Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Today is a tough day for Mom but I knew it would be. It is June 18th...another day that is etched in my mind for the rest of my eternity. It is a day that my heart just aches like hell. I wrote to you first thing this morning on your facebook page...here is my post:

Today is not a day I care to remember at all. These next few days will be the toughest for me. June 18th.... It is the day that we had our last conversation ever. I remember exactly where I was, what I was doing when that all took place. I remember the conversation and ending it with telling you that I would talk to you in the morning. That morning came but we never spoke. I never heard your voice again. The last words you said to me the night before was that you loved and missed me. I told you the same. In ways, I am glad that those were the last words spoken between us because if they weren't I would be worse off then I am almost 8 years later, I miss you more than words can say. You will always be the wind beneath my wings...

This is so true my sweet precious son. If Mom only knew...I would have kept you on the phone all night. I miss you so much. I miss you voice, your laugh, your handsome face. I miss everything about you. I miss our talks, I miss us joking around and yes...I even miss us being stubborn and getting angry at each other. We were so much alike...lol...A Taurus and a Leo...what a pair, huh? we were the best! I love you with all my heart and soul. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my everything still. My hero for all time. The wind beneath my wings for always. You will remain living in my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom knows that you are happy where you are and what you can do. I would never take that away from you and ask for you to come back to this world that I live in now. It has changed so much in the last 8 years and not for the good. Wanting you back would be for my own personal selfish reasons and Mom could never do that to you. I love you too much. I know you know that.

Yesterday after Mom wrote to you, I was doing my research for my boxes and I was listening to music. Wind Beneath My Wings came on and I stopped what I was doing, I sang the song to your picture and just let the tears flow freely down my face. I didn't try to stop myself. I didn't want to. I needed that moment in time. Somehow I knew you were near Mom at that very moment. Thank you.

This morning while walking the pups. Mom heard the birds chirping and I looked up and saw 2 male cardinals flying into the tree and a female one as well. I looked back up and then saw 3 male cardinals. It was so amazing. The bright red stood right out in the tree. It was like I was frozen in time for those few minutes. I watched as if I was a child looking at one for the very first time. I wondered if it was you. I would like to think so. These days are tough for Mom and I have to relive all the pain year after year. Seeing signs makes it a bit for comforting. Thank you for that.

I wanted to write to you early as it is only 1:33 pm because I have so much to do and I know that the time will go by so fast and before I know it it will be time to feed the pups, walk them and then cook dinner for us. I didn't want to miss writing to you. Tomorrow we are going out for the entire day. We will be taking Bob to Disney Springs to go up in the hot air balloon. That and taking him to dinner is his Fathers Day present from us. We wanted to do it Saturday because Sunday is going to be a crappy day for weather and for Mom and I just want to be home. I won't be writing on here tomorrow as we leave early in the morning and not getting home until late afternoon. I know we will be exhausted. I will write to you on Sunday though. I plan on swimming in the morning and then taking a break and at that point I will write to you, swim some more as long as it is not raining and then it will be dinner, etc.... I need to not do anything and just have an easy day. Mom will be sad, I will cry but know that I will be ok. It is just that I love you so damn much and I miss you more then anything. Send me extra signs if you can over the weekend.

I have a candle lit for you right now. Tonight we will be going to bed early and I will light another one as well. I will whisper to you as I always do. Smile for Mom and I will smile to you. Have fun doing all the things you want to do and need to do while I am sleeping tonight. Come visit Mom in my dreams if you can. Please watch over us and keep us safe and healthy. Thank you. Mom has to go and start her stuff now. I will be back Sunday again so until then...good night and sweet dreams later tonight.

Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💚