Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! Happy Heavenly Birthday to you! How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? I hope you are partying it up with all our family & friends that are up there in Heaven with you! I hope that you have had a wonderful day doing what you needed to do & what you had to do. As you know, it was a rough day for Mom. Lots of tears 7 emotions going on, but I am doing better now that I have let it all out. Mom sure misses you every second of every minute of every hour of the day, but during Holidays & Birthday's it is even harder. I missed spending the day with you up in NH. I miss planning the big party that I would throw for you every year with our family & friends. The laughs, the pictures, the stories that would be shared. They were just some of the best times with you. I can't get over how time goes by for us here. This is your 2nd Birthday that you have spent in Heaven. Just doesn't seem possible. As promised, balloons were released to you early this evening. What a mess that was. The plan was to go get balloons when Mark got out of work this afternoon & send them off to you around 5 pm, but when we were getting ready to go get them the sky here got dark & the clouds let loose. It rained heavy & hard for almost 2 hours. Thunder & lightning were right along with it. It was a pretty descent storm. Mom & Mark never made it out to get you the balloons like we wanted. I had sent you a message stating that you needed to stop the rain for this to happen. About 5 pm I received a text from a friend that lives where we do.. her name is Cara... she said she had a surprise for us. It was still raining a little bit so we walked over to the Leasing Office & when we got inside there were a dozen bright colored balloons awaiting to be sent to you. It was the kindest & sweetest thing that Cara could have done for Mom today. I did everything in my power not to cry... I did good because I held it back. Another one of our neighbors, another sweet friend of ours was in the office too.. her name is Miss Betty... she came over with us.... Mark held Snickers, while Cara video taped the balloons going up & Miss Betty helped me send them to you. Mom was so stunned at the kind gesture of these 2 young ladies. They really are sweet. You would have really liked them both & I know they would have really liked you. I have the short video of us that I will be posting on here for all to see. I hope you liked the bright colors... they were all your favorite colors. I hope they made you smile & you got the chance to float away on them all. It was amazing to watch. We could see them for quite some time in the sky. It made me smile to think of you! I remember the description that you gave me last year with the balloons... you told me you were like Superman... holding on & going up, up ,up higher & higher with you holding on to them! I loved hearing that & I could picture you doing this again tonight!
So many people called & text Mom today to see how I was doing. They checked in knowing that if was going to be a rough day for me. It was so sweet that they took time out of their day to think of me. I want you to know that I am taken really good care of. I have a wonderful support system. I know we used to talk about it a great deal & that was always the # 1 thing you were worried about. I want you to know that everyone is keeping their promises to you. I know that was very important to you & everyone takes it seriously.
The night sky is pretty overcast & cloudy. Looks like we will be getting some more rain this evening. I don't think that I will get the chance to see the moon & stars shining brightly but even so I know you are up there. I know you are watching over Mom, Mark & the rest of our family & friends. Thank you so much for all that you do, Tyler. You still make me so very proud every day. I will always be honored to have been chosen to be your Mom. As always, I will be whispering to you as I always do. I hope you will be able to hear Mom.
I hope you have a restful & peaceful evening. May it be all you need it & want it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my mind, heart, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! Happy Heavenly Birthday to you! How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? I hope you are partying it up with all our family & friends that are up there in Heaven with you! I hope that you have had a wonderful day doing what you needed to do & what you had to do. As you know, it was a rough day for Mom. Lots of tears 7 emotions going on, but I am doing better now that I have let it all out. Mom sure misses you every second of every minute of every hour of the day, but during Holidays & Birthday's it is even harder. I missed spending the day with you up in NH. I miss planning the big party that I would throw for you every year with our family & friends. The laughs, the pictures, the stories that would be shared. They were just some of the best times with you. I can't get over how time goes by for us here. This is your 2nd Birthday that you have spent in Heaven. Just doesn't seem possible. As promised, balloons were released to you early this evening. What a mess that was. The plan was to go get balloons when Mark got out of work this afternoon & send them off to you around 5 pm, but when we were getting ready to go get them the sky here got dark & the clouds let loose. It rained heavy & hard for almost 2 hours. Thunder & lightning were right along with it. It was a pretty descent storm. Mom & Mark never made it out to get you the balloons like we wanted. I had sent you a message stating that you needed to stop the rain for this to happen. About 5 pm I received a text from a friend that lives where we do.. her name is Cara... she said she had a surprise for us. It was still raining a little bit so we walked over to the Leasing Office & when we got inside there were a dozen bright colored balloons awaiting to be sent to you. It was the kindest & sweetest thing that Cara could have done for Mom today. I did everything in my power not to cry... I did good because I held it back. Another one of our neighbors, another sweet friend of ours was in the office too.. her name is Miss Betty... she came over with us.... Mark held Snickers, while Cara video taped the balloons going up & Miss Betty helped me send them to you. Mom was so stunned at the kind gesture of these 2 young ladies. They really are sweet. You would have really liked them both & I know they would have really liked you. I have the short video of us that I will be posting on here for all to see. I hope you liked the bright colors... they were all your favorite colors. I hope they made you smile & you got the chance to float away on them all. It was amazing to watch. We could see them for quite some time in the sky. It made me smile to think of you! I remember the description that you gave me last year with the balloons... you told me you were like Superman... holding on & going up, up ,up higher & higher with you holding on to them! I loved hearing that & I could picture you doing this again tonight!
So many people called & text Mom today to see how I was doing. They checked in knowing that if was going to be a rough day for me. It was so sweet that they took time out of their day to think of me. I want you to know that I am taken really good care of. I have a wonderful support system. I know we used to talk about it a great deal & that was always the # 1 thing you were worried about. I want you to know that everyone is keeping their promises to you. I know that was very important to you & everyone takes it seriously.
The night sky is pretty overcast & cloudy. Looks like we will be getting some more rain this evening. I don't think that I will get the chance to see the moon & stars shining brightly but even so I know you are up there. I know you are watching over Mom, Mark & the rest of our family & friends. Thank you so much for all that you do, Tyler. You still make me so very proud every day. I will always be honored to have been chosen to be your Mom. As always, I will be whispering to you as I always do. I hope you will be able to hear Mom.
I hope you have a restful & peaceful evening. May it be all you need it & want it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my mind, heart, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Good evening my pumpkin! How are you doing today? Mom is doing as best as can be. The weather is hot & humid but I am doing surprisingly better than I have in the past month & last year. Guess I am getting used to the hot weather & living down South. I am so sorry that I have not written to you in the last few nights. Friday night I helped Mark put furniture together for our loft. We got a coffee table, tv stand, & 2 end tables. I wanted to write to you but it took a couple hours & by the time we got down my back was shot, my hands were cramped & I hurt my arm where Snickers bit me. Saturday we did some shopping, had dinner, & watched a movie. I guess I was more tired than I thought because I fell asleep before the movie was over & I woke up late this morning. I hope that you can forgive me. I need to be better at writing you letters. I used to do them during the day time and after I was finished I would go make dinner. Lately I try to write to you during the evening but guess that is not working so well. Starting tomorrow I will go back to what I did before. I miss you so much & I feel closer to you Tyler when I talk to you & when I write you my letters of things that happen during the days & weeks.
This week will be quite busy for us. Some will be things we need to do & some things will be tough for Mom. Tomorrow will be my friend Wendy's Birthday. Can you do me a favor & give her a big hug from me? I will talk to her & wish her a Happy Heavenly Birthday myself. Tuesday will be your 24th Birthday. This will be hard for Mom as I have always spent your special day with you. Last year was tough too. I will be doing what I did last year & that is releasing balloons to you in the Heavens above. I guess you might get several balloons going up at all different times & in many states. I hope that you will enjoy them. Mom & Mark will be sending a dozen or so up to you in all your favorite colors. Please send me a sign that you got them & you were floating on them again! Other things that are going on is that I will be going for my Texas drivers license. I finally have everything that I need to go get it so I am kind of excited for this. On Friday, July 25th it was 1 year that we have lived here. Time just flies by now. Lastly, we should be getting a call from the vets saying that we can come pick up Max's ashes. I will be placing the cedar box right next to Daisy's ashes with a picture of you on them both. I will have a candle there too. When that is lit it will be for all of you.
Speaking of signs, I have heard on many occasions that if you find pennies on the ground you are suppose to pick them up as they are signs from your loved ones from the Heavens above being around you. In the last few nights I have found a couple pennies. When I have found them I have smiled, Mark has picked them up & I have said " Thank you Tyler, I love you ". Hope you can hear me pumpkin.
We have already walked Snickers for the night as he was asking to go out earlier than normal. I think he will have a short walk in him later though. I have been able to see the stars shining along with the moon. I believe that I will be able to see them again tonight as the sky was quite clear while the sun was setting. Regardless, I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you will be able to hear me. Tonight, I wish you a peaceful night or any kind of night that you want it to be. I always wish you sweet dreams, but honestly I don't know if you actually sleep. Guess it is a form of habit for me as that is always what I said to you nightly. Be well my sweet precious son & I know that you are doing so many wonderful things that you need to do for yourself & for others as well. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark, & our family & friends. Fly high & fly free. You are forever in my mind, heart & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Good evening my pumpkin! How are you doing today? Mom is doing as best as can be. The weather is hot & humid but I am doing surprisingly better than I have in the past month & last year. Guess I am getting used to the hot weather & living down South. I am so sorry that I have not written to you in the last few nights. Friday night I helped Mark put furniture together for our loft. We got a coffee table, tv stand, & 2 end tables. I wanted to write to you but it took a couple hours & by the time we got down my back was shot, my hands were cramped & I hurt my arm where Snickers bit me. Saturday we did some shopping, had dinner, & watched a movie. I guess I was more tired than I thought because I fell asleep before the movie was over & I woke up late this morning. I hope that you can forgive me. I need to be better at writing you letters. I used to do them during the day time and after I was finished I would go make dinner. Lately I try to write to you during the evening but guess that is not working so well. Starting tomorrow I will go back to what I did before. I miss you so much & I feel closer to you Tyler when I talk to you & when I write you my letters of things that happen during the days & weeks.
This week will be quite busy for us. Some will be things we need to do & some things will be tough for Mom. Tomorrow will be my friend Wendy's Birthday. Can you do me a favor & give her a big hug from me? I will talk to her & wish her a Happy Heavenly Birthday myself. Tuesday will be your 24th Birthday. This will be hard for Mom as I have always spent your special day with you. Last year was tough too. I will be doing what I did last year & that is releasing balloons to you in the Heavens above. I guess you might get several balloons going up at all different times & in many states. I hope that you will enjoy them. Mom & Mark will be sending a dozen or so up to you in all your favorite colors. Please send me a sign that you got them & you were floating on them again! Other things that are going on is that I will be going for my Texas drivers license. I finally have everything that I need to go get it so I am kind of excited for this. On Friday, July 25th it was 1 year that we have lived here. Time just flies by now. Lastly, we should be getting a call from the vets saying that we can come pick up Max's ashes. I will be placing the cedar box right next to Daisy's ashes with a picture of you on them both. I will have a candle there too. When that is lit it will be for all of you.
Speaking of signs, I have heard on many occasions that if you find pennies on the ground you are suppose to pick them up as they are signs from your loved ones from the Heavens above being around you. In the last few nights I have found a couple pennies. When I have found them I have smiled, Mark has picked them up & I have said " Thank you Tyler, I love you ". Hope you can hear me pumpkin.
We have already walked Snickers for the night as he was asking to go out earlier than normal. I think he will have a short walk in him later though. I have been able to see the stars shining along with the moon. I believe that I will be able to see them again tonight as the sky was quite clear while the sun was setting. Regardless, I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you will be able to hear me. Tonight, I wish you a peaceful night or any kind of night that you want it to be. I always wish you sweet dreams, but honestly I don't know if you actually sleep. Guess it is a form of habit for me as that is always what I said to you nightly. Be well my sweet precious son & I know that you are doing so many wonderful things that you need to do for yourself & for others as well. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark, & our family & friends. Fly high & fly free. You are forever in my mind, heart & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? Mom is doing the best she can be! Today has been a kind of rough day for me. It is July 24th & that means it has been 1 year, 1 month & 4 days without you & 1 week without Max. This just plain sucks. I try not to get angry but sometimes it gets the best of me. I know that doesn't make you very happy & I will promise you to do better with my anger. I just miss you so much. I miss everything about our relationship we had. We were so close. It was always you & I. We could never count on anyone else ( other than family & a few friends ) so we always stuck together. Two peas in a pod so to speak. When I lost you I lost 1/2 of myself. The void has been unbearable most days. Not all the time now but sometimes I find myself still so lost & not knowing what to do with myself. I try to keep busy with doing things for the wedding, looking at facebook to see what others are up to, or just playing a couple stupid games just to pass the time. I have nothing really to do now. My days used to be caring for you, working a full time job, & then lately caring for Max. Everything that I have ever known has been taken away from me & now I am not so sure of what to do or where to go. I have to start over again. I will promise you that I will get my act together & I will have a better attitude on my life. I know that I still have things to do here in this world so I will start paying better attention & be listening to God, you & the Angels for what I am suppose to do. Please leave me some signs, thanks Ty!
The weather here has been warm but that is what the summers are like here in Texas. The next 4 days will be 100 degrees or more. Quite the heat wave. Won't be spending too much time outside I am afraid but we will walk Snicks during the evening when it cools down in the 80's. He really doesn't do well in that heat. The pavement is just too hot for his little paws. He is doing well. Still mopes around the house sometimes & looks for Max. He sleeps a lot now. I try to get him to play & so does Mark but most of the time he just wants to be left alone. I am sure it will be that way for a couple more weeks. I think he is still wondering what happened. I guess I am too... it all was just so fast.
Nothing else is really all that new here. Mark is still crazy busy as ever with work. We got some new small furniture coming to finish off the loft... our office/media room. We got a small futon, 2 end tables, a coffee table, area rug, & tv media stand. Everything is black except the futon which is white leather. Hope it will look good. It arrives on Friday. We are excited to see the room finally come together after almost 3 months of the move upstairs.
The sun is setting as I write to you & it is another gorgeous bright orange glow. I can just see it through the trees but boy is it pretty. I have a feeling that you are a part of that. Orange was such a great color for you. I will be walking Snickers in a bit for the last time tonight. I hope to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening out for Mom.
I hope that you have a wonderful evening. May it be peaceful & restful for you no matter what you are doing. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back 7 all the way around the world. Forever in my heart, mind, & soul!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? Mom is doing the best she can be! Today has been a kind of rough day for me. It is July 24th & that means it has been 1 year, 1 month & 4 days without you & 1 week without Max. This just plain sucks. I try not to get angry but sometimes it gets the best of me. I know that doesn't make you very happy & I will promise you to do better with my anger. I just miss you so much. I miss everything about our relationship we had. We were so close. It was always you & I. We could never count on anyone else ( other than family & a few friends ) so we always stuck together. Two peas in a pod so to speak. When I lost you I lost 1/2 of myself. The void has been unbearable most days. Not all the time now but sometimes I find myself still so lost & not knowing what to do with myself. I try to keep busy with doing things for the wedding, looking at facebook to see what others are up to, or just playing a couple stupid games just to pass the time. I have nothing really to do now. My days used to be caring for you, working a full time job, & then lately caring for Max. Everything that I have ever known has been taken away from me & now I am not so sure of what to do or where to go. I have to start over again. I will promise you that I will get my act together & I will have a better attitude on my life. I know that I still have things to do here in this world so I will start paying better attention & be listening to God, you & the Angels for what I am suppose to do. Please leave me some signs, thanks Ty!
The weather here has been warm but that is what the summers are like here in Texas. The next 4 days will be 100 degrees or more. Quite the heat wave. Won't be spending too much time outside I am afraid but we will walk Snicks during the evening when it cools down in the 80's. He really doesn't do well in that heat. The pavement is just too hot for his little paws. He is doing well. Still mopes around the house sometimes & looks for Max. He sleeps a lot now. I try to get him to play & so does Mark but most of the time he just wants to be left alone. I am sure it will be that way for a couple more weeks. I think he is still wondering what happened. I guess I am too... it all was just so fast.
Nothing else is really all that new here. Mark is still crazy busy as ever with work. We got some new small furniture coming to finish off the loft... our office/media room. We got a small futon, 2 end tables, a coffee table, area rug, & tv media stand. Everything is black except the futon which is white leather. Hope it will look good. It arrives on Friday. We are excited to see the room finally come together after almost 3 months of the move upstairs.
The sun is setting as I write to you & it is another gorgeous bright orange glow. I can just see it through the trees but boy is it pretty. I have a feeling that you are a part of that. Orange was such a great color for you. I will be walking Snickers in a bit for the last time tonight. I hope to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening out for Mom.
I hope that you have a wonderful evening. May it be peaceful & restful for you no matter what you are doing. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back 7 all the way around the world. Forever in my heart, mind, & soul!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, July 21, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing this evening? I hope you are doing all the things you want to in the Heaven's above. Mom wanted to drop by to tell you that she is in a lot of pain tonight because of the bite that Snicks did 4 days ago. I know you are right there with Mom when I am changing the bandage so you know just what I am talking about. I need to go rest my arm/hand for the night & perhaps take some Tylenol too. I will come back tomorrow to write you a long letter. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. Thank you my sweet precious son. My beautiful Angel. I miss you so much & I love you beyond any words that could express just how much.
It rained earlier but I am hoping to see the moon & stars tonight. If not I know that you are shining bright as always. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be able to hear Mom. Say hello to everyone up there for me & give Max kisses & hugs from Mom & Mark. I miss you both so much.
Have a restful & peaceful evening tonight. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams. Forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing this evening? I hope you are doing all the things you want to in the Heaven's above. Mom wanted to drop by to tell you that she is in a lot of pain tonight because of the bite that Snicks did 4 days ago. I know you are right there with Mom when I am changing the bandage so you know just what I am talking about. I need to go rest my arm/hand for the night & perhaps take some Tylenol too. I will come back tomorrow to write you a long letter. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. Thank you my sweet precious son. My beautiful Angel. I miss you so much & I love you beyond any words that could express just how much.
It rained earlier but I am hoping to see the moon & stars tonight. If not I know that you are shining bright as always. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be able to hear Mom. Say hello to everyone up there for me & give Max kisses & hugs from Mom & Mark. I miss you both so much.
Have a restful & peaceful evening tonight. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams. Forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Saturday evening? The weather here is warm & muggy with an overcast sky this evening. Guess it matches my mood. It has been 3 1/2 days since Max has been gone & I am having a hard time with this as you already know. Our neighbors here have been so kind & supportive. They have given us cards. Yup... they have made me cry. There has been so many losses for Mom in 2013 & 2014. First the hardest was losing you, then there was friends of mine lost their children...Ryan, & Nick, then it was Ron, Rick, Amy, another friend lost her daughter Scottie, then Wendy, another friend lost her son, Lucas, & now Max. That list is just to name a few.. there are others that I didn't mention. Family friends ( about 4 of them ). Sometimes I sit & wonder what the hell is going on. So much sadness in my heart & actually all over the world. Just Thursday another plane from the Malaysia Airlines that was traveling from Amsterdam went down over the Ukraine. I believe that 295 passengers lost there lives, not to mention all the loved ones that are grieving the loss of there family & friends. My heart goes out to each & everyone of them. To know they are just starting the grieving process that I have been going through for over a year now with losing you & now doing it again with losing Max.. I wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy. It is such a difficult thing to go through. The ups & downs, the highs & the lows, the guilt, the tears, the heartache, the nightmares, the sleepless nights. It all just sucks! I hate it. I wish it was all a nightmare & I would wake up... you would be here & we would be together with Max and of course Mark. We would be living our lives, maybe not in NH but where ever we would still be together, but no... it isn't a dream, it is indeed a living nightmare for Mom. I have to go through my days alone & without you. Not being able to talk to you, hear your voice, see your smile, do all the things we used to do is so hard for me Tyler. I try my best to go through the days, but that is just it.. I just go through the days without much emotion. Not wanting to do anything, nothing seems to bring me joy. Things that mattered to me & what I thought made me happy I don't care to do anymore. I can't get out of this funk that I am in. I don't know what to do anymore. I have so much time on my hands. Now it is even harder because my days lately for the last several months have been caring for Max & now that is taken away from me too. I need you Ty. I need your help & guidance to what I am suppose to do next. Mark has taken me out a few times to just get away but it is just too new & weird for me not to have a time frame to get back home for the pups. I feel guilty & I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. Please guide me in the right direction that I am suppose to be taking now. If I don't see it right off don't get mad but do something so that I know it is a sign from you. Sometimes Mom is not the smartest when it comes to that kind of stuff... hey now don't laugh at me.. I can literally hear you right now = ] At least that made me smile for a couple minutes!
I will be taking Snicks for a walk right after I am done writing to you. I hope to see the moon & stars shining brightly but even if I don't I know you are shining up there brightly doing all the things that you need & are wanting to do. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom. I miss you so much my precious son. Hope you & Max are having fun in Heaven. Make sure to give him lots of hugs & kisses from Mom & don't forget the treats! Tell him I love & miss him too!
Both of you are in my heart, mind & soul... Forever! Always, Mommy xoxoxox. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Saturday evening? The weather here is warm & muggy with an overcast sky this evening. Guess it matches my mood. It has been 3 1/2 days since Max has been gone & I am having a hard time with this as you already know. Our neighbors here have been so kind & supportive. They have given us cards. Yup... they have made me cry. There has been so many losses for Mom in 2013 & 2014. First the hardest was losing you, then there was friends of mine lost their children...Ryan, & Nick, then it was Ron, Rick, Amy, another friend lost her daughter Scottie, then Wendy, another friend lost her son, Lucas, & now Max. That list is just to name a few.. there are others that I didn't mention. Family friends ( about 4 of them ). Sometimes I sit & wonder what the hell is going on. So much sadness in my heart & actually all over the world. Just Thursday another plane from the Malaysia Airlines that was traveling from Amsterdam went down over the Ukraine. I believe that 295 passengers lost there lives, not to mention all the loved ones that are grieving the loss of there family & friends. My heart goes out to each & everyone of them. To know they are just starting the grieving process that I have been going through for over a year now with losing you & now doing it again with losing Max.. I wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy. It is such a difficult thing to go through. The ups & downs, the highs & the lows, the guilt, the tears, the heartache, the nightmares, the sleepless nights. It all just sucks! I hate it. I wish it was all a nightmare & I would wake up... you would be here & we would be together with Max and of course Mark. We would be living our lives, maybe not in NH but where ever we would still be together, but no... it isn't a dream, it is indeed a living nightmare for Mom. I have to go through my days alone & without you. Not being able to talk to you, hear your voice, see your smile, do all the things we used to do is so hard for me Tyler. I try my best to go through the days, but that is just it.. I just go through the days without much emotion. Not wanting to do anything, nothing seems to bring me joy. Things that mattered to me & what I thought made me happy I don't care to do anymore. I can't get out of this funk that I am in. I don't know what to do anymore. I have so much time on my hands. Now it is even harder because my days lately for the last several months have been caring for Max & now that is taken away from me too. I need you Ty. I need your help & guidance to what I am suppose to do next. Mark has taken me out a few times to just get away but it is just too new & weird for me not to have a time frame to get back home for the pups. I feel guilty & I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. Please guide me in the right direction that I am suppose to be taking now. If I don't see it right off don't get mad but do something so that I know it is a sign from you. Sometimes Mom is not the smartest when it comes to that kind of stuff... hey now don't laugh at me.. I can literally hear you right now = ] At least that made me smile for a couple minutes!
I will be taking Snicks for a walk right after I am done writing to you. I hope to see the moon & stars shining brightly but even if I don't I know you are shining up there brightly doing all the things that you need & are wanting to do. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom. I miss you so much my precious son. Hope you & Max are having fun in Heaven. Make sure to give him lots of hugs & kisses from Mom & don't forget the treats! Tell him I love & miss him too!
Both of you are in my heart, mind & soul... Forever! Always, Mommy xoxoxox. Muah!
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today in the Heavens above? As you already know Mom is hurting once again for so many reasons. Another loss with another void for losing Max last night. It just breaks my heart. Max was such a sweet soul, lovable, & would let anyone do anything to him & he just wouldn't care. He just wanted loves in return & boy did he ever get them. He was spoiled for 12 years. The last year has been the toughest on him. Losing his eyesight, not really being able to hear, & then not being able to walk well. It has been a huge struggle on both Mom & Mark for quite sometime not to mention on Max ( your Bub Bub ). Yesterday was just awful seeing him fall down the stairs like he did. After that he couldn't move at all. His little back legs were paralyzed & I knew he did something to his spine. He was dragging his body by just using his front paws on the ground. We waited a couple hours because he was tired & sleeping but when he awoke he was not any better. I had also noticed that he was eating & drinking like normal but he was not needing to go outside & relieve himself. That was a big concern to me. Yesterday afternoon Mark & I were on the phones trying to see where we could get him in to be seen. Finally at 6:30pm we found a place & we loaded up Max & Snickers & off we went. For someplace that would usually take us several minutes to get there because of traffic... Only took about 5 minutes. It went by very quickly before I even knew it we were in the parking lot. My heart was breaking & I cried the whole way there. We brought Max in & he was examined. The doctor came out to get us & the 1st thing she said was that she was seriously concerned. Max did not have any motor skills/movement in his back legs & she had to pinch quite hard to just get a little cry out of him. She tried standing him up like I did during the day & his legs just went limp. He indeed was paralyzed already. The doctor said that they could do x rays, & CT scans to see what was really going on, but Max would need major extensive surgery that would require a very lengthy recovery time, plus a cart to help him walk, & he would have to be catheterized a few times a day. Tyler, a part of me wanted to say yes... I will care for him & do all that I can for Max, but then I just sat there & cried because I knew it would be Mom being selfish. I didn't want Max to have to go through all those tests, surgery & then only have a 50% chance of recovery. I just couldn't do it. I signed the paperwork & gave permission to give him the shot & let him go peacefully. Oh there were so many times during the procedure that I said silently & out loud that I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but it was too late. I held Max's little face & body as the doctor gave him the medicine. It didn't take long at all. I cried just as hard as I did the night I lost you. The horror, the nightmares, all came rushing back to me. I was numb ( still am ). I couldn't talk, could barely walk, & I didn't sleep at all last night. I tossed & turned. The apartment is so quiet & lonely without Max here. He is missed so much. Snickers doesn't even know what to do. He has been pretty mellow today. From time to time he goes looking for Max & wonders where he is. Today has been difficult but I am managing to carry on. I believe that I did the right thing last night. I believe that you were awaiting to be reunited with him as he took his last breath. I said to Max before he passed... Go be with Tyler. He is waiting for you. Go get Daisy, Baxter, & Spencer too. I know he can see again, hear better, & he is walking, running & playing with you & all the other pups. Thinking about this makes me smile & comforts me when I start crying. Someone told me last night that it was Max's time to go because I no longer needed him with me~ You wanted him back. You needed him. Guess you wanted him for an early Birthday present, huh? Make sure that you give him a big hug & kiss from Mom. Tell him I talk to him just like I talk to you. I miss you both so much. Give him a treat every once in awhile & tell him it is from me. Thanks Tyler. I love you so much. The pain that I have is so much & so difficult to handle right now. It hurts like hell. Just when I think I can't cry anymore.... the tears fall again. The voids that I have & the losses that I have suffered are too much. Just too much too soon. It just sucks. Please watch over Mom a little extra than you normally do. I need you. Please continue to watch over the rest of our family & friends too. Thanks pumpkin.
The weather has been cloudy but I will hope to see the moon & stars shining brightly this evening. Regardless, I will look to the sky & whisper to you ( and Max ). Hope you both will hear Mom. May you have a peaceful & restful night. May you fly high & fly free my sweet precious son. Forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. I need another favor.... When you get a chance you need to have a little chat with Snicks. During the whole ordeal with Max yesterday afternoon... don't know what happened again, but he bit Mom in the same arm that he did a month ago. Almost in the same spot. My arm is pretty swollen & it insistly bruised. He got me pretty good again. I don't know what to do anymore. It needs to stop or I will have no choice but to get rid of him & I don't really want to do that because I love him. I just can't keep getting hurt & bit. Do what you can Tyler. Thanks! I love you xoxoxo.
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today in the Heavens above? As you already know Mom is hurting once again for so many reasons. Another loss with another void for losing Max last night. It just breaks my heart. Max was such a sweet soul, lovable, & would let anyone do anything to him & he just wouldn't care. He just wanted loves in return & boy did he ever get them. He was spoiled for 12 years. The last year has been the toughest on him. Losing his eyesight, not really being able to hear, & then not being able to walk well. It has been a huge struggle on both Mom & Mark for quite sometime not to mention on Max ( your Bub Bub ). Yesterday was just awful seeing him fall down the stairs like he did. After that he couldn't move at all. His little back legs were paralyzed & I knew he did something to his spine. He was dragging his body by just using his front paws on the ground. We waited a couple hours because he was tired & sleeping but when he awoke he was not any better. I had also noticed that he was eating & drinking like normal but he was not needing to go outside & relieve himself. That was a big concern to me. Yesterday afternoon Mark & I were on the phones trying to see where we could get him in to be seen. Finally at 6:30pm we found a place & we loaded up Max & Snickers & off we went. For someplace that would usually take us several minutes to get there because of traffic... Only took about 5 minutes. It went by very quickly before I even knew it we were in the parking lot. My heart was breaking & I cried the whole way there. We brought Max in & he was examined. The doctor came out to get us & the 1st thing she said was that she was seriously concerned. Max did not have any motor skills/movement in his back legs & she had to pinch quite hard to just get a little cry out of him. She tried standing him up like I did during the day & his legs just went limp. He indeed was paralyzed already. The doctor said that they could do x rays, & CT scans to see what was really going on, but Max would need major extensive surgery that would require a very lengthy recovery time, plus a cart to help him walk, & he would have to be catheterized a few times a day. Tyler, a part of me wanted to say yes... I will care for him & do all that I can for Max, but then I just sat there & cried because I knew it would be Mom being selfish. I didn't want Max to have to go through all those tests, surgery & then only have a 50% chance of recovery. I just couldn't do it. I signed the paperwork & gave permission to give him the shot & let him go peacefully. Oh there were so many times during the procedure that I said silently & out loud that I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but it was too late. I held Max's little face & body as the doctor gave him the medicine. It didn't take long at all. I cried just as hard as I did the night I lost you. The horror, the nightmares, all came rushing back to me. I was numb ( still am ). I couldn't talk, could barely walk, & I didn't sleep at all last night. I tossed & turned. The apartment is so quiet & lonely without Max here. He is missed so much. Snickers doesn't even know what to do. He has been pretty mellow today. From time to time he goes looking for Max & wonders where he is. Today has been difficult but I am managing to carry on. I believe that I did the right thing last night. I believe that you were awaiting to be reunited with him as he took his last breath. I said to Max before he passed... Go be with Tyler. He is waiting for you. Go get Daisy, Baxter, & Spencer too. I know he can see again, hear better, & he is walking, running & playing with you & all the other pups. Thinking about this makes me smile & comforts me when I start crying. Someone told me last night that it was Max's time to go because I no longer needed him with me~ You wanted him back. You needed him. Guess you wanted him for an early Birthday present, huh? Make sure that you give him a big hug & kiss from Mom. Tell him I talk to him just like I talk to you. I miss you both so much. Give him a treat every once in awhile & tell him it is from me. Thanks Tyler. I love you so much. The pain that I have is so much & so difficult to handle right now. It hurts like hell. Just when I think I can't cry anymore.... the tears fall again. The voids that I have & the losses that I have suffered are too much. Just too much too soon. It just sucks. Please watch over Mom a little extra than you normally do. I need you. Please continue to watch over the rest of our family & friends too. Thanks pumpkin.
The weather has been cloudy but I will hope to see the moon & stars shining brightly this evening. Regardless, I will look to the sky & whisper to you ( and Max ). Hope you both will hear Mom. May you have a peaceful & restful night. May you fly high & fly free my sweet precious son. Forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. I need another favor.... When you get a chance you need to have a little chat with Snicks. During the whole ordeal with Max yesterday afternoon... don't know what happened again, but he bit Mom in the same arm that he did a month ago. Almost in the same spot. My arm is pretty swollen & it insistly bruised. He got me pretty good again. I don't know what to do anymore. It needs to stop or I will have no choice but to get rid of him & I don't really want to do that because I love him. I just can't keep getting hurt & bit. Do what you can Tyler. Thanks! I love you xoxoxo.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing this evening in Heaven? Mom is doing so much better than I was yesterday. Sunday I was not feeling so well. I actually stayed in bed all day and just relaxed. I got some much needed rest & I am feeling better today. I wish that I could have written to you the last couple days but Saturday I was so tired & I think that I was actually started to feel rough that evening. Mark & Mom went out during the day & did errands, had some dinner, & right after that I wasn't feeling so hot. We watched a couple movies that night & pretty much was mellow. I sure missed writing to you. I sure miss you... PERIOD!
The weather here has been been very hot & humid for the last week. I was able to see the moon & stars shining brightly in the evening sky. Made me smile & know that you are with me everywhere I go. You are right there beside me. I just know you are. We had this incredible bond... even death can not separate it. Once again, the weather is turning for the next 5 days. We are in for humid temps, but nasty rain & thunder. I feel so bad for Snickers because he gets so upset. Can you do me a favor & soothe him during those times. It makes it very rough for Mom to do things & to take care of his needs too. Thanks Tyler! Means so much to me.
Not much else is really new at all. Doing more plans & purchasing for the wedding. 5 months out now. It is coming really fast for us. I wish that you were here with us for it. I know you & Amy will be there but it just won't be the same. I need you. I need you to tell me that everything will be ok. We got our invitations in the mail the other day. That, I think really put into a true reality for us both. Mark is a wonderful man & I know that you love him & I know you approve of him so that makes this much easier for me. We purchased other things for the " reception " as well. Most of that stuff is done so now it is just saving for the bigger ticket items... flowers, music, catering, etc.... I will keep you posted on everything... I promise!
Spoke to Meme, Bob, & Grandpa this weekend. Things are good for Grandpa & Debbie. Meme is stressed out & Bob is not doing all that well. He is having a lot of anxiety & panic attacks... you know how those can be. He is just having a really hard time. He did get a job & started it today but it just is not going to work out for him. He was really disappointed & upset. Breaks my heart because he is a great guy & doesn't deserve to be going through all this. Like I have always said... bad things happen to the good ones. Just sad. Can you please watch over him as well. I am sure he could use the extra comforting as well as Meme, Mom & the rest of our family & friends. Thanks pumpkin.
I have to say that there are so many good movies out right now & so many more coming. I always think of you when I see one that you would really like. I say it out loud & hope that if I am watching it you are right by my side enjoying it too. Right now Mark is watching Xmen ( the newest one ) while I write to you. I know Wolverine was your favorite. I hope you are right here watching it with him. Gosh... I miss you so much.
I feel that some days I am doing well. I cry for just a few & go on with my day & other days I just have an extremely hard time with it all. I can't get out of my funk & I want to do nothing at all. I want to be left alone. It is so hard to try & explain to folks just how I feel. It is like 2 steps forward & 100 back. It sucks, but please know that I am trying my best. When I cry it is because I miss you, I miss everything we did, everything we talked about, the jokes, the fights, everything. I cry because I can't see you like I want to, I can't hear your voice like I need to. I want you to know that I am happy that you are happy & can do all the things you longed to do for so long here with Mom. I know 1 day I will see it too. Please know that I love you so much!
I will be walking the pups in a few. The sky is getting dark now. I am not sure if I will be able to see the stars & moon but if I can't I know you are there with the rest of Mom's friends & family. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear me. Oh wow... I just looked outside the window & the sky is overcast & cloudy but the clouds have a pink hue to them. It is really pretty. I like to think you have done that because you know that is my favorite color! It is things like this that make me smile.
I hope you have a peaceful evening tonight. May you have sweet dreams and may it be all that you need & want it to be. I love you my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, body & soul....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing this evening in Heaven? Mom is doing so much better than I was yesterday. Sunday I was not feeling so well. I actually stayed in bed all day and just relaxed. I got some much needed rest & I am feeling better today. I wish that I could have written to you the last couple days but Saturday I was so tired & I think that I was actually started to feel rough that evening. Mark & Mom went out during the day & did errands, had some dinner, & right after that I wasn't feeling so hot. We watched a couple movies that night & pretty much was mellow. I sure missed writing to you. I sure miss you... PERIOD!
The weather here has been been very hot & humid for the last week. I was able to see the moon & stars shining brightly in the evening sky. Made me smile & know that you are with me everywhere I go. You are right there beside me. I just know you are. We had this incredible bond... even death can not separate it. Once again, the weather is turning for the next 5 days. We are in for humid temps, but nasty rain & thunder. I feel so bad for Snickers because he gets so upset. Can you do me a favor & soothe him during those times. It makes it very rough for Mom to do things & to take care of his needs too. Thanks Tyler! Means so much to me.
Not much else is really new at all. Doing more plans & purchasing for the wedding. 5 months out now. It is coming really fast for us. I wish that you were here with us for it. I know you & Amy will be there but it just won't be the same. I need you. I need you to tell me that everything will be ok. We got our invitations in the mail the other day. That, I think really put into a true reality for us both. Mark is a wonderful man & I know that you love him & I know you approve of him so that makes this much easier for me. We purchased other things for the " reception " as well. Most of that stuff is done so now it is just saving for the bigger ticket items... flowers, music, catering, etc.... I will keep you posted on everything... I promise!
Spoke to Meme, Bob, & Grandpa this weekend. Things are good for Grandpa & Debbie. Meme is stressed out & Bob is not doing all that well. He is having a lot of anxiety & panic attacks... you know how those can be. He is just having a really hard time. He did get a job & started it today but it just is not going to work out for him. He was really disappointed & upset. Breaks my heart because he is a great guy & doesn't deserve to be going through all this. Like I have always said... bad things happen to the good ones. Just sad. Can you please watch over him as well. I am sure he could use the extra comforting as well as Meme, Mom & the rest of our family & friends. Thanks pumpkin.
I have to say that there are so many good movies out right now & so many more coming. I always think of you when I see one that you would really like. I say it out loud & hope that if I am watching it you are right by my side enjoying it too. Right now Mark is watching Xmen ( the newest one ) while I write to you. I know Wolverine was your favorite. I hope you are right here watching it with him. Gosh... I miss you so much.
I feel that some days I am doing well. I cry for just a few & go on with my day & other days I just have an extremely hard time with it all. I can't get out of my funk & I want to do nothing at all. I want to be left alone. It is so hard to try & explain to folks just how I feel. It is like 2 steps forward & 100 back. It sucks, but please know that I am trying my best. When I cry it is because I miss you, I miss everything we did, everything we talked about, the jokes, the fights, everything. I cry because I can't see you like I want to, I can't hear your voice like I need to. I want you to know that I am happy that you are happy & can do all the things you longed to do for so long here with Mom. I know 1 day I will see it too. Please know that I love you so much!
I will be walking the pups in a few. The sky is getting dark now. I am not sure if I will be able to see the stars & moon but if I can't I know you are there with the rest of Mom's friends & family. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear me. Oh wow... I just looked outside the window & the sky is overcast & cloudy but the clouds have a pink hue to them. It is really pretty. I like to think you have done that because you know that is my favorite color! It is things like this that make me smile.
I hope you have a peaceful evening tonight. May you have sweet dreams and may it be all that you need & want it to be. I love you my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, body & soul....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Good evening my sweet son! I hope you are doing well today! Mom & Mark are doing ok. Boy is it hot hot hot here today! The next 6 days are complete sunshine & will be 100 degrees each day. Not going to be doing too much that is for sure! Just too humid for us to even move. The month of July & August are brutal, but it is so nice the rest of the 9 months. It is definitely worth the 2 months of nasty heat! The pups have a very hard time in the heat as well. They don't go out as much & they enjoy the AC. I don't think they are missing the winter months either or the snow. Guess they are spoiled little ones now = )
Today is July 10th...usually not a date that means anything to me or anyone else, but this year it is. Today marks the day that I started my blog to you. Today it has been 1 solid year that I have been writing to you, quoting songs, posting serious quotes & pictures, and also pictures of cute dogs & some other animals. Through this year I have had folks from United States, Canada, Australia, Austria, New Zealand, France, India, Ecuador, Poland, Germany, Italy, Malaysia, Indonesia, Ukraine, and so many more Countries/ Continents that have followed me through these 365 days. I have over 13, 400 hits on my blog as well. I have said it several times & I will say it again today... I do this blog for me. It is a healing for me to get through the days without you. I feel closer to you when I write to you for some reason. I don't do it for anyone else. I don't mean to be selfish in the least. If I can continue to heal by writing & it can help others as well along the way then that it wonderful & maybe I am doing something right in my life. I hope that you, Tyler & anyone else that reads my letters to you can understand where I am, that I have grown in this 1 year, and I would like to think that I am in a different place, a different healing stage in my life now. Please don't think that I am completely healed because that is so far from the truth. I miss you like crazy, The void of losing you will always be deep & in my heart. I don't really think I will ever be healed from losing you. I think of you all the time, laugh, shed tears of joy & sadness. I think it is easier for me when I get little messages from family & friends telling me that you are doing well, you are happy, you are always with me, etc... it helps Mom to validate that you are doing things that you need to do, that you are leaning new things, and that you continue to wiser in your young years. I love you so much, T. You will always continue to be my everything through & through.
Last night I got to see the moon & stars shining bright up in the Heavens. I whispered to you as I always do. I hope you got to hear Mom. I hope you hear me every night. Tonight will be a clear night sky so I will be smiling as I look to the sky knowing that you are with me & beside me. I will whisper to you again so I hope you will be listening! Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark, & the rest of our family & friends. Thank you pumpkin! Means a lot to me.
I hope you have a wonderful, restful, & peaceful night. May it be all that you want it to be & more. Sweet dreams my precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Forever in my heart, mind, body, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. Here is to another 365 days , more letters to you & serious quotes, & funny animal pics! Hope you will enjoy them as much as I like writing & posting them to you xoxoxo = )
Good evening my sweet son! I hope you are doing well today! Mom & Mark are doing ok. Boy is it hot hot hot here today! The next 6 days are complete sunshine & will be 100 degrees each day. Not going to be doing too much that is for sure! Just too humid for us to even move. The month of July & August are brutal, but it is so nice the rest of the 9 months. It is definitely worth the 2 months of nasty heat! The pups have a very hard time in the heat as well. They don't go out as much & they enjoy the AC. I don't think they are missing the winter months either or the snow. Guess they are spoiled little ones now = )
Today is July 10th...usually not a date that means anything to me or anyone else, but this year it is. Today marks the day that I started my blog to you. Today it has been 1 solid year that I have been writing to you, quoting songs, posting serious quotes & pictures, and also pictures of cute dogs & some other animals. Through this year I have had folks from United States, Canada, Australia, Austria, New Zealand, France, India, Ecuador, Poland, Germany, Italy, Malaysia, Indonesia, Ukraine, and so many more Countries/ Continents that have followed me through these 365 days. I have over 13, 400 hits on my blog as well. I have said it several times & I will say it again today... I do this blog for me. It is a healing for me to get through the days without you. I feel closer to you when I write to you for some reason. I don't do it for anyone else. I don't mean to be selfish in the least. If I can continue to heal by writing & it can help others as well along the way then that it wonderful & maybe I am doing something right in my life. I hope that you, Tyler & anyone else that reads my letters to you can understand where I am, that I have grown in this 1 year, and I would like to think that I am in a different place, a different healing stage in my life now. Please don't think that I am completely healed because that is so far from the truth. I miss you like crazy, The void of losing you will always be deep & in my heart. I don't really think I will ever be healed from losing you. I think of you all the time, laugh, shed tears of joy & sadness. I think it is easier for me when I get little messages from family & friends telling me that you are doing well, you are happy, you are always with me, etc... it helps Mom to validate that you are doing things that you need to do, that you are leaning new things, and that you continue to wiser in your young years. I love you so much, T. You will always continue to be my everything through & through.
Last night I got to see the moon & stars shining bright up in the Heavens. I whispered to you as I always do. I hope you got to hear Mom. I hope you hear me every night. Tonight will be a clear night sky so I will be smiling as I look to the sky knowing that you are with me & beside me. I will whisper to you again so I hope you will be listening! Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark, & the rest of our family & friends. Thank you pumpkin! Means a lot to me.
I hope you have a wonderful, restful, & peaceful night. May it be all that you want it to be & more. Sweet dreams my precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Forever in my heart, mind, body, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. Here is to another 365 days , more letters to you & serious quotes, & funny animal pics! Hope you will enjoy them as much as I like writing & posting them to you xoxoxo = )
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today? I hope you are happy happy happy! Mom is doing well today. Been kinda under the weather the last couple days but you already knew that, huh? The weather here has been really weird...1 minute it is humid & sunny and the next it is raining with massive thunder & lightning. It has been this way for over 2 weeks now. Max could care about the weather and sleeps right through it all, but Snickers, the poor little guy just gets so scared and freaked out. I was holding him for a bit today while we were having the storm. He was just shaking. I feel so helpless during those times. I just don't know what to do about it and where to put him because when he gets scared he pees everywhere. I hope this weather ends soon.
Spoke to Aunt Becky today. She was telling me some pretty interesting things that she has been told over the last couple days. She went out to dinner with Forrest, but you already knew that too because you made your presence known. I am so thankful that you do this because it continues to give me validation that you are doing well. Some of the things she told me made me laugh & smile but a couple things had me tearing up. To say the least you peaked my curiosity a bit with a couple things you mentioned. I don't know what to say or where to go with it so I am hoping that someday soon when I have another reading you can help clarify things for Mom. I hear that you are older in the Spiritual Realm? I think 34 years old is what you said? Why that age? I wonder if you picked that or if that was something out of your hands? I got a chuckle when Aunt Becky told you that she was still older & you needed to still listen to her...lol! Forrest said you chuckled when she said that. It made me happy to hear that you are always around me. I truly believe that you are. We were so close Tyler. I miss you so much but I think you get the picture when you hear me always saying that to you. I hope it makes you smile & say that you miss me as well. There were a couple things I am curious about as I mentioned to you above.... 1 is that Forrest said that we ( us in the physical world ) believe that once you die you go to Heaven and our loved ones are in the sky " floating " around above us, but the truth is, is that our loved ones walk this physical world with us, beside us but we can't see you because of the different realm that we both are in. I found that so intriguing. I want to hear so much more about this. I have always wondered what you do, how you spend your time. I hope to have you explain it to me when you get the chance. The 2nd thing that you mentioned was someone brought up the fact that the doctor's didn't have a clue to what happened to you all those years ago, but when that was stated you corrected them and said that the clues were right in front of the doctors but they never saw them. Does this mean that you finally got the answers to what happened to you & why? Do you understand it all now? I really hope so because I am still left wondering. I still would like to know the answers to why it happened in the 1st place and why you had to suffer all those years like you did. I want to know why the doctor's couldn't see the clues? Why were they not seeing them? I don't mean to be selfish at all or come off sounding demanding... I guess I have waited so long to find out the answers and to hear that the doctors had the clues in front of them and couldn't see it just breaks my heart. I am so sorry Tyler that you had to do & go through all that you did when maybe just maybe it could have been prevented. I hope in you knowing the answers you do indeed understand it all & why you were the chosen one to live a life like you did. I hope it all makes sense to you pumpkin.
The weather is starting to get dark again...looks like round 2 of storms moving in. Poor Snickers...he just settled down from the last ones. Due to Max not being able to walk all that well anymore I rarely go outside with him during the evening. I do however go on our balcony and look to the sky to see if I can see the stars & moon shining brightly. I whisper to you nightly whether I see them or not because I know you are there. I hope you hear my every word to you. I miss you so much & I love you beyond any words could ever express to anyone. I hope you have a peaceful evening. May you continue to watch over Mom, Mark & the rest of our family & friends. Sweet dreams my precious son. You will always be in my heart, mind, body & soul...Forever!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today? I hope you are happy happy happy! Mom is doing well today. Been kinda under the weather the last couple days but you already knew that, huh? The weather here has been really weird...1 minute it is humid & sunny and the next it is raining with massive thunder & lightning. It has been this way for over 2 weeks now. Max could care about the weather and sleeps right through it all, but Snickers, the poor little guy just gets so scared and freaked out. I was holding him for a bit today while we were having the storm. He was just shaking. I feel so helpless during those times. I just don't know what to do about it and where to put him because when he gets scared he pees everywhere. I hope this weather ends soon.
Spoke to Aunt Becky today. She was telling me some pretty interesting things that she has been told over the last couple days. She went out to dinner with Forrest, but you already knew that too because you made your presence known. I am so thankful that you do this because it continues to give me validation that you are doing well. Some of the things she told me made me laugh & smile but a couple things had me tearing up. To say the least you peaked my curiosity a bit with a couple things you mentioned. I don't know what to say or where to go with it so I am hoping that someday soon when I have another reading you can help clarify things for Mom. I hear that you are older in the Spiritual Realm? I think 34 years old is what you said? Why that age? I wonder if you picked that or if that was something out of your hands? I got a chuckle when Aunt Becky told you that she was still older & you needed to still listen to her...lol! Forrest said you chuckled when she said that. It made me happy to hear that you are always around me. I truly believe that you are. We were so close Tyler. I miss you so much but I think you get the picture when you hear me always saying that to you. I hope it makes you smile & say that you miss me as well. There were a couple things I am curious about as I mentioned to you above.... 1 is that Forrest said that we ( us in the physical world ) believe that once you die you go to Heaven and our loved ones are in the sky " floating " around above us, but the truth is, is that our loved ones walk this physical world with us, beside us but we can't see you because of the different realm that we both are in. I found that so intriguing. I want to hear so much more about this. I have always wondered what you do, how you spend your time. I hope to have you explain it to me when you get the chance. The 2nd thing that you mentioned was someone brought up the fact that the doctor's didn't have a clue to what happened to you all those years ago, but when that was stated you corrected them and said that the clues were right in front of the doctors but they never saw them. Does this mean that you finally got the answers to what happened to you & why? Do you understand it all now? I really hope so because I am still left wondering. I still would like to know the answers to why it happened in the 1st place and why you had to suffer all those years like you did. I want to know why the doctor's couldn't see the clues? Why were they not seeing them? I don't mean to be selfish at all or come off sounding demanding... I guess I have waited so long to find out the answers and to hear that the doctors had the clues in front of them and couldn't see it just breaks my heart. I am so sorry Tyler that you had to do & go through all that you did when maybe just maybe it could have been prevented. I hope in you knowing the answers you do indeed understand it all & why you were the chosen one to live a life like you did. I hope it all makes sense to you pumpkin.
The weather is starting to get dark again...looks like round 2 of storms moving in. Poor Snickers...he just settled down from the last ones. Due to Max not being able to walk all that well anymore I rarely go outside with him during the evening. I do however go on our balcony and look to the sky to see if I can see the stars & moon shining brightly. I whisper to you nightly whether I see them or not because I know you are there. I hope you hear my every word to you. I miss you so much & I love you beyond any words could ever express to anyone. I hope you have a peaceful evening. May you continue to watch over Mom, Mark & the rest of our family & friends. Sweet dreams my precious son. You will always be in my heart, mind, body & soul...Forever!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, July 4, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. Happy 4th of July to you in Heaven. How are you doing on this Friday evening? Here in Texas it is finally dark outside and the thunderstorms have passed us now. In the distance we can hear the fireworks going off. Don't see anything and that is ok with me. Sure was freaking hot & humid here today during the daylight hours. I believe it was almost 95 degrees. Mark & I did some shopping. We left the pups home this time because it was just too hot out for them to stay in the truck with Mark. Our neighbors are all gone for the long weekend so we are taking advantage of being able to get out and do something together for a few hours. It sure is a nice switch for us.
Got the chance to chat with Meme for a few this evening. She was saying that the weather in NH was really nasty. Lots of rain and storms there too. Guess the fireworks are cancelled for this evening but they hope that they are able to do them Saturday night. Hampton Beach has a Tornado & Hurricane warning for the night. Hope that all is safe there as no one is used to that up North. Guess Bob isn't doing all that well but you already knew that. Please watch over Meme & Bob please. I know I don't need to write down everything that is going on because you see it before I do. What I will say is that I am worried and scared for them both. I know you will do all that you can to help. Thank you pumpkin! Please also watch over Mom, Mark, & the rest of our family & friends. We could all use the extra protection from you & the other Angels above. Thank you for this as well.
I wanted to tell you that the Coke Company put out these soda bottles with peoples names on them. They are the regular bottle but it is really neat. Guess it is to promote share a Coke with someone. They don't have Mom's name but they do have Mark's & your name. I have asked my friends in NH to be on the look out for yours & have them send it to me. I just think it would be so neat to have. I know you would get a kick out of it! If & when I get one I will be sure to take a photo & post it on here. I know when you see it you will give 1 of your awesome smiles that I miss so very much.
The sky tonight is not clear and I can hear thunder in the very distance now. Looks like we will be getting round 2 of the storms. Even though I am not seeing the stars or moon shining again I know you are up there. I will whisper to you as I always do so hope you can hear Mom. Hope your evening is peaceful. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I love you so much and I miss you so much too. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. Forever....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. Happy 4th of July to you in Heaven. How are you doing on this Friday evening? Here in Texas it is finally dark outside and the thunderstorms have passed us now. In the distance we can hear the fireworks going off. Don't see anything and that is ok with me. Sure was freaking hot & humid here today during the daylight hours. I believe it was almost 95 degrees. Mark & I did some shopping. We left the pups home this time because it was just too hot out for them to stay in the truck with Mark. Our neighbors are all gone for the long weekend so we are taking advantage of being able to get out and do something together for a few hours. It sure is a nice switch for us.
Got the chance to chat with Meme for a few this evening. She was saying that the weather in NH was really nasty. Lots of rain and storms there too. Guess the fireworks are cancelled for this evening but they hope that they are able to do them Saturday night. Hampton Beach has a Tornado & Hurricane warning for the night. Hope that all is safe there as no one is used to that up North. Guess Bob isn't doing all that well but you already knew that. Please watch over Meme & Bob please. I know I don't need to write down everything that is going on because you see it before I do. What I will say is that I am worried and scared for them both. I know you will do all that you can to help. Thank you pumpkin! Please also watch over Mom, Mark, & the rest of our family & friends. We could all use the extra protection from you & the other Angels above. Thank you for this as well.
I wanted to tell you that the Coke Company put out these soda bottles with peoples names on them. They are the regular bottle but it is really neat. Guess it is to promote share a Coke with someone. They don't have Mom's name but they do have Mark's & your name. I have asked my friends in NH to be on the look out for yours & have them send it to me. I just think it would be so neat to have. I know you would get a kick out of it! If & when I get one I will be sure to take a photo & post it on here. I know when you see it you will give 1 of your awesome smiles that I miss so very much.
The sky tonight is not clear and I can hear thunder in the very distance now. Looks like we will be getting round 2 of the storms. Even though I am not seeing the stars or moon shining again I know you are up there. I will whisper to you as I always do so hope you can hear Mom. Hope your evening is peaceful. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I love you so much and I miss you so much too. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. Forever....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son in the Heavens above. How are you doing this evening? I hope that all is well with you. Things here are going ok. Lots of hot & humid weather we have had these last few days. We also have had some pretty good thunderstorms. Loud thunder & some awesome lightning bolts to be seen. I know you hated them & were always scared because of your vent, but do you like them now? Do you actually get to see them or are you so high up above the clouds that all you see is blue skies? I often wonder that. Guess it is another question that I will have to ask when I have my 2nd reading done with Forrest. I sure do hope that you come through again. I would love the chance to hear from you!
Things here are crazy busy. Mark works so much to provide a home for the both of us & the 2 pups. I do my best to stay on top of the house cleaning, laundry, cooking, & all that stuff. We have just purchased quite a bit for the Wedding tonight. We even placed the order for our Wedding Invitations! I am starting to get excited for all this to take place but the 1 thing that is missing is you. I wish you were here to help Mom out. I could use your opinion almost all of the time. Oh how I miss you so much. I just hope you know this!
Tomorrow is July 4th. One of the many Holidays that you loved so much. Especially the Fireworks! I remember last year when this day came around. I didn't want to go see the fireworks because I felt I shouldn't because you were not with me and it had only been 14 days since you passed away. I did however, despite my best efforts of not seeing any...took the pups outside for a walk and they were lighting the fireworks all over the place. You could see them for miles because Oklahoma is so flat. I looked to the sky and just froze there in my spot. I remember looking up and seeing all the bright colors and how pretty they were. Before I knew it I was smiling, thinking of you with so many tears rolling down my face. This year I am not going to see them. Living in Texas is just crazy enough and we don't want to be on the road with a ton more traffic. We just plan to have a quiet evening alone and not doing anything. We probably just watch a movie or something. I know it is lame but it is the way we want it this time. If you see any fireworks, please just smile and think of Mom. Think of all the times we watched them together. We use to have so much fun. I miss those times so much. I miss everything.
Not sure if the stars & moon will be out for Mom to see but you betcha I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you can hear me. I hope you have a peaceful night. Sweet dreams my precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world plus so much more. You are in my thoughts, heart, body & soul forever!
I miss you and I love you, Tyler. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. Please watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. Can you please also watch over my friend, Laura & her family as the next 2 days will be rough for them. Lucas' wake is tomorrow & the funeral is on Saturday. I remember those days all too well. Thanks Tyler. I love you my sweet son = ]
Hi my sweet son in the Heavens above. How are you doing this evening? I hope that all is well with you. Things here are going ok. Lots of hot & humid weather we have had these last few days. We also have had some pretty good thunderstorms. Loud thunder & some awesome lightning bolts to be seen. I know you hated them & were always scared because of your vent, but do you like them now? Do you actually get to see them or are you so high up above the clouds that all you see is blue skies? I often wonder that. Guess it is another question that I will have to ask when I have my 2nd reading done with Forrest. I sure do hope that you come through again. I would love the chance to hear from you!
Things here are crazy busy. Mark works so much to provide a home for the both of us & the 2 pups. I do my best to stay on top of the house cleaning, laundry, cooking, & all that stuff. We have just purchased quite a bit for the Wedding tonight. We even placed the order for our Wedding Invitations! I am starting to get excited for all this to take place but the 1 thing that is missing is you. I wish you were here to help Mom out. I could use your opinion almost all of the time. Oh how I miss you so much. I just hope you know this!
Tomorrow is July 4th. One of the many Holidays that you loved so much. Especially the Fireworks! I remember last year when this day came around. I didn't want to go see the fireworks because I felt I shouldn't because you were not with me and it had only been 14 days since you passed away. I did however, despite my best efforts of not seeing any...took the pups outside for a walk and they were lighting the fireworks all over the place. You could see them for miles because Oklahoma is so flat. I looked to the sky and just froze there in my spot. I remember looking up and seeing all the bright colors and how pretty they were. Before I knew it I was smiling, thinking of you with so many tears rolling down my face. This year I am not going to see them. Living in Texas is just crazy enough and we don't want to be on the road with a ton more traffic. We just plan to have a quiet evening alone and not doing anything. We probably just watch a movie or something. I know it is lame but it is the way we want it this time. If you see any fireworks, please just smile and think of Mom. Think of all the times we watched them together. We use to have so much fun. I miss those times so much. I miss everything.
Not sure if the stars & moon will be out for Mom to see but you betcha I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you can hear me. I hope you have a peaceful night. Sweet dreams my precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world plus so much more. You are in my thoughts, heart, body & soul forever!
I miss you and I love you, Tyler. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. Please watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. Can you please also watch over my friend, Laura & her family as the next 2 days will be rough for them. Lucas' wake is tomorrow & the funeral is on Saturday. I remember those days all too well. Thanks Tyler. I love you my sweet son = ]
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son in the Heavens above. How are you doing today? As you already know Mom has such a heavy & sad heart. I found out this morning that a dear sweet friend of mine lost her oldest son who was 15 years old this morning. When I heard of this news I was hoping that it was not true. When I called my friend up, I just knew by the tone of her voice & the way she was crying it was indeed true & there my heart sunk. To listen to her and feel the same pain & raw emotions that I went through 1 year ago after losing you hurt me to no end. She kept saying to Mom... help me through this, how do I go on and continue to live, what happened???... all the questions that I had as well. A year has passed by and I still ask myself these same questions. I don't think there is ever a real answer to them... we just learn to go on even when we don't want to. Everyone said that it never gets easy, it just gets different. Boy that is an understatement. Different isn't even the word for it. What it is, is pure hell. No parent should ever have to endure the pain that I felt losing you or the pain that my friend and her family is experiencing these last few hours. It is like someone ripped our hearts right out of our chests and threw it on the ground for all to walk all over. It is beyond any emotional pain that one has ever experienced. The void is so big, deep and incredible that there are no words to even describe it. We are lost & don't know what to do with ourselves anymore. Decisions that once were so easy to us are the hardest choices to make on a daily basis. Things that mattered to me ( & now them ) and were important don't matter at all. When you passed, the minutes, hours, days, weeks all ran together. I didn't know what day of the week it was & frankly I didn't really care. When you died a huge part of me died too. It is just the way it goes.
Mom spoke about this young man to you many times. I asked you to watch over him when he was not well. He name was Lucas. He, like you had many challenges in this physical world. He had several limitations as you did. No one ever knows why things happen the way that they do but when I try to think of why this happened the way it did... I hear your voice telling me that the way it happened for you was the way you chose it. It was the way you wanted it to be. I can only believe that this was the same for Lucas. It was the way he chose it to be. You both were Angels that walked this Earth. You both were here to be teachers for so many folks that knew you and even for ones that didn't. In my eyes you & Lucas are the definition of TRUE HEROS!!!
Mom, Dad, Laura & her husband were so blessed to have been given the " job " as parents to you & Lucas. We all faced so many obstacles but with the faith in God we all overcame them together. I would do it all over again if I was given the chance and I know that they would as well to their Lucas.
One question that Laura said to me when we spoke was she wondered if you greeted Lucas when he entered Heaven? Even though it was probably not appropriate at the time, I smiled & said yes... I am sure he did. There is no doubt in my mind that you were awaiting his arrival & were there to help Lucas. I can hear you tell him everything will be ok. Please help him, Tyler. Show him the ropes up there in the Heavens above. I know he will be watching over his Mom, Dad, Brother, & Sister every day & he will be with them always..... just like you do for Mom, Mark, & the rest of our family & friends. Thank you pumpkin.
I will close this letter to you but before I do.. I will look to the sky tonight to see the moon & stars shining brightly. Regardless if I see them or not I know you are up there in the Heavens doing amazing things. May your night be all that you need & want it to be. I miss you so much & love you beyond any words could ever express. You are always in my heart, mind, body & soul....Forever!
Sweet dreams my precious son. My special Angel who watches over me. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son in the Heavens above. How are you doing today? As you already know Mom has such a heavy & sad heart. I found out this morning that a dear sweet friend of mine lost her oldest son who was 15 years old this morning. When I heard of this news I was hoping that it was not true. When I called my friend up, I just knew by the tone of her voice & the way she was crying it was indeed true & there my heart sunk. To listen to her and feel the same pain & raw emotions that I went through 1 year ago after losing you hurt me to no end. She kept saying to Mom... help me through this, how do I go on and continue to live, what happened???... all the questions that I had as well. A year has passed by and I still ask myself these same questions. I don't think there is ever a real answer to them... we just learn to go on even when we don't want to. Everyone said that it never gets easy, it just gets different. Boy that is an understatement. Different isn't even the word for it. What it is, is pure hell. No parent should ever have to endure the pain that I felt losing you or the pain that my friend and her family is experiencing these last few hours. It is like someone ripped our hearts right out of our chests and threw it on the ground for all to walk all over. It is beyond any emotional pain that one has ever experienced. The void is so big, deep and incredible that there are no words to even describe it. We are lost & don't know what to do with ourselves anymore. Decisions that once were so easy to us are the hardest choices to make on a daily basis. Things that mattered to me ( & now them ) and were important don't matter at all. When you passed, the minutes, hours, days, weeks all ran together. I didn't know what day of the week it was & frankly I didn't really care. When you died a huge part of me died too. It is just the way it goes.
Mom spoke about this young man to you many times. I asked you to watch over him when he was not well. He name was Lucas. He, like you had many challenges in this physical world. He had several limitations as you did. No one ever knows why things happen the way that they do but when I try to think of why this happened the way it did... I hear your voice telling me that the way it happened for you was the way you chose it. It was the way you wanted it to be. I can only believe that this was the same for Lucas. It was the way he chose it to be. You both were Angels that walked this Earth. You both were here to be teachers for so many folks that knew you and even for ones that didn't. In my eyes you & Lucas are the definition of TRUE HEROS!!!
Mom, Dad, Laura & her husband were so blessed to have been given the " job " as parents to you & Lucas. We all faced so many obstacles but with the faith in God we all overcame them together. I would do it all over again if I was given the chance and I know that they would as well to their Lucas.
One question that Laura said to me when we spoke was she wondered if you greeted Lucas when he entered Heaven? Even though it was probably not appropriate at the time, I smiled & said yes... I am sure he did. There is no doubt in my mind that you were awaiting his arrival & were there to help Lucas. I can hear you tell him everything will be ok. Please help him, Tyler. Show him the ropes up there in the Heavens above. I know he will be watching over his Mom, Dad, Brother, & Sister every day & he will be with them always..... just like you do for Mom, Mark, & the rest of our family & friends. Thank you pumpkin.
I will close this letter to you but before I do.. I will look to the sky tonight to see the moon & stars shining brightly. Regardless if I see them or not I know you are up there in the Heavens doing amazing things. May your night be all that you need & want it to be. I miss you so much & love you beyond any words could ever express. You are always in my heart, mind, body & soul....Forever!
Sweet dreams my precious son. My special Angel who watches over me. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
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