Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday night? Mom just has had another off day today. My emotions are just all over the place & I am having a hard time with it all. I didn't sleep last night, really at all as I had so much on my mind. My brain was on overload. I haven't done any studying for the last 2 days either. I was suppose to take an exam today but after a conversation that I had with someone....my mind was not in it & I just blew it off. I know it is not good to be this way & I am trying....I guess I need to just give myself some time to adjust to all the changes that are going on here in Mom's life & others that I know of. Please, Tyler be with Mom as I need you so much. I need you to help me through all this, to guide me in the direction that I need to be going & to get me on the straight & narrow path that I am suppose to be on. Thank you so much my sweet precious son. I wish so badly that I could hear your voice & listen to the advice that you would be given me. I know you send me signs but sometimes I miss them. I wish I wasn't so stressed out or busy so that I could see & get them all. I am going to try harder now & work on this. To you I promise that! 
 Last night I saw the stars twinkling up in the sky. It was a really pretty blue. There were so many when I finally got my eyes focused. After all that happened yesterday & the things that I was told seeing those stars made me smile. I instantly started talking to you....did you hear Mom? I will be looking again tonight to see if I can see them in the sky. I will whisper to you again so be listening for my voice. Smile & I will too as I know you hate seeing Mom so sad. 
 Not much for updates for you I am afraid. I did hear from a family member of ours saying that they need to go back to the doctors on Monday as something is going on with her liver. The doctors have said they do not like the looks of it at all. They said they would keep me informed as to what is going on. Tomorrow is the day for someone who is very close to me to have surgery. You know who it is so no names to be given on here. It is for the sake of every ones privacy. Please watch over them & all of us as I know you do. I thank you for this. It means so much. I hope you can feel it in your soul. 
 Mom was looking at my blog before I started my letter to you tonight & I noticed that I have made 3,673 posts after tonight's pictures & letter in almost 3 1/2 years. From the start of it I have had 29,761 hits on here & as of right now there are followers in United States, France, Portugal, Russia, Germany, South Africa & Poland. Mom can't even begin to understand what I say to have so many people read my letters to you. I really do wish I knew though. No words can describe the way it makes me feel. I am so humble by it all. To all the people out there that take the time to read my letters to my son...... thank you so much. I hope in some way if you are going through or know of someone grieving the loss of a child or loved one that I may be helping in some small way then I am grateful & happy to be a part of your healing journey. It's a tough journey to be one. It is one helluva roller coaster ride of emotions but I am learning daily. Some days are more of a struggle than others but I continue to keep my head held high & keep moving forward with everything. Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!
 Ok Tyler, Mom has the daily prayer for you so here it is: December 6~ Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me. bless his holy name. With my whole being, precious Lord, I exalt your wonderful name. Indeed, whenever I hear your people praise your name, my soul is overwhelmed with joy, for you are a great God, who is both just & merciful in all that you do. I bless your holy name now & forever, Amen. Love the Lord your God with all your heart & with all your soul & with all your mind & with all your strength. Amen.
 Well, it is beyond that time of night where Mom needs to get going & get the nightly things started. I hope that you evening is everything you want it & need it to be & more. I hope you will have fun while Mom tries to sleep tonight. Please come & be with me or visit me in my dreams. I love it when you do as I know & can see that you are ok. Thanks, Tyler. Remember that you are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond....unconditionally. Good night & sweet dreams. Until tomorrow....
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!