Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? Today is Mother's Day. It is a tough one for me so I am not even going to try to hide it. I know you see everything now so I know you see Mom & you see the struggle but I want you to know I am doing the best I can. I am keeping busy & trying like hell to treat it like another Sunday afternoon. Mom did write something to you this morning & I want to share it on here so here it goes:

 Dear Tyler Howard~ Almost 28 years ago I became a Mom to the most precious son in the world..... YOU!!! What a journey we had together for 22 years.....I wouldn’t trade it for anything & if I could I would do it all over again.... in a heartbeat. Next month it will be 5 years since you gained your Angel Wings. I miss you more than words can say & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Mother’s Day is one of those tough days but I will get through it just as I do every day. I know you are with me & I am hoping to get an extra special sign today!
Thank you for choosing me to be your Mom. It has been the greatest honor xoxoxo. Muah 

 When I got married my name changed & it was a small adjustment....when I had my son, Tyler....my name changed to Mom & it took a good while to sink in that "I" was "Mom". I now realize that Mom was the name that I had happily earned and would never want to be called by anything other! I miss being a Mom & oh how I miss my son so much. Sunday the 13th will be the 5th Mother's Day without him . Love you, Ty & nothing will ever be the same again.

Mom wanted to share both of those with you because I wrote them on social media. Mom had such an outpouring of love from family & friends. I received sweet messages as well. It sure did make me feel somewhat better. 

 The weather today started out so cloudy, crappy & rainy but now that it is 4 pm... the sun is finally shining, the skies are turning blue & the temps are actually warming up to 58 degrees. That was a nice surprise for sure! Loving that very much. Mom is hoping that the rain holds off for Tuesday. That is my Birthday & it calls for rain & severe thunderstorms that whole day. I just want sunshine & dry weather! anything you can do to make that happen would be super my sweet precious son. 

 Mom is so sorry that I did not write to you yesterday but honestly I never turned my computer on at all. Mark & Mom got up & got ready & was out the door by 11:15 am. we decided since it was cold & raining we would go to the mall to look around. Mom got spoiled by Mark like I always do. He is too sweet. He got me all the things for my Birthday. After we got home, Mom put everything away & then relaxed for a bit. I did chat with Meme for a little while & then made dinner. About an hour after dinner, Mom started to feel yucky so I closed everything down in the apartment & I decided I would watch TV in bed. I was sick for about 2 hours & after 8 pm everything settled down & I was tired so I went to bed. Mark stayed up & watched TV until 1 am. we were up early this morning & got ready & headed out around 11 am again. We went grocery shopping & picked up a few other little things here & there. We got back around 2 pm. I put everything away, took the pups for a nice long walk, called Aunt Beck back because she called me & now I am writing to you while dinner is cooking. Mom is making homemade meatballs for spaghetti & meatballs tonight with dinner rolls. Dessert will be brownies with ice cream. Thought that would be a nice dinner for us. You know how I love to cook & bake so that was an easy thing I could do for Mark. He chose it & I am making it. I miss baking & cooking for you. Every time I crack an egg I always think of you. The way you would help me in the kitchen. I miss so many things with you. I miss the happy, sad, hard, exciting & every day things & times with you. I miss it all. I miss you . I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will always be my hero & the wind beneath my wings. Forever you will live inside my heart, mind, body & soul. Tonight I will light the candle in your memeory as I usually do every night & I will be whispering to you later so smile when you hear Mom & I will smile right back to you. Tonight we have a skype call with Tubal & Karen & then Mom will call Grandpa & Debbie to say hello. This week is going to be super busy for both Mark & I. He has so much on his plate for work & Mom will be cranking the studying. Please be with us both all week so we can get through it all & sail right into the weekend. Mom will be coming to visit you regardless of the rain. Yup... the weather changed & it is going to rain the entire time we are in NH. It always does so no surprise there at all. The temps are not even going to hit 70 degrees. Maybe it will change. I sure do hope so. The rest of the evening will be having dessert & relaxing so that we can go to bed early to get so solid sleep. Neither of us have been getting that at all so a night with good sleep will do us both good! 

 Mom will be back tomorrow with another letter to you after my day of studying. I hope that your evening will be filled with everything that you need & want to do. If you have time I hope that you are able to visit me in my dreams or sit with Mom as I sleep tonight. Hope you also go & have some fun! Dinner is almost done so Mom needs to get going so that I can finish it all up & get the pups fed as well. Until tomorrow.... good night & sweet dreams my bright shining star. I love you unconditionally. 

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

  For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:6, NIV

Lord our God, whose light shines out of the darkness and gleams brightly into our hearts, we thank you for all the goodness you allow us to see. We want to see your goodness clearly and have confidence in it, no matter how much around us is dark and disquieting. We want to remain firm and full of trust, looking to what you have put into our hearts so that we may come to know you. Be with us with your Spirit. Lead us to realize ever more clearly that we are made for your honor. Amen.