Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? To be honest with you, Mom is not in a good mood at all. I am very angry. I am angry at a lot of things right now. My emotions are on over drive & I am just trying to stay as quiet as I can so I don't blow up at the whole world like I just blew up at Mark a few minutes ago. What is the biggest pet peeve that Mom has? Yes.... people who lie to me... I can't stand liars. I can't stand it when I ask a question, already knowing the answer, to see if someone will tell me the truth or not. That happened today with Mark & something relating to his job. He told me one thing & I found that what he told me was not true at all so I asked him again & he still gave me a lie. That just burns my a**. I am so upset, angry, etc... right now. I probably shouldn't even be writing to you but I needed to do it now as I will be studying after this & I didn't want to have to rush later to get your letter done. Mom is sorry that I am saying all this on here but to be quite frank... Mom has no one to talk to, no one to call up & just vent to. Everyone is either working or is too busy to listen to me. Guess I will remember that when the tables are turned & they all need someone to listen to. I am always there to help others but maybe I shouldn't be so open. Maybe I need to ignore everyone like everyone does to me all the time. Maybe that will be an eye opener for them to see exactly what they do or maybe it won't faze them at all....either way.... Mom still has no one. I really wish I could have a conversation with you. Mom misses you so much. I miss all the times that we could just do absolutely nothing & just talk. We would talk about anything & we would talk about everything. Sometimes it would be funny, sometimes it was serious but no matter what we always listened to each other. We would always give the other one advice or our opinion of things. It was always you & I in this world together. People would come & go out of our lives but we always had each other. Now Mom doesn't even have that as it was taken from me as well. 4 years & 2 months ago, you left this world. Mom is not mad at you at all for that. I could never be mad at you. I have questions about things with no chance of getting any answers to them at all.Mom just misses you so dang much. It hurts like h*ll all the time. Just bare with me.... have patience with Mom as I try to work this out the best I can...the best way I know how to. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. Mom saw something that a good friend of mine posted yesterday about missing his Mom as she suddenly passed away last year. When I read it I immediately thought of you so I would like to share it on here:
 I can hear your voice on the ocean's wind
I can smell your perfume every now and then.
Your phone number remains in my contact list.
I called it a few times but it no longer exists.
I loved the times that you spent with me.
Going for rides and watching TV.
I miss your hugs and kisses too.
Life's been so different without you.
I've tried to move on like they tell me to do.
But nobody can understand my true love for you.
You're in my dreams and in my heart
I truly feel that we are not so far apart.
Your love lives on inside of me.
I share it daily with friends and family. 

 Such a beautiful poem that is for sure. I know you will like it my sweet precious son. Mom really has no updates for you at all today. The phones are quiet & Mom is just trying to stay away from everything & everyone. Maybe I will have some for you on tomorrows letter. For now though....here are a couple daily prayers for you:

  May you determine to travel lighter starting now. May you—with your God-given authority in Christ—demand that the enemy shut his mouth and leave you alone. May you discern the baggage of man-made obligations and lay them down. May you decide to fling aside your own self-condemning thoughts and wrap yourself up in God’s beautiful grace and righteousness instead. And, may you march on from here, full of faith, empowered by grace, and awakened by God’s love, and walk as one who’s been spoken for by God above. May your latter days be far more blessed than your former days. Jesus is always up to something new. Bless you!

 If you’re in a season of hardship and life feels like an uphill climb, may you stay the course until Jesus tells you otherwise. May you determine NOT to make any rash decisions that you’ll later regret. May you instead, fix your eyes on Jesus, and take your cues from Him. May you trust Jesus to carry your burden so you can hold fast to His promises. May you exhale frustration and inhale God’s peace and provision. This season will pass. And you’ll come through it with strength, clarity, and conviction. Don’t take the enemy’s bait. Follow the Savior’s lead. You’ll be glad you did. Blessings on your night tonight!

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...(Psalm 23).

 Mom is hoping that later tonight your evening will be everything you need it to be & may want it to be. I will be whispering to you later so hopefully you will hear my voice & smile. Mom will smile back to you. Hopefully tonight I will get to see the moon & stars shining bright. I relaxed out on the balcony for a bit last night & saw nothing. Mom is going to go & try to relax for a bit before I need to get the night routine stuff going. As I have been writing to you I do not think it would be a wise move to try & study as my head is not in it today as well. I would think you would agree with Mom. I will be studying all day tomorrow though. Just remember you are forever in my heart, mind, body & soul. I will write to you again tomorrow night so until then...good night & sweet dreams later. You will forever be my shining star, Tyler. I love you.

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!