Friday, February 27, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? I hope that you are happy & smiling that wonderful smile of yours that I miss so much. Mom is doing ok. I have been up for a few hours now. The morning has been an interesting one to say the least. About 9:30 am our fire alarm went off. I got up & check the apartment & all was well. I opened the door to see what was going on & the doors to the stairs were shut. I ended up calling our office to let them know & to send someone over. They did about 30 minutes later. It was so loud I got an instant headache & poor Snicks was shaking like a leaf. He didn't know what was going on. I felt bad for the other pups that were home alone. They must have been scared too. What a mess. Took Snicks outside for a walk after & noticed that there were 2 guys on the roof shoveling the snow & ice. They must have tripped the sensor & that is what made the alarm go off. Snicks came in from his walk & heard them on the roof... he was scared again because he thought it was thunder. This has not been the greatest of days today. My head is still pounding. Unreal...lol! I can her you saying to me.." Poor Mom & Boo Bear. " & I can see the face that you would give me. Oh how I wish I could see your face again, here your voice, your laugh, see your smile. Gosh... I miss you so much. It hurts like hell every day.
Anyways... The weather is sunny today. Yes.. I said it was sunny! It is cold but I can handle that. So nice to see the sun shine. Forgot what it looked like. Last night I was so surprised to see the moon shining. I couldn't believe it. I looked up & saw it & whispered to you. I hope you heard Mom. Thank you for that big ole surprise! I am hoping that with the sky being clear & blue today I will get to see the stars & moon shining again tonight. As always I will look to the sky & whisper to you as I always do. I hope you will be waiting to hear my voice talking to you.
Sorry about not being able to put some of the pictures on here last night with your letter like I normally do. I don't know what happened. I got done your letter & my computer went & crapped out. Mark didn't get it working until late last night. I will make sure to put extras on today's letter for you. I hope you enjoy the quotes, the sayings, & the puppy pictures I put on here. I enjoy finding them because I know much you loved them all!
Today is Bob's birthday! I hope you went over & saw him & Meme. I called him up & wished him a good day. He said he wasn't doing so well. Guess they are having a hard time with keeping his blood pressure stable. He sounded so tired & frustrated. I hurt for him. I know he is just so sick & tired of being sick & tired. He says it all the time. He wonders why he is suffering like this. I told him that hopefully soon the doctors will figure things out & he can get back to the way he was before all this. He can hopefully put it all behind him & move forward. He didn't seem to positive. I am trying to do what I can to keep his spirits up. I pray every day for him & all our family, friends, & others. I wonder if you know what is going on? Do you see what is happening? Do you know the reason why? I know you told Aunt Becky & Forrest that you finally had the answers to what happened to you. Why you suffered for so long. You finally said it made sense & you could finally understand it all. You were at peace. I hope that when I have another session with Forrest you will come through & talk to me about it. I would like to know what happened. Maybe then I could be at peace too.
Here is today's daily prayer for you. February 27~ Bear with one another & if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other, just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. I am not sure, heavenly Father, that I can ever forget this pain. I know that time will heal all wounds, & that one day I will look back on this as a lesson learned & wisdom gained. But right now, I struggle to keep from letting anger & depression overcome me. Help me find that middle road, where I can forgive, even if I am not yet able to forget. I long to be free of the dark fog that envelops me, & I pray that you will embolden me to step forward & move beyond what was done to me to hope of what will be. God's healing balm grants the freedom that forgiveness brings.
Tyler, I am trying so hard to get away from the dark of things & be free but it seems to be consuming Mom more than what I would like to admit. I struggle every day because of losing you. I don't know what the lesson I am suppose to be learning from this. Losing my only child... my precious son. What wisdom am I suppose to gain from this? The pain is sometimes just too overbearing & hard for me to take. The depression is tough but like I said I am trying. I really am. Please know this. I want you to see me happy, to see Mom smile more. I do when people are around because I can put on a good act for all to see, but inside I am in so much pain. When I am alone I don't have to pretend to anyone. No one is here to see my struggles. I am getting used to being alone. Mark works such long hours. I had a hard time at 1st with this but I am now managing. Please Tyler, help Mom through this. Help me to understand & see why I had to loose you. Lord, please help me as well. Give me the strength to continue on. I ask for this help, now. Amen.
I have to get going for now, Ty. I have a few things that I must do as the weekend is almost here & folks don't work weekend. I hope that you have a wonderful afternoon & evening tonight. Hope it is all that you want & need. Be listening for Mom later. Sending you tons of hugs & kisses your way. Hope you get them all. May you have the sweetest of dreams tonight & I hope to see you in mine. Remember... you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you so much..more than words can say. I miss you like crazy.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? I hope that you are happy & smiling that wonderful smile of yours that I miss so much. Mom is doing ok. I have been up for a few hours now. The morning has been an interesting one to say the least. About 9:30 am our fire alarm went off. I got up & check the apartment & all was well. I opened the door to see what was going on & the doors to the stairs were shut. I ended up calling our office to let them know & to send someone over. They did about 30 minutes later. It was so loud I got an instant headache & poor Snicks was shaking like a leaf. He didn't know what was going on. I felt bad for the other pups that were home alone. They must have been scared too. What a mess. Took Snicks outside for a walk after & noticed that there were 2 guys on the roof shoveling the snow & ice. They must have tripped the sensor & that is what made the alarm go off. Snicks came in from his walk & heard them on the roof... he was scared again because he thought it was thunder. This has not been the greatest of days today. My head is still pounding. Unreal...lol! I can her you saying to me.." Poor Mom & Boo Bear. " & I can see the face that you would give me. Oh how I wish I could see your face again, here your voice, your laugh, see your smile. Gosh... I miss you so much. It hurts like hell every day.
Anyways... The weather is sunny today. Yes.. I said it was sunny! It is cold but I can handle that. So nice to see the sun shine. Forgot what it looked like. Last night I was so surprised to see the moon shining. I couldn't believe it. I looked up & saw it & whispered to you. I hope you heard Mom. Thank you for that big ole surprise! I am hoping that with the sky being clear & blue today I will get to see the stars & moon shining again tonight. As always I will look to the sky & whisper to you as I always do. I hope you will be waiting to hear my voice talking to you.
Sorry about not being able to put some of the pictures on here last night with your letter like I normally do. I don't know what happened. I got done your letter & my computer went & crapped out. Mark didn't get it working until late last night. I will make sure to put extras on today's letter for you. I hope you enjoy the quotes, the sayings, & the puppy pictures I put on here. I enjoy finding them because I know much you loved them all!
Today is Bob's birthday! I hope you went over & saw him & Meme. I called him up & wished him a good day. He said he wasn't doing so well. Guess they are having a hard time with keeping his blood pressure stable. He sounded so tired & frustrated. I hurt for him. I know he is just so sick & tired of being sick & tired. He says it all the time. He wonders why he is suffering like this. I told him that hopefully soon the doctors will figure things out & he can get back to the way he was before all this. He can hopefully put it all behind him & move forward. He didn't seem to positive. I am trying to do what I can to keep his spirits up. I pray every day for him & all our family, friends, & others. I wonder if you know what is going on? Do you see what is happening? Do you know the reason why? I know you told Aunt Becky & Forrest that you finally had the answers to what happened to you. Why you suffered for so long. You finally said it made sense & you could finally understand it all. You were at peace. I hope that when I have another session with Forrest you will come through & talk to me about it. I would like to know what happened. Maybe then I could be at peace too.
Here is today's daily prayer for you. February 27~ Bear with one another & if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other, just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. I am not sure, heavenly Father, that I can ever forget this pain. I know that time will heal all wounds, & that one day I will look back on this as a lesson learned & wisdom gained. But right now, I struggle to keep from letting anger & depression overcome me. Help me find that middle road, where I can forgive, even if I am not yet able to forget. I long to be free of the dark fog that envelops me, & I pray that you will embolden me to step forward & move beyond what was done to me to hope of what will be. God's healing balm grants the freedom that forgiveness brings.
Tyler, I am trying so hard to get away from the dark of things & be free but it seems to be consuming Mom more than what I would like to admit. I struggle every day because of losing you. I don't know what the lesson I am suppose to be learning from this. Losing my only child... my precious son. What wisdom am I suppose to gain from this? The pain is sometimes just too overbearing & hard for me to take. The depression is tough but like I said I am trying. I really am. Please know this. I want you to see me happy, to see Mom smile more. I do when people are around because I can put on a good act for all to see, but inside I am in so much pain. When I am alone I don't have to pretend to anyone. No one is here to see my struggles. I am getting used to being alone. Mark works such long hours. I had a hard time at 1st with this but I am now managing. Please Tyler, help Mom through this. Help me to understand & see why I had to loose you. Lord, please help me as well. Give me the strength to continue on. I ask for this help, now. Amen.
I have to get going for now, Ty. I have a few things that I must do as the weekend is almost here & folks don't work weekend. I hope that you have a wonderful afternoon & evening tonight. Hope it is all that you want & need. Be listening for Mom later. Sending you tons of hugs & kisses your way. Hope you get them all. May you have the sweetest of dreams tonight & I hope to see you in mine. Remember... you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you so much..more than words can say. I miss you like crazy.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom is doing as well as can be! I am sorry that I didn't get the chance to write to you yesterday. So many things needed to get done, phone calls to make & by the time I was done, the day escaped me & it was night time. I was tired too. Last night was one of the 1st nights I slept good in about a week or so. Today has been just as busy. We are trying to find movers to go pack our things in Texas & ship them up here. This I thought would be somewhat easy but apparently not. It is a pain in the you know what! Everything else is ok. The weather today is so cold outside. The wind is blowing & it was snowing earlier. Last night when we did take Snickers out I did see the moon. It was shining so bright. I smiled. It made me very happy. Saw a man walking his dog too. His name was Buddy. Friendly dog & man. Nice to see someone & chat with them.
Spoke to Aunt Becky yesterday. Guess things are well with her. She was telling me that John is going for a 2nd opinion on his knee. It has been 5 months since he had the knee replacement surgery & he is still having a hard time. Guess one of his knees are still swollen. She is trying to get him an appointment at DHMC for next month. I know you are with them both but if there is anything you can do to help out I am sure they would appreciate it. Spoke to Meme also. It was so disappointing to hear her say that Bob has not changed any since the heart surgery last Monday. I guess it is not doing what the doctors hoped it would for him. Just so sad. He is such a wonderful person & does not deserve to be going through all this pain & suffering. Just like you, Tyler... you never deserved to go through everything you did for so many years. You were the bravest & strongest person I know. You deserved to be happy & healthy. I guess now that you are gone ( in the physical sense ) I am happy for you because you are free of all the pain & suffering. You are free. You are everything that you ever wanted to be. It means a lot to Mom to know that you are content. I often think about Ron, Ricky, Wendy, Amy & so many more up there with you. I wonder if you see them & if so what is it like. Do you guys talk? Do you do things together? If you do see them please tell them all that I miss them & love them. Give them hugs for me. Thanks Tyler.
Here are the daily prayers for Wednesday & today. February 25~ Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout aloud & sing for joy. Thank you for going with me on my walk today, Lord. You know how exhausted I was when I started out. But the longer I walked, the more aware I became of your awesome creation all around me, & the more rejuvenated I became. Sending those three deer by my path was an especially nice touch. You are the bounce in my step, Lord. Thanks for the walk. God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on the trees, & flowers & clouds & stars.
February 26~ The Lord is king! Let the earth rejoice. Almighty God, how creative you are! Within the elements of your creation are hidden messages of wonder, encouragement, & love. A purple hyacinth breaks through the snow by a rural mailbox, & the message of hope is delivered. A single cardinal swoops down & flies beside the car of someone who is grieving as if to say " Be assured! God sees your grief & is with you." A tiny kitten seems to seek the saddest person in the room & curls up to her lap. Thank you, Lord, for touching us through your creation. How very blessed we are!
Well Tyler, the night sky is definitely upon us now. The sky is dark. I know because of the weather we had there will be nothing but clouds in the sky. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you have a peaceful & restful night. I hope that it is all that you want it to be & so much more. Hope you will be listening for Mom's voice. What I wouldn't do to hear your voice again = [
Please watch over us all like I know you do. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I love you with all my heart. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you like crazy. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. Tomorrow is Bob's Birthday. I am sure you will visit him.. again ..just don't scare him...lol!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom is doing as well as can be! I am sorry that I didn't get the chance to write to you yesterday. So many things needed to get done, phone calls to make & by the time I was done, the day escaped me & it was night time. I was tired too. Last night was one of the 1st nights I slept good in about a week or so. Today has been just as busy. We are trying to find movers to go pack our things in Texas & ship them up here. This I thought would be somewhat easy but apparently not. It is a pain in the you know what! Everything else is ok. The weather today is so cold outside. The wind is blowing & it was snowing earlier. Last night when we did take Snickers out I did see the moon. It was shining so bright. I smiled. It made me very happy. Saw a man walking his dog too. His name was Buddy. Friendly dog & man. Nice to see someone & chat with them.
Spoke to Aunt Becky yesterday. Guess things are well with her. She was telling me that John is going for a 2nd opinion on his knee. It has been 5 months since he had the knee replacement surgery & he is still having a hard time. Guess one of his knees are still swollen. She is trying to get him an appointment at DHMC for next month. I know you are with them both but if there is anything you can do to help out I am sure they would appreciate it. Spoke to Meme also. It was so disappointing to hear her say that Bob has not changed any since the heart surgery last Monday. I guess it is not doing what the doctors hoped it would for him. Just so sad. He is such a wonderful person & does not deserve to be going through all this pain & suffering. Just like you, Tyler... you never deserved to go through everything you did for so many years. You were the bravest & strongest person I know. You deserved to be happy & healthy. I guess now that you are gone ( in the physical sense ) I am happy for you because you are free of all the pain & suffering. You are free. You are everything that you ever wanted to be. It means a lot to Mom to know that you are content. I often think about Ron, Ricky, Wendy, Amy & so many more up there with you. I wonder if you see them & if so what is it like. Do you guys talk? Do you do things together? If you do see them please tell them all that I miss them & love them. Give them hugs for me. Thanks Tyler.
Here are the daily prayers for Wednesday & today. February 25~ Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout aloud & sing for joy. Thank you for going with me on my walk today, Lord. You know how exhausted I was when I started out. But the longer I walked, the more aware I became of your awesome creation all around me, & the more rejuvenated I became. Sending those three deer by my path was an especially nice touch. You are the bounce in my step, Lord. Thanks for the walk. God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on the trees, & flowers & clouds & stars.
February 26~ The Lord is king! Let the earth rejoice. Almighty God, how creative you are! Within the elements of your creation are hidden messages of wonder, encouragement, & love. A purple hyacinth breaks through the snow by a rural mailbox, & the message of hope is delivered. A single cardinal swoops down & flies beside the car of someone who is grieving as if to say " Be assured! God sees your grief & is with you." A tiny kitten seems to seek the saddest person in the room & curls up to her lap. Thank you, Lord, for touching us through your creation. How very blessed we are!
Well Tyler, the night sky is definitely upon us now. The sky is dark. I know because of the weather we had there will be nothing but clouds in the sky. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you have a peaceful & restful night. I hope that it is all that you want it to be & so much more. Hope you will be listening for Mom's voice. What I wouldn't do to hear your voice again = [
Please watch over us all like I know you do. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I love you with all my heart. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you like crazy. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. Tomorrow is Bob's Birthday. I am sure you will visit him.. again ..just don't scare him...lol!
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing this afternoon on this Tuesday? The weather here is just so cold. It was -13 degrees this morning & has not warmed up at all. This winter is turning out to be the most brutal on that I have ever seen or been in. Hope that Spring comes soon & the snow starts to melt away!
Yesterday was just crazy as I had to have maintenance come up & see where the ceiling was leaking in 2 different rooms. The snow & ice is so much & so heavy that is it leaking & has cracked most of our walls. Guess they will be doing a lot of fixing up this apartment when the winter time is over. Lucky us, right? I just have to laugh & shrug it off. That is all I can do...if not I will just sit there & shake my head & cry. I don't really want to do that so....
Today has been a pretty quiet day. I was up early. I am a little tired so I wanted to write to you now before I get off my computer. I plan on just sitting down in a few & having lunch & cuddling up with a blanket for a bit. Heck, I my even take a nap. Not sure. Mark put his truck in the shop as it needed to be repaired. Not sure what was wrong but hopefully it will be fixed. Things just seemed to be coming at us all at once. Bills to pay, truck needed to be fixed, etc... so much money needed but yet we don't have it all. Sometimes being an adult is just not fun!
I spoke to one of my friends today that I haven't in about 3 months. It was so nice to hear her voice & see what has been going on with her. I sure have missed her a great deal. I think she said it best.. we both needed a break but it sure is nice to have my friend back again. Life just gets so crazy at times, as you know. There is just not enough hours in the day to do everything or talk to everyone you want to. Time just is flying by here. When I really think about it.. it really is just sad. We all bust our butts are adults & have very little to show for it. Don't get me wrong... I am blessed with everything that I have & the people that I have in my life, but some days I wish I could have you back. I wish for more time with the family & friends that I love. I try not to think about it too much as that plays into my depression & makes me sad. When those times happen I just redirect my thoughts to happier times & I smile & laugh at remembering certain things.
Before I get into the letter even more... here is the daily prayer for today. February 24~ For by grace you have been saved through faith, & this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God---not the result of works, so that no one may boast. Amazing grace! That's certainly what grace is, Father in heaven---truly amazing! Grace that gives a sinner entrance into heaven. Grace that reaches down to heal the sick & lift up the poorest of the poor. Grace that changes hearts in an instant. Grace that saved a wretch like me. O Lord, how we thank you for the gift of grace. By your mercy you created a wonderful path to salvation---one that's open to everyone because it's not about what we do but about what you did. Thank you, Father. We praise you for your amazing grace! It is God & God alone who gives me power to walk through dark valleys into the light again. Thank you. Amen!
I am so happy to be writing to you again each day & being able to give & write to you the daily prayer instead of writing every couple days with 3 or 4 prayers to catch up on. It feels so good to be back into somewhat of a routine. I am hoping that in the next couple weeks I can get back to doing my workouts so I can feel better about myself again. I needed this time to heal from having my cold & being sick. Thank you for watching over Mom. I know you are with me all the time. I love seeing signs from you. Please don't stop. Please continue. Please continue to watch over all the ones that you love. We all thank you so much, Tyler.
The sky is blue today with very little clouds for once. Such a nice change. I will be hoping to see the stars & moon shining brightly tonight when the evening sky is upon us. I will look & whisper to you you as I always do. Hope you listen out for my voice. I hope you can hear Mom. I miss you so dang much. I can't even express to anyone just how much that really is. No words can describe it. I know that you feel it & that you know & that really is all that matters to Mom. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I hope that you have a wonderful night. May it be peaceful for you. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Always remember... you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing this afternoon on this Tuesday? The weather here is just so cold. It was -13 degrees this morning & has not warmed up at all. This winter is turning out to be the most brutal on that I have ever seen or been in. Hope that Spring comes soon & the snow starts to melt away!
Yesterday was just crazy as I had to have maintenance come up & see where the ceiling was leaking in 2 different rooms. The snow & ice is so much & so heavy that is it leaking & has cracked most of our walls. Guess they will be doing a lot of fixing up this apartment when the winter time is over. Lucky us, right? I just have to laugh & shrug it off. That is all I can do...if not I will just sit there & shake my head & cry. I don't really want to do that so....
Today has been a pretty quiet day. I was up early. I am a little tired so I wanted to write to you now before I get off my computer. I plan on just sitting down in a few & having lunch & cuddling up with a blanket for a bit. Heck, I my even take a nap. Not sure. Mark put his truck in the shop as it needed to be repaired. Not sure what was wrong but hopefully it will be fixed. Things just seemed to be coming at us all at once. Bills to pay, truck needed to be fixed, etc... so much money needed but yet we don't have it all. Sometimes being an adult is just not fun!
I spoke to one of my friends today that I haven't in about 3 months. It was so nice to hear her voice & see what has been going on with her. I sure have missed her a great deal. I think she said it best.. we both needed a break but it sure is nice to have my friend back again. Life just gets so crazy at times, as you know. There is just not enough hours in the day to do everything or talk to everyone you want to. Time just is flying by here. When I really think about it.. it really is just sad. We all bust our butts are adults & have very little to show for it. Don't get me wrong... I am blessed with everything that I have & the people that I have in my life, but some days I wish I could have you back. I wish for more time with the family & friends that I love. I try not to think about it too much as that plays into my depression & makes me sad. When those times happen I just redirect my thoughts to happier times & I smile & laugh at remembering certain things.
Before I get into the letter even more... here is the daily prayer for today. February 24~ For by grace you have been saved through faith, & this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God---not the result of works, so that no one may boast. Amazing grace! That's certainly what grace is, Father in heaven---truly amazing! Grace that gives a sinner entrance into heaven. Grace that reaches down to heal the sick & lift up the poorest of the poor. Grace that changes hearts in an instant. Grace that saved a wretch like me. O Lord, how we thank you for the gift of grace. By your mercy you created a wonderful path to salvation---one that's open to everyone because it's not about what we do but about what you did. Thank you, Father. We praise you for your amazing grace! It is God & God alone who gives me power to walk through dark valleys into the light again. Thank you. Amen!
I am so happy to be writing to you again each day & being able to give & write to you the daily prayer instead of writing every couple days with 3 or 4 prayers to catch up on. It feels so good to be back into somewhat of a routine. I am hoping that in the next couple weeks I can get back to doing my workouts so I can feel better about myself again. I needed this time to heal from having my cold & being sick. Thank you for watching over Mom. I know you are with me all the time. I love seeing signs from you. Please don't stop. Please continue. Please continue to watch over all the ones that you love. We all thank you so much, Tyler.
The sky is blue today with very little clouds for once. Such a nice change. I will be hoping to see the stars & moon shining brightly tonight when the evening sky is upon us. I will look & whisper to you you as I always do. Hope you listen out for my voice. I hope you can hear Mom. I miss you so dang much. I can't even express to anyone just how much that really is. No words can describe it. I know that you feel it & that you know & that really is all that matters to Mom. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I hope that you have a wonderful night. May it be peaceful for you. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Always remember... you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, February 23, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing? Mom has has a crazy busy day so far. All I can say is that it sure is a Monday. I have had to call maintenance from our apartment complex because we have two areas that are leaking from the roof. It is from all the snow & ice. It is just so heavy that so many roofs are collapsing & getting ruined. I hope ours is an easy fix. I feel bad for the ones who have already lost their businesses & their houses from this. This winter has sure been the roughest by far. The worst one that I have ever seen in my life living up here in New England. I know that we will be safe because you will be taking care of us & will be watching over us. I do feel so much safer. Thank you.
I don't know what it is but I am trying to be a good person. I am trying to make sure that many things get done & that bills are paid & other things get finished while Mark is at work but for some reason ( well I know the reason... just don't want to say it on here..you know though ) I can't seem to do anything right. That makes me angry but hurts me more than anything else. I can't do a darn thing because my hands are tied. Mark loves his new job. I get that but his commute & his hours take away from other important things that need to get done & all these other things keeps taking a back seat. This is not ok. I try to talk to Mark about it but he doesn't see or care to see where I am coming from so it always just ends in a nasty fight. I am so sick of arguing & fighting. I don't have it in me anymore to do it. I am lost for words at this point & I just don't know anything anymore. I am sorry that I am writing this down here in my letter but I know you already see it. You already know about it. I just am so sad, I am so depressed, & so hurt. That is not Mom. I tend to be a positive person, I try to be happy. Tyler, I just don't know what to do. I need you. I need your help now. Will you help me please? Thank you.
Not much else is new from yesterday. We did skype with Mark's Dad & Step Mom. That was nice. It always is. I enjoying talking to them. They are such wonderful people. I can't say enough nice things about them. Could you do me another favor? Can you watch over Mark's Dad? He took a nasty fall a few weeks ago & broke some ribs & is still pretty sore. I asked how he was feeling last night & he said he was good but Karen said that we would discuss it later. I am guessing that things are not all that great & they just don't want to worry us. I just want him to get better. If you could do that, thank you pumpkin. It would mean a lot to us. I know you watch over all our family & friends & I thank you for that as well. You sure must be pretty busy doing all the things you have to, want to, & with all the requests Mom puts in, huh? Even though I can't see you now.. you still amaze me. You always will be my Hero!
Here is today's daily prayer. February 23~ Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. Let your good spirit lead me on a level path. O God, all the instructions & guidance we need to live a purposeful life is provided for us in your Word. So why do we find ourselves allured by commentators on a talk shows or by self-help gurus with all the latest & purportedly greatest approaches to life's problems? Keep me in your perfect will for my life, Lord, & prevent me from being pulled this way & that by all the influences this world promotes. For I know that it is only when you are leading me that I'm moving in the right direction. Wow... ok... today's prayer is exactly what I needed to read. It is just like I said, Ty...with the problems that I am having I don't know what to do or where to turn, but I do know now. I need to just give everything to God. Let him show me the correct way & what the best route to take is. This is just what I needed. Please Lord, help me with the issues that I have been having. I will no longer wonder what to do or what to say or how to make things change. I will talk to you & give you all my worries. I will wait to see what you want me to do. Thank you for this prayer today. It couldn't have come at a better time. Amen.
The evening sky is already approaching. It is starting to get dark out. It was a cold & windy day but the sky was clear for some part. I will be surprised to see if the stars will be out later. If not I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be able to hear Mom. I hope your evening is what you need & want it to be. May you relax & be at peace. I love you so much & I miss you like crazy. I hope that you have sweet dreams. Hope I get to see you in mine tonight as well. You will be forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing? Mom has has a crazy busy day so far. All I can say is that it sure is a Monday. I have had to call maintenance from our apartment complex because we have two areas that are leaking from the roof. It is from all the snow & ice. It is just so heavy that so many roofs are collapsing & getting ruined. I hope ours is an easy fix. I feel bad for the ones who have already lost their businesses & their houses from this. This winter has sure been the roughest by far. The worst one that I have ever seen in my life living up here in New England. I know that we will be safe because you will be taking care of us & will be watching over us. I do feel so much safer. Thank you.
I don't know what it is but I am trying to be a good person. I am trying to make sure that many things get done & that bills are paid & other things get finished while Mark is at work but for some reason ( well I know the reason... just don't want to say it on here..you know though ) I can't seem to do anything right. That makes me angry but hurts me more than anything else. I can't do a darn thing because my hands are tied. Mark loves his new job. I get that but his commute & his hours take away from other important things that need to get done & all these other things keeps taking a back seat. This is not ok. I try to talk to Mark about it but he doesn't see or care to see where I am coming from so it always just ends in a nasty fight. I am so sick of arguing & fighting. I don't have it in me anymore to do it. I am lost for words at this point & I just don't know anything anymore. I am sorry that I am writing this down here in my letter but I know you already see it. You already know about it. I just am so sad, I am so depressed, & so hurt. That is not Mom. I tend to be a positive person, I try to be happy. Tyler, I just don't know what to do. I need you. I need your help now. Will you help me please? Thank you.
Not much else is new from yesterday. We did skype with Mark's Dad & Step Mom. That was nice. It always is. I enjoying talking to them. They are such wonderful people. I can't say enough nice things about them. Could you do me another favor? Can you watch over Mark's Dad? He took a nasty fall a few weeks ago & broke some ribs & is still pretty sore. I asked how he was feeling last night & he said he was good but Karen said that we would discuss it later. I am guessing that things are not all that great & they just don't want to worry us. I just want him to get better. If you could do that, thank you pumpkin. It would mean a lot to us. I know you watch over all our family & friends & I thank you for that as well. You sure must be pretty busy doing all the things you have to, want to, & with all the requests Mom puts in, huh? Even though I can't see you now.. you still amaze me. You always will be my Hero!
Here is today's daily prayer. February 23~ Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. Let your good spirit lead me on a level path. O God, all the instructions & guidance we need to live a purposeful life is provided for us in your Word. So why do we find ourselves allured by commentators on a talk shows or by self-help gurus with all the latest & purportedly greatest approaches to life's problems? Keep me in your perfect will for my life, Lord, & prevent me from being pulled this way & that by all the influences this world promotes. For I know that it is only when you are leading me that I'm moving in the right direction. Wow... ok... today's prayer is exactly what I needed to read. It is just like I said, Ty...with the problems that I am having I don't know what to do or where to turn, but I do know now. I need to just give everything to God. Let him show me the correct way & what the best route to take is. This is just what I needed. Please Lord, help me with the issues that I have been having. I will no longer wonder what to do or what to say or how to make things change. I will talk to you & give you all my worries. I will wait to see what you want me to do. Thank you for this prayer today. It couldn't have come at a better time. Amen.
The evening sky is already approaching. It is starting to get dark out. It was a cold & windy day but the sky was clear for some part. I will be surprised to see if the stars will be out later. If not I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be able to hear Mom. I hope your evening is what you need & want it to be. May you relax & be at peace. I love you so much & I miss you like crazy. I hope that you have sweet dreams. Hope I get to see you in mine tonight as well. You will be forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? I hope it is bright, sunny, & cheerful where you are. Today the weather started out snowy & cold, but as the day went on it was actually pretty descent outside. We took Snick for a short walk. The wind was not blowing, the sun was shining a little, but mostly behind the clouds...lol & the pavement was not snow..it was slushy. I will take that. I told Mark that if winter was like this with no snow I could be a happy camper. Hopefully the weather can start warming up so that the snow starts to melt. Maybe there is still some hope yet...lol!
The weekend went by way to fast. As it always does. I had a good time. Mark & I really didn't do much at all. Went to Walmart for a couple hours Saturday & hung out at the apartment today & did some things around the place. Now I am just writing to you before I have to start dinner. Later tonight we will be skyping with Mark's Dad & Step Mom. They are such sweet people. You would have really liked them. Mark is very much like his Dad & I am very much like his Step Mom. Funny how that is. We try to skype with them every other Sunday so that we can stay in touch with our loved ones that live a distance away. I wish I could skype with you. I miss those times. I wish I could see what you do, how you spend your time. That way things would not be a mystery for Mom & I wouldn't be so curious.
On Friday, we received the things that our friend Bill sent us from Texas. I was so surprised as it was not suppose to come until later this week. I couldn't wait to rip open the boxes. I was like a little kid at Christmas. I had all our pictures packed, the ones of you as a baby, the ones that I framed & all the ones in between. We also got the crosses that were by your pictures, the urns with Max & Daisey's ashes in it, the teddy bear that I gave you with the star that is named after you, a couple Paris boxes, your old lap top you used to use all the time, & a few more odds & ends. I was so happy to see these things as they mean so much to Mom & Mark. We should be getting the rest of our stuff in 3 weeks to a month. That way the apartment in Texas will be complete & done & no more worries. That will be weight lifted off our shoulders for sure.
Got a couple daily prayers for you so I would like to start them. February 21~ I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother...& your mother. Today, Lord, I want to lift up all the mothers of young children to you. Their days can seem so long, Lord, & the expressions of appreciation for what they do can be so few & far between. Please renew them with the understanding that they are doing mighty & meaningful work. Smile down on them today, Lord., wherever they may be, & give them the encouragement & the confidence that only comes from you. Assure them that you see every shoe they tie, every spill they clean up, & every little tear they dry. Each time they hug their children, may they feel your arms around them. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
February 22~ Blessings are on the head of the righteous. Heavenly Father, I thank you for the abundance of blessings you continue to bring into my life. I appreciate my family & friends, the walls around me, the clothing I wear, & the food that I eat. Each & every one of these comes only through your love & continued devotion to me. All that I am, all that I have, all that I will be is because of you. Amen. All our opportunities, abilities, & resources come from God to hold sacred trust for him. Thank you indeed Lord for everything that you provide for me, my family, & my friends. I thank you for all the blessings we have on a daily basis. I take nothing for granted in my life or this world. I just want to say thank you. Amen.
What a beautiful prayer for today ( 22nd ). It is a wonderful reminder that what we have is from God. We should be thankful for all that we have & never complain for the things we don't. Take nothing for granted that's for sure. I don't & I thank God morning, noon, & night for all the blessings. I am forever grateful!
The night sky is falling & it is time that I go make dinner. I will be walking Snicks later so I am hoping to see the moon & stars out as the sky was pretty clear. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear what Mom says to you. I believe that you can...that is all that matters to me! I hope you have a wonderful night. May you have sweet dreams & may I see you in my own tonight. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you like crazy. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? I hope it is bright, sunny, & cheerful where you are. Today the weather started out snowy & cold, but as the day went on it was actually pretty descent outside. We took Snick for a short walk. The wind was not blowing, the sun was shining a little, but mostly behind the clouds...lol & the pavement was not snow..it was slushy. I will take that. I told Mark that if winter was like this with no snow I could be a happy camper. Hopefully the weather can start warming up so that the snow starts to melt. Maybe there is still some hope yet...lol!
The weekend went by way to fast. As it always does. I had a good time. Mark & I really didn't do much at all. Went to Walmart for a couple hours Saturday & hung out at the apartment today & did some things around the place. Now I am just writing to you before I have to start dinner. Later tonight we will be skyping with Mark's Dad & Step Mom. They are such sweet people. You would have really liked them. Mark is very much like his Dad & I am very much like his Step Mom. Funny how that is. We try to skype with them every other Sunday so that we can stay in touch with our loved ones that live a distance away. I wish I could skype with you. I miss those times. I wish I could see what you do, how you spend your time. That way things would not be a mystery for Mom & I wouldn't be so curious.
On Friday, we received the things that our friend Bill sent us from Texas. I was so surprised as it was not suppose to come until later this week. I couldn't wait to rip open the boxes. I was like a little kid at Christmas. I had all our pictures packed, the ones of you as a baby, the ones that I framed & all the ones in between. We also got the crosses that were by your pictures, the urns with Max & Daisey's ashes in it, the teddy bear that I gave you with the star that is named after you, a couple Paris boxes, your old lap top you used to use all the time, & a few more odds & ends. I was so happy to see these things as they mean so much to Mom & Mark. We should be getting the rest of our stuff in 3 weeks to a month. That way the apartment in Texas will be complete & done & no more worries. That will be weight lifted off our shoulders for sure.
Got a couple daily prayers for you so I would like to start them. February 21~ I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother...& your mother. Today, Lord, I want to lift up all the mothers of young children to you. Their days can seem so long, Lord, & the expressions of appreciation for what they do can be so few & far between. Please renew them with the understanding that they are doing mighty & meaningful work. Smile down on them today, Lord., wherever they may be, & give them the encouragement & the confidence that only comes from you. Assure them that you see every shoe they tie, every spill they clean up, & every little tear they dry. Each time they hug their children, may they feel your arms around them. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
February 22~ Blessings are on the head of the righteous. Heavenly Father, I thank you for the abundance of blessings you continue to bring into my life. I appreciate my family & friends, the walls around me, the clothing I wear, & the food that I eat. Each & every one of these comes only through your love & continued devotion to me. All that I am, all that I have, all that I will be is because of you. Amen. All our opportunities, abilities, & resources come from God to hold sacred trust for him. Thank you indeed Lord for everything that you provide for me, my family, & my friends. I thank you for all the blessings we have on a daily basis. I take nothing for granted in my life or this world. I just want to say thank you. Amen.
What a beautiful prayer for today ( 22nd ). It is a wonderful reminder that what we have is from God. We should be thankful for all that we have & never complain for the things we don't. Take nothing for granted that's for sure. I don't & I thank God morning, noon, & night for all the blessings. I am forever grateful!
The night sky is falling & it is time that I go make dinner. I will be walking Snicks later so I am hoping to see the moon & stars out as the sky was pretty clear. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear what Mom says to you. I believe that you can...that is all that matters to me! I hope you have a wonderful night. May you have sweet dreams & may I see you in my own tonight. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you like crazy. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, February 20, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? I hope everything is the best it can be for you no matter where you are & what you are doing. Mom started out having quite the rough morning. I know that you saw me cry alittle, & I told you I was sorry. You must forgive me as today is 20 months to the day that you passed away. The 18 - 20th of every month still hits Mom pretty hard. I think it will always be that way. Too many memories & too many emotions for me. The day did get better as Mark surprised me by getting home early in the afternoon. He came in with a sweet card, a dozen roses & some chocolates. It was super sweet. Later in the afternoon we received another surprise as the 6 boxes of our things came from Texas. I got our pictures that I have not seen in 2 months. It was exactly what I needed today. I think you may have had something to do with that Tyler... so thank you!
I had posted to your timeline on facebook about hoping to see a feather because the saying is " When feathers are found, Angels are near. " As you already know I didn't see any but I did get a post that Jen Weeks...remember her from Exeter??? Her daughter found a feather & asked her Mommy what it was...she said it was a gift from you. I thought that was super sweet & brought a tear to my eyes. I thought that you would like to know that.
Heard from Meme & she was saying that Bob was doing ok. He is not really seeing a change since the surgery. That makes me sad & I worry about that. I hope that things get better for him. Spoke to Grandpa last night. Him & Debbie are well. All is good. He just got a brand new 2015 full size truck. Dark Blue. He seems really happy about it so I am happy for him. Everyone else is good. Thanks for looking after us all.
Mark took Snicks out a bit ago for a walk. He said that the moon is shining & it is pretty cool. I will have to go look at it after I write to you. I am excited as it will be the 1st time I see it since we moved. All kinds of little signs from you today. Thank you for knowing how to make Mom smile. I will look to the moon & stars & whisper to you as I always do. The weather is just so bitter cold that I won't stay out long though...lol. The wind is so gusty & cold that it stings my cheeks & face. I hate this weather..ugh!
Here is the daily prayer for today... February 20~ Do not say, " I will repay evil"; wait for the Lord, & he will help you. Heavenly Father, there is so much hatred in this world. It's on the front page of every newspaper & the lead story of the nightly news. We are all obsessed about getting what's due to us & about punishing those who have taken what we think belongs to us, but the only way to peace is through forgiveness. Please teach us that hurting each other is not the solution. Instead, help us all feel your mercy & pass it on to those we encounter each day. Amen. We need to be understanding & practice forgiveness in our daily lives. Please God, continue to show me this & continue to help me in my daily life. Thank you. Amen.
Tyler, I hope that your evening is all that you need & want it to be. I love you with all my heart & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I hope that tonight you have sweet dreams. I hope to see you in mine tonight while I am sleeping. I miss you so much but I know you are finally happy & at complete peace. That is all I ever have wanted for you. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? I hope everything is the best it can be for you no matter where you are & what you are doing. Mom started out having quite the rough morning. I know that you saw me cry alittle, & I told you I was sorry. You must forgive me as today is 20 months to the day that you passed away. The 18 - 20th of every month still hits Mom pretty hard. I think it will always be that way. Too many memories & too many emotions for me. The day did get better as Mark surprised me by getting home early in the afternoon. He came in with a sweet card, a dozen roses & some chocolates. It was super sweet. Later in the afternoon we received another surprise as the 6 boxes of our things came from Texas. I got our pictures that I have not seen in 2 months. It was exactly what I needed today. I think you may have had something to do with that Tyler... so thank you!
I had posted to your timeline on facebook about hoping to see a feather because the saying is " When feathers are found, Angels are near. " As you already know I didn't see any but I did get a post that Jen Weeks...remember her from Exeter??? Her daughter found a feather & asked her Mommy what it was...she said it was a gift from you. I thought that was super sweet & brought a tear to my eyes. I thought that you would like to know that.
Heard from Meme & she was saying that Bob was doing ok. He is not really seeing a change since the surgery. That makes me sad & I worry about that. I hope that things get better for him. Spoke to Grandpa last night. Him & Debbie are well. All is good. He just got a brand new 2015 full size truck. Dark Blue. He seems really happy about it so I am happy for him. Everyone else is good. Thanks for looking after us all.
Mark took Snicks out a bit ago for a walk. He said that the moon is shining & it is pretty cool. I will have to go look at it after I write to you. I am excited as it will be the 1st time I see it since we moved. All kinds of little signs from you today. Thank you for knowing how to make Mom smile. I will look to the moon & stars & whisper to you as I always do. The weather is just so bitter cold that I won't stay out long though...lol. The wind is so gusty & cold that it stings my cheeks & face. I hate this weather..ugh!
Here is the daily prayer for today... February 20~ Do not say, " I will repay evil"; wait for the Lord, & he will help you. Heavenly Father, there is so much hatred in this world. It's on the front page of every newspaper & the lead story of the nightly news. We are all obsessed about getting what's due to us & about punishing those who have taken what we think belongs to us, but the only way to peace is through forgiveness. Please teach us that hurting each other is not the solution. Instead, help us all feel your mercy & pass it on to those we encounter each day. Amen. We need to be understanding & practice forgiveness in our daily lives. Please God, continue to show me this & continue to help me in my daily life. Thank you. Amen.
Tyler, I hope that your evening is all that you need & want it to be. I love you with all my heart & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I hope that tonight you have sweet dreams. I hope to see you in mine tonight while I am sleeping. I miss you so much but I know you are finally happy & at complete peace. That is all I ever have wanted for you. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom had an ok day. Been up since early this morning & have done a few things on the computer that I have been putting off so I actually feel better that I was able to do some productive things! The weather is once again crappy. It is so cold outside & the wind is whipping so fast that it just stings your face & ears. You remember those days don't you? You hated the winter months just as much as I still do. I don't mind the cold but I hate the snow. I am always asking Mark why we moved from Texas to here. The weather was super hot during the winter but the rest of the year was just beautiful. I am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude but that is not working so well for Mom as you know. For some reason I am just so unhappy here. Much more depressed than what I have been in awhile. I don't know how to snap out of it. I am just in this awful funk. If you can do anything from where you are to help Mom out, that would be great. I need you & I need your help & any other Angels that can help me out too. Thank you so much. I hope this will pass very soon.
Nothing else really going on. Mark is working longer days & his commute is even longer during the nights. We don't see each other that much now during the week so the weekends mean more to me now. This is a very big transition for us both. I know it is harder on Mom then Mark because he is the one working & being around people so the driving to & from is probably a way that he can mellow out & relax before he gets home. For Mom it makes for a very long day & very lonely. I am such a people person that not talking or seeing anyone for 12 - 14 hours a day is tough! Somehow & some way I will get through it all.
We are getting close to ending everything for the apartment in Texas. Just a couple more things to pay & then it is finding out how much it will cost to ship everything else that is left there to us. It will be nice to not have that burden on us any longer & only have to worry about the here & now. We are hoping that within the next few weeks it will be all taken care of. Anyways.... enough of that!
I am finally caught up with the daily prayers so I only have the 1 to write to you this evening. Here it is... February 19~ Be strong & let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord. Lord in heaven, many days I feel like your servant David, who at times was persecuted & hated & who at times was alone except for your presence. While I do not know why you have given me these burdens to carry, I do know that with your help I can beat them. Each day, I awake with my heart filled with hope that a better life awaits me, if not here on earth, then someday in your heavenly presence. Our trust & faithfulness produce the endurance that sees us through the trials we all face in this life. This prayer speaks volumes to me right now with everything that I am going through in my life. I know that I will get through it all with having you in my life & your guidance through all these hard times. I am strong & I have my faith along with family & friends to help me out. I can do this. I can get through it. I know I will! Thank you God. Amen.
The evening sky is dark now. I know there is no way I will see the stars & moon tonight. Last night the clouds were so thick that you could hear the planes but couldn't see any of them. I look forward to the days & nights that I will be able to see them. I know that you are shining bright & you are my brightest star. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom.
I hope that your evening is peaceful & restful for you. I wish you many sweet dreams & I hope to see you in mine later tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. I love you with all my heart. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you. I miss everything.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom had an ok day. Been up since early this morning & have done a few things on the computer that I have been putting off so I actually feel better that I was able to do some productive things! The weather is once again crappy. It is so cold outside & the wind is whipping so fast that it just stings your face & ears. You remember those days don't you? You hated the winter months just as much as I still do. I don't mind the cold but I hate the snow. I am always asking Mark why we moved from Texas to here. The weather was super hot during the winter but the rest of the year was just beautiful. I am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude but that is not working so well for Mom as you know. For some reason I am just so unhappy here. Much more depressed than what I have been in awhile. I don't know how to snap out of it. I am just in this awful funk. If you can do anything from where you are to help Mom out, that would be great. I need you & I need your help & any other Angels that can help me out too. Thank you so much. I hope this will pass very soon.
Nothing else really going on. Mark is working longer days & his commute is even longer during the nights. We don't see each other that much now during the week so the weekends mean more to me now. This is a very big transition for us both. I know it is harder on Mom then Mark because he is the one working & being around people so the driving to & from is probably a way that he can mellow out & relax before he gets home. For Mom it makes for a very long day & very lonely. I am such a people person that not talking or seeing anyone for 12 - 14 hours a day is tough! Somehow & some way I will get through it all.
We are getting close to ending everything for the apartment in Texas. Just a couple more things to pay & then it is finding out how much it will cost to ship everything else that is left there to us. It will be nice to not have that burden on us any longer & only have to worry about the here & now. We are hoping that within the next few weeks it will be all taken care of. Anyways.... enough of that!
I am finally caught up with the daily prayers so I only have the 1 to write to you this evening. Here it is... February 19~ Be strong & let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord. Lord in heaven, many days I feel like your servant David, who at times was persecuted & hated & who at times was alone except for your presence. While I do not know why you have given me these burdens to carry, I do know that with your help I can beat them. Each day, I awake with my heart filled with hope that a better life awaits me, if not here on earth, then someday in your heavenly presence. Our trust & faithfulness produce the endurance that sees us through the trials we all face in this life. This prayer speaks volumes to me right now with everything that I am going through in my life. I know that I will get through it all with having you in my life & your guidance through all these hard times. I am strong & I have my faith along with family & friends to help me out. I can do this. I can get through it. I know I will! Thank you God. Amen.
The evening sky is dark now. I know there is no way I will see the stars & moon tonight. Last night the clouds were so thick that you could hear the planes but couldn't see any of them. I look forward to the days & nights that I will be able to see them. I know that you are shining bright & you are my brightest star. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom.
I hope that your evening is peaceful & restful for you. I wish you many sweet dreams & I hope to see you in mine later tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. I love you with all my heart. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you. I miss everything.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today? I hope that you are so happy & flying high & flying free. Mom is finally doing better today. Things have started to get back on track again which is a lot of weight lifted off our shoulders. I will be so glad when we only have to worry about things here & not here & Texas. Just too much to have to deal with. Things with Mark & Mom are a lot better too as you can see. Communication is so important in a relationship among other things but that is the true key. You don't have that you don't have anything at all. Anyways....
Not much is really going on. The sun was shining earlier this morning & now the sky is darker, cloudy, & gray. When I took Snicks out about 1 hour ago it was snowing again...ugh! I am so sick of this winter. We have enough snow & I want no more of it. I miss seeing the sun & feeling it on my bare skin like I did in Texas. One of our friends was in Texas this week & he went into our apartment to grab a few things for us. He sent them out & we should get them at the beginning of next week. I can't wait. I will be getting things that are so important to Mom. It will be your paintings that you did, all your baby pictures, our pictures together, & a few other things. I can't wait to get them all! We should get all the rest of the things in a couple more weeks.
Here are the 2 daily prayers that I need to write to you. February 17~ Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works & give glory to your Father in heaven. Heavenly Lord, I long to be a blessing to those around me & to share the love for you I have gained through studying your holy Word. Today, please help me sense the needs of those around me. Let me offer a word of encouragement, extend a hand in help, or stop for a moment to listen to someone who just needs to talk. Let your light shine through me so that others may find their way to Christ.
February 18~ The Lord your God...executes justice for for the orphan & the widow, & Loves the strangers, providing them food & clothing. Lord, I pray that my words & actions may be a comfort to those in need. Let me see the world around me through your eyes, that I might notice the small wounds & sorrows that each of us carries within, hidden from the view & known only to you. I ask that you use my hands to do your work here on earth, to heal the hurting, to feed the hungry, & to reach out to the lonely. May I be an instrument of your endless love that I might share your spirit generously & abundantly with everyone I encounter.
I was noticing that I am almost to the point in the daily prayer book to where I started writing them out to you last year. Not sure what I will do after I get to the end of it but I know I will come up with something. Don't you worry!
The evening sky is upon us once again. Mark just called & said he is stuck in a lot of traffic so he won't be home until late. The traffic here is crazier than Texas. Never thought I would say that but it is..ugh! He definitely have more patience than Mom does..lol! I need to get going to figure out what we will have for dinner tonight. I will wonder if I will see the moon & stars tonight. Guessing not because of the way the sky looks, but I will see in a few hours. Regardless I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you will hear Mom. I love you so much & I miss you beyond anything that I can & could ever express to you or anyone. I know you already know this though. I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful, & restful night. May it be all that you want & need it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. You are forever in my mind, heart, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today? I hope that you are so happy & flying high & flying free. Mom is finally doing better today. Things have started to get back on track again which is a lot of weight lifted off our shoulders. I will be so glad when we only have to worry about things here & not here & Texas. Just too much to have to deal with. Things with Mark & Mom are a lot better too as you can see. Communication is so important in a relationship among other things but that is the true key. You don't have that you don't have anything at all. Anyways....
Not much is really going on. The sun was shining earlier this morning & now the sky is darker, cloudy, & gray. When I took Snicks out about 1 hour ago it was snowing again...ugh! I am so sick of this winter. We have enough snow & I want no more of it. I miss seeing the sun & feeling it on my bare skin like I did in Texas. One of our friends was in Texas this week & he went into our apartment to grab a few things for us. He sent them out & we should get them at the beginning of next week. I can't wait. I will be getting things that are so important to Mom. It will be your paintings that you did, all your baby pictures, our pictures together, & a few other things. I can't wait to get them all! We should get all the rest of the things in a couple more weeks.
Here are the 2 daily prayers that I need to write to you. February 17~ Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works & give glory to your Father in heaven. Heavenly Lord, I long to be a blessing to those around me & to share the love for you I have gained through studying your holy Word. Today, please help me sense the needs of those around me. Let me offer a word of encouragement, extend a hand in help, or stop for a moment to listen to someone who just needs to talk. Let your light shine through me so that others may find their way to Christ.
February 18~ The Lord your God...executes justice for for the orphan & the widow, & Loves the strangers, providing them food & clothing. Lord, I pray that my words & actions may be a comfort to those in need. Let me see the world around me through your eyes, that I might notice the small wounds & sorrows that each of us carries within, hidden from the view & known only to you. I ask that you use my hands to do your work here on earth, to heal the hurting, to feed the hungry, & to reach out to the lonely. May I be an instrument of your endless love that I might share your spirit generously & abundantly with everyone I encounter.
I was noticing that I am almost to the point in the daily prayer book to where I started writing them out to you last year. Not sure what I will do after I get to the end of it but I know I will come up with something. Don't you worry!
The evening sky is upon us once again. Mark just called & said he is stuck in a lot of traffic so he won't be home until late. The traffic here is crazier than Texas. Never thought I would say that but it is..ugh! He definitely have more patience than Mom does..lol! I need to get going to figure out what we will have for dinner tonight. I will wonder if I will see the moon & stars tonight. Guessing not because of the way the sky looks, but I will see in a few hours. Regardless I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you will hear Mom. I love you so much & I miss you beyond anything that I can & could ever express to you or anyone. I know you already know this though. I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful, & restful night. May it be all that you want & need it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. You are forever in my mind, heart, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, February 16, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday evening? It is President's Day today. I wonder if you get to see all the past presidents that have passed? Do you get to meet celebrities that have passed as well? I wonder that & so many things. Mom is doing about the same as I was a couple days ago. Still pretty hairy here at the home front. Day 4 of pretty much quite & no talking still. I am handling it & I am doing just fine. I know you are with me & watching over me. Thank you so much for that.
The weather here was actually really really cold... -18 degrees & -23 with the wind chill factor. The snow has stopped & the high winds too, but we are in for more snow tomorrow & another major snow storm this weekend. I am so sick of this crap...ugh! I can just here you now..you hated the snow just as much as Mom does. We would get so tired of it & couldn't wait until the Spring weather came. Not sure at this rate that we will actually have a Spring. I think this snow will be sticking around for a very long time. It was estimated that our area has received almost 10' of snow in 1 month. That is just so crazy!
Bob had his surgery this morning. I spoke to him a couple hours ago. He seemed to be doing well. Just sore where they did the surgery. I have my fingers crossed that this will work & he will be able to have a better quality of life. I hope this so that it will take the stress off of Meme too. I know you were with them both. Thank you pumpkin. The rest of the family is fine. Everyone is doing just peachy.
Remember George " Skeeter? " Well... his Grammy passed away this afternoon. I read it over facebook. Just sad. Heaven gained another Angel today. I didn't really know her but her many things about her. She was very nice. She was suffering so it was a blessing. Now she has her Angel wings just like you do!
I have a couple of daily prayers to write to you so let me start them. February 15~ Be kind to one another; tenderhearted, forgiving one another; as God in Christ has forgiven you. Teach me, my Lord, to be kind & gentle in all the events of life; in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, & in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied. Let me put myself aside to think of the happiness of others, & to hide my little pains & heartaches so that I may be the only one to suffer from them. Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden nor embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable; & that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow, haughty or overbearing. Growing in wisdom means growing in love, tolerance, grace, & acceptance.
February 16~ So even to old age & gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to all generations to come. Father God, when will we learn that the greatest gift we can pass to our children & our grandchildren is not our earthly wealth but our faith in you? We set up trust funds & college funds, or we feel badly when we can't, when the only true security is through you. As parents & grandparents, keep us focused on what really matters. Remind us to spend precious time with the younger generation---to earn the right to share the greatest legacy we have to give, which is faith in you. Go forth in the joy of the Lord, knowing how blessed you are.
The night sky is already upon us. I will be so happy with daylight savings time. We will lose an hour of sleep but the days will be longer & the nights will stay lighter. I can't wait to see the sun & feel it on my face. I have been so depressed with the weather I was told to go buy a " light box " like you had. I am seriously thinking about it. I think it might help me. I remember that you said it helped you. Anyways... I am not sure if I will see the stars tonight. The sky was clear & blue today so it will be a surprise if I do get to see them. I will whisper to you as I always do though. Hope you will get to hear Mom's voice. I love you so much & I miss you like crazy. To the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I hope you have a wonderful night doing what you love up there. May you have many sweet dreams & may I see you in my own. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday evening? It is President's Day today. I wonder if you get to see all the past presidents that have passed? Do you get to meet celebrities that have passed as well? I wonder that & so many things. Mom is doing about the same as I was a couple days ago. Still pretty hairy here at the home front. Day 4 of pretty much quite & no talking still. I am handling it & I am doing just fine. I know you are with me & watching over me. Thank you so much for that.
The weather here was actually really really cold... -18 degrees & -23 with the wind chill factor. The snow has stopped & the high winds too, but we are in for more snow tomorrow & another major snow storm this weekend. I am so sick of this crap...ugh! I can just here you now..you hated the snow just as much as Mom does. We would get so tired of it & couldn't wait until the Spring weather came. Not sure at this rate that we will actually have a Spring. I think this snow will be sticking around for a very long time. It was estimated that our area has received almost 10' of snow in 1 month. That is just so crazy!
Bob had his surgery this morning. I spoke to him a couple hours ago. He seemed to be doing well. Just sore where they did the surgery. I have my fingers crossed that this will work & he will be able to have a better quality of life. I hope this so that it will take the stress off of Meme too. I know you were with them both. Thank you pumpkin. The rest of the family is fine. Everyone is doing just peachy.
Remember George " Skeeter? " Well... his Grammy passed away this afternoon. I read it over facebook. Just sad. Heaven gained another Angel today. I didn't really know her but her many things about her. She was very nice. She was suffering so it was a blessing. Now she has her Angel wings just like you do!
I have a couple of daily prayers to write to you so let me start them. February 15~ Be kind to one another; tenderhearted, forgiving one another; as God in Christ has forgiven you. Teach me, my Lord, to be kind & gentle in all the events of life; in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, & in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied. Let me put myself aside to think of the happiness of others, & to hide my little pains & heartaches so that I may be the only one to suffer from them. Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden nor embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable; & that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow, haughty or overbearing. Growing in wisdom means growing in love, tolerance, grace, & acceptance.
February 16~ So even to old age & gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to all generations to come. Father God, when will we learn that the greatest gift we can pass to our children & our grandchildren is not our earthly wealth but our faith in you? We set up trust funds & college funds, or we feel badly when we can't, when the only true security is through you. As parents & grandparents, keep us focused on what really matters. Remind us to spend precious time with the younger generation---to earn the right to share the greatest legacy we have to give, which is faith in you. Go forth in the joy of the Lord, knowing how blessed you are.
The night sky is already upon us. I will be so happy with daylight savings time. We will lose an hour of sleep but the days will be longer & the nights will stay lighter. I can't wait to see the sun & feel it on my face. I have been so depressed with the weather I was told to go buy a " light box " like you had. I am seriously thinking about it. I think it might help me. I remember that you said it helped you. Anyways... I am not sure if I will see the stars tonight. The sky was clear & blue today so it will be a surprise if I do get to see them. I will whisper to you as I always do though. Hope you will get to hear Mom's voice. I love you so much & I miss you like crazy. To the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I hope you have a wonderful night doing what you love up there. May you have many sweet dreams & may I see you in my own. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today on this Saturday afternoon? Happy Valentine's Day to you in the Heavens above. Mom is having a rough time the last couple days as you already know. I am not sure how to make things better or if they really can. I know you are watching over me & you are greatly disappointed in both Mom & Mark. I am truly sorry & I hope that you do forgive me because I don't know if I can forgive myself or Mark. Things are just really tough & just seem to be getting worse by the minute. It sucks but I am just keeping quiet so that I can just get through the days. The weather is back at it again. We are in another blizzard warning for today through Monday morning. We could get another 12" to 24" of snow & winds up to 70 mph. This one is going to be tough. I am hoping that it will not be as bad as the weathermen are predicting. That would be nice. Either way I have been praying that the power doesn't go out because the temps are suppose to be so cold...zero to below zero. It started snowing around 3pm.... right on schedule for what they said would happen. At this point I don't think that we are ever going to see Spring.
I am sorry that I didn't get to write to you yesterday. I tried & wanted to but my computer had other plans. It crashed & Mark stayed up until 3am this morning fixing it. That was nice of him but I really don't think he did it for Mom...he did it because this is the only computer we have right now & he needs it more than me. I could be wrong but I sure to have my doubts. Anyways....
Yesterday was Friday the 13th....I thought of you & how you would always do the" Jason theme" to Mom & would freak me out. Yesterday I smiled at that & laughed. I sure do miss your sense of humor. I miss you scaring me. I miss everything about you. I hope that you behaved & that you didn't scare anyone yesterday or you didn't play any jokes on anyone, but if I know you, you did to at least 1 person...lol!
I will try to write to you tomorrow but if I don't it will be because of the storm we are getting so I will have to write on Monday. I just wanted you to know that. I know you understand & I don't need to explain myself but it helps me & makes me feel better when I do.
So as I said above...today is Valentine's Day. I would always ask you to be my valentine & you would always say yes! You will always be my one true love. You will always be the only one that will truly have my heart 100%. No one else....ever. Today has been quite the opposite of what I thought it would be. I was hoping that Mark would be romantic as it is our 1st Valentine's as a married couple. I thought maybe I would get flowers, a card, or at least something but given the circumstances & what is going on I got nothing. I didn't even get him wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. It hurt Mom a great deal but whatever... I will get over it...just not today. I came across the picture of you & I with the red roses that you gave me for the last Valentine's we were together. It made me smile to remember but I cried too. I hate not seeing you or being with you. I hate that you are gone. I try to stay positive for the most part but again...today is just not one of those days.
I have the 2 daily prayers to write to you so let me start them now. February 13~ [ Jesus ] said to the woman, " Your faith has saved you; go in peace. " Lord, bring peace to my heart & rest to my soul. These trying times leaves me anxious & worried for my future & for those I love. I am struggling to find a sense of inner calm & ask for the peace that passes all understanding, the peace your love & grace can bring. I ask this not just for me but also for all those who long for calm in the storms of life. Peace be to us all. Amen.
February 14~ For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved. The love you give me, God, can carry me through my life. I have no need for anything else, for with your love comes the kingdom & all that it offers. Your love is like the most priceless riches, a treasure trove that never ends. It always provides me with everything I need to be happy, healthy, & free. I depend on your love, & I share that love with those I come in contact with, knowing that as I give, I shall receive more. Your love is my treasure, God. Thank you. Amen. What we love we shall grow to resemble.
How did you like those prayers? The 1st one really hit home for Mom because of everything that is going on. I have been really upset with it, but last night when I couldn't sleep I finally said that I was giving it & letting God do what was suppose to happen. I was giving it to God to handle. I finally fell asleep at 4am. I am still doing that... I am just really hurt & I know you know why.
The night sky is almost upon us. I did get to see the stars last night. That was a very nice surprise. Tonight, I won't be so lucky. The sky is just all gray & clouds. It is really snowing now & coming down sideways because of the wind. I know you will be shining brightly though. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening for Mom's voice & that you can hear me. I hope that you have a wonderful night with many sweet dreams. I hope to sleep better tonight & see you in mine. I love you, Tyler. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you so much. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Tyler, will you be my one & only Valentine?
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today on this Saturday afternoon? Happy Valentine's Day to you in the Heavens above. Mom is having a rough time the last couple days as you already know. I am not sure how to make things better or if they really can. I know you are watching over me & you are greatly disappointed in both Mom & Mark. I am truly sorry & I hope that you do forgive me because I don't know if I can forgive myself or Mark. Things are just really tough & just seem to be getting worse by the minute. It sucks but I am just keeping quiet so that I can just get through the days. The weather is back at it again. We are in another blizzard warning for today through Monday morning. We could get another 12" to 24" of snow & winds up to 70 mph. This one is going to be tough. I am hoping that it will not be as bad as the weathermen are predicting. That would be nice. Either way I have been praying that the power doesn't go out because the temps are suppose to be so cold...zero to below zero. It started snowing around 3pm.... right on schedule for what they said would happen. At this point I don't think that we are ever going to see Spring.
I am sorry that I didn't get to write to you yesterday. I tried & wanted to but my computer had other plans. It crashed & Mark stayed up until 3am this morning fixing it. That was nice of him but I really don't think he did it for Mom...he did it because this is the only computer we have right now & he needs it more than me. I could be wrong but I sure to have my doubts. Anyways....
Yesterday was Friday the 13th....I thought of you & how you would always do the" Jason theme" to Mom & would freak me out. Yesterday I smiled at that & laughed. I sure do miss your sense of humor. I miss you scaring me. I miss everything about you. I hope that you behaved & that you didn't scare anyone yesterday or you didn't play any jokes on anyone, but if I know you, you did to at least 1 person...lol!
I will try to write to you tomorrow but if I don't it will be because of the storm we are getting so I will have to write on Monday. I just wanted you to know that. I know you understand & I don't need to explain myself but it helps me & makes me feel better when I do.
So as I said above...today is Valentine's Day. I would always ask you to be my valentine & you would always say yes! You will always be my one true love. You will always be the only one that will truly have my heart 100%. No one else....ever. Today has been quite the opposite of what I thought it would be. I was hoping that Mark would be romantic as it is our 1st Valentine's as a married couple. I thought maybe I would get flowers, a card, or at least something but given the circumstances & what is going on I got nothing. I didn't even get him wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. It hurt Mom a great deal but whatever... I will get over it...just not today. I came across the picture of you & I with the red roses that you gave me for the last Valentine's we were together. It made me smile to remember but I cried too. I hate not seeing you or being with you. I hate that you are gone. I try to stay positive for the most part but again...today is just not one of those days.
I have the 2 daily prayers to write to you so let me start them now. February 13~ [ Jesus ] said to the woman, " Your faith has saved you; go in peace. " Lord, bring peace to my heart & rest to my soul. These trying times leaves me anxious & worried for my future & for those I love. I am struggling to find a sense of inner calm & ask for the peace that passes all understanding, the peace your love & grace can bring. I ask this not just for me but also for all those who long for calm in the storms of life. Peace be to us all. Amen.
February 14~ For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved. The love you give me, God, can carry me through my life. I have no need for anything else, for with your love comes the kingdom & all that it offers. Your love is like the most priceless riches, a treasure trove that never ends. It always provides me with everything I need to be happy, healthy, & free. I depend on your love, & I share that love with those I come in contact with, knowing that as I give, I shall receive more. Your love is my treasure, God. Thank you. Amen. What we love we shall grow to resemble.
How did you like those prayers? The 1st one really hit home for Mom because of everything that is going on. I have been really upset with it, but last night when I couldn't sleep I finally said that I was giving it & letting God do what was suppose to happen. I was giving it to God to handle. I finally fell asleep at 4am. I am still doing that... I am just really hurt & I know you know why.
The night sky is almost upon us. I did get to see the stars last night. That was a very nice surprise. Tonight, I won't be so lucky. The sky is just all gray & clouds. It is really snowing now & coming down sideways because of the wind. I know you will be shining brightly though. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening for Mom's voice & that you can hear me. I hope that you have a wonderful night with many sweet dreams. I hope to sleep better tonight & see you in mine. I love you, Tyler. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you so much. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Tyler, will you be my one & only Valentine?
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? I hope that you are so happy & you are smiling your cheshire smile to all that can see you. Mom is doing ok. I just don't know what is going on with me. I am in some kind of funk that I can't seem to get out of since we moved. The weather is playing a very big part to it but I am not sure what else though. I just don't ever want to do anything anymore. I don't even want to cook or bake. Everything seems like it is a huge task even when it really isn't. I hope this goes away really quickly because even though I am aware of it I am not liking it one dang bit. The weather again is crappy. It is yet again snowing. We are suppose to be getting at least another 6" today & over the weekend we are in for another big storm that will leave us with 12 - 18" more inches. This is just nuts. There is no where to put it as the temps are not warm enough to melt any of what we already have so it just keeps piling up higher & higher. Mom & Mark were suppose to go home to NH for a visit this weekend but no chance in that now. It makes me sad but I don't want to drive in the snowy weather. We are shooting for next weekend now. We wanted to be there on Monday as Bob is finally having his surgery. We wanted to give Meme support. It might be ok that day so we may go up there & at least be with her for a few hours. I know what it is like being at the hospital alone. I did it many times with you. I wish that on no one. Please do all you can on your side for Meme & Bob. I spoke to Meme last night & she is just so stressed out. She is angry at the situation, extremely tired & work is not helping her. Bob just seems to be getting worse now. I really hope that this procedure can help him out. Thank you Tyler for doing all you can & being with them. It means so much to me.
Yesterday was your Dad's Birthday. I hope that you went & visited him for a bit. I know he would really like that. I haven't spoken to him in several months now. He used to text me every once in awhile to see how I was but nothing lately. I know he is working again so that is good. I am sure you look in on him, Amy, Orion, & Emma as much as you can. He misses you so much too just like the rest of your family & friends, but not as much as Mom does. I miss you like crazy. I think of you all the time. Curious to what you do, where you are, who you see, etc... I talk to you all the time. Do you ever here Mom? I really hope you do. I love you so much...to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Always remember this. It will never change!
I have a couple daily prayers to write to you & catch up on. Here is the one from February 10~ No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. God, they say you get by with a little help from your friends, & I know that to be true. Thank you for filling my life & my days with good friends who care about me. Each one is like an angel sent down from heaven in human form, & I cherish them all. So today I ask that you keep my friendships strong & true, no matter how much time & distance may separate us as we all live our lives. Keep them close where it counts----in my heart. Thank you. A true friend is the greatest of all blessings. I am so fortunate to have many many friends in my life. I love them all & love them like family. Thank you for blessing me with so many that care & love me back.
February 11~ Therefore love truth & peace. Lord, we often think of peace as something that comes when we're ready, when our hands are folded & our minds quiet. But with your love & presence are in all things of this world, the loud & the quiet, the raging river as well as the silent pond. You are everywhere, & it is as likely to hear you on a bustling city street as it is in the isolated silence of a redwood forest. Please remind me that I can find your peace anywhere if my eyes are open & my heart is willing. Amen.
February 12~ The Lord bless you & keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you, & be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, & give you peace. Almighty God, Help me open my heart to all the blessings you have offered me. I go through life numb, blind, & deaf, unable to sense what you have placed in front of me. Please help me raise my eyes from the ground & instead focus them on the world around me, taking in all of your creations & appreciating them for what they are---testaments of your love for me & all humankind. God's divine essence is evident in the eyes of a believer.
I am once again finally caught up with the daily prayers for you. I keep saying that I am going to do this regularly but I don't. I feel awful that I keep breaking my promise to you but it is just the funk that I am in. Please forgive me, Tyler as I have never broken any promises to you before. Please help me with whatever is going on. I need you with me in my life right now & always. Thank you.
I don't think I will be seeing the stars or moon again tonight as the sky is gray & very cloudy. Regardless, as always, I will whisper to you. Please listen for Mom's voice. I know you are shining brightly wherever you may be & whatever you are doing. I know someone is seeing it even when I can't. I miss you pumpkin. I hope that you have a wonderful, peaceful evening tonight. May you have many sweet dreams & may Mom see you in my own dreams as well. You are forever in my mind, heart, & soul. I love you my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? I hope that you are so happy & you are smiling your cheshire smile to all that can see you. Mom is doing ok. I just don't know what is going on with me. I am in some kind of funk that I can't seem to get out of since we moved. The weather is playing a very big part to it but I am not sure what else though. I just don't ever want to do anything anymore. I don't even want to cook or bake. Everything seems like it is a huge task even when it really isn't. I hope this goes away really quickly because even though I am aware of it I am not liking it one dang bit. The weather again is crappy. It is yet again snowing. We are suppose to be getting at least another 6" today & over the weekend we are in for another big storm that will leave us with 12 - 18" more inches. This is just nuts. There is no where to put it as the temps are not warm enough to melt any of what we already have so it just keeps piling up higher & higher. Mom & Mark were suppose to go home to NH for a visit this weekend but no chance in that now. It makes me sad but I don't want to drive in the snowy weather. We are shooting for next weekend now. We wanted to be there on Monday as Bob is finally having his surgery. We wanted to give Meme support. It might be ok that day so we may go up there & at least be with her for a few hours. I know what it is like being at the hospital alone. I did it many times with you. I wish that on no one. Please do all you can on your side for Meme & Bob. I spoke to Meme last night & she is just so stressed out. She is angry at the situation, extremely tired & work is not helping her. Bob just seems to be getting worse now. I really hope that this procedure can help him out. Thank you Tyler for doing all you can & being with them. It means so much to me.
Yesterday was your Dad's Birthday. I hope that you went & visited him for a bit. I know he would really like that. I haven't spoken to him in several months now. He used to text me every once in awhile to see how I was but nothing lately. I know he is working again so that is good. I am sure you look in on him, Amy, Orion, & Emma as much as you can. He misses you so much too just like the rest of your family & friends, but not as much as Mom does. I miss you like crazy. I think of you all the time. Curious to what you do, where you are, who you see, etc... I talk to you all the time. Do you ever here Mom? I really hope you do. I love you so much...to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Always remember this. It will never change!
I have a couple daily prayers to write to you & catch up on. Here is the one from February 10~ No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. God, they say you get by with a little help from your friends, & I know that to be true. Thank you for filling my life & my days with good friends who care about me. Each one is like an angel sent down from heaven in human form, & I cherish them all. So today I ask that you keep my friendships strong & true, no matter how much time & distance may separate us as we all live our lives. Keep them close where it counts----in my heart. Thank you. A true friend is the greatest of all blessings. I am so fortunate to have many many friends in my life. I love them all & love them like family. Thank you for blessing me with so many that care & love me back.
February 11~ Therefore love truth & peace. Lord, we often think of peace as something that comes when we're ready, when our hands are folded & our minds quiet. But with your love & presence are in all things of this world, the loud & the quiet, the raging river as well as the silent pond. You are everywhere, & it is as likely to hear you on a bustling city street as it is in the isolated silence of a redwood forest. Please remind me that I can find your peace anywhere if my eyes are open & my heart is willing. Amen.
February 12~ The Lord bless you & keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you, & be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, & give you peace. Almighty God, Help me open my heart to all the blessings you have offered me. I go through life numb, blind, & deaf, unable to sense what you have placed in front of me. Please help me raise my eyes from the ground & instead focus them on the world around me, taking in all of your creations & appreciating them for what they are---testaments of your love for me & all humankind. God's divine essence is evident in the eyes of a believer.
I am once again finally caught up with the daily prayers for you. I keep saying that I am going to do this regularly but I don't. I feel awful that I keep breaking my promise to you but it is just the funk that I am in. Please forgive me, Tyler as I have never broken any promises to you before. Please help me with whatever is going on. I need you with me in my life right now & always. Thank you.
I don't think I will be seeing the stars or moon again tonight as the sky is gray & very cloudy. Regardless, as always, I will whisper to you. Please listen for Mom's voice. I know you are shining brightly wherever you may be & whatever you are doing. I know someone is seeing it even when I can't. I miss you pumpkin. I hope that you have a wonderful, peaceful evening tonight. May you have many sweet dreams & may Mom see you in my own dreams as well. You are forever in my mind, heart, & soul. I love you my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, February 9, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Again, I hope where you are it is warm, sunny, & blue skies. The weather again here is just awful & so depressing. We are in the middle of another snow storm here & we have already got 18' of snow & we are expected to get another 8' or so. The snow can stop anytime now. I am just so sick of it & the winter already. In the last 3 weeks we have gotten 3 major snow storms that have dumped over 7 feet of snow on us. It is just ridiculous! I really miss seeing the sun shine almost all the time like it does in Texas. I don't want to say I hate it here where we are but it is pretty dang close. After 3 years I am not used to it at all & not sure I ever will get used to it again. Trying to keep positive....
This weekend we had Marion & Charlie over for a visit. It was Charlie's birthday & we took them to the Paint Bar where we had so much fun. It was really neat. We all painted a picture of " Starry Night... Eiffel Tower. " It was a class of 60 people & it was neat to see that all the paintings were just so different. First time going but definitely will not be the last. I hope you were there with Mom. I hope that you got to see what we did & what the class was like. I know if you were here with us you would have loved it. Your painting would have come out so amazing. I want to try to take the techniques that we learned & paint another picture & see how it comes out. Just wanting to do a different color pallet. I think that would be interesting & fun. Saturday night we came back to the apartment & I made homemade lasagna & strawberry truffle. We played cards until the wee hours of the morning. We had a lot of laughs & it was the 1st time Mom has had fun in a very long time. Sunday we took them to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. They had to leave around 2 pm or so because it was already starting to snow. It was wonderful to have company & sad to see them leave. I know they will be coming down here quite often to visit so that makes me happy. I hope that other family & friends come as well. During the week is so lonely as Mark works very long hours so I look forward to the weekends. Mom & Mark hope to visit NH at least 1 time during each month. That way we can see our family & friends.
Spoke to Meme & I guess Bob is still going to be scheduled for his heart surgery on February 16th. I hope that things go really well & there is a miracle for him. I hope this one does the trick so that Bob can start feeling better & feeling good about himself again. I know it will help out with Meme too. I know that you will be with them during this difficult time. I thank you so much for that, Tyler. It means the world to Mom.
I have about 5 daily prayers to write to you so I want to start them know. February 5~ Grace to you & peace from God our Father & the Lord Jesus Christ. Lord in heaven, your grace is given to me as my birthright in Jesus Christ. Nevertheless, I find myself hardening my heart against others, thinking that they do not " deserve " my kindness or my time. What a hypocrite I am! Nothing I have ever done has made me worthy of your sacrifice to me--the one who is ever willing to judge others. Please forgive me for my pride, & help me to open myself to all my Christian brothers & sisters. I ask in the holy name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
February 6~The Lord gives wisdom;from his mouth come knowledge & understanding. God, I admit that there are many times in my day that I forget to focus on what I have. I am so consumed with what I want & need that I often lose track of the amazing & abundant blessings you have already given me. Please help me shift my focus back to the good things that surround me, no matter how simple they might be. Too often I find myself worrying about my life, wanting to do more, & achieve more & have more, & then I am without peace. Guide me back to that place within where I am aware of all the treasures you have placed before me. May you know that a wisdom & a love transcend the things you will see & touch today.
February 7~ God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power, & of love & of self-discipline. Supreme Lord of the universe, today I stand strong & proclaim your glory. My faith in you makes me strong, & I can't help but share my trust & love for you with others. You are the sovereign Lord, & all that you declare shall come to pass. Nothing can withstand your will, & I'm thankful to align myself with you. I'm in awe of your power & glory & my heart is full of your Holy Spirit. When I read your Word, I'm reassured of your promises to me. I want nothing more than to live as a follower of Christ until the end of my days. God gives us faith as a means of getting in touch with his love.
February 8~ Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself & God our Father; who loved us & through grace gave us eternal comfort & good hope, comfort your hearts. My Lord, I come across so many people with misguided hopes. Their hopes are in their ability to make a lot of money, their athletic skills, or their academic acumen. Maybe their hopes are in their husbands, their wives, or even in their children through which they vicariously pursue their lost dreams. As they move from one disappointment to the next, Lord, reach out to show them that they are the only sure place for them to put their hopes is in you. Thank you, Lord. God will either give you what you ask, or something far better.
February 9~ The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps. Dear Lord, all my plans have been tossed in the air like so many grains of rice, never to be gathered or ordered again. I thought I had it all figured out, but now I find that I am powerless. You remind me once again that I'm not in control & that the only sure thing is you. I'm scared, but I know that I can regain my footing. Please help me find the right path---not the path of my choosing but the path you have planned for me. Turn over your problems to God, & he will orchestrate the best outcome.
Ok, Tyler, I have caught up on the daily prayers again. I am so sorry that I sometimes don't write as often as I like. The last couple months, as you know, have been difficult for Mom. I am hoping that things will start to get better & I will get back into a routine that works for Mom. I know I don't have to apologize to you as you see everything, but I want to. It means a lot to me to have you understand. Each day is a new day & from here on out I am going to make the most of it & I am going to make myself proud, & be happy as I can be. I need that in my life. I need the positive things & not the negative things anymore. I am drained from everything that I have gone through in the past 8 weeks. I just want things to be simple again & I want things to be simple again & not stressful. I can't take it anymore. I am getting too old for that. Walk with me Tyler & help me out. I need you with me & by my side. Thank you pumpkin. I love you so much. Too the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I know I will not be seeing the sun & moon the next couple nights because of this nasty weather but I know that you are shining brightly wherever you may be. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope you hear me nightly. I hope this evening will be all that you need & want it to be for yourself & all the other Angels. I wish you sweet dreams tonight. I hope to see you in mine as well. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. I miss you pumpkin & I love you like crazy....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Again, I hope where you are it is warm, sunny, & blue skies. The weather again here is just awful & so depressing. We are in the middle of another snow storm here & we have already got 18' of snow & we are expected to get another 8' or so. The snow can stop anytime now. I am just so sick of it & the winter already. In the last 3 weeks we have gotten 3 major snow storms that have dumped over 7 feet of snow on us. It is just ridiculous! I really miss seeing the sun shine almost all the time like it does in Texas. I don't want to say I hate it here where we are but it is pretty dang close. After 3 years I am not used to it at all & not sure I ever will get used to it again. Trying to keep positive....
This weekend we had Marion & Charlie over for a visit. It was Charlie's birthday & we took them to the Paint Bar where we had so much fun. It was really neat. We all painted a picture of " Starry Night... Eiffel Tower. " It was a class of 60 people & it was neat to see that all the paintings were just so different. First time going but definitely will not be the last. I hope you were there with Mom. I hope that you got to see what we did & what the class was like. I know if you were here with us you would have loved it. Your painting would have come out so amazing. I want to try to take the techniques that we learned & paint another picture & see how it comes out. Just wanting to do a different color pallet. I think that would be interesting & fun. Saturday night we came back to the apartment & I made homemade lasagna & strawberry truffle. We played cards until the wee hours of the morning. We had a lot of laughs & it was the 1st time Mom has had fun in a very long time. Sunday we took them to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. They had to leave around 2 pm or so because it was already starting to snow. It was wonderful to have company & sad to see them leave. I know they will be coming down here quite often to visit so that makes me happy. I hope that other family & friends come as well. During the week is so lonely as Mark works very long hours so I look forward to the weekends. Mom & Mark hope to visit NH at least 1 time during each month. That way we can see our family & friends.
Spoke to Meme & I guess Bob is still going to be scheduled for his heart surgery on February 16th. I hope that things go really well & there is a miracle for him. I hope this one does the trick so that Bob can start feeling better & feeling good about himself again. I know it will help out with Meme too. I know that you will be with them during this difficult time. I thank you so much for that, Tyler. It means the world to Mom.
I have about 5 daily prayers to write to you so I want to start them know. February 5~ Grace to you & peace from God our Father & the Lord Jesus Christ. Lord in heaven, your grace is given to me as my birthright in Jesus Christ. Nevertheless, I find myself hardening my heart against others, thinking that they do not " deserve " my kindness or my time. What a hypocrite I am! Nothing I have ever done has made me worthy of your sacrifice to me--the one who is ever willing to judge others. Please forgive me for my pride, & help me to open myself to all my Christian brothers & sisters. I ask in the holy name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
February 6~The Lord gives wisdom;from his mouth come knowledge & understanding. God, I admit that there are many times in my day that I forget to focus on what I have. I am so consumed with what I want & need that I often lose track of the amazing & abundant blessings you have already given me. Please help me shift my focus back to the good things that surround me, no matter how simple they might be. Too often I find myself worrying about my life, wanting to do more, & achieve more & have more, & then I am without peace. Guide me back to that place within where I am aware of all the treasures you have placed before me. May you know that a wisdom & a love transcend the things you will see & touch today.
February 7~ God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power, & of love & of self-discipline. Supreme Lord of the universe, today I stand strong & proclaim your glory. My faith in you makes me strong, & I can't help but share my trust & love for you with others. You are the sovereign Lord, & all that you declare shall come to pass. Nothing can withstand your will, & I'm thankful to align myself with you. I'm in awe of your power & glory & my heart is full of your Holy Spirit. When I read your Word, I'm reassured of your promises to me. I want nothing more than to live as a follower of Christ until the end of my days. God gives us faith as a means of getting in touch with his love.
February 8~ Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself & God our Father; who loved us & through grace gave us eternal comfort & good hope, comfort your hearts. My Lord, I come across so many people with misguided hopes. Their hopes are in their ability to make a lot of money, their athletic skills, or their academic acumen. Maybe their hopes are in their husbands, their wives, or even in their children through which they vicariously pursue their lost dreams. As they move from one disappointment to the next, Lord, reach out to show them that they are the only sure place for them to put their hopes is in you. Thank you, Lord. God will either give you what you ask, or something far better.
February 9~ The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps. Dear Lord, all my plans have been tossed in the air like so many grains of rice, never to be gathered or ordered again. I thought I had it all figured out, but now I find that I am powerless. You remind me once again that I'm not in control & that the only sure thing is you. I'm scared, but I know that I can regain my footing. Please help me find the right path---not the path of my choosing but the path you have planned for me. Turn over your problems to God, & he will orchestrate the best outcome.
Ok, Tyler, I have caught up on the daily prayers again. I am so sorry that I sometimes don't write as often as I like. The last couple months, as you know, have been difficult for Mom. I am hoping that things will start to get better & I will get back into a routine that works for Mom. I know I don't have to apologize to you as you see everything, but I want to. It means a lot to me to have you understand. Each day is a new day & from here on out I am going to make the most of it & I am going to make myself proud, & be happy as I can be. I need that in my life. I need the positive things & not the negative things anymore. I am drained from everything that I have gone through in the past 8 weeks. I just want things to be simple again & I want things to be simple again & not stressful. I can't take it anymore. I am getting too old for that. Walk with me Tyler & help me out. I need you with me & by my side. Thank you pumpkin. I love you so much. Too the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I know I will not be seeing the sun & moon the next couple nights because of this nasty weather but I know that you are shining brightly wherever you may be. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope you hear me nightly. I hope this evening will be all that you need & want it to be for yourself & all the other Angels. I wish you sweet dreams tonight. I hope to see you in mine as well. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. I miss you pumpkin & I love you like crazy....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
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