Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Sunday afternoon? Mom is doing good. Went to bed fairly early last night & I got some sleep which was nice. Ozzy let me sleep in until 6 am when he thought it was time to get fed...lol.... told him it was not time so after a few minutes he laid back down until 7 am & then I got up, fed the pups & made coffee. Mom didn't go back to bed either....instead I made the bed, took my shower & got ready for the day to start! Mark took the pups out for a walk while I finished getting ready & we decided to go do a little " retail therapy " shopping. Mom went to a couple of her favorite stores & found some cute decorations for now through Thanksgiving & a couple cute things for Christmas decorations as well. Mom just enjoyed getting out for a bit today with Mark. Now we have been home for about 2 hours. Mark is playing a video game while I am writing to you & then we will probably just relax, watch TV, eat dinner & then go to bed early since tomorrow is Monday again. Mom is hoping that Mark will not have to go away for a few days this week again but if he does there is nothing I can do about it. I have made my point that I am getting tired of it because his other co-workers on his team don't ever have to go away for 2 - 3 days at a time. Mark has done this 13 times in 8 months. Enough is enough already. It is just not fair. Guess we shall find out tomorrow what will happen. Mom's fingers are crossed. Help Mom out, please! Thanks pumpkin! 
 Today is October 15th.... it is a celebratory day for Mom. We used to celebrate it all together when you were here. Now I celebrate it still & I am hoping you celebrate it for Mom wherever you may be as well. Today is 22 years as Mom being a Cancer Survivor. Instead of going through it all on here... I will post what Mom wrote on social media this morning. Here it is: 
 October 15th is a day of reflecting for myself for the last 22 years. It is a day that holds the scariest, happiest, & saddest memories for me. At age 24, I walked into my doctor's office & never thought I would hear the words.... “ You have Cancer “ let alone hearing the words....“ You have Stage IV terminal cervical cancer....your ratio of beating this is 1:3. My doctors gave me 3 months. I can still remember my reaction as if it was yesterday. My head was in a whirlwind. I remember calling my family & telling them the news but the hardest part was telling my son that Mommy was very sick. Tyler didn't really understand as he was only 5 years old at the time. Every day was a blur, every day was a challenge for me. The road ahead was a tough battle but I was determined to make it through this. I looked into my doctors eyes & said I will be that 1! You just wait & see! I went through 5 surgeries plus 4 months of radiation & chemotherapy every single day. I was judged by people I didn't even know as I didnt look like a " cancer patient " in their eyes. Sure I was frail, tired looking, pale white skin but I didn't loose my hair.... ( it grew 6 inches during that time . ) I didn't know why & I always said I didn't understand that. It didn't matter though.....it made me more determined then ever when people talked about me behind my back or directly to my face....I was going to beat this! There were days that I wanted to give up & quit. It was hell & I was tired. My doctor knew this & introduced me to a girl that was in the next room. She told me her story, we talked for hours. She gave me the hope I desperately needed at the time. I will never forget her words or her. A couple weeks later, I learned that she lost her own battle with cancer. Days that followed I drew my strength from my family & friends...especially from Tyler Howard & for that I am forever grateful. 
21 years.....so much has happened during this time. A marriage on this very day that ended in divorce several years later, moving to 3 different states & learning the challenges of each new place, losing family & friends along the way whether it's been through an illness of their own, just simply that it was their time to part from the physical world or we somehow grew apart, losing pets, losing my son, Tyler 4 1/2 years ago & relearning to live my life without him,( Oh this has been the worst by far...every day this is a challenge in itself to continue to go on..... ). BUT.....There have been happier of times as well....getting married again, living closer to family & friends, new pets, enrolling in college, family vacations, making new friends, getting to see best friends & spending precious time with them. All things I will forever cherish.
No matter what though....through the good, the bad & the ugly....I have learned so much along the way. I have seen things, done things, said things, felt things that have changed my life forever. I will never be the same again & that's ok....I wouldn't want to be that same girl anymore. I thank God. I am blessed. I thank my family & friends who were with me through it all. There are not enough words to say to show my love & appreciation for everything you all did for me. I love each & every one of you from the bottom of my heart. I take nothing for granted...not even 1 single breath. I am who I am today because of all these things that I have endured in my life. I may be a lot of things to this world but I am STRONG! I am a FIGHTER & most of all I am a SURVIVOR. ( Happy 21 years as a Cancer Survivor to me! )

 Thank you so much again, Tyler for giving Mom the strength to keep going when I didn't think I had it in me. You helped Mom so much through all of it. We gave each other the strength in times of need. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are Mom's hero & the wind beneath my wings. I miss you beyond words but I know you are with me & by my side every single day. You are my special Angel. You watch over Mom, our family & friends. Mom is & always has been so proud of you. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. 

 The other quick thing that Mom wanted to say was that through the years, Mom has been told that I am an inspiration to so many family members, friends, strangers, etc.... Mom has always had a hard time with this as I feel I have never done anything special. I am " just me. " That is all I know how to be. Everyone who helped Mom out, gave me hope, love, support are the ones who are the inspiration. They helped beyond anything that they knew so Mom just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to them all. I am forever grateful for everything. Mom is truly blessed! 

 Not much for updates for you today. Grandpa, Debbie & Meme all called last night. All is well there with everyone. Meme said even Bob was having a couple good days as well so that was nice to hear. Seems like everyone is getting ready for the colder months ahead & they are planning everything out.... cleaning pellet stoves, getting their furnaces ready, covering plants & anything else they may have to do. I miss owning my own home but I can honestly say I do not miss doing all that stuff. Apartment living has its perks! Debbie's foot is really black & blue but the swelling is almost gone so that is a very good sign! She will go back this coming week to be checked again. Grandpa has a couple appointments this week as well & so does Bob. Everyone will be crazy busy this coming week! Mom hasn't heard back from Aunt Beck so I will try her again tomorrow when I take a break from studying. Everything else is pretty much the same. Mom will update you when I have something. That is all for now but I do have a prayer for the day:

Hail Mary full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. 

Here are a couple sayings for the day as well: " These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb. "

 " There's no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen. In the right time, with the right person, for the best reason. 

 Mom hopes that this evening will be everything that you need & want it to be. May you have fun while Mom is sleeping tonight. If you can, come check on me & sit with me while I sleep. Maybe visit with Mom in my dreams too. Thank you my sweet precious son! Mom will whisper to you as I always do when lighting the candle tonight & later when I go to bed. Smile for Mom & I will smile back to you. Remember you live inside my heart, mind, body & soul.  Mom will be back tomorrow night with another letter to you so until then.... fly high & free like I know you are. Good night & sweet dreams! I love you. You are my shining star!

 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!