Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you today on this Thursday afternoon? Mom is having a rough day for many reasons but I am managing as I always seem to do. I hope that you are smiling down on us all and helping Mom when I need it the most. I believe that you do because you always wanted me to be happy and not sad. 
 1 year ago today was another hard thing for Mom to have to do. It was the day of your funeral. So many family & friends gathered around to say their goodbyes, tell stories of you and relive happier times. I remember not wanting to leave the funeral home because I knew that was going to be the last time that I saw you in your " physical form ". When I walked out I would never see your face again... only in pictures and in my mind. It was so hard for me to hold my head high and walk out of there without completely losing it in front of everyone. It was the 2nd toughest day for me...the 1st was losing you altogether. I remember those days like it was yesterday... the feeling of complete loneliness, wondering what I was going to do or how I was going to move forward. I would like to think that after a year I am doing better, but honestly I still find myself feeling the same way. I think there are better days then others. I try to make the best & most of it but some days I fail. I know that it will never get better it will just be different. I know that in my tough days you will be right with me guiding me through it. Thank you Tyler for this. It means more than the world to me. I miss you so much and I love you unconditionally.
 26 years ago today... Grandpa, his friend Audrey, and Mom were in that horrific car accident. This is the 1 where I broke all the bones in the left side of my face, shattered my left eye socket, broke my left side of my jaw in 3 places and broke my left femur in half. I was 17 years old. I was sleeping in the back seat of the car when it all happened. I remembering waking up and screaming like I was in a horror movie. It was another living nightmare for me. One would think that after all these years you wouldn't remember all the details that took place, but my mind does not work that way. I remember it all. Sometimes it is a blessing and sometimes a curse. I always asked myself.. Why me?? It wasn't until 5 years later that I received my answer. I needed to go through that all to provide everything I could for you when you 1st got sick. I understood and never regretted going through it all. I am who I am today because of all that and so much more. 
 31 years ago today my Aunt Jo passed away. I was just 12 years old at the time but I still remember it...it is that mind thing again...lol! She was such a sweet person that I loved very much and I knew she loved me. I wonder at times if you have met her. You would like her if you did. I think of her often along with other family members. If you have met her and see her please tell her I miss her and love her. Thanks Tyler.
 Lastly, this morning at 2:20 am a friend of mine lost her Dad. He passed peacefully while she was holding his hand. You will remember him as Frank ( Aunt Shirley was married to him for a few years ). I guess he was sick for some time and his health just failed quickly. I know you liked Frank. He was a sweet man that I knew since I was a little girl. Aunt Becky & his daughter, Dawn were good friends for many years. I hope that he is at peace and that he can fly high and fly free with the best of you now. When you see him.. let him know he is missed by many! Thanks again, Tyler.
 The weather still is crappy here in Texas. Lots of rain and storms. Haven't seen the stars shining or the moon in several days but I know you are up there watching over Mom and the rest of us. I whisper to you every night still. Hope you can hear me. I miss you more than anyone can ever know and I love you beyond words. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. Forever in my heart, mind, body & soul. Sweet dreams my precious Angel.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!