Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? I hope that you are happy & smiling that wonderful smile of yours that I miss so much. Mom is doing ok. I have been up for a few hours now. The morning has been an interesting one to say the least. About 9:30 am our fire alarm went off. I got up & check the apartment & all was well. I opened the door to see what was going on & the doors to the stairs were shut. I ended up calling our office to let them know & to send someone over. They did about 30 minutes later. It was so loud I got an instant headache & poor Snicks was shaking like a leaf. He didn't know what was going on. I felt bad for the other pups that were home alone. They must have been scared too. What a mess. Took Snicks outside for a walk after & noticed that there were 2 guys on the roof shoveling the snow & ice. They must have tripped the sensor & that is what made the alarm go off. Snicks came in from his walk & heard them on the roof... he was scared again because he thought it was thunder. This has not been the greatest of days today. My head is still pounding. Unreal...lol! I can her you saying to me.." Poor Mom & Boo Bear. " & I can see the face that you would give me.  Oh how I wish I could see your face again, here your voice, your laugh, see your smile. Gosh... I miss you so much. It hurts like hell every day. 
 Anyways... The weather is sunny today. Yes.. I said it was sunny! It is cold but I can handle that. So nice to see the sun shine. Forgot what it looked like. Last night I was so surprised to see the moon shining. I couldn't believe it. I looked up & saw it & whispered to you. I hope you heard Mom. Thank you for that big ole surprise! I am hoping that with the sky being clear & blue today I will get to see the stars & moon shining again tonight. As always I will look to the sky & whisper to you as I always do. I hope you will be waiting to hear my voice talking to you. 
 Sorry about not being able to put some of the pictures on here last night with your letter like I normally do. I don't know what happened. I got done your letter & my computer went & crapped out. Mark didn't get it working until late last night. I will make sure to put extras on today's letter for you. I hope you enjoy the quotes, the sayings, & the puppy pictures I put on here. I enjoy finding them because I know much you loved them all! 
 Today is Bob's birthday! I hope you went over & saw him & Meme. I called him up & wished him a good day. He said he wasn't doing so well. Guess they are having a hard time with keeping his blood pressure stable. He sounded so tired & frustrated. I hurt for him. I know he is just so sick & tired of being sick & tired. He says it all the time. He wonders why he is suffering like this. I told him that hopefully soon the doctors will figure things out & he can get back to the way he was before all this. He can hopefully put it all behind him & move forward. He didn't seem to positive. I am trying to do what I can to keep his spirits up. I pray every day for him & all our family, friends, & others. I wonder if you know what is going on? Do you see what is happening? Do you know the reason why? I know you told Aunt Becky & Forrest that you finally had the answers to what happened to you. Why you suffered for so long. You finally said it made sense & you could finally understand it all. You were at peace. I hope that when I have another session with Forrest you will come through & talk to me about it. I would like to know what happened. Maybe then I could be at peace too. 
 Here is today's daily prayer for you. February 27~ Bear with one another & if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other, just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. I am not sure, heavenly Father, that I can ever forget this pain. I know that time will heal all wounds, & that one day I will look back on this as a lesson learned & wisdom gained. But right now, I struggle to keep from letting anger & depression overcome me. Help me find that middle road, where I can forgive, even if I am not yet able to forget. I long to be free of the dark fog that envelops me, & I pray that you will embolden me to step forward & move beyond what was done to me to hope of what will be. God's healing balm grants the freedom that forgiveness brings. 
 Tyler, I am trying so hard to get away from the dark of things & be free but it seems to be consuming Mom more than what I would like to admit. I struggle every day because of losing you. I don't know what the lesson I am suppose to be learning from this. Losing my only child... my precious son. What wisdom am I suppose to gain from this? The pain is sometimes just too overbearing & hard for me to take. The depression is tough but like I said I am trying. I really am. Please know this. I want you to see me happy, to see Mom smile more. I do when people are around because I can put on a good act for all to see, but inside I am in so much pain. When I am alone I don't have to pretend to anyone. No one is here to see my struggles. I am getting used to being alone. Mark works such long hours. I had a hard time at 1st with this but I am now managing. Please Tyler, help Mom through this. Help me to understand & see why I had to loose you. Lord, please help me as well. Give me the strength to continue on. I ask for this help, now. Amen.
 I have to get going for now, Ty. I have a few things that I must do as the weekend is almost here & folks don't work weekend. I hope that you have a wonderful afternoon & evening tonight. Hope it is all that you want & need. Be listening for Mom later. Sending you tons of hugs & kisses your way. Hope you get them all. May you have the sweetest of dreams tonight & I hope to see you in mine. Remember... you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you so much..more than words can say. I miss you like crazy.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!