Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? I am so sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday but I was up to my ears all afternoon printing labels out and taping up boxes to be shipped out this morning. I did 25 boxes and 3 hours. After that if was time to feed the pups and take them for a walk. Mom never ate dinner until 7 pm last night. I crawled into bed after and watched tv until 9:45 pm and called it a night. I slept pretty good though. Woke up once. I guess I was tired. 

This morning Mom was up and ready and out the door by 8:30 am. I got to the post office in time before the rush started coming in. All 25 boxes went out and then off to the grocery store I went. I was done all that and home by 10:30 and everything was put away and finished by 11 am. It felt good and I was very productive as well. 

Mark is doing a very long day today. He started his 1st job at 8 am. He has a one hour break tonight to eat dinner at 5 pm and then he is on a conference call from 6 pm until 9:30 pm plus while that is going on he will be working for his 2nd job doing a very large cutover. That starts at 6 pm as well and goes until 2 am. He then is able to get a couple hours of sleep and back up and at it at 8 am again for his 1st job. He is going to be so dang exhausted. We are being quiet and staying out of his way. That is for the best. Mom is in her office, Meme is downstairs with her pup probably knitting and Bob is in his room with the door closed, sleeping. He still is not feeling good at all. This is now been over 10 days of him sleeping constantly and not wanting to do a dang thing...he is back to that and saying nothing to us again. Mom stays out of it. It is not for me to say anymore but I did tell Meme that it was very hard to have to deal with it. Mom and Mark bust our butts to keep this place paid for and clean and Meme mops the floor once a month for me and Bob does nothing accept make a ton of messes. Mom does all the rest of the cleaning. There is not much time to myself with the business, school, running errands, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.... There is no need that they can not not help out around the house. Neither of them work. Anyways.....

Let's see as far as updates: Nothing from Aunt Beck since last week. I do know that  if everything is a go they will be flying back to VT in 5 days. I will touch base with her maybe tonight to see how they are doing. I just sent a text to  her. Grandpa and Mom have not spoken since a quick 5 minute conversation on Thanksgiving and then the next day. I know that him & Debbie are going to try and work on things and that they told me that they were not coming in March and I had to give the tickets to someone else. Mom is still very hurt by that. Grandpa hasn't called at all either. when we do talk I don't know what that will be like. I know Mom has to be honest with them and tell them both how I am feeling. I can't keep it bottled up inside of me. That is not fair to me and I feel that they need to know exactly how they made both Mark and I feel. 

Mark & Mom are at least on talking terms. We say a little here and there but not much. I still keep my distance though. I don't know what is going to happen but until today and tomorrow are over with... Mom is not going to "poke the bear". maybe this weekend we will have the chance to talk things over. I don't know. 

Anyways.... those are the updates that I have for you. I don't hear from anyone else ever unless I call first. I am too busy for that... I will use everyone else's excuse that they do to me! Let's see how they like it!

Mom needs to get going though as I have to make an early dinner for us all. It is 4 pm. I will be feeding the pups early too. I will light the candle warmer later tonight and whisper to you before I go to bed. Smile for Mom and I will smile to you. Please continue to watch over us and keeping us all safe and healthy. Thank you for the sign last night and the gorgeous painting in the sky. I saw it and it made me smile my sweet precious son. You were busy with those brushes! Hope I see another tonight! Have fun while I sleep tonight and if you can come visit me in my dreams. I miss you more than words. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💖

P.S. I saw this and thought this is what you would say to me if you could:

Dear Mom on Earth,

I know this is a rough time for you, so I will be as gentle as I can be.

First of all, thank you for so many tears, particularly those shared with another that you love. They are a gift to me, a precious tribute to your investment in me.

As you do your mourning, do it at your pace only. Don’t let anybody suggest that you do your grief work on their timetable. Do whatever it takes to face directly the reality of what has happened, even though you may need to pause frequently and yearn for my return. Do this with courage and my blessings. Know that sometimes inertia is the only movement possible.

Give your best to keeping a balance between remembering me and renewing your commitments to life. It’s okay with me if you go through minutes, hours, and even days not thinking about me. I know that you’ll never forget. Loosening me and grabbing hold of a new meaning is a delicate art. I’m not sure if one comes before the other or not, maybe it’s a combination.

Be with people who accept you as you are. Mention my name out loud, and if they don’t make a hasty retreat, they’re probably excellent candidates for friendship.

You know how people sometimes ask you how many children you have? Well, I’m still yours and you are still my parent. Always acknowledge that with tenderness, unless to do so would fall on insensitive ears or would be painful to you. I know how you feel inside. To be included as your child honors me.

I want you to know that I am okay. I have sent you messages to ease your pain, they come in the form of flowers that bloom out of season, birds singing, voices and visions, and sometimes through your friends and even strangers who volunteer as angels. Stay open but don’t expect the overly dramatic. You will get what you need and it may be simply an internal peace. You are not crazy, you have been comforted.

Please seek out people bereaved longer than you. They are tellers of truth, and if they have done their work, are an inspiration and a beacon of hope whose pain lessened dramatically.

And one more wisdom before I close, there are still funny happenings in our world. It delights me to no end when I hear your spontaneous, uncontrolled laughter. That, too, will come in due time.

Today, light a candle for me. Let my light shine always above the darkness.

Affectionately,

YOUR ANGEL CHILD.