Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is doing the best I can. Being up early this morning I was able to see the sunrise & it was beautiful. Mom took pictures of the transformation of it at 6 am to 6:48 am. I will share a couple on here with you today. I was so exhausted after taking the pictures & feeding the pups that I actually laid back down & fell asleep for about an hour. Guess I needed the little extra sleep. Mom & Mark did not get to bed until after midnight because last night around 5 pm Mark was told he had to do a cut over for work. He worked yesterday from 7 am to 5 pm & then 7 pm until 12 midnight. Mom stayed quiet last night & bindged watch a couple of my TV shows that I have had taped for like 2 weeks now. I cuddled on the couch with the pups & had a glass of wine. Mom was hoping it would relax me enough to sleep but it didn't. Mom is just having a really hard time this week with sleep. I have so much going on in my head that I guess I am having trouble with. Mom chatted last night with her friend ( the one who has the son, Eli ) I was asking how she was doing & she said she was hanging in there. I asked how Eli was doing & she said that he is worse & worse every day now. It won't be long. Mom has one of he " gut " feelings & it isn't good. I told her that I was here for her whenever she needed to take, yell, cry, scream, etc.... seeing & hearing her go through this is bringing back so much from when I lost you. Even though it has been almost 5 years, it still feels like yesterday to me. So many emotions are going through my head at this time. Mom is really having a difficult time with this. I try to be a positive person for the most part but I am just sad & angry for myself & for my friend. It is just not fair, Tyler. Why does things like this happen? Why do Mom's have to give back their precious children? I miss you so much. It hurts my heart every day. No words can be expressed to anyone the way Mom has felt for the last 56 months. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will always be my hero & the wind beneath my wings. Please watch over Mom & the rest of our family & friends. Thank you so much my sweet precious son. Mom needs you. Last night Mom also spoke to Meme. She was tired & I guess just got home from work. Nothing new on her end so I guess that is good. Mom also spoke to Bonnie in Oklahoma. I sure miss her. We are talking more often these days & that makes Mom happy. She is doing the best she can as well. She got a sh*tty deck handed to her as well. I sure hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel for her & she can be happy. Mom prays for her & for many family & friends daily. I know my prayers are heard & I hope they are helping. About 5 pm last night, Mark got the call he had been waiting for. Unfortunately, it wasn't the news he was hoping for. He didn't get it. Even though Mom had mixed feelings yesterday about it, Mom was sad for him. I know he really wanted it & he would have been dang good at it but like I told him... things happen for reasons. There was a reason why he didn't get it. Doesn't help his sadness but Mom truly believes that with all her heart. Something better will be coming along for Mark. Mom didn't talk to Grandpa last night but I will touch base with him over the weekend. Aunt Beck called. We talked for about a half hour. Things are good there. John went to the doctors & he has a viral infection in his throat & it has nothing to do with his thyroid... Thank God for that! He will be better in a few days. Guess Bean is still not 100% better yet from being sick with the flu for the 3rd time. I hope she gets better soon. Poor Bean. Well, Tyler, that is all the updates that I have for you right now. I will be sure to have more over the weekend. It is going on 1 pm here & Mom wanted to write to you before I started to study for a few hours. Mom is hoping that your evening tonight will be peaceful & restful. If you have the time to come visit Mom or be with me tonight while I sleep that would be wonderful. I hope that you get to have fun doing things that you need to do & want to do as well. Mom will whisper to you just like I always do when I go to bed. Smile for me & I will smile right back. I will light my candle for you as well. Before I go I wanted to write the color & its meaning for the day so here it is: White: An affinity for white is indicative of someone who appreciates order & simple elegance. With a refined level of taste, you enjoy things that are well crafted & beautiful. It does not have to be expensive it just has to be aesthetically pleasing. You have an eye & a special knack for finding treasures in the most unexpected places. You are particular & have high expectations for yourself as well as others. Gracefully dealing with disappointment when things do not go as planned is not what you do best, but no one would know because of your ability to portray a sense of control no matter what. People may misread you as aloof because of your self-confidence & naturally reserved nature. Once they get to know you, they soon appreciate your mindfulness & wisdom & often describe you as an old soul. 
 Here are a couple sayings for the day: Today's struggle is part of tomorrow's success.
 At the end of a long day..... take time to relax & unwind.
Remember, it's up to you & only you to design the life you want.....
 Here are the prayers for the day:
  As the day wraps up and you crawl into bed tonight, may your body, mind, and soul be at rest and know the deep, abiding peace that comes from deeply knowing God. May He speak to you while you sleep and may He download fresh insight and perspective regarding your current circumstances. And as you rise up in the morning, may faith rise up in you and compel you to obey when you'd rather self-protect, give when you'd rather hoard, and trust when you're tempted to worry. You're not made for this place. You're only passing through. Live as one who is spoken for. 
  May you have the presence of mind to cherish every second with the ones you love. May you make time for fun, for rest, and for reflection. May you plan time in your schedule not to have plans, and see what happens. May you come to know--on a whole new level--that much more rests on God's shoulders than on yours. And may you learn to enjoy the journey because His yoke is easy and His burden is light. And He's crazy in love with you. Have a blessed, restful weekend.
 Mom will be back tomorrow afternoon with another letter to you so until then...good night & sweet dreams my bright shining star. Mom loves you unconditionally!
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!