Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? The weather outside was so cold & crappy today. Mark called Mom this morning to tell me that we had our 1st snow. That did not make me smile or laugh. That stinks as I know it is coming & there is nothing we can do about it at all. I hope you were someplace soaking up the sun & having it shine down on your face as I know you just love. I can see you in my mind now. That image makes Mom smile so much. I miss you terribly, Tyler. I can tell that it is the Holiday season as I am crying more & more lately. Mom is more emotional & tends to be more sensitive at what people say or do. I either cry or snap when I don't mean to....the emotional roller coaster sucks. 
 Today was a pretty much easy kind of day for Mom. I stayed in bed later than normal, chatted with a couple friends, took the pups out for a walk this afternoon thinking it would be warmer, but I was wrong....lol, came back inside & played on the computer & chatted with Auntie Kristina. Now it is time to make dinner & relax for a bit before I go to bed. Mark is not feeling well so I need to take care of him too. If you can watch over him for Mom that would be great. Thank you so much my sweet precious son.
 No updates for you today but maybe tomorrow I will have some for you. Here is the daily prayer for today. November 30~ For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. In silence I kneel in your presence---I bow my heart to your wisdom; I lift my hands for your mercy; I open my soul to the great gift. I am already held in your arms. Amen.
 Mom is finally, once again all caught up & I am able to do the daily prayer on the days it should be written on. Sometimes life gets in the way & times flies by & before I know it, it is night time & I am so tired. I try my very best to write to you each night but sometimes it is hard to do. I feel so guilty when I don't. It hurts Mom. I know I should not feel this way but I do. I know that you don't get mad at Mom because you see everything that I am going through. I know you get mad at Mom for feeling guilty but as you know me you know that I can't stop that way of thinking. maybe in time but not any time soon. 
 The night sky is upon us & it is so cold. My hands are freezing while typing this to you...lol. You remember those nights now don't you? They were our least favorites...ugh! You & I were always the ones who loved the warm sunshine. The hotter the better. i am hoping that we will see the stars & the moon shining bright tonight but not sure. The sky was pretty cloudy all day. Doesn't matter though as Mom will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear my every word. 
 I hope that your night is all that you want & need it to be for yourself & others. I hope you get a chance to just relax & get some sleep. May you have the sweetest of dreams & Mom is hoping that I will see you in my dreams tonight as well. I miss you like crazy & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Never forget this. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Sunday night? I hope that you were somewhere warm & sunny for both you & Mom. Today the weather here was sunny but pretty cold. It was a busy day for us today. Mark & Mom did a lot of housework, moved the guest bed out of the room & packed it up & placed it in the garage until we can sell it, moved furniture around from the balcony & in Mark's study. Lots of moving stuff but the outcome is coming out good. Few more things & it will be all done!
 As I am typing this letter to you I am chatting to Grandpa on the phone. He just got out of work & was just checking in with me. He does that probably 4 or 5 times a week. Got to speak to Meme for a bit. She was needed help with her new cell phone. She was getting pissy with it...lol. You know Meme.... short tempered...lol. I will touch base with Aunt Beck tomorrow to see how they are all doing so I will have an update for you on them on tomorrows letter. Pups are doing good. They are happy to be home again. They like traveling now so that makes things easy. Friday they both go in for surgery. Mom is nervous but I know they will be in good hands with the doctor & Mom knows that you will be watching over them & you will be with them. Thank you sweetie. Please give hugs & kisses to Snickers & Max for me. I miss them & I miss you so much. I love you all to the moon & back & all the way around the world. It has been sad to lose them both but I am happy that you have all your puppies back with you. 
 Here is your daily prayer for today. November 29~ Every good gift & every perfect gift is from above, & cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. How good it is, Almighty One, to bask in the warmth of your love. How good it is to know nothing more is required than this: to receive your good gifts from above.
 The night sky is full tonight. It is so dark, but it is a crisp cool night out. Not seeing the moon & stars out just yet but maybe in a little bit. I will look later & whisper to you as I always do no matter what. Hope you can hear my voice. Mom hopes that your evening is restful & peaceful like you want & need it to be. Slow down if you can & get some rest. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight when I fall asleep. I miss you like crazy & I love you unconditionally. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah! 

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Saturday night? Mom is hoping that your day & night has been all that you need & wanted it to be. I am so sorry for not writing to you the last couple days while we were gone to NH, please forgive me pumpkin. Mom even brought the computer with all intentions to write to you but Thursday night Uncle Chris stopped by & he stayed until 11 pm & then Friday night Charlie & Marion stopped by to see us & didn't leave until 9:30 pm or so. Mom was so tired that she took a bubble bath & then fell right to sleep. Got up this morning & went to see Meme & Bob, then headed to the cemetery to visit with you, then stopped into Auntie Kristina's & then to Grandpa & Debbie's. We got on the road about 3:15 pm & got home around 5:30 pm. Thank you for watching over us while we were gone. It was pretty touch & go with Mark's truck again though. Guess he is needing more work done on it... go figure, right? 
 Anyways, Thanksgiving for us was spent on the road, going to Meme's & Bob's for dinner, visiting for a bit & then to our hotel room. It was so good to see everyone that we could while we were there. I miss them all. Did you see Mom when she was visiting you? Did you hear me talk to you? I wish I could have stayed longer but it was really cold & it was starting to rain. Mom put an ornament on your head stone. It is a snowman that is actually a snow globe & it lights up. It says your name. I put it in the left upper corner of your stone. I know that it probably will get broken or stolen but Mom gets you an ornament every year. I know you know it is there & that is all that matters. Hope you like it. Hope it makes you smile. I know that you saw Mom crying. I tried not to but I couldn't stop. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. When I go there it hits me hard. It is reality that sinks in that you really are gone. I love you so much. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. Always have & always will.
 Here are the daily prayers that I need to get caught up on. November 26~ To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, & not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever. We thank thee, O Lord whose fingers touched our dust, O Lord who gave us breath. We thank thee, Lord, who gave us sight & sense to see the flower, to hear the wind, to feel the waters in our hands, to sleep with the night & wake with the sun, to stand upon the star, to sing thy praise, to hear thy voice. Amen.
 November 27~ Take heed therefore unto yourselves, & to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood. Lord, today my heart is full of gratitude for your church. Thank you for asking us to meet together to honor you. What power there is in voicing our thanks & petitions together! What comfort in the outstretched arms of friends! Protect us, Lord. Keep us strong----now & in the days to come. Amen.
 November 28~ With him is wisdom & strength, he hath counsel & understanding. God, I give thanks for the wisdom you share with me when I am trying to understand my own actions or someone else's. You know what is best, & you have my highest good in mind. I will turn to you for advice & guidance I need. Thank you, God, for being a strong & loving presence in my life. Amen.
 Ok... Mom is back on track again! The evening sky is fully upon us. There are no stars & moon shining bright but that is ok. I know that you are shining bright for someone who may need it right now. You always had a very big heart & cared for others before yourself. Mom will whisper to you tonight so be listening out for my voice. Hope you get some sleep & if you do Mom is hoping that you have sweet dreams. Hope to see you in my own dreams tonight when I fall asleep tonight. Please watch over us all like I know you do. Thanks Ty. I miss you like crazy & I love you so much. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? Hope you are somewhere warm & sunny. It was so cold here today again...huh. Not sure I am ready for this weather yet but it is coming no matter what. 
 Today was an exciting day for Mom... I turned in my final exam & I passed! Not the greatest grade but I will take it. I would have received a higher grade if I did not change a few answers & stayed with my original ones. It is ok though because this will be the way I will learn. Anyways, my goal was to have an A for a final grade & be on Dean's List & Mom did just that. I am so happy & really proud of myself. I didn't think I had it in me to do this all but I did. I know you were with me, cheering me on every step of the way. I did this for me but I also did it for you to, Tyler. Hope Mom is making you proud. Next step is to take my certification board test & when passing that I will be able to go look for a job. I am excited but scared for this whole thing. Something new, a new change but I know I will do just fine. Continue to be with me every step of the way as I always need you by my side. Thanks pumpkin.
 Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We will head out early in the morning to go be with Meme, Bob, Grandpa & Debbie. Wish I was going to be seeing you to. I will come to visit you in the afternoon. Mom wanted to put the Jack bust down there but the ground is to frozen now so I will have to wait until Spring to do it. That is ok. I know you understand it all. Please be with us as we are on the road. Mom is hoping that nothing happens like the last time we tried 3 weeks ago. I am a little scared to say the least. Thanks Ty!
 Here is your daily prayer for today. November 25~ O Lord, we give thanks for your presence, which greets us each day in the guise of a friend, a work of nature, or a story from a stranger. We are reminded through these messengers in our times of deepest need that you are indeed watching over us. Lord, we have known you in love & care of a friend, who keeps us company in our despair. When we observe the last morning glory stretching faithfully to receive what warmth is left in the chilly sunshine, we are heartened & inspired to do the same. When we are hesitant to speak up & then read in the newspaper a story of courage & controversy, we find our voice lifted & strengthened by your message in black-and-white type. Lord, we are grateful receivers of all the angelic messages that surround us every day. Amen.
 The night is fully upon us & Mom is sure to see the moon & stars shining brightly as the sky today was clear. Be listening out for Mom's voice as I whisper to you as I always do. Mom is hoping that you have a wonderful night & may it be all that it needs to be for you. Get some sleep if you can & hope you have sweet dreams tonight. Mom is hoping to see you in my own dreams when I fall asleep tonight too. I miss you so much Tyler. I love you beyond life itself. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul my sweet precious son. Never forget this.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

PS Tomorrow is Auntie Donna's Birthday so make sure you stop in & say hello to her! Love you xoxoxo.

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? Mom is doing alright. Today was quite busy for me as I did some housework, laundry & did a lot of going over my final exam. Think I am almost ready to submit it. I just want to make sure as it counts 6% of my grade. I want to pass with a good grade & hopefully I will still keep the A average that I have had all through the course. I know that you have been with me the whole step of the way with both courses. I know you are cheering me on & I believe that you are proud of Mom. It means a lot to me. Thank you my pumpkin.
 No updates for you as I have not talked to anyone since Sunday night. Guess everyone is bus with Thanksgiving coming up in 2 days. We will be traveling up to NH for a couple days to be with family & friends. This will be the 1st time in 3 years so it will kind of be nice. I can't believe that it is my 3rd set of holidays without you. It is hard on a daily basis to be without you never mind this time of the year. I am trying to stay strong & show you that I am ok but I know you can read right through me. 
 I had placed an order for Christmas & I needed to call the company to verify my address &  ended up having a really nice conversation with the owner. Somehow we got on the subject of kids & he told me about his 2 children & I talked about you. Did you hear Mom? It is always nice to talk about you. It makes me proud. You make Mom proud. I meant what I said when I told him you were my true Hero. You were & always will be in my eyes. Just wanted you to know that.
 Here are the 2 daily prayers that I need catching up on for you. November 23~ Lord, what is a man, that thou takest knowledge of him! or the son of man, that thou makest account of him! Thank you, Lord, for reaching out & drawing me under your wings. Even though I am just one of the billions of people who need you, your love is so great that you know my troubles, are concerned for my welfare, & are working to renew my dreams. I am so blessed to have you to turn to when I am faced with a calamity & I am so very grateful that I have you to lean on. I praise you with all my heart. Amen.
 November 24~ for the promise you unfold with the opening of each day, I thank you , Lord. For blessings shared along the way, I thank you, Lord. For the comfort of our home filled with love to keep us warm, I thank you, Lord. For shelter from the winter storm, I thank you, Lord. For the gifts of peace & grace you grant the family snug within, I thank you, Lord. For shielding us from harm & sin, I thank you, Lord. For the beauty of the snow sparkling in the winter sun, I thank you, Lord. For the peace when the day is done, I thank you, Lord. Amen.
 There, Mom is all caught up yet again. I am hoping to take my computer with me this time so that I can write to you while I am away but not sure as of yet. Not sure if I want to disconnect from the internet for those days. Will let you know tomorrow. I know you will understand. 
 The evening sky is here 7 boy is it dark & so cold. The coldest so far this year. The temp was 28 degrees today. It was sunny but it didn't do much. It was one of those days that the sun was shining but it was so cold you could see your breath & the wind stung your face. Remember those days? I know you do. You loved the sun but hated the cold.. just like Mom!
 I hope that your night is all that you need & want it to be. I hope that you are able to rest, close your sweet eyes & have the sweetest of dreams. Mom is hoping to see you in her dreams tonight as well. I miss you so much it hurts like crazy...every inch of my body. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I don't see any stars but I do see the moon. It looks full & boy is it bright & beautiful. It made Mom smile. Thank you!
 Be listening out for my voice when I whisper to you later tonight as I do every night. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul y sweet precious son.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler,

Hi buddy! How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Hope you are someplace sunny & warm. The weather today here was not so nice. It was cold, gloomy, & lots of rain. Mark & Mom went out this morning & ran more errands that we didn't get to do yesterday. It was crazy busy in the stores again but we did it all in a couple of hours. We wanted to get home because of something that happened before we left. Remember when Max & Snicks would go at it... Snicks would bite Max & wouldn't stop? Well this morning was the first time that Princess did that to Ozzy. It was awful. Princess hurt Ozzy & his little eye was swollen. He came running to me because he didn't know what happened or why. He was shaking. Mom felt so bad for the little guy. I held him for awhile & rocked him & told him he was going to be ok. Mom was scared though. I was worried. I talked to you, did you hear Mom? When we got home things seemed ok. His eye looked normal but about 30 minutes ago his eye started to swell up again. We gave him so Tylenol to take the pain away so hope it helps. Anything that you might be able to do for him, Mom would appreciate it. Thanks pumpkin. 
 The rest of the day was relaxing though. Mark played a game online with his brother, & Mom watch a chick flick...lol. after a couple hours we chatted with Aunt Beck for a few & then I started to make dinner. We are getting ready to have a skype call with Mark's Dad & step mom. We do this every 2 weeks so that we can stay in touch & keep informed of how everyone is doing. They are so sweet. You would have really liked them, Ty. Our family really likes them. Spoke to Grandpa last night. They are doing well. Didn't get the chance to call Meme but I will be seeing them all in a few days when we travel up to NH for the Thanksgiving holiday. Can't believe that it is this week. I wish you were here with us. Mom misses you so much. I love you unconditionally. Always have & always will. You still are my everything. 
 I know Mom has 3 daily prayers to write out to you so I better start those now. November 20~ Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O Lord, let thy loving kindness & thy truth continually preserve me. Everything around me keeps changing, Lord. Nothing lasts. My relationship with others are different than they were before. I started to feel as if there is nothing sure & steady on which I can depend. Then I remembered your ever present, unchanging love. Through these transitions, your love gives me courage & hope for the future. Amen.
 November 21~ For the oppression of the poor, for the sighing of the needy, now will I arise, saith the Lord; I will set him in safety from him that puffeth at him.God, I look around my community today & I feel helpless. The homeless, the hurting, the needs each other represents are more than I can handle. But you can do it. You can meet each need. Teach me. Strengthen me & use me to serve as I reach out to my neighbor & meet. Just One Need at a Time. 
 November 22~ But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord, Jesus Christ. In all things, give thanks. In the good days of laughter & joy, give thanks. In the bad days of struggle & strife, give thanks. In the brightest moments & the darkest hours, give thanks. In the flow of blessings & the apparent lack of goodness, give thanks. In the face of fortune & misfortune, give thanks. In the presence of pleasure & pain, give thanks. In all things, give thanks. For lessons & blessings are found not just in the light, but in the darkness. Amen.
 All caught up, finally. The evening sky is fully upon us now. The sky is cloudy & foggy so there will be no chance in seeing the moon & stars shining brightly tonight. Doesn't matter because I will whisper to you as I always do each & every night. Be listening out for Mom's voice. 
 Hope you have a wonderful & restful night tonight. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Take some time & get some rest. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight when I lay down to go to sleep. Please continue to watch over us all. Mom is always needing you by my side. Thanks Ty. I love you. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing tonight on this Saturday evening? Mom is doing pretty good. It sure was a busy day for Mom & an even busier day tomorrow. Mark & Mom went shopping today to start the Holiday season off. What a madhouse already. I couldn't believe it. It was just crazy. The weather was cold but sunny. We had such a beautiful sunset tonight. It started as pink & purple colors to yellow, orange & red. Just gorgeous. Mom took pictures for everyone to see. I know that you don't need to look at them because you can see them all, all over the world. I bet you have seen the most beautiful ones ever. You know just how much Mom is a sucker for them, so I hope that when you see one you think of me & smile.
 Mom had a chance to chat with Ashley today, your old nurse from Crotched Mtn tonight. Mom had posted a video that had gone around facebook last year before Ron passed. I reposted it yesterday & she commented on it. She said that she missed you & Ron & loved you both very much. I told her that you loved her too & enjoyed giving her sh*t all the time. She said that you were very good at it. That made me smile & giggle a little. You were good at picking on her & so many others including me. Sure do miss those times my sweet precious son. I miss you so much. I am seeing all kinds of things lately that remind me of you even more than the normal & it makes me very sad. My heart hurts even more. 
 Last night Mom got some sad news. Uncle Gregg's Dad passed away yesterday evening. I was shocked when I heard it. I didn't believe it at first but I called Auntie Kristi & she confirmed it. He lost his battle with pancreatic cancer just after being diagnosed 6 months ago. I told him that when he got to Heavens gate & he saw you to please give you a great big hug from Mom. He will be missed by many. I know that he will fly high & free with you & the rest of the Angels now for eternity. May Clate rest in peace just like you, Nana, Pepe & everyone else up there.
 Spoke to Grandpa tonight. He was telling Mom that Grammy wasn't doing so well. Like I told you the other day she has pneumonia again for the second time in a few weeks. I guess today she was staring off in space so to speak, not looking at anyone & not talking to anyone either. She stayed that way through his whole visit & Aunt Shirley's too. Makes Mom sad in so many ways but Mom knows that she hasn't wanted to live for many many years now. You know that to as you heard her say that so many times. I just hope she is not going to suffer or that she is not in a lot of pain. I know you are with her & when it is time you & all our other family & her friends will be there there to greet her & take her home. That gives me comfort. Thank you. 
 Mom is suppose to write the daily prayers out to you for last night & the night before but if you don't mind I would like to do the 3 daily prayers in tomorrows letter. It is getting pretty late & Mom is pretty tired & my tummy is kind of upset. Think there is just too much going on. I hope that you have a restful evening & that you make it all that you need & want it to be. Slow down though & close your eyes. Get some sleep & have the sweetest dreams ever. Mom is hoping to see you in my own dreams tonight. I miss you like crazy & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Be listening for Mom as I will whisper to you as I always do. Remember, you are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Friday night? Mom has had a pretty good day, I guess. The weather turned out much nicer than what it was suppose to be. It was 55 degrees & sunny. Mom took the pups for a nice walk because it really was nice outside. I tried to work on my final exam today too but I am kind of stuck so I took a break & did some other things that I needed to do. I will work on it some tomorrow because Mark has to work even though it is Saturday. Mom will keep you posted on what is going on. My goal is to turn in my exam on Tuesday. Monday will be the day that I double check it all, just to make sure. I know you are with me & that makes me feel so much better. Thank you pumpkin.
 Spoke to Aunt Beck briefly, She is crazy busy but she is doing well. Mom really needs to get in touch with Bean. It has been a couple months since we spoke. I know she is busy as well but I sure do miss her. I know you are watching over them & us all. We all appreciate it so much, Ty. I wish every second that you could still be here with Mom & the rest of our family but I know that will never happen. I can only say now that I am so blessed to have you as my sweet Angel. I couldn't ask for anything more. 
 Today, is November 20th~ It is 29 months since you have been gone. I was wondering the last few days why Mom has been down & then I saw the date. It always happens around the 18th, 19th & 20th of every month. Can't help it. All the horror & sadness come fluttering back to my mind. The scenery, the words, what I saw, having to make choices that I did when I didn't want to..... the pain that I felt, the tears that stung my eyes & face, the feeling of helplessness. It all will forever haunt Mom.
 I know that I am suppose to write out the daily prayer to you tonight but Mom needs to close this letter to you as I am not feeling well all of a sudden. I will write the prayers to you in tomorrows letter. Hope you don't mind. I am sure that you understand. 
 Hope that you have a great night tonight. May you do all that you need to & want to. May you slow down at some point & close your eyes so that you can have sweet dreams. Mom hopes to see you in my dreams later tonight. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing tonight on this Thursday evening? Mom is doing ok. The weather is crappy again. It will be until Friday night. Cold, dark, gloomy & lots of rain...ugh! Mom doesn't mind the cold weather but at least it can be sunny. These kind of days make it tough for Mom. I just get into a mood & funk & can't get out of it. Anyways.... Mom's day was busy with studying again. I actually submitted my test today & got a better grade then what I though I would. I got an 80%. I am happy with that grade. Now Mom is working on her final exam. I am almost done but want the time to go over it again before submitting it. That will happen tomorrow & then I will be done with the course. I will then begin to study for my certification test & then after that it is looking for a job. I know you will be with me every step of the way so I am not scared. I am excited for this next journey for myself. It will be different but I think the change will be good for me. 
 No updates for you this evening, I am sorry to write that but Mom did not talk to anyone today. Maybe I will have some for you tomorrow or over the weekend. I can't believe that a week from today is Thanksgiving. Time is going by so fast now. Christmas will be in coming in another 5 weeks & then another New Year will be happening. Wish that you were still here so we could have the holidays & every day together. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. You are always on my mind & in my heart. I talk to you, cry because you are not here anymore, I sing to your picture daily. Do you see Mom doing these things? I hope so. I try not to be upset or sad too often because I know you don't want to see that but there are just those days that I can't help it. I know you understand so there is no need to explain. Please forgive me though.
 Here are the 2 daily prayers that I need to write to you. November 18~ And now the Lord shew kindness & truth unto you: and I also will requite you this kindness, because ye have done this thing. It's hard to be pleasant these rude, road-raging days. Every one's too immersed in their own concerns to be mannerly or kind. Encourage me to get in the first words of " please, " " thanks, " & " excuse me " ; nudge me to be the first to take turns on the road, in the store, at work. Maybe good manners will be as catching as rude ones; may I, with your guidance, be the first to pass them on. Amen. 
 November 19~ And to love him with all the heart, & with all that the understanding, & with all the soul, & with all the strength & to love his neighbor as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings & sacrifices. Bless my neighbor today. But keep me from telling him that I've got his good in mind. Only let him discover in my smile, in my encouraging words, & in my helping hand. 
 Ok... Mom is caught up again. The evening sky is here & been here for a few hours now. Nothing will be shining in the sky tonight or probably tomorrow night either as it is raining. Doesn't matter though.. Mom will whisper to you as I always do so be listening out for my voice. Hope that you have a restful & peaceful evening. May you do all that you need & want to. Get some sleep though... sweet dreams pumpkin. Hope I see you in my dreams tonight too. I miss you like crazy. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah! 

P.S. Great Grammy is doing better today. Not out of the woods yet but better than a couple days ago so I will take it. Thanks for watching over her & the rest of us.

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday night? Mom is doing alright. The weather was really nice today. Lots of sunshine but cold. Tomorrow & Friday it is suppose to rain & then the weekend is suppose to be partly sunny & in the 50's again. Mom's left side of her face is tender & sore again as I know that crappy weather is coming. Had a pretty busy day as I did more work on my test & did some of my final exam as well. Spoke to one of my instructors today as well & that helped me too. I feel better. I just need to submit my test & take the grade I get whether it is a good one or not. I need to move forward & not let it get to me. No more stalling! I know you are with Mom through this all & I thank you for that. Please continue to be with me as I always need you my sweet precious son. 
 Mark & Mom put up the Christmas tree. I know, I can hear you say " already"...lol. Yes... we did, already but it is because Mark likes the tree to go up the day after Thanksgiving & we will be in NH with family & friends & when we do get home, Mark is solidly booked at work with very little window time for the next several weeks so we took advantage & put it up last night. It is a cute 5 foot flocked tree. The ornaments are all Disney. We can't have a big tree or real one due to the size of our apartment now & because of the pups.. they would chew it...lol. The tree has all of your Jack ornaments on it & all the ones you loved. I know you have seen it & I hope you like it. Hope it makes you smile. 
 Mom got word last night that Great Grammy is sick again. She has pneumonia for the 2nd time in less than a month. Aunt Shirley said that she is very disorientated & not sure of who anyone is, has a high fever, & a few other issues too. Just so sad. I know you are watching over her & we all thank you for this too. Mom spoke to Meme too. She is doing well & so is Bob. Haven't chatted with Grandpa in a couple days but I know he is busy. Will chat with him maybe this evening or tomorrow. That is it for all the updates for you. 
 Mom will write out the daily prayer for today on tomorrows letter. I am starting to become more in pain. I think I just need to take some meds & just close my eyes & maybe go to bed. Mom hopes you have a relaxing night. May it be all that you need it to be. May you have time to sleep & if so hope you have sweet dreams. Please be with Mom & help her get some rest. I need you, I need you always. Thanks Ty. Hope Mom gets to see you in my dreams tonight. I will whisper to you as I always do every night so be listening out for Mom's voice. 
 You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. I miss you like crazy & love you unconditionally. To the moon & back & all the way around the world.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you today on this Tuesday evening? The weather was sunny & cold here but it was nice. Mom took the pups for a nice walk, which they really enjoyed. The rest of my day was studying & trying to finish up my test so that I can submit it tomorrow. Mom did get the chance to talk to Aunt Beck today. That was so nice to do that. She seems to be a very busy gal right now but lots of exciting things taken place for her. Guess Brandy is doing good. She is still getting ready to take her certification too. I know that she will do well. She just needs to believe on that as well. I am sure you will help her out just like you are with Mom. Thanks Ty! 
 Not much else has been going on. Mark has been busy with the usual..work. Grandpa is going well. Spoke to him last night... first time n about 5 days. He has been busy too with work & getting things ready for the winter. Guess he is having some issues with work as far as them scheduling him the right hours. They have him working mostly nights & that is not cool. Those hours are for the high school kids. Grandpa is also going to submit papers to become part of the police commissioner in Claremont. He really wants it so I hope he gets it. They will vote at the end of next month. I know you will be looking out of rhim on that too. 
 Here is the daily prayer for today. November 17~ Forgive me for complaining, dear God. Help me to remember that every time I have a headache, someone I know may have a hidden heartache; every time I don't like the food, millions have nothing to eat; every time I think my paycheck is too small, too many people have no paycheck at all; every time I wish my loved ones were not demanding, some people have no one to love. When I look around at my blessings, my complaints seem little. Teach me perspective, God, & to be grateful for my everyday gifts of family, food, & home. Amen.
 The evening sky is completely dark. Even though the skies have been clear, cold & crisp Mom has not seen any stars or the moon shining brightly. I am surprised but it still hasn't nor will it ever stop me from whispering to you as I do each & every night. I hope that you hear my voice when I am talking to you. I hope it makes you smile. I remember your voice in my head & I smile all the time. I wish I could hear it though. I miss you so much. I love you beyond any words that I could ever express. 
 Mom hopes that you have a wonderful, restful & peaceful night tonight. May it be all that you need & want it to be. If you get the chance to rest, I hope that you have sweet dreams tonight. Hope I see you in my own when I fall asleep later tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul my sweet precious son. Love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

P.S. Ian is home safely. Got word from Sherrie that she had him back this morning. Thank you! 

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Monday evening? Mom is doing alright. I had a pretty busy day today. Started 1st thing this morning, took a shower, did some housework, walked the pups & enjoyed the warmer air & a little sun that was out, came back in, made lunch & then all day I studied my butt off. Should complete the course this week, including my final exam. I am anxious for it to be all over with & for me to start studying for my boards, then it will be Mom out looking for a job! I know you will be with me the whole way, just like you have been. It helps Mom to know this & a big thank you goes out to you, Ty! Mom just got done doing the dinner dishes. I made homemade bread, homemade meatballs & sauce & had it over spaghetti. Mark said that is was really good. Think we just ate way too much of it. Mom is kinda feeling like Garfield... I am tired now..lol. 
 Tried to call Aunt Beck today but no answer so I left her a voicemail. Maybe tomorrow I will get the chance to chat with her. Meme called today. She is doing well & so is Bob. Haven't spoken to Grandpa in a few days which is a little odd but I am guessing that he is working a lot with Thanksgiving coming up next week. Hopefully Mom will have some more updates tomorrow for you.
 Today, I found out that Ian ( Sherrie's oldest son... you remember him, right? ) is missing & has been for over a week now. No one knows where he is. Doesn't have his cell phone on him but is somehow checking facebook 1 hour a day. He is deleting anything that Sherrie is posting. Not a good sign but at least this way she still knows he is alive. Not sure what happened as there was no arguments with the family. Sherrie thinks it is girl related this time. What a mess. It sure is sad. I can't imagine what she is going through but I sure do know what it is like to miss her son because I have been missing you for 2 1/2 years now. I know you know where Ian is because I know you see & hear all things now. Please just make sure he is ok. Give him signs to know that everyone is going crazy & hurting because they don't know where he is. He is loved very much. Mom reached out to him today. If need be, send him my way so I can take care of him. Thank you so much Ty. I know you will do your part to keep him safe. 
 Another sad thing on today's date is that it is 2 years that your buddy, another amigo of yours, Ron passed away. Time for us goes by quite quickly. Just doesn't seem possible that it has been this long for the 2 of you. Mom would like to think that you both are up there playing poker, drinking a beer & smoking a cigarettes....lol! Ron was such a great man. Miss chatting with him. Please tell him that Momma T loves & misses him very much. Thank you. Mom misses you like crazy. I love you so much. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. Please never forget this. You still are my everything.
 Here are the daily prayers I need to catch up on for you. November 15~ And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Father, I need to understand that forgiveness is not dependent on my feelings but rather on a determination of my will. Help me form a few well-chosen words of forgiveness. Amen.
 November 16~ I will praise thee; for I am fearfully & wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Bless you Lord! The heavens declare your glory; the skies proclaim your mighty power & here I am, looking up into those vast regions, knowing that the tiniest cell in my body is a most glorious miracle, as well. Bless you, Lord! Amen.
 All caught up. The evening sky is so dark tonight. Mom hates that it gets dark out so early but I know it is just for a couple months so I guess it is ok. This week is suppose to be sunny & cold. Rain on Friday or Saturday & possible snow on Sunday. Not happy with that but we all know it is coming. It is that time of the year..blah blah blah...lol
 Mom is not seeing any stars shining or the moon but I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope that you have a restful & peaceful night. May you do all that you need to & all that you want to. Sweet dreams my pumpkin! Hope Mom sees you in my dreams tonight as well. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. We all need you. Mom needs you. I love you, unconditionally.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!