Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? Mom is doing the best she can be! Today has been a kind of rough day for me. It is July 24th & that means it has been 1 year, 1 month & 4 days without you & 1 week without Max. This just plain sucks. I try not to get angry but sometimes it gets the best of me. I know that doesn't make you very happy & I will promise you to do better with my anger. I just miss you so much. I miss everything about our relationship we had. We were so close. It was always you & I. We could never count on anyone else ( other than family & a few friends ) so we always stuck together. Two peas in a pod so to speak. When I lost you I lost 1/2 of myself. The void has been unbearable most days. Not all the time now but sometimes I find myself still so lost & not knowing what to do with myself. I try to keep busy with doing things for the wedding,  looking at facebook to see what others are up to, or just playing a couple stupid games just to pass the time. I have nothing really to do now. My days used to be caring for you, working a full time job, & then lately caring for Max. Everything that I have ever known has been taken away from me & now I am not so sure of what to do or where to go. I have to start over again. I will promise you that I will get my act together & I will have a better attitude on my life. I know that I still have things to do here in this world so I will start paying better attention & be listening to God, you & the Angels for what I am suppose to do. Please leave me some signs, thanks Ty!
 The weather here has been warm but that is what the summers are like here in Texas. The next 4 days will be 100 degrees or more. Quite the heat wave. Won't be spending too much time outside I am afraid but we will walk Snicks during the evening when it cools down in the 80's. He really doesn't do well in that heat. The pavement is just too hot for his little paws. He is doing well. Still mopes around the house sometimes & looks for Max. He sleeps a lot now. I try to get him to play & so does Mark but most of the time he just wants to be left alone. I am sure it will be that way for a couple more weeks. I think he is still wondering what happened. I guess I am too... it all was just so fast.
 Nothing else is really all that new here. Mark is still crazy busy as ever with work. We got some new small furniture coming to finish off the loft... our office/media room. We got a small futon, 2 end tables, a coffee table, area rug, & tv media stand. Everything is black except the futon which is white leather. Hope it will look good. It arrives on Friday. We are excited to see the room finally come together after almost 3 months of the move upstairs.
 The sun is setting as I write to you & it is another gorgeous bright orange glow. I can just see it through the trees but boy is it pretty. I have a feeling that you are a part of that. Orange was such a great color for you. I will be walking Snickers in a bit for the last time tonight. I hope to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening out for Mom. 
 I hope that you have a wonderful evening. May it be peaceful & restful for you no matter what you are doing. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back 7 all the way around the world. Forever in my heart, mind, & soul!
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!