy to us all on earth, who are subject to misery and death! May our hearts be strengthened through your goodness and through the saving power of your nature, revealed to us in Jesus Christ, our Redeemer. Protect and bless us this night. May your Spirit help us find your ever-present kindness and mercy. Praised be your name forever! Amen.