Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! I don't even know where to start this letter to you today. My heart is shattered so much more today then every other day. I am reliving the horrific scenes in my head of what happened last year on this very day. I remember it all like it was yesterday. Every hour that goes by I know exactly where I was and what I was saying and doing. This was the worst day of my life EVER. In the early evening, Mom had to make a big decision and the hardest one no Mother should ever have to make. I didn't know what to do even though I had many family by my side. I was listening to the doctors too, but I felt so alone and so sad, angry, hurt, etc... for what needed to be done. For a few minutes I wanted to be selfish but then I kept looking at you and I knew that I couldn't do that. I couldn't sit there and watch you. I didn't know if you were suffering so I did the only thing I knew... I let you go. At 5:37pm your heart stopped and I lost you. I lost me. Everything went silent. I was numb. I was in a fog of what just happened. I couldn't move but yet I found myself walking around in circles. I couldn't say anything to anyone. I just lost the 1 thing in my life that mattered the most to me. I lost my everything. Every emotion was going through my body but yet I couldn't cry. My body was in shock. I remember the nurse coming in and telling me that we needed to leave for a few. I didn't want to but they made me. When I returned I remember sitting down and just looking at you, talking to you and then the tears flowed freely. I thought that maybe when I left and came back it would all be a dream, but it turned out to be a living nightmare...1 that I relive over and over on a daily basis. I sat with you for a couple hours. Talking to you and wondering if you were able to see me, if you were already in Heaven watching over us all. I told you to be free, to fly high and not to look back. You deserved it more than anyone I have ever known. You deserved to be without limitations..... to walk, run, jump, and do all that you have wanted to do for so long. It was getting late and I knew that I had to be going but I didn't want to. I didn't want to leave you there alone. I started to walk out of the room and my hands clenched the curtain. I started to cry even more. Mark had to pull me away and he told me that everything would be ok.
 June 20, 2014... 1 year later...365 days without you here with me. So much has gone on. Another move, a new state to live in, new people to meet, new challenges to face. I would like to think that you are guiding me through it all. My Faith has got stronger since I lost you and I do believe that you are with me and all of our family & friends in our time of need. I believe that when I call on you ( which is all the time! ) you are here with me and helping me. I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.
 I read somewhere once that when a love one passes on from the physical world they continue growing from the Spiritual side. For this to happen we, in the physical world need to continue to live our lives as necessary. We need to laugh, smile, and as hard as it is to move on. This way you grow, learn, and do all the things you need to do in the Heavens above. When I read that I knew that I had to change my ways... I was depressed and going downhill fast. I couldn't do that to you. I didn't or couldn't hold you back from anything. I didn't want you to have anymore limitations. You had too many, more than anyone should have here in the physical world. I wanted you to sore, to spread your wings and fly....I sure hope you are doing just that.
 I miss you so much. I miss everything about you. Your smile, your voice, the way you laughed, your beautiful brown eyes and those dang eyelashes that everyone raved about. I miss our talks, playing games with you, our walks, our vacations and yes.. I even miss our fights. Nothing is the same anymore. I am not the same anymore. I never will be again. I try really hard some days to smile and laugh so that I can make you happy. I want you to be proud of me as I was ALWAYS so proud of you. You were and always will be my HERO!!!! I love you my sweet precious son. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. 
 I will continue to look to the skies at night time. To see the stars and the moon shining brightly. It lets me know that you are there watching over me. I will continue to whisper to you as I always do. I hope you hear me... I hope you listen for Mom's voice. Fly high and fly free Tyler. I know you are doing wonderful things up there. Forever in my heart, mind, body, and soul. Sweet dreams tonight. You are the Wind Beneath my Wings......
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!