Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? Today is the last day of February. Mom is not having the best day at all as you have probably seen. I am so sorry that I did not get the chance to write to you yesterday at all. Mom was completely under the weather all day & all night. I spent my day sitting on the couch watching TV. I tried to do some studying but that didn't happen. I tried to do a lot of things but Mom really couldn't do any of them. I was just having a really tough day yesterday & I had no idea why....until this morning..... Mom received a call this morning & later a private message saying that my friends son, Eli had passed away at 2:26 am. Everything made sense to me with the way I was feeling all day yesterday. I knew something was off but I couldn't place it. Eli lost his 2 year battle with cancer at age 16 years old. Mom is truly broken hearted over this. My friend will now embark on the journey that Mom has been on for the last 4 ( almost 5 ) years now. I wish this journey on no one...EVER! No parent should ever have to bury their child, give them back at any age. It is not what we call the  " Circle of Life. " Just hearing all this this morning brought Mom back to when I was with you when you passed away. All those emotions came flooding back to me. I cried. I cried really hard.... so hard my chest hurt. Today I am in a daze. Everything is really a blur to me. Mark held me so tight when I was crying. Just like he did when you went away from Mom. I do okay for a little while & then tears fall from my eyes. Mom will be okay so don't you worry. This one is a tough one though. Mom is hoping & would like to think that you were there to greet him this morning at 2:26 am when he left the physical world. Eli, may you R.I.P. now for eternal life. You are once again whole & without any limitations or pain. Spread your wings & fly high & freely now. You deserve it. Sherbear ( my nick name from him ) will miss you forever & always. I love you. 
 Not much else has been going on. Mark & Mom are headed to NH for the weekend. As you know, we were suppose to be going there for a surprise party for Charlie but I think that with everything that has happened we may be going there for a totally different reason now or extending our stay by a few days. Mom will keep you posted though. I have spoken to Meme & Grandpa & everything is good there. Yesterday was Bob's Birthday & today is Aunt Jacqui's Birthday. Hope you had the chance to go see them & visit them with a sign. Aunt Shirley messaged me earlier today 7 told me that the medicine that she has been on is not helping at all. She went for an x-ray the other day & the doctors said they would have the results in a few days for her. Yesterday they contacted her to tell her that they needed her to have an MRI because they saw something in the x-rays that were on her lungs. The doctors are quite concerned about it. She is going to keep me posted. Mom is worried. Not going to lie. Anything that you can do from wherever you are would be great, Tyler! Thank you so much my sweet precious son. That is all the updates that I have for you today but I will have more in the next day or so I am sure.
 So as I said above, today is the last day of February. 2 months already gone for the year 2018. That is crazy to just think about it. March 1st would have been Nana's 99th Birthday. It is also Meme & Bob's Anniversary too. They will be married for 22 years. Do you remember that? They got married at our house in NH. You were only 6 years old. Wow! Just wow! Mom has been doing themes for the months on here along with your daily letters. I usually have everything all thought out by now but I don't have a clue to what I am going to do for pictures & the theme right now. Mom will also stop the colors & the meanings as well. That was something fun for this month. I am sure something will come to Mom later this evening or tomorrow right before I write to you. maybe Mom will do some " Spring " pictures as Spring starts in the month of March. Daylight Savings Time is again on March 11th. We will go forward an hour. The days will be longer & so will the nights. It will stay lighter out. Mom definitely needs this! Today the weather is breezy but the temps are so nice. I think it is close to 60 degrees & the sun is shining. maybe tonight Mom will see a moon & the stars shining bright. Been quite a few nights since that has happened. I will whisper to you like I always do so be listening out for my voice. Smile when you hear Mom & I will be sure to smile to you as well. I will light a candle for you tonight along with Eli so know that when you see it burning bright, Mom is thinking of you both. I miss you so much, Tyler. I always have & I always will. My heart has a permanent void in it that will never be filled. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You forever are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. always close to my heart, mind, body & soul. 
 Here is the last color & the meaning for the month. It has always been one of Mom's favorite colors: Pink: Pink personalities have an easygoing, approachable energy. You come from a place of assuming the good outweighs the bad in everyone & every situation. Witty & smart, you sparkle socially particularly in small groups. Your caring & encouraging demeanor nurtures your longtime friendships. You genuinely revel in success & happiness of others, especially your friends & family. Compassionate, perhaps to a fault, you are the one those closest to you depend on when they need a shoulder to cry on or a boost of confidence. All is well with your pink perspective & the saying about seeing life through rose-colored glasses sums it up. Peace, harmony, & calmness are important to your daily routine but you appreciate letting loose on occasion & enjoy embracing all the fun life has to offer. 
 Here is the saying for the day: Yes, the blues can come & go...sometimes they can sneak right up on us...so remember when they appear, be kind to yourself, reach out to a friend, go for a walk...focus on something you love to do! Most of all...Take care of You...
 Mom needs to get going for now as it is already 4:18 pm. Another day that I didn't even study but today with good reason. I will try to study tomorrow after my appointment. Maybe I can squeeze in a couple hours then. Mom hopes that your night is everything you need & want it to be filled with. Please come be with me tonight so I can get some rest. Thank you. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Until then.... good night & sweet dreams my bright shining star. I love you with all my heart & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here are the prayers for the day: Maybe you’ve sensed the winds of change starting to blow. Does it stir up fear, the thought of letting go? May you take a deep breath, and remember what you already know about the heart of God: He is good, He is for you, and it’s impossible for Him to fail you. Now exhale your fears and lay hold of faith. That land up ahead is a pleasant land, filled with promise, fresh with purpose. Do not fear change; instead, trust God. He’s only answering your prayers. You can trust Him.
  May you take a new grip with your tired hands and mark out a straight path for your feet. God has given you promises to hang onto and enough light for the road in front of you. Someone once said, ‘The devil drives but the Shepherd leads.’ Tell your soul that the devil will not drive you off your promise, off your property, or off your sense of purpose. In fact, the Lord Himself fights for you! So take your stand, hold your ground, and refuse to be bullied by your fears. Jesus won the war so you can win this battle. You are mighty in God, my friend!

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