Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! Happy December 1st! It is the last full month of 2020. In 30 days it will be another new year! The weather is showing it here today too... it is 55 degrees and tonight it will be in the 30's...lol! Feels good for a change though! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? It is already 1:45 pm and I haven't gotten anything accomplished that I wanted to today. I did sift through emails and make calls but that is about it. I wish Mom was able to tell you that I am doing better today but actually it is worse. I feel more defeated than ever. It is now day 4 that Mark and Mom have not spoken to each other. He stays in is office all day long and then goes to bed around 10 pm. Mom stays in her office all day and then takes care of the pups, makes dinner for one, eats alone, cleans up and then watches tv the rest of the night as Meme and Bob go to bed so early. There is no one to talk to at all. I stay to myself and keep my mouth shut. Every time I do say something... I am always wrong, say the wrong thing or get insulted so why bother. It is easier to say nothing at all. I don't know why I am being treated like this. It seems to go in cycles with Mark. I don't understand it at all. I do everything but it doesn't seem good enough ever for him. When this happens I am always the one to say sorry first so it all stops but this time, Tyler... I am not going to do that. I am tired of being the only one who cares, who has emotions. I have had a lot of time to think about this and I am not sure how much longer I am going to or am willing to put up with it. I am not perfect by any means but I am not doing things that are so bad that I deserve this from another person...let alone this person being my husband. It is not right and it is not fair. I guess the only thing I wish for is for Mark to care. He has told me on many occasions that he cares about nothing or no one. Everything can be replaced. I used to think he was kidding but after 8 years of this, I see that he is being serious. It really is sad that someone feels the way he does. Like I said... Mom doesn't know what to do now as it is not  just me and the pups but meme and Bob too. It is not like I can just walk out and leave....they are others to consider now too. I really just don't know what to do anymore. Mark and I have drifted so far apart. He never wants to do anything at all. He works and plays video games. He doesn't talk to me about anything other than work and Mom really could give a rats *ss about that. We seem to have nothing in common anymore either. This is not what life is all about. It is about give and take, about being there for the ones you love, encouraging them not putting them down all the time. There is none of that in this marriage. That is so sad to type those words but I have to be truthful. I have to be honest. Mom cares. Mom is encouraging to Mark but I don't get the same in return. What am I to do? It isn't fair to either of us. I just don't know anymore. I can say that I really am done trying though. I have no more to give. Last night was the last straw.... Mark told Mom that I needed to shut down my business because it was not making any money. I was spending a lot and not getting anything in return. That happens when you first start a business....unfortunately. I guess because it is not his then it means nothing at all. I felt even more defeated and destroyed after he said that. I literally cried myself to sleep last night. I said nothing at all and nothing this morning. I fed the pups and walked them and he left to go to the office. He worked there all day and is still not here. He won't get back much before 5 pm and then he is working all night until 11 pm so he will just go to bed when he is done. Tomorrow is another day. He will be busy and Thursday he has another day like today. Mom will just stay to herself and then watch tv in the bedroom and then quietly go to bed. I will light your warmer though. I have a candle lit now for you and for Mom. I will whisper to you before I go to bed too. I sure hope you hear me and smile. I will think of yours and smile as well. I miss you so much. More than words can say. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. If you can send me a sign that would be lovely as I am feeling pretty alone these last few days. Mom is trying... I really am. 

I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. It is now 2:45 pm. I have to get some things done before it is time for the night routine. Have fun while I try and get some sleep tonight. Come visit if you can. Please keep Mom and our family safe and healthy. Thanks you my sweet precious son. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💚 (Green and Red Hearts for this month for Christmas)