Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today in the Heavens above? As you already know Mom is hurting once again for so many reasons. Another loss with another void for losing Max last night. It just breaks my heart. Max was such a sweet soul, lovable, & would let anyone do anything to him & he just wouldn't care. He just wanted loves in return & boy did he ever get them. He was spoiled for 12 years. The last year has been the toughest on him. Losing his eyesight, not really being able to hear, & then not being able to walk well. It has been a huge struggle on both Mom & Mark for quite sometime not to mention on Max ( your Bub Bub ). Yesterday was just awful seeing him fall down the stairs like he did. After that he couldn't move at all. His little back legs were paralyzed & I knew he did something to his spine. He was dragging his body by just using his front paws on the ground. We waited a couple hours because he was tired & sleeping but when he awoke he was not any better. I had also noticed that he was eating & drinking like normal but he was not needing to go outside & relieve himself. That was a big concern to me. Yesterday afternoon Mark & I were on the phones trying to see where we could get him in to be seen. Finally at 6:30pm we found a place & we loaded up Max & Snickers & off we went. For someplace that would usually take us several minutes to get there because of traffic... Only took about 5 minutes. It went by very quickly before I even knew it we were in the parking lot. My heart was breaking & I cried the whole way there. We brought Max in & he was examined. The doctor came out to get us & the 1st thing she said was that she was seriously concerned. Max did not have any motor skills/movement in his back legs & she had to pinch quite hard to just get a little cry out of him. She tried standing him up like I did during the day & his legs just went limp. He indeed was paralyzed already. The doctor said that they could do x rays, & CT scans to see what was really going on, but Max would need major extensive surgery that would require a very lengthy recovery time, plus a cart to help him walk, & he would have to be catheterized a few times a day. Tyler, a part of me wanted to say yes... I will care for him & do all that I can for Max, but then I just sat there & cried because I knew it would be Mom being selfish. I didn't want Max to have to go through all those tests, surgery & then only have a 50% chance of recovery. I just couldn't do it. I signed the paperwork & gave permission to give him the shot & let him go peacefully. Oh there were so many times during the procedure that I said silently & out loud that I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but it was too late. I held Max's little face & body as the doctor gave him the medicine. It didn't take long at all. I cried just as hard as I did the night I lost you. The horror, the nightmares, all came rushing back to me. I was numb ( still am ). I couldn't talk, could barely walk, & I didn't sleep at all last night. I tossed & turned. The apartment is so quiet & lonely without Max here. He is missed so much. Snickers doesn't even know what to do. He has been pretty mellow today. From time to time he goes looking for Max & wonders where he is. Today has been difficult but I am managing to carry on. I believe that I did the right thing last night. I believe that you were awaiting to be reunited with him as he took his last breath. I said to Max before he passed... Go be with Tyler. He is waiting for you. Go get Daisy, Baxter, & Spencer too. I know he can see again, hear better, & he is walking, running & playing with you & all the other pups. Thinking about this makes me smile & comforts me when I start crying. Someone told me last night that it was Max's time to go because I no longer needed him with me~ You wanted him back. You needed him. Guess you wanted him for an early Birthday present, huh? Make sure that you give him a big hug & kiss from Mom. Tell him I talk to him just like I talk to you. I miss you both so much. Give him a treat every once in awhile & tell him it is from me. Thanks Tyler. I love you so much. The pain that I have is so much & so difficult to handle right now. It hurts like hell. Just when I think I can't cry anymore.... the tears fall again. The voids that I have & the losses that I have suffered are too much. Just too much too soon. It just sucks. Please watch over Mom a little extra than you normally do. I need you. Please continue to watch over the rest of our family & friends too. Thanks pumpkin. 
 The weather has been cloudy but I will hope to see the moon & stars shining brightly this evening. Regardless, I will look to the sky & whisper to you ( and Max ). Hope you both will hear Mom. May you have a peaceful & restful night. May you fly high & fly free my sweet precious son. Forever in my heart, mind & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

P.S. I need another favor.... When you get a chance you need to have a little chat with Snicks. During the whole ordeal with Max yesterday afternoon... don't know what happened again, but he bit Mom in the same arm that he did a month ago. Almost in the same spot. My arm is pretty swollen & it insistly bruised. He got me pretty good again. I don't know what to do anymore. It needs to stop or I will have no choice but to get rid of him & I don't really want to do that because I love him. I just can't keep getting hurt & bit. Do what you can Tyler. Thanks! I love you xoxoxo.