Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? Mom is as always running late tonight as I just finished up studying & taking part of my final exam. It is already 5 pm & Mom has not even started making dinner or fed the pups at this time. I have a few minutes to write to you before I need to go start all the night routine stuff.
 I wish Mom could say that I was in a better mood but I would be lying if I said really was. Last night I did not sleep again & when I did I had terrible dreams of you that for some reason I can't shake off. It was so nice to see you in my dreams but not that way & I am not sure why I did dream what I did. It made me so sad & I was very upset. For some reason you did't even call me Mom you called me by my first name. I really hope that I don't have any more dreams like that because it really messed Mom up. The rest of the day didn't get any better.... in the morning Mom had to do some trouble shooting because of a message that Meme wrote to Bean. She thought it was to her privately & it didn't go that way. It was for all to see. What a mess but after a little bit it was all fixed & all is well. The message got deleted & Meme & Bean actually spoke on the phone. Mark left this morning & went to his office earlier than what I thought he would be going. I guess I misunderstood him & that set us up for a fight. When he got home later this afternoon, Mom was studying & received a phone call. He came into my office to chat with me after & it was not good news. He heard back from the gentleman that he had been waiting for & what we were hoping that would be a positive change for him & us both is not going to happen now. He is very discouraged & so is Mom. Things were told to him last week & really he was given false hope. That was very mean & rude of them but nothing we can do now because it is a done deal. These are the times were Mom does not understand life at all. Why can't good things happen for Mark? For Mark & Mom? Why are things almost always a disappointment? I know things always happen for a reason but just once it would be nice for him to get good news, news that he was excited about for the last week. To say the least Mark is not talking to me or anyone for that matter. He is just staying quiet & shutting down. That is not good but I will not push the issue either. When he wants to talk I will be there to listen. Guess it is going to be an early night for us & a quiet one for that matter. Meme & Bob go to the doctors tomorrow so hopefully things will be good for him. Aunt Beck & I will be touching base tomorrow as well. Her & John will be heading out at the end of next week to go camping in Maine as they do every year. That will be nice as the weather is so warm. Bean is doing well & once again on track to get a place of her own. Mom hasn't spoken to her but maybe in the next couple days I will. Haven't spoken to Grandpa in a few nights so I am sure to hear from them soon. They are probably busy with work & getting things in place for his new shed & car port to arrive. That is all Mom has for you tonight for updates. 
 Here is a couple prayers for you today: May you--more and more in the days ahead--take your cues from God (and not from culture), and become a powerful, praying saint! May you dream big dreams with God! May you pray prayers that make your knees buckle and your heart tremble as you entrust your whole soul and story to the God of the Universe. He intends to solve some of the world's problems through you. When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Lord raises a standard against him. This is no time for cowering in fear. This is a time to rise up in faith! Trust God's Word. Believe His promises. Do what He says. And in due time, you'll see the waters part, the mountains move, and the answers you've been waiting for. You are mighty in God. Walk full-of-faith today!
  May you be honest with God about the hurts in your heart. May you discern the difference between grief and self-pity. May you be okay with not always being okay. God will one day wipe away every tear from your eyes, but until then, He wants to help you walk this journey with peace in your heart and assurance in your soul. He is with you. He will heal you. And He will one day turn your mourning into dancing and your sorrow into songs of joy. In the meantime, enjoy the little graces you find along the way. Celebrate the small victories. Dare to dream. And take one step at a time. You’re going to be okay. Blessings on your night tonight!
Mom knows that this letter to you is not really a long one tonight & I apologize but Mom needs to get going & feed the pups & get dinner ready for Mark & I. I will whisper to you as I always do every night so be listening for my voice. Hope you will be smiling at Mom when you do hear me. Maybe tonight I will see the stars & moon & perhaps you will get your brushes out & paint me a really stunning sunset this evening. Mom will be looking later for one! Hope you have a fun night while I try to sleep. Come be with Mom if you can. Tyler, I miss you so much & wish you were here. I could really use one of your pep talks to me. I love you more than all the stars in the sky. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever inside my heart, mind, body & soul. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. That will never change! Mom will be back tomorrow night with another letter. Until than...Good night & sweet dreams my sweet precious son.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!