Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? Mom had another rough night last night. I am so sorry that you have to keep witnessing all this stuff that is happening. Mom is trying so hard but the more I try I am just wondering why I really am. Pretty sad isn't it? I think so. I know none of this is my fault other than not backing down & standing my ground but that is it. The rest is not my fault but why does it seem like it is? Mom has tried all that I can & that doesn't seem to be good enough anymore. It never works when only one is trying. I should know better by now on that one. Mom is not sure what to do. I am just in a tough stop. Guess Mom was hoping & praying that things could or would change but I guess not. There is not much left to sort out. I just don't know where to turn anymore. Mom really can't go to Grandpa's as he can't have the pups there & right now Meme is angry at me so I can't go there. Mom really has no friends so I am not sure what to do. Mom had to take a break from writing to you to collect her thoughts. Yes, Mom is having a tough time but there is no need to write it out for the world to know. I guess Mom just needed an outlet. I look at my letters to you as a daily journal with my trials, struggles, happiness or whatever the emotion may be. I don't do it for any pity as that is not my style. From here on, Mom will just tell you how my day is going with no details at all. I guess I forget that you can see everything that is going on now. It is hard for Mom to understand just what you can do, where you are & where you can go. I just hope whatever, wherever you are you are being a free spirit & being happy. I hope that you are flying free. Mom misses you so damn much. I miss the way we could talk to one another, the way we would both listen to one another, the advice that we would give each other. I miss it all. Words will never express the feeling of emptiness that Mom has. I know you feel it though. I don't think any time will ever heal that at all. After 4 years & almost 3 months it hasn't changed. Maybe one day but not anytime soon or in the near future that is for sure. I love you more than anything. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will always be my world my sweet precious son. You live in my heart, mind, body & soul. 
 During my break, Meme called me. She told me that Bob had his procedure this morning. Mom totally forgot about it with everything that is going on here. She said he did really well & he was sleeping right now. I sure hope it works this time for him. Mom doesn't have much more of updates for you as I haven't really spoken to anyone the last couple of days. It has been quiet during the day & in the evening. I have been just keeping to myself, doing a lot of thinking & praying. Maybe I will have more for you over the weekend. Time will tell, huh Tyler?
 Here is a couple prayers for the day:  May God's perfect love swallow up every single fear and anxious thought. May Jesus renew your perspective in a way that brings you peace and assurance. In Jesus’ Name, may cancer (sickness and disease) bow down at the feet of Jesus and flee from your body this very moment. May your loved ones find their strength in Christ alone. May God do for you what you cannot do for yourself. And, may your every moment be filled with grace and peace, healing and rest, perspective and power, in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Everyone tried to touch him, because healing power went out from him, and he healed everyone (Luke 6:19 NLT).

 May Jesus breathe fresh life into your soul and fresh courage to face your fears. May you sense His hands on your face and hear Him speak words of truth, affection, and redemption over you. May your awareness of His love make every lesser affection fade away. He is your highest aim, your most lofty goal, your greatest prize. And you have Him! May you live every single day with the grace and mercy He provides. He's with you. You have everything you need.

And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth (Psalm 116:9 NLT)!

 Here is the saying for the day as well: To know what you're thinking, ask yourself how you are feeling. Emotions are valuable tools that we instantly tell us what we are thinking.

 Mom needs to start getting things ready for the night. It is now after 5 pm & it is time to feed the pups & make dinner for myself for the night. Mom hopes that your evening will be filled with all the fun things you can do or may need to do. If you can, come be with Mom through the night while I am trying to sleep tonight or come visit Mom in my dreams. Later on I will whisper to you as I always do every night. Smile when you hear Mom & just for you I will give a smile back. Mom will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then.... Good night & sweet dreams my shining star. 

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!