Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on your very special day? Today is July 29th and it would be your Birthday if you were still here. You would be 30 years old and now you are forever 22. Mom is doing okay right now. I teared up a bit this morning and I am sure that I will throughout the entire day as well. Mom wanted to write to you now because Mark is still taking his certification test. He should be done in about 15 minutes and I am crossing my fingers that he passes! Mom is trying to be quiet for him but no one else seems to want to. Meme has been on the phone, the dogs have all been barking, Bob has been snoring and it is Wednesday so the lawn guys are here mowing and trimming. Poor Mark, I know all this has to be playing with his concentration. Mom is nervous for him. I know he wants this so bad too. Last time he took it and he failed he was so grumpy for days. I don't need that today....ugh!
 Mom just notification that one of her boxes has been delivered to one of the gals that will be doing a review on her Youtube channel. Mom is excited and nervous. I want her to like it but not sure that she will. It is all the jitters of the unknown. Will she like some things? Will she give a good review? Will she hate it all? A lot of what she says will either help Mom or it will destroy her and her chances to make this a go. She is picking up the box today and will be doing her video either later tonight or tomorrow. I can't wait to see it but I am so scared. I don't want to look like a fool or fail at this. That will be completely embarrassing. Ugh... my nerves are getting the best of me as it is making me sick to my stomach....Mom will update you on this when I watch the video and hear what she has to say. Help me out pumpkin! Mom needs you!  Thanks!
 Mom has lit a candle for you already and I will have one burning for most of the day for you. Mom is going to celebrate you all day today. I am going to make tacos for dinner, have your favorite cake and ice cream for dessert as well. I want to do all the things we would have been doing if you were here today. I hope it makes you smile. Send me some signs to let me know you are near Mom today. I need them. Thank you my sweet precious son. 
 Mark just came in...He failed the certification test. He is bumming pretty bad right now. This is not good...ugh! Round 2 of him not being in a good mood for a few days again. He can retake the test but he has to wait 30 days to get his voucher. Wish Mom luck later as I am going to need it even more now!
 Mom posted something to your facebook page this morning that I wanted to share with you on here. This is what it said:
   Today is a very special day...it is July 29th and it was your Birthday here in the physical world. You would have turned 30 today. Happy Heavenly Birthday to you my sweet precious son! Mom is doing alright but there are times during the day so far that I have shed a few tears. It is just one of those days that jabs my heart harder. So hard to believe that you would have been 30.... I have to say that over and over because it just doesn't seem possible that 30 years ago I gave birth to you and you enter this world. Today is the day that you made me your Mom and I am so honored that you chose me so many years before we ever met. I remember the day vivid like it was yesterday. I was in labor with you for so long. I had 13 hours that I walked straight because my contractions were all in the back and it was so painful. I couldn't get comfortable sitting. Aunt Beck, Meme, Auntie Ann and your Dad were there with me. They tried helping but it was really between you and Mom. I went into the hospital around 7 pm on the 28th and was in hard labor for 17 hours (20 hours total). Mom's water never broke so around 11:45 am on the 29th the doctor broke my water and noted that I needed to have an emergency c-section as we were both in distress. I was wheeled down immediately and knocked out. You were born and entered this world at 12:12 pm. I didn't get to see you until about an hour after you were born because I was in recovery. Meme, Aunt Beck, Grandpa Ed and a few others told me that you were beautiful. I remember seeing your precious face the first time. I cried such happy tears. I held you and wondered what kind of a Mom was I going to be. Was I going to get and do everything right? Well that answer through the years was hell no but Mom always tried my best. You were my first priority always. Everything else and everyone else came second. Through the years after you got sick.... it was always you and Mom. We had each other. At times life knocked us down and we stumbled many of times along the way but we always drew strength from one another and we got back up. We both are fighters. Mom thinks back to the last party we had for you. What a fun celebration we had with our family and friends along with Jeremy, Ron and a few others. There were a lot of laughs and pictures taken. You had a great time. You and Mom discussed what we would get for tattoos. Never did I think that you would only be here for 11 more months and then I would have to say goodbye to you. Mom hates to think of that so I won't. Today is hard enough for me so I only want to try and think of memories that make me happy. When Mom got ready this morning... I said that I was going to wear your favorite color....Red. I chose my red sundress just for you. My letter today will be nothing like the usual because I want it to be all about you. I will fill you in on everything on tomorrows letter.

Lots of memories came up on my feed today. Lots of releasing of balloons to you in heaven from past years. Mom stopped doing that because, well, for one it is now illegal to do and second I didn't want to take the chance of hurting innocent animals. You were such an animal lover so I know you will understand what I am saying. On one of the pictures I will post on here today will be of white balloons. Just picture Mom sending those to you. There were a lot of family and friends wishing you a Happy Heavenly Birthday as well. You are so loved and I hope you feel that just not today but every day. We all miss you so much but no one misses you more than Mom does. Maybe Dad, but still not as much as me. I carried you in my body for 10 months because you we so comfortable and didn't want to come out...lol. We always had that special bond. The bond between a mother and her son. I still have that bond but it is in a different way now. I know you are always around me even when I don't see the signs clearly. I know you watch over me and everyone else you love. I thank you for that. Mom knows that you are truly at peace and you are happy and free now. You would never trade that for anything. I know you. Mom doesn't blame you one bit either. I know there will be a day that you will be waiting for me with open arms when my time on this earth is done. I promise you that you will get one long hug because it will have been many many years since our last. I know for Mom, I have many years left here in the physical world, I need to do all that I came here to do and I won't leave until everything is done and I learned all that I needed to but I want you to know that I look forward to that day of reuniting with you and all our family, pets and friends. That will be the day that we will never have to part again. It will be for eternal life.

Your candle was lit early this morning and will stay lit until Mom goes to bed tonight. I wanted it to burn all day for your Birthday. I whispered to you as I lit the candle so I hope you heard Mom and smiled. I will whisper to you again later this evening. I sure hope that throughout your busy day you will have a chance to send me a sign to let me know you are around me today. Maybe a painting in the sky later? I will be looking. I miss you so much, Tyler. No words can ever express just how much. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Come visit me in my dreams tonight if you can while I sleep. Thanks pumpkin. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then....good night and sweet dreams later tonight. Again, Happy Heavenly Birthday to you, Tyler. 30 years old but forever 22 <3

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah

 Mom really misses you so much! I do love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. Nothing will ever be the same for Mom ever again after I lost you but I am trying so hard to make you so proud of me. I know you don't want Mom to be sad all the time. You want me to live my life and smile and laugh. I try daily but days like these are so much harder for Mom. I know you understand that. It is 11:41 am and in just a bit shy of 35 minutes, you would be born into this world. Mom will wish you a Happy Heavenly Birthday at exactly 12:12 pm ...the time that you were born and made me a Mommy. I hope you hear Mom and you smile because I will be smiling to you. You still are my world. You always will be! Have fun celebrating wherever you may be today. Continue to fly high and free. Watch over us down here though. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Mom is going to go see how Mark is doing. I know he is bumming big time. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams later tonight. I will be looking for signs all day and hopefully we will see a painting in the sky. 

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💖