Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? I wish mom could say that I am doing just fine but honestly I am not. I am very anxious today & I am sure it has a lot to do with the day & everything that goes along with it. Mom got another good night sleep last night & I hope it continues that way from here on in. I woke up this morning sad knowing what today was & I had a good cry. 4 years ago today was the last time I heard your voice, heard you laugh, saw your smile. Never did I think it would be the last time though. I remember everything that we talked about & Mom remembers the last thing you said to me. The pain of that day will haunt me forever. Time does not heal any of these wounds. Mom doesn't think they ever will either. I remember scrambling around after getting the phone call from the doctors telling me what had happened. They kept me informed the whole time. Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, Aunt Beck & brandy were there with you. That was so important to Mom that you knew you were not alone. Mom tried so hard to get an Airline to get us a flight back that day/night but no one would help out. Mom walked around in a daze & the 2 flights to get to you the next day were a blur. I know I just kept whispering to you & praying that you would hold on... that Mom would make it in time. You were so strong & so brave yet again. You always were but especially this time. You were & always will be my Hero. You are the wind beneath my wings, Tyler. 
 Mom is trying to stay busy doing things so that my mind does not wander. Sometimes it works & other times it does not. Tomorrow will be the toughest day & I will be alone. Mark will have to go to a class & he can't get out of it. I guess it is probably for the best as Mom won't really be too talkative. You will see Mom shed many tears tomorrow thinking about everything but know that I will be OK. That is all part of the grieving process. Mom has to be able to show her emotions so that I can grow.... So you can continue to grow wherever you are. Mom misses you so much. No words can ever express it. Love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. 
 This morning when I was eating breakfast I heard the birds singing & they were quite loud or at least I thought they were loud. I happened to look up from where I was sitting & I saw a Cardinal sitting on top of the wreath I have hanging from the door outside. I just stared at it & it was looking back at me. It was talking & looked away & then fly off. I whispered to you. Did you hear Mom? Was that you telling me that you were near me & that everything would be alright? Mom thought the Cardinal would come back again but she never did. I waited at the table for a good 30 minutes but nothing. Mom wants to believe that was you giving me a sign. Thank you. I needed that. Please give another one for Mom tomorrow, OK? 
 Mom does not have any updates for you at all today but I am sure that will change during the week. I will keep you updated as I know of things though. Here is a pray for the day:
 Precious Lord, quiet my heart today. Help me cease striving & intimately know what You are God. I release my cares, worries, dreams & hopes to You & fully embrace the wonder of knowing & being known by You. Any gift from Your hand pales in comparison to knowing Your heart. For You are the greatest treasure, the Pearl hidden in the field. I celebrate Your presence in my life today. I'm rich beyond measure because I'm Yours! Thank you, Lord. Amen!
 Here is the inspirational message for today: Ask once, believe you have received & all you have to do to receive is feel good. When you are feeling good, you are on the frequency of receiving. You are on the frequency of all good things coming to you & you will receive what you have asked for. You wouldn't ask for anything unless it was going to make you feel good in the receiving of it, would you? Do get yourself on the feeling good frequency & you will receive.
 It is only 1 pm here right now & Mom has a few hours before I need to start the night routine for the pups & Mark & I. Mom is going to go study as I received my new books for my class on Friday afternoon. Hope that later this evening you have a peaceful night doing things that you need to & want to. Mom hopes you have fun while I am sleeping. Please be with me or come visit me in my dreams if you can. Thank you my sweet precious son. I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening for me tonight. Smile & Mom will smile back just for you. The weather is kind of hazy today but very humid outside. Mom hopes to see the moon & stars shining bright & maybe I will see a sunset as well. 
 I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then....good night & sweet dreams. My love for you is unconditional. You live inside my heart, mind, body & soul forever. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!