Sunday, June 30, 2019
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? Mom is so sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday again but the weather here was horrible just as it is right now. We had severe thunderstorms all yesterday. The pups were so scared and Mom pretty much held them the whole entire day. Today the sun was out in the morning. We went and ran our errands that we needed to do and we got home just in time. The clouds came and it got so dark. The sky opened up and the rain just fell. Lots of rolling thunder but no lightning. Again, the pups are shaking. Mom wanted to at least write you a small letter to tell you how much I miss you and that I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. You will forever live in my heart, mind, body and soul.
Mom has spoke to Meme, Grandpa, and Debbie over the weekend several times. Everyone is doing well except Bob. Meme is not sure what is going on with him. He is not really sleeping or talking. He hasn't ate in 2 days and he just always looks in a daze. I guess he has an appointment on Wednesday so Meme is going to mention it to them. I hope they can figure things out. That is sad to hear but also scary. Everyone continues to pack things and figure out what they want to sell and what things to donate. We are all working very hard at this. It is taking a lot of time for Meme and Bob but I know they will be happier in the long run. I know Mom was after the 2 big moves that Mark and I did. I kept what couldn't be replaced and of course pictures but I purged a lot of things that I didn't need or I didn't use. I gave it all to people who could use it and needed it. It is such a wonderful feeling!
I think tonight will be an evening of relaxing. Mark and Mom are going to watch a movie and then I plan on taking a nice long bubble bath before bed. Hopefully that will help me get some sleep. Mark has been snoring every night and the pups have been shaking as well. Around 3:30 am someone was blaring their music and kept me up. Mom has only been averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night for the last week. I need some solid sleep. Tomorrow is Monday and Mark is back at the customer site and Mom is hoping that I can do some much needed studying. Who knows though but I am going to try my best!
I have your candle already lit for the night and it will burn until we go to bed. I will whisper to you later this evening too. Smile for Mom and I will smile to you my sweet precious son. Mom is going to get off her computer right now because we are getting another thunderstorm and the pups are freaking out. I will go sit with them until it is over. Plus it is almost time to feed them and get dinner going for us. Have fun tonight while Mom sleeps. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. I will be be back with another letter to you tomorrow so until then....good night and sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is today's prayer:
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? Mom is so sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday again but the weather here was horrible just as it is right now. We had severe thunderstorms all yesterday. The pups were so scared and Mom pretty much held them the whole entire day. Today the sun was out in the morning. We went and ran our errands that we needed to do and we got home just in time. The clouds came and it got so dark. The sky opened up and the rain just fell. Lots of rolling thunder but no lightning. Again, the pups are shaking. Mom wanted to at least write you a small letter to tell you how much I miss you and that I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. You will forever live in my heart, mind, body and soul.
Mom has spoke to Meme, Grandpa, and Debbie over the weekend several times. Everyone is doing well except Bob. Meme is not sure what is going on with him. He is not really sleeping or talking. He hasn't ate in 2 days and he just always looks in a daze. I guess he has an appointment on Wednesday so Meme is going to mention it to them. I hope they can figure things out. That is sad to hear but also scary. Everyone continues to pack things and figure out what they want to sell and what things to donate. We are all working very hard at this. It is taking a lot of time for Meme and Bob but I know they will be happier in the long run. I know Mom was after the 2 big moves that Mark and I did. I kept what couldn't be replaced and of course pictures but I purged a lot of things that I didn't need or I didn't use. I gave it all to people who could use it and needed it. It is such a wonderful feeling!
I think tonight will be an evening of relaxing. Mark and Mom are going to watch a movie and then I plan on taking a nice long bubble bath before bed. Hopefully that will help me get some sleep. Mark has been snoring every night and the pups have been shaking as well. Around 3:30 am someone was blaring their music and kept me up. Mom has only been averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night for the last week. I need some solid sleep. Tomorrow is Monday and Mark is back at the customer site and Mom is hoping that I can do some much needed studying. Who knows though but I am going to try my best!
I have your candle already lit for the night and it will burn until we go to bed. I will whisper to you later this evening too. Smile for Mom and I will smile to you my sweet precious son. Mom is going to get off her computer right now because we are getting another thunderstorm and the pups are freaking out. I will go sit with them until it is over. Plus it is almost time to feed them and get dinner going for us. Have fun tonight while Mom sleeps. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. I will be be back with another letter to you tomorrow so until then....good night and sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is today's prayer:
At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.” Matthew 11:25, NIV
Lord our God, we thank you for your Word, which is light and strength to us. We thank you for all you give us. We thank you that we may be counted among the simple-hearted, among the children. We do not want to be anything great in the world. We want only to be with you as your children, helpless little children, watched over by you, the Creator and Father of all. Grant us your blessing. Help us in all that is good and right, also in our daily work, so that we can be your children and do what you have commanded. May your name be honored at all times, your kingdom come, and your will be done on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us the wrong we have done as we forgive those who have wronged us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Friday, June 28, 2019
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is tired just like every other day this week. It is a never ending issue with Mark getting up at 5:30 am and out the door at 6:30 am. The pups go crazy and think it is time for them to eat so I get up, feed them and then start having issues for the next 3 hours with Princess because she will pace the floor, wine and cry because Mark is gone. She finally settles down after a couple hours but after I get up and start doing things she goes crazy again. From 2:30 pm until the time that Mark gets home she is a mess and so loud. Mom can't do a thing at all. I can't concentrate to study and if I try to talk on the phone I am always apologizing for the noise. Mom has dealt with this for the last 5 days. I am happy that the weekend will be here to catch a quick break and then everything returns again on Monday. Mark has one more week at this job site before it is finished. I think we will be both happy when it is over with!
The weather today is so hot and humid! It is 86 degrees out there and Mom is loving it. This weekend..both Saturday and Sunday will be rain and thunderstorms both days. Good thing we don't have to go out to do anything as the pups will be freaking out. We have had fireworks almost every night for the past 4 nights. I am glad that it will be raining so that no fireworks will be done over the weekend. That is a plus for us! Thursday is the 4th of July though and that will be a tough night. We are hoping not to here many but we know we will. We always do. I think Mom and Mark will be happy to get away from all this stuff. It is super hard on us as adults and I know it is tough on the pups too. We all need to go to a place where it is super quiet and no noises. Time will tell if that is all going to happen too. Mom will keep you updated.
Last night Mom chatted with Grandpa for a bit. Things are good on his end. Both him and Debbie have their dates that they are giving to their jobs for retirement. I am so happy for them. Everything else seems to be going smoothly for them. I chatted with Meme as well. She was doing better than yesterday. I think that is a good thing as well. She was pretty upset. I heard from Aunt Beck yesterday. We chatted for about 30 minutes. Things are crazy busy with work but all in all she is doing good. John is well too. Nothing still on how Bean is though. I assume things are good with her too. Hopefully over the weekend Mom will be able to get some new updates on how everyone is doing and what is going on.
Mark got home a few minutes ago. He is not looking so good. His neck is really stiff and he is in a lot of pain right now. Mom just fed the pups and he isn't really hungry so he is just having a bowl of chili tonight. He is just not in a good mood. He is tired from this whole week as well and very little sleep. This weekend is going to be all about relaxing and doing whatever we both want, sleeping in and just enjoying some quality time together as we have had none this whole week.
Mom is sorry that this letter to you is short but I need to get myself dinner and I want to watch Mark closely. I will be back tomorrow though as we will be staying in. I hope you have fun tonight while we sleep. Come visit Mom if you can. Smile to me when I whisper to you later and I will smile back to you. Thank you for the beautiful painting in the sky the other night. It was breath taking. Mom took a bunch of pictures and smiled and spoke to you. I hope you heard me. Maybe I will get another one this evening as well. I will be looking. I will light your candle in a bit. I miss you beyond any words can say and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams pumpkin...my sweet precious son.
Always,
Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the prayer for today:
JUNE 28, 2019
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is tired just like every other day this week. It is a never ending issue with Mark getting up at 5:30 am and out the door at 6:30 am. The pups go crazy and think it is time for them to eat so I get up, feed them and then start having issues for the next 3 hours with Princess because she will pace the floor, wine and cry because Mark is gone. She finally settles down after a couple hours but after I get up and start doing things she goes crazy again. From 2:30 pm until the time that Mark gets home she is a mess and so loud. Mom can't do a thing at all. I can't concentrate to study and if I try to talk on the phone I am always apologizing for the noise. Mom has dealt with this for the last 5 days. I am happy that the weekend will be here to catch a quick break and then everything returns again on Monday. Mark has one more week at this job site before it is finished. I think we will be both happy when it is over with!
The weather today is so hot and humid! It is 86 degrees out there and Mom is loving it. This weekend..both Saturday and Sunday will be rain and thunderstorms both days. Good thing we don't have to go out to do anything as the pups will be freaking out. We have had fireworks almost every night for the past 4 nights. I am glad that it will be raining so that no fireworks will be done over the weekend. That is a plus for us! Thursday is the 4th of July though and that will be a tough night. We are hoping not to here many but we know we will. We always do. I think Mom and Mark will be happy to get away from all this stuff. It is super hard on us as adults and I know it is tough on the pups too. We all need to go to a place where it is super quiet and no noises. Time will tell if that is all going to happen too. Mom will keep you updated.
Last night Mom chatted with Grandpa for a bit. Things are good on his end. Both him and Debbie have their dates that they are giving to their jobs for retirement. I am so happy for them. Everything else seems to be going smoothly for them. I chatted with Meme as well. She was doing better than yesterday. I think that is a good thing as well. She was pretty upset. I heard from Aunt Beck yesterday. We chatted for about 30 minutes. Things are crazy busy with work but all in all she is doing good. John is well too. Nothing still on how Bean is though. I assume things are good with her too. Hopefully over the weekend Mom will be able to get some new updates on how everyone is doing and what is going on.
Mark got home a few minutes ago. He is not looking so good. His neck is really stiff and he is in a lot of pain right now. Mom just fed the pups and he isn't really hungry so he is just having a bowl of chili tonight. He is just not in a good mood. He is tired from this whole week as well and very little sleep. This weekend is going to be all about relaxing and doing whatever we both want, sleeping in and just enjoying some quality time together as we have had none this whole week.
Mom is sorry that this letter to you is short but I need to get myself dinner and I want to watch Mark closely. I will be back tomorrow though as we will be staying in. I hope you have fun tonight while we sleep. Come visit Mom if you can. Smile to me when I whisper to you later and I will smile back to you. Thank you for the beautiful painting in the sky the other night. It was breath taking. Mom took a bunch of pictures and smiled and spoke to you. I hope you heard me. Maybe I will get another one this evening as well. I will be looking. I will light your candle in a bit. I miss you beyond any words can say and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams pumpkin...my sweet precious son.
Always,
Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the prayer for today:
JUNE 28, 2019
All of creation waits with eager longing for God to reveal his sons. For creation was condemned to lose its purpose, not of its own will, but because God willed it to be so. Yet there was the hope that creation itself would one day be set free from its slavery to decay and would share the glorious freedom of the children of God. Romans 8:19–21, TEV
Lord God, we thank you for all you reveal in your creation so that our lives may be fruitful. Reveal your wisdom and strength among people everywhere so that death and destruction do not have their way, but your will, your love, your mercy shall prevail. Let our age learn that power belongs to you and not to men, and that you will at last fulfill all your promises of good. Your day of justice and holiness will break in, and all misery will be removed through your great mercy. Watch over us as you have done till this hour, and keep us safe during the night. Be present and carry out your will wherever there is misfortune. May your will be done on earth as in heaven. Amen.
Thursday, June 27, 2019
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom is sorry that I did not write you a letter yesterday but these last 2 days have been pretty tough here. It just seems like I can't ever do anything that I want to do because all kinds of phone calls and emails regarding this potential relocation keep coming in and Mom is the one talking to everyone because Mark is not here and even if he was he wouldn't answer the calls. It is frustrating to me because he is not taking very much seriously right now. He is blowing a lot of necessary things off saying that he will do it and never does. There is a time frame that we have and he doesn't seem to care about that either. I am just at the end of my rope in all this and I am getting to the point that I will make him talk to everyone and explain his actions instead of me. His whole attitude has changed since he started back to work and going to customer sites this week. I am sure that he is exhausted but if he has time to play stupid video games with his brothers and talk on the phone with them for all hours then he has the time to be doing stuff that needs to get done and he isn't. I am sorry that I am rambling on and venting on here...this is not what my letters to you should be but these last 2 days have been hell and Mom has been stressed out beyond stressed. Yesterday I didn't even turn my computer on at all and I didn't today as well. The only reason why I turned it on right now was to write to you briefly and then I will be shutting it off. I guess Mom is just in no mood to deal with anything. I am not sleeping all that great and Princess is being naughty because Mark has been gone all week long. Mom is needing a full solid nights rest and maybe in the morning I will feel better than what I have for the past couple days.
This afternoon we did not get the best of news either...just adds to the stress level even more. Meme called Mom a bit ago and she didn't have a great day either. I guess Mom is going to ask you to please be with Meme and Bob and Mom and Mark too. I guess Bob is not feeling well either. He called Meme to tell him that he was dizzy and not feeling well. Thank you my sweet precious son. It means so much to me.
Mom has no updates for you at all because I have not really spoken to many people at all this week. Grandpa called last night but with Mom being so stress, my nerves have gotten the best of me and I was not feeling well enough to call Grandpa back. He may call again tonight but I am not sure. I really am in no mood to chat with anyone right now. I might call him back tomorrow when I am in a better mood. I should have some updates for you over the weekend hopefully.
Maybe Mom is feeling more on edge today because of the date. It is June 27th. 6 years ago I buried you. It is beyond the worst feeling in the world for a mother to have to do. No words can express the pain I felt that day and every day after. I miss you so damn much. It hurts like hell not to have you here with Mom. I love you with all my heart and soul. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You will forever be my hero and the wind beneath my wings. You live inside my heart, mind, body and soul.
Mom will whisper to you later this evening and I will smile to you. Smile back to me please. I will be back tomorrow afternoon with another letter to you as well. Maybe I can get some studying in as there will be no phones calls going on for a few days after the news we got earlier. Maybe I will be able to get my lessons finished up and the final exam will be next week. Fingers crossed for the best.
Mom is going to go right now because I am just in a bad mood and I need to just not do anything at all. I need to be a lone and with my own thoughts. I hope you have fun tonight while Mom gets some sleep. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Thank you my sweet precious son. Until tomorrow comes.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the prayer for the day:
TODAY, JUNE 27, 2019
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom is sorry that I did not write you a letter yesterday but these last 2 days have been pretty tough here. It just seems like I can't ever do anything that I want to do because all kinds of phone calls and emails regarding this potential relocation keep coming in and Mom is the one talking to everyone because Mark is not here and even if he was he wouldn't answer the calls. It is frustrating to me because he is not taking very much seriously right now. He is blowing a lot of necessary things off saying that he will do it and never does. There is a time frame that we have and he doesn't seem to care about that either. I am just at the end of my rope in all this and I am getting to the point that I will make him talk to everyone and explain his actions instead of me. His whole attitude has changed since he started back to work and going to customer sites this week. I am sure that he is exhausted but if he has time to play stupid video games with his brothers and talk on the phone with them for all hours then he has the time to be doing stuff that needs to get done and he isn't. I am sorry that I am rambling on and venting on here...this is not what my letters to you should be but these last 2 days have been hell and Mom has been stressed out beyond stressed. Yesterday I didn't even turn my computer on at all and I didn't today as well. The only reason why I turned it on right now was to write to you briefly and then I will be shutting it off. I guess Mom is just in no mood to deal with anything. I am not sleeping all that great and Princess is being naughty because Mark has been gone all week long. Mom is needing a full solid nights rest and maybe in the morning I will feel better than what I have for the past couple days.
This afternoon we did not get the best of news either...just adds to the stress level even more. Meme called Mom a bit ago and she didn't have a great day either. I guess Mom is going to ask you to please be with Meme and Bob and Mom and Mark too. I guess Bob is not feeling well either. He called Meme to tell him that he was dizzy and not feeling well. Thank you my sweet precious son. It means so much to me.
Mom has no updates for you at all because I have not really spoken to many people at all this week. Grandpa called last night but with Mom being so stress, my nerves have gotten the best of me and I was not feeling well enough to call Grandpa back. He may call again tonight but I am not sure. I really am in no mood to chat with anyone right now. I might call him back tomorrow when I am in a better mood. I should have some updates for you over the weekend hopefully.
Maybe Mom is feeling more on edge today because of the date. It is June 27th. 6 years ago I buried you. It is beyond the worst feeling in the world for a mother to have to do. No words can express the pain I felt that day and every day after. I miss you so damn much. It hurts like hell not to have you here with Mom. I love you with all my heart and soul. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You will forever be my hero and the wind beneath my wings. You live inside my heart, mind, body and soul.
Mom will whisper to you later this evening and I will smile to you. Smile back to me please. I will be back tomorrow afternoon with another letter to you as well. Maybe I can get some studying in as there will be no phones calls going on for a few days after the news we got earlier. Maybe I will be able to get my lessons finished up and the final exam will be next week. Fingers crossed for the best.
Mom is going to go right now because I am just in a bad mood and I need to just not do anything at all. I need to be a lone and with my own thoughts. I hope you have fun tonight while Mom gets some sleep. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Thank you my sweet precious son. Until tomorrow comes.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the prayer for the day:
TODAY, JUNE 27, 2019
But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15–16, NIV
Lord God, help us to be holy as you are holy, and free us from all the earthly things that try to torment us. Grant us your Spirit so that we do what is right. May we always hold your hand confidently. Protect your children everywhere on earth, and help them do what is right even if the whole world does what is wrong. Help us, so that all we do becomes holy and pleasing in your sight. Let your grace grow among us and among the nations, and let your hand be strong to bring in your day, your day when everything is made new. May your name be kept holy, your kingdom come, and your will be done on earth as in heaven. Amen.
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom is writing to you earlier than usual because the weather is pretty nasty. We are having heavy rain but storms mixed in as well. Mom has already lost the internet once so I wanted to get your letter written just in case it goes out again.
Mom was up at 5:45 am this morning and the pups would not let me go back to sleep so I have been up since then. I fed them and made coffee for Mark and got him his snacks so that he was all set for the drive to the customer site again today. Day 2 out of 8. He said he did good yesterday but her was very tired and after PT he was really beat. He stayed awake until 10 pm and then he was out like a light. Mom is proud of him. I know he is more tried and in pain more than he is telling me or admitting but I am not stupid.... I see right through it but say nothing at all. Mom is learning not to say much and not to pick a fight. It is better for the both of us this way.
Last night was going to be quiet but we watched TV for a little bit and then we had a call after 8 pm that lasted until 9 pm or later. Mark and I were going over some reports that were done and we were looking at the summaries with the expert on these. There was good news and not so good news but all will be okay. We have faith in this whole thing and we will remain positive. Mom is playing the middle man as when things are going on I tell Mark if he is not home and then I keep Meme and Grandpa up to date on everything as well. I look to them for advice seeings how they have done this a few times and we have not. It is stressful but Mom is not letting it get to me at all. With being this way I know that I have changed quite a bit and for the better. In the past this would have stressed me out to no end and I would have been a wreck. Mom would like to believe that you are proud of me. I hope you are smiling down on Mom. I think tonight will be a repeat of last night for us. Mark will get home late, we will have dinner and then Mom will do the clean up and we will be having another call around 8 pm. We will go to bed around 10 pm and try to get some rest so that Mark can get up early again in the morning and Mom can get things together for myself. I have tried so hard the last couple of days to start the studying back up but I have failed. There have way too much for Mom to do during the day with added phone calls that by the time I can get to studying, I am exhausted from getting up early and I just go and relax for a bit before it is time to make dinner and feed the pups. Mom's eyes are heavy right now. It is pouring rain and I am going to finish your letter and call it a day. I will be shutting my computer off and going to the couch to relax for a bit before Mark gets home.
Mom has no updates for you today...maybe tomorrow though. I will light your candle in a bit, I will whisper to you later this evening as well so be listening out for my voice. Smile to me when you hear it and I will smile to you my sweet precious son. I miss you so much and I love you with all my heart. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Have fun tonight while Mom sleeps. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. For now, Mom is going to get going and go relax. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then.... good night and sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is today's prayer:
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom is writing to you earlier than usual because the weather is pretty nasty. We are having heavy rain but storms mixed in as well. Mom has already lost the internet once so I wanted to get your letter written just in case it goes out again.
Mom was up at 5:45 am this morning and the pups would not let me go back to sleep so I have been up since then. I fed them and made coffee for Mark and got him his snacks so that he was all set for the drive to the customer site again today. Day 2 out of 8. He said he did good yesterday but her was very tired and after PT he was really beat. He stayed awake until 10 pm and then he was out like a light. Mom is proud of him. I know he is more tried and in pain more than he is telling me or admitting but I am not stupid.... I see right through it but say nothing at all. Mom is learning not to say much and not to pick a fight. It is better for the both of us this way.
Last night was going to be quiet but we watched TV for a little bit and then we had a call after 8 pm that lasted until 9 pm or later. Mark and I were going over some reports that were done and we were looking at the summaries with the expert on these. There was good news and not so good news but all will be okay. We have faith in this whole thing and we will remain positive. Mom is playing the middle man as when things are going on I tell Mark if he is not home and then I keep Meme and Grandpa up to date on everything as well. I look to them for advice seeings how they have done this a few times and we have not. It is stressful but Mom is not letting it get to me at all. With being this way I know that I have changed quite a bit and for the better. In the past this would have stressed me out to no end and I would have been a wreck. Mom would like to believe that you are proud of me. I hope you are smiling down on Mom. I think tonight will be a repeat of last night for us. Mark will get home late, we will have dinner and then Mom will do the clean up and we will be having another call around 8 pm. We will go to bed around 10 pm and try to get some rest so that Mark can get up early again in the morning and Mom can get things together for myself. I have tried so hard the last couple of days to start the studying back up but I have failed. There have way too much for Mom to do during the day with added phone calls that by the time I can get to studying, I am exhausted from getting up early and I just go and relax for a bit before it is time to make dinner and feed the pups. Mom's eyes are heavy right now. It is pouring rain and I am going to finish your letter and call it a day. I will be shutting my computer off and going to the couch to relax for a bit before Mark gets home.
Mom has no updates for you today...maybe tomorrow though. I will light your candle in a bit, I will whisper to you later this evening as well so be listening out for my voice. Smile to me when you hear it and I will smile to you my sweet precious son. I miss you so much and I love you with all my heart. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Have fun tonight while Mom sleeps. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. For now, Mom is going to get going and go relax. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you so until then.... good night and sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is today's prayer:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13, NIV
Lord our God, grant us courageous hearts, we pray. Grant that we may always find our strength and support in you and may bear with joy whatever the present days bring us. No matter how much evil occurs, we know that your peace is already prepared. We await your peace, and we are allowed to believe that everything will turn out according to your will and according to the good you have prepared for your people on earth. For in faith your people overcome the world, and at last through their faith others too may receive something from you and may lift their eyes to you, the God of truth, of justice, of salvation, and of peace. Be with us every day, Lord God. Help us. Bless us, and bless all who try to bring help where it is needed. Let us praise your name forevermore! Amen.
Monday, June 24, 2019
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Monday afternoon? It is already 4:30 pm and this day has literally flown by so fast. Mom was up at 6 am with Mark. He was getting ready while I fed the pups and got coffee and snacks all set for him to leave right on schedule for his first day back to his customer site! He called me when he got there and also when he left today. He told me he was in a lot of pain. He immediately had to go to PT right after work so he will be so tired and sore when he gets home. Mom was so tired that she lounged in bed for longer than I should have today but it felt good! I got up and got ready, made something to eat and then was on the phone all afternoon. I chatted with a friend for an hour and then I needed to make several calls to help Mark out and that has been my day. The pups have been very quiet today. Princess is so depressed that Mark left this morning. He hasn't been gone for this long in over 6 weeks. I feel bad for her but she will be very happy soon when he gets home! Tonight will be all about feeding the pups, making dinner, doing the dishes from that and then a whole lot of relaxing and then going to bed early. For the past 3 nights fireworks have been going off so Princess is shaking for hours on end. Last night they started at 11 pm and went to midnight and she shook until about 2 am. It was crazy. I have a feeling it is going to be this way until after the 4th...ugh! Happened last year too.
This morning was an important morning for sure. Mark had to have a serious phone conversation and Mom is happy to say that it went swimmingly! Such a relief and huge weight has been lifted. Now we have a couple more things and we are all set. Everyone is happy about it. They(Meme and Grandpa) called earlier and I told them the news. They were surprised and excited. That made Mom feel so good. I told Mark when he called and he was happy as well. After Mom got the news, I immediately looked to the sky and thanked God, the angels and you for everything. The power of prayer really works.
Not much else today has gone on. Just a crazy busy Monday. I wasn't able to study today at all but I will be first thing tomorrow morning. Mom is hoping for a good night sleep tonight so I am bright eyed and bushy tailed. Mark will be going to this customer site all week so I will be up early every morning. Tonight I will be sure to light your candle for a couple hours and I will whisper to you just like I do every night. Smile please for me and I promise to smile to you too. The sun has been out all day today so Mom is hoping that I will get to see a painting in the sky tonight....hint hint! Mom misses you like crazy and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom will make sure to write you a longer letter tomorrow. Time got the best of me today. It is already 5 pm and I need to fed these pups and get dinner started for Mark and I. He will be home soon. Until tomorrow comes....have fun tonight while I sleep. Come visit if you can in my dreams. Good night and sweet dreams later.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the prayer for the day:
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Monday afternoon? It is already 4:30 pm and this day has literally flown by so fast. Mom was up at 6 am with Mark. He was getting ready while I fed the pups and got coffee and snacks all set for him to leave right on schedule for his first day back to his customer site! He called me when he got there and also when he left today. He told me he was in a lot of pain. He immediately had to go to PT right after work so he will be so tired and sore when he gets home. Mom was so tired that she lounged in bed for longer than I should have today but it felt good! I got up and got ready, made something to eat and then was on the phone all afternoon. I chatted with a friend for an hour and then I needed to make several calls to help Mark out and that has been my day. The pups have been very quiet today. Princess is so depressed that Mark left this morning. He hasn't been gone for this long in over 6 weeks. I feel bad for her but she will be very happy soon when he gets home! Tonight will be all about feeding the pups, making dinner, doing the dishes from that and then a whole lot of relaxing and then going to bed early. For the past 3 nights fireworks have been going off so Princess is shaking for hours on end. Last night they started at 11 pm and went to midnight and she shook until about 2 am. It was crazy. I have a feeling it is going to be this way until after the 4th...ugh! Happened last year too.
This morning was an important morning for sure. Mark had to have a serious phone conversation and Mom is happy to say that it went swimmingly! Such a relief and huge weight has been lifted. Now we have a couple more things and we are all set. Everyone is happy about it. They(Meme and Grandpa) called earlier and I told them the news. They were surprised and excited. That made Mom feel so good. I told Mark when he called and he was happy as well. After Mom got the news, I immediately looked to the sky and thanked God, the angels and you for everything. The power of prayer really works.
Not much else today has gone on. Just a crazy busy Monday. I wasn't able to study today at all but I will be first thing tomorrow morning. Mom is hoping for a good night sleep tonight so I am bright eyed and bushy tailed. Mark will be going to this customer site all week so I will be up early every morning. Tonight I will be sure to light your candle for a couple hours and I will whisper to you just like I do every night. Smile please for me and I promise to smile to you too. The sun has been out all day today so Mom is hoping that I will get to see a painting in the sky tonight....hint hint! Mom misses you like crazy and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You are my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom will make sure to write you a longer letter tomorrow. Time got the best of me today. It is already 5 pm and I need to fed these pups and get dinner started for Mark and I. He will be home soon. Until tomorrow comes....have fun tonight while I sleep. Come visit if you can in my dreams. Good night and sweet dreams later.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the prayer for the day:
I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven. As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he shows us his mercy. Psalm 123:1–2, NIV
Lord our God, we lift our hearts to you, our help in every need. You do so much for us even in difficult times, letting us always see your light and giving us your help in the many things you want us to bear in your strength, O Almighty God. In the end you will help our age come to your light. Through your great mercy let us receive your Word. Bless it within our hearts, and help us to serve you everywhere we go and in everything we are allowed to do. Amen.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom is sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday but Friday night and all day yesterday was not good at all here. Mom and Mark received an email on Friday night around 5:40 pm and it was kind of a blow. Neither of us really slept at all Friday night. Yesterday morning we were going to run errands but Mark was not feeling so well so we stayed in. He literally played his game all day long with his brothers until almost 6 pm and Mom did 2 loads of laundry, changed the bed linens, folded the 2 loads of laundry, put everything away, got ready and then I did a lot of rearranging in the kitchen pantry, refrigerator and freezer plus I hauled out my stuff in the bathroom that I was not using at all. I also gathered up garbage and I did some things in the closet as well. I was quite productive to say the least. I think I finished about 5:30 pm. we ate dinner and then I took a nice long, hot shower. The evening was spent watching TV and trying to calm Princess done as there were fireworks near by that started at 9:45 pm and lasted until 10:30 pm. we could here them so clearly. We went to bed around 11 pm and Mom pretty much got zero sleep. There is just way too much on my mind right now. That email that we received on Friday was not all that good. There is a lot riding on if we will be able to proceed with our plans now for the Fall. Of course I needed to tell Meme and Grandpa to keep them in the loop and that was not a fun phone call at all. Mom has been doing a lot of hoping and praying. That is all I can do or anyone can do at this time. There are a couple questions that need to be answered by people other than us and all our fate is in their hands now. I think everyone is discouraged and bummed out but Mark and Mom are trying to stay positive at this time. Anything that you might be able to do to help we all would gladly appreciate it so much, Tyler. Thank you my sweet precious son.
Mom never got on her computer at all yesterday and really was not near any electronics at all. I was trying to stay busy so my mind wouldn't think too much and I was kind of mad at Mark for playing that dang stupid game all freakin day and night. He is playing it again right now too. I just don't get it. All of them are over 40 years old. Video and computer games are for kids....something that they are not. I wouldn't mind if we had more time together and then he played for a couple hours but it is not like that. It is work all week for him and schedule time for us around that dang game. It really is annoying. He may be playing it right now but he has limited time because in 30 minutes we have a skype call with Tubal and Karen. We haven't had one of them in over a month. It will be nice to chat with them. Mom already spoke to Grandpa and Meme today so the rest of the evening will be quiet. Mom may take a long bath to see if it helps my left shoulder. I think I pulled a muscle or something yesterday with all that I did. I am not sure though. I hope for a good night sleep for both Mark and I. He needs to be up at 5:30 am to get ready to leave for his work and Mom will be starting to get back into my routine of studying. I am hoping to have both lessons done by Tuesday and the final exam by Friday. That would be perfect. Then I will be starting my second course right after.
I am sure to have updates for you tomorrow on things. It is kind of an important day. We may get some good news or it could be not so good news so Mom is crossing her fingers and toes hoping that all goes the way we hope. I will update you on that when I know of things. Our cousin's daughter is doing okay. She is another tough cookie and getting by day to day. She is still having chemo daily and in and out of the hospital but she is smiling the best way she knows how for 16 years old. I assume everyone else is doing good. I will touch base with Aunt Beck this week and see how they are doing and how Bean is. I still have not heard from her at all. Oh yeah.... your friend, Ashley...yes the Ashley that you dated in Exeter got married yesterday. She was engaged for a couple of years and she made a beautiful bride. Mom saw the pictures on social media. She is such a pretty girl but I don't need to tell you that. I think that is all I have for you today. Mom will light your candle after this letter is done and I will whisper to you later tonight. Smile for me and I will smile for you. I will be back tomorrow with another letter. I hope you have fun tonight while Mom is sleeping. I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You will always be my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom needs to get ready for the skype call in 15 minutes. Until tomorrow comes.... good night and sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is today's prayer:
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom is sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday but Friday night and all day yesterday was not good at all here. Mom and Mark received an email on Friday night around 5:40 pm and it was kind of a blow. Neither of us really slept at all Friday night. Yesterday morning we were going to run errands but Mark was not feeling so well so we stayed in. He literally played his game all day long with his brothers until almost 6 pm and Mom did 2 loads of laundry, changed the bed linens, folded the 2 loads of laundry, put everything away, got ready and then I did a lot of rearranging in the kitchen pantry, refrigerator and freezer plus I hauled out my stuff in the bathroom that I was not using at all. I also gathered up garbage and I did some things in the closet as well. I was quite productive to say the least. I think I finished about 5:30 pm. we ate dinner and then I took a nice long, hot shower. The evening was spent watching TV and trying to calm Princess done as there were fireworks near by that started at 9:45 pm and lasted until 10:30 pm. we could here them so clearly. We went to bed around 11 pm and Mom pretty much got zero sleep. There is just way too much on my mind right now. That email that we received on Friday was not all that good. There is a lot riding on if we will be able to proceed with our plans now for the Fall. Of course I needed to tell Meme and Grandpa to keep them in the loop and that was not a fun phone call at all. Mom has been doing a lot of hoping and praying. That is all I can do or anyone can do at this time. There are a couple questions that need to be answered by people other than us and all our fate is in their hands now. I think everyone is discouraged and bummed out but Mark and Mom are trying to stay positive at this time. Anything that you might be able to do to help we all would gladly appreciate it so much, Tyler. Thank you my sweet precious son.
Mom never got on her computer at all yesterday and really was not near any electronics at all. I was trying to stay busy so my mind wouldn't think too much and I was kind of mad at Mark for playing that dang stupid game all freakin day and night. He is playing it again right now too. I just don't get it. All of them are over 40 years old. Video and computer games are for kids....something that they are not. I wouldn't mind if we had more time together and then he played for a couple hours but it is not like that. It is work all week for him and schedule time for us around that dang game. It really is annoying. He may be playing it right now but he has limited time because in 30 minutes we have a skype call with Tubal and Karen. We haven't had one of them in over a month. It will be nice to chat with them. Mom already spoke to Grandpa and Meme today so the rest of the evening will be quiet. Mom may take a long bath to see if it helps my left shoulder. I think I pulled a muscle or something yesterday with all that I did. I am not sure though. I hope for a good night sleep for both Mark and I. He needs to be up at 5:30 am to get ready to leave for his work and Mom will be starting to get back into my routine of studying. I am hoping to have both lessons done by Tuesday and the final exam by Friday. That would be perfect. Then I will be starting my second course right after.
I am sure to have updates for you tomorrow on things. It is kind of an important day. We may get some good news or it could be not so good news so Mom is crossing her fingers and toes hoping that all goes the way we hope. I will update you on that when I know of things. Our cousin's daughter is doing okay. She is another tough cookie and getting by day to day. She is still having chemo daily and in and out of the hospital but she is smiling the best way she knows how for 16 years old. I assume everyone else is doing good. I will touch base with Aunt Beck this week and see how they are doing and how Bean is. I still have not heard from her at all. Oh yeah.... your friend, Ashley...yes the Ashley that you dated in Exeter got married yesterday. She was engaged for a couple of years and she made a beautiful bride. Mom saw the pictures on social media. She is such a pretty girl but I don't need to tell you that. I think that is all I have for you today. Mom will light your candle after this letter is done and I will whisper to you later tonight. Smile for me and I will smile for you. I will be back tomorrow with another letter. I hope you have fun tonight while Mom is sleeping. I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You will always be my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul. Mom needs to get ready for the skype call in 15 minutes. Until tomorrow comes.... good night and sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is today's prayer:
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:14–l5, NIV
Lord our God, grant your peace in our hearts. Grant that we may be your children, allowed to serve you in true peace through the forgiveness of sins. Turn your eyes to the world and its sin, that something new may come for all who are deeply unhappy, groaning under the anguish of their lives. Your mercy is great, your compassion is beyond measure. For Jesus Christ’s sake you will bring into the world the salvation that is promised. You will bring the great day of Jesus Christ the Savior, who has shed his blood for us. He can come to those now in need and misery, bringing his peace and his power into their hearts so that even death turns into life and everything serves your praise and glory, Lord our God and Father in heaven. Bless us and bless our nation. May life from heaven grow in those who understand you and who are to be your people. May your will be done, Lord God, until your kingdom comes in its fullness and all the world may see that Jesus Christ is the Lord, to your glory, O God our Father. Amen.
Friday, June 21, 2019
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? It is June 21st.... just 1 day after you passed 6 years ago. It is also the 1st day of summer and the day (6 years ago) that your star was put into space along with Mark's. Mom is doing alright today. Yesterday not so much at all. My head was in a fog all day long and I couldn't get out of my way to say the least. I talked to Grandpa but honestly I was only half listening to the conversation. I wasn't being rude at all, it was my head was not with it. Mark ordered dinner so that I didn't have to cook. That was nice. Mom was silent most of the night watching TV and then I went to bed around 10 pm. I slept okay. Only up a couple times during the night and then right back to sleep. Mom was up this morning at 7 am though. Mark fed the pups for the 1st time in 5 weeks. That was new. He needs to start moving around more this weekend as Monday he is back on the road working at a customers site for the next 8 days straight. Again, I worry... you know Mom, but I have to hope that he will be honest with himself and not push it. If it is too much for him I hope he speaks up so that he does not hurt himself even more. He is not healed completely so reinjurying this would not be hard at all. Mom will be saying lots of prayers that is for sure!
Today may be the 1st day of summer but it is a crappy day here. It is dark, gloomy and raining heavy. It has been now for the entire afternoon. This is day 3 of rain and no sun. I guess the weekend will be great. Sunny and warm but the beginning of next week will be rain again. This is all getting depressing again. Mom will be happy to go to a state where there is no snow, no high winds, less rain and more sun. We have the countdown on that is for sure! Next week will be a busy one and Mom will be saying more prayers than I usually do. At the beginning of the week there will be an inspection and appraisal for the home. Mark will also be talking to his boss and company about everything. Mom is hopeful that everything will go well. I don't have any "bad" feelings at all which is a plus! I know you will be with all of us every step of the way so I am definitely not worried at all. Everything is stating to become very real in the last week. Mom has been talking to different companies to get quotes on things. My studies yet again have taken a back seat. This is week 5 for that. Mom is hoping that next week when Mark is at his customer site and now that the roofers are completely done on our building things will be somewhat quiet and I can get this last lesson done and work on the final exam next week. That would be super. I know that things will be quiet as far as the house so that will work to my advantage. Mom will take her time with everything but I think I will do just fine on what I have left for school. I can't believe that in 9 days it will be July already. Even more so, it is hard to believe that you would have turned 28 this year on the 29th of July but instead you will forever be 22 years old. I miss you Tyler. Mom misses you so much. No words can every express the emptiness that I feel without you here with me. No time will heal that as well, no matter how positive Mom is. That is reality. That is grief. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You were and always will be my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul.
Mom will be lighting your candle tonight after I finish my letter to you. I am trying to multi task right now. Prep dinner, write to you, message a friend of mine and get dinner for the pups. Mom is late on that as it is after 5 pm. They are sleeping right now so I am not going to try and bother them. I might have another 5-10 minutes tops before Ozzy realizes that Mom is late on feeding them...lol. I will whisper to you later tonight so smile when you hear Mom and I will smile back to you. I will write to you again tomorrow afternoon when I get home from running around doing errands. I hope that your night is filled with all fun things while Mom is sleeping. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Mom should have some new updates about the family over the weekend as well. I know we have a skype call with Tubal and Karen Sunday evening and Mom will be chatting with Meme and Grandpa as well.
Mom needs to go as it was not even 5 minutes for Ozzy. The life of a 4 year old pup. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams later my sweet precious son. I love you, Tyler Andrew Howard with all my heart and soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the daily prayer:
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? It is June 21st.... just 1 day after you passed 6 years ago. It is also the 1st day of summer and the day (6 years ago) that your star was put into space along with Mark's. Mom is doing alright today. Yesterday not so much at all. My head was in a fog all day long and I couldn't get out of my way to say the least. I talked to Grandpa but honestly I was only half listening to the conversation. I wasn't being rude at all, it was my head was not with it. Mark ordered dinner so that I didn't have to cook. That was nice. Mom was silent most of the night watching TV and then I went to bed around 10 pm. I slept okay. Only up a couple times during the night and then right back to sleep. Mom was up this morning at 7 am though. Mark fed the pups for the 1st time in 5 weeks. That was new. He needs to start moving around more this weekend as Monday he is back on the road working at a customers site for the next 8 days straight. Again, I worry... you know Mom, but I have to hope that he will be honest with himself and not push it. If it is too much for him I hope he speaks up so that he does not hurt himself even more. He is not healed completely so reinjurying this would not be hard at all. Mom will be saying lots of prayers that is for sure!
Today may be the 1st day of summer but it is a crappy day here. It is dark, gloomy and raining heavy. It has been now for the entire afternoon. This is day 3 of rain and no sun. I guess the weekend will be great. Sunny and warm but the beginning of next week will be rain again. This is all getting depressing again. Mom will be happy to go to a state where there is no snow, no high winds, less rain and more sun. We have the countdown on that is for sure! Next week will be a busy one and Mom will be saying more prayers than I usually do. At the beginning of the week there will be an inspection and appraisal for the home. Mark will also be talking to his boss and company about everything. Mom is hopeful that everything will go well. I don't have any "bad" feelings at all which is a plus! I know you will be with all of us every step of the way so I am definitely not worried at all. Everything is stating to become very real in the last week. Mom has been talking to different companies to get quotes on things. My studies yet again have taken a back seat. This is week 5 for that. Mom is hoping that next week when Mark is at his customer site and now that the roofers are completely done on our building things will be somewhat quiet and I can get this last lesson done and work on the final exam next week. That would be super. I know that things will be quiet as far as the house so that will work to my advantage. Mom will take her time with everything but I think I will do just fine on what I have left for school. I can't believe that in 9 days it will be July already. Even more so, it is hard to believe that you would have turned 28 this year on the 29th of July but instead you will forever be 22 years old. I miss you Tyler. Mom misses you so much. No words can every express the emptiness that I feel without you here with me. No time will heal that as well, no matter how positive Mom is. That is reality. That is grief. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You were and always will be my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Forever you live inside my heart, mind, body and soul.
Mom will be lighting your candle tonight after I finish my letter to you. I am trying to multi task right now. Prep dinner, write to you, message a friend of mine and get dinner for the pups. Mom is late on that as it is after 5 pm. They are sleeping right now so I am not going to try and bother them. I might have another 5-10 minutes tops before Ozzy realizes that Mom is late on feeding them...lol. I will whisper to you later tonight so smile when you hear Mom and I will smile back to you. I will write to you again tomorrow afternoon when I get home from running around doing errands. I hope that your night is filled with all fun things while Mom is sleeping. Come visit me in my dreams if you can. Mom should have some new updates about the family over the weekend as well. I know we have a skype call with Tubal and Karen Sunday evening and Mom will be chatting with Meme and Grandpa as well.
Mom needs to go as it was not even 5 minutes for Ozzy. The life of a 4 year old pup. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams later my sweet precious son. I love you, Tyler Andrew Howard with all my heart and soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the daily prayer:
Father! You have given them to me, and I want them to be with me where I am, so that they may see my glory, the glory you gave me; for you loved me before the world was made. John 17:24, TEV
Lord our God, we thank you that you have revealed your glory in your Son Jesus Christ. We thank you that today we can still see and feel the glorious grace which streams out from Jesus Christ in his victory over the world, the powerful help which benefits all those who find faith. Grant that a further glory may be revealed, faith dwelling in the hearts of all people, faith that can conquer all the need and suffering on earth, faith that is the power to look to you, to become inwardly quiet in you, and to hope in you at all times. Then your help will come quickly, more quickly than we can imagine. It will come on us unawares, for the Savior has said, “See, I shall come quickly.” We want to hope and believe and trust till the end. Amen.
Thursday, June 20, 2019
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet precious son. My letter to you today will not be the usual at all. It is June 2oth. The day I dread every year now.... Mom is making it through the day. I shed tears this morning as I read messages from friends. Mom wanted to share a letter that I wrote to you earlier so here it is:
Dear Tyler,
My sweet precious son.... Mom doesn't even know where to start this letter to you today. My heart is shattered so much more today then every other day. I am reliving the horrific scenes in my head of what happened 6 years ago on this very day. I remember it all like it was yesterday. Every hour that goes by I know exactly where I was and what I was saying and doing. This was the worst day of my life EVER. In the early evening, Mom had to make a big decision and the hardest one no Mother should ever have to make. I didn't know what to do even though I had many family by my side. Was Mom doing the right things in honoring you the way you should be & deserved to be? I was listening to the doctors too, but I felt so alone and so sad, angry, hurt, etc... for what needed to be done. For a few minutes I wanted to be selfish but then I kept looking at you and I knew that I couldn't do that. I couldn't sit there and watch you. Mom didn't know if you were suffering so I did the only thing I knew... I let you go. At 5:35pm your heart stopped and I lost you. I lost me. Everything went silent. I was numb. I was in a fog of what just happened. I couldn't move but yet I found myself walking around in circles. I couldn't say anything to anyone. Mom just lost the 1 thing in my life that mattered the most to me. I lost my everything. Every emotion was going through my body but yet I couldn't cry. My body was in shock. Mom remembers the nurse coming in and telling me that we needed to leave for a little while. Mom didn't want to but they made me. When I returned I remember sitting down and just looking at you, talking to you and then the tears flowed freely. Mom thought that maybe when I left and came back it would all be a dream, but it turned out to be a living nightmare...1 that I relive over and over on a daily basis. Mom sat with you for a couple hours. While talking to you Mom wondered if you were able to see me, if you were already in Heaven. I told you to be free, to fly high and never to look back. You deserved it more than anyone I have ever known. You deserved to be without limitations..... to walk, run, jump, and do all that you have wanted to do for so long. It was getting late and I knew that I had to be going but I didn't want to. Mom didn't want to leave you there alone. I started to walk out of the room but my hands clenched the curtain. I started to cry harder. Mark had to pull me away and he told me that everything would be ok but Mom knew nothing would ever be ok anymore.....Not ever!
June 20, 2019, 6 years later...2,190 days without you here with me. So much has happened. Mom struggles on a daily basis but Mom would like to think that you are guiding me and helping me through it all.
Mom read somewhere once that when a love one passes on from the physical world they continue growing from the Spiritual side. For this to happen we, in the physical world need to continue to live our lives as necessary. We need to laugh, smile, and as hard as it is we need to continue to move forward. This way you grow, learn, and do all the things you need to do wherever you are. When I read that I knew that I had to do everything possible. Mom would never want to hold you back from anything. I would never want you to have anymore limitations. You had too many, more than anyone should have here in the physical world. I want you to continue to soar, to spread your wings and fly....Mom knows you are doing just that. Mom knows you are completely free & happy.
I miss you so much still....More than words can say. I miss everything about you..... Your smile, your voice, the way you laughed, your beautiful brown eyes and those dang eyelashes that everyone raved about. I miss our talks, playing games with you, our walks, our vacations and yes.. I even miss our fights. Nothing is the same anymore. I am not the same anymore. I never will be again. You were and always will be my HERO!!!! I love you my sweet precious son. To the moon and back and all the way around the world.
I will continue to look to the skies at night time. To see the stars and the moon shining brightly. It lets me know that you are there watching over me & we are still under the same big sky. I will look for your " paintings" too. I will continue to whisper to you as I always do each & every night. I hope you hear me... I hope you listen for Mom's voice. Smile when you hear Mom and I will picture you smiling back at me. Fly high and fly free Tyler. Mom knows you are doing wonderful things up there. You live inside my heart, mind, body, and soul now. You are the Wind Beneath my Wings xoxoxo
Here is a letter that your Dad wrote to you as well:
My son, I am without words to express the sorrow and longing I feel every day since you passed. You will always be the best part of me. Anguish is a cloud that colors my life without you. It’s an anguish for the thought of never getting to see you get the chance to become the man I saw in you every day of your life with us. I’ve been quiet for years alone in the journey with only your memories. I cherish all that we had, the laughs, the cries, the way you said I love you Dad. I will endure because I know you endured so much more in your short life than I ever could. You were an Angel sent to me and I promise you that I saw it. I will always be in awe of all you were. I am and always be so proud of you.
Your loving father.
You are missed by so many family, friends and even strangers. You touched so many lives. I just wish you knew that while you were here. I know you know now though. The weather today matches my mood....it is gray, cloudy and rainy. I can't seem to get out of my own way no matter how I try. I have been quiet most of the day too. I did go out and get my nails done but it was only because I didn't want to cancel on the girl. I sat there and hardly said anything. She knew something was wrong so I told her. After that she left me alone. M
Mom will light your candle in a little bit and let it burn until I go to bed. I will whisper to you as I always do every night so listen for my voice and I will smile to you and I hope you will smile to Mom. Continue to grow, learn and fly free wherever that may be and wherever that may take you. Please watch over us all. Thank you pumpkin. Come visit Mom in my dreams tonight if you can. I would love that so much. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Until tomorrow comes please know that I love you so much and I miss you beyond words. Good night and sweet dreams, Tyler.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the prayer for the day:
Hi my sweet precious son. My letter to you today will not be the usual at all. It is June 2oth. The day I dread every year now.... Mom is making it through the day. I shed tears this morning as I read messages from friends. Mom wanted to share a letter that I wrote to you earlier so here it is:
Dear Tyler,
My sweet precious son.... Mom doesn't even know where to start this letter to you today. My heart is shattered so much more today then every other day. I am reliving the horrific scenes in my head of what happened 6 years ago on this very day. I remember it all like it was yesterday. Every hour that goes by I know exactly where I was and what I was saying and doing. This was the worst day of my life EVER. In the early evening, Mom had to make a big decision and the hardest one no Mother should ever have to make. I didn't know what to do even though I had many family by my side. Was Mom doing the right things in honoring you the way you should be & deserved to be? I was listening to the doctors too, but I felt so alone and so sad, angry, hurt, etc... for what needed to be done. For a few minutes I wanted to be selfish but then I kept looking at you and I knew that I couldn't do that. I couldn't sit there and watch you. Mom didn't know if you were suffering so I did the only thing I knew... I let you go. At 5:35pm your heart stopped and I lost you. I lost me. Everything went silent. I was numb. I was in a fog of what just happened. I couldn't move but yet I found myself walking around in circles. I couldn't say anything to anyone. Mom just lost the 1 thing in my life that mattered the most to me. I lost my everything. Every emotion was going through my body but yet I couldn't cry. My body was in shock. Mom remembers the nurse coming in and telling me that we needed to leave for a little while. Mom didn't want to but they made me. When I returned I remember sitting down and just looking at you, talking to you and then the tears flowed freely. Mom thought that maybe when I left and came back it would all be a dream, but it turned out to be a living nightmare...1 that I relive over and over on a daily basis. Mom sat with you for a couple hours. While talking to you Mom wondered if you were able to see me, if you were already in Heaven. I told you to be free, to fly high and never to look back. You deserved it more than anyone I have ever known. You deserved to be without limitations..... to walk, run, jump, and do all that you have wanted to do for so long. It was getting late and I knew that I had to be going but I didn't want to. Mom didn't want to leave you there alone. I started to walk out of the room but my hands clenched the curtain. I started to cry harder. Mark had to pull me away and he told me that everything would be ok but Mom knew nothing would ever be ok anymore.....Not ever!
June 20, 2019, 6 years later...2,190 days without you here with me. So much has happened. Mom struggles on a daily basis but Mom would like to think that you are guiding me and helping me through it all.
Mom read somewhere once that when a love one passes on from the physical world they continue growing from the Spiritual side. For this to happen we, in the physical world need to continue to live our lives as necessary. We need to laugh, smile, and as hard as it is we need to continue to move forward. This way you grow, learn, and do all the things you need to do wherever you are. When I read that I knew that I had to do everything possible. Mom would never want to hold you back from anything. I would never want you to have anymore limitations. You had too many, more than anyone should have here in the physical world. I want you to continue to soar, to spread your wings and fly....Mom knows you are doing just that. Mom knows you are completely free & happy.
I miss you so much still....More than words can say. I miss everything about you..... Your smile, your voice, the way you laughed, your beautiful brown eyes and those dang eyelashes that everyone raved about. I miss our talks, playing games with you, our walks, our vacations and yes.. I even miss our fights. Nothing is the same anymore. I am not the same anymore. I never will be again. You were and always will be my HERO!!!! I love you my sweet precious son. To the moon and back and all the way around the world.
I will continue to look to the skies at night time. To see the stars and the moon shining brightly. It lets me know that you are there watching over me & we are still under the same big sky. I will look for your " paintings" too. I will continue to whisper to you as I always do each & every night. I hope you hear me... I hope you listen for Mom's voice. Smile when you hear Mom and I will picture you smiling back at me. Fly high and fly free Tyler. Mom knows you are doing wonderful things up there. You live inside my heart, mind, body, and soul now. You are the Wind Beneath my Wings xoxoxo
Here is a letter that your Dad wrote to you as well:
My son, I am without words to express the sorrow and longing I feel every day since you passed. You will always be the best part of me. Anguish is a cloud that colors my life without you. It’s an anguish for the thought of never getting to see you get the chance to become the man I saw in you every day of your life with us. I’ve been quiet for years alone in the journey with only your memories. I cherish all that we had, the laughs, the cries, the way you said I love you Dad. I will endure because I know you endured so much more in your short life than I ever could. You were an Angel sent to me and I promise you that I saw it. I will always be in awe of all you were. I am and always be so proud of you.
Your loving father.
You are missed by so many family, friends and even strangers. You touched so many lives. I just wish you knew that while you were here. I know you know now though. The weather today matches my mood....it is gray, cloudy and rainy. I can't seem to get out of my own way no matter how I try. I have been quiet most of the day too. I did go out and get my nails done but it was only because I didn't want to cancel on the girl. I sat there and hardly said anything. She knew something was wrong so I told her. After that she left me alone. M
Mom will light your candle in a little bit and let it burn until I go to bed. I will whisper to you as I always do every night so listen for my voice and I will smile to you and I hope you will smile to Mom. Continue to grow, learn and fly free wherever that may be and wherever that may take you. Please watch over us all. Thank you pumpkin. Come visit Mom in my dreams tonight if you can. I would love that so much. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Until tomorrow comes please know that I love you so much and I miss you beyond words. Good night and sweet dreams, Tyler.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Here is the prayer for the day:
But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 5:8–9, NIV
Lord God Almighty, bring in the day, the day of Jesus Christ, through whom we shall be united. Then we shall recognize each other as fellow citizens, as brothers and sisters, and we shall have peace on earth. Give your Spirit anew, O Lord our God. Free and enlighten every heart so that each person can acknowledge the Word you have given and hold fast to all your promises, even in dark and troubled times. Be with us. Be with our people. Help us in our times, O Lord God. We wait for you. We await your peace, a new peace – not the old peace, not a return to comfort and selfish desires, but your peace – which shall bring us into the life of heaven, where we find Jesus Christ, the Living One, our Shepherd and Leader. Amen.
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
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