Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet precious son. My letter to you today will not be the usual at all. It is June 2oth. The day I dread every year now.... Mom is making it through the day. I shed tears this morning as I read messages from friends. Mom wanted to share a letter that I wrote to you earlier so here it is:

Dear Tyler,
My sweet precious son.... Mom doesn't even know where to start this letter to you today. My heart is shattered so much more today then every other day. I am reliving the horrific scenes in my head of what happened 6 years ago on this very day. I remember it all like it was yesterday. Every hour that goes by I know exactly where I was and what I was saying and doing. This was the worst day of my life EVER. In the early evening, Mom had to make a big decision and the hardest one no Mother should ever have to make. I didn't know what to do even though I had many family by my side. Was Mom doing the right things in honoring you the way you should be & deserved to be? I was listening to the doctors too, but I felt so alone and so sad, angry, hurt, etc... for what needed to be done. For a few minutes I wanted to be selfish but then I kept looking at you and I knew that I couldn't do that. I couldn't sit there and watch you. Mom didn't know if you were suffering so I did the only thing I knew... I let you go. At 5:35pm your heart stopped and I lost you. I lost me. Everything went silent. I was numb. I was in a fog of what just happened. I couldn't move but yet I found myself walking around in circles. I couldn't say anything to anyone. Mom just lost the 1 thing in my life that mattered the most to me. I lost my everything. Every emotion was going through my body but yet I couldn't cry. My body was in shock. Mom remembers the nurse coming in and telling me that we needed to leave for a little while. Mom didn't want to but they made me. When I returned I remember sitting down and just looking at you, talking to you and then the tears flowed freely. Mom thought that maybe when I left and came back it would all be a dream, but it turned out to be a living nightmare...1 that I relive over and over on a daily basis. Mom sat with you for a couple hours. While talking to you Mom wondered if you were able to see me, if you were already in Heaven. I told you to be free, to fly high and never to look back. You deserved it more than anyone I have ever known. You deserved to be without limitations..... to walk, run, jump, and do all that you have wanted to do for so long. It was getting late and I knew that I had to be going but I didn't want to. Mom didn't want to leave you there alone. I started to walk out of the room but my hands clenched the curtain. I started to cry harder. Mark had to pull me away and he told me that everything would be ok but Mom knew nothing would ever be ok anymore.....Not ever!
June 20, 2019, 6 years later...2,190 days without you here with me. So much has happened. Mom struggles on a daily basis but Mom would like to think that you are guiding me and helping me through it all.
Mom read somewhere once that when a love one passes on from the physical world they continue growing from the Spiritual side. For this to happen we, in the physical world need to continue to live our lives as necessary. We need to laugh, smile, and as hard as it is we need to continue to move forward. This way you grow, learn, and do all the things you need to do wherever you are. When I read that I knew that I had to do everything possible. Mom would never want to hold you back from anything. I would never want you to have anymore limitations. You had too many, more than anyone should have here in the physical world. I want you to continue to soar, to spread your wings and fly....Mom knows you are doing just that. Mom knows you are completely free & happy.
I miss you so much still....More than words can say. I miss everything about you..... Your smile, your voice, the way you laughed, your beautiful brown eyes and those dang eyelashes that everyone raved about. I miss our talks, playing games with you, our walks, our vacations and yes.. I even miss our fights. Nothing is the same anymore. I am not the same anymore. I never will be again. You were and always will be my HERO!!!! I love you my sweet precious son. To the moon and back and all the way around the world.
I will continue to look to the skies at night time. To see the stars and the moon shining brightly. It lets me know that you are there watching over me & we are still under the same big sky. I will look for your " paintings" too. I will continue to whisper to you as I always do each & every night. I hope you hear me... I hope you listen for Mom's voice. Smile when you hear Mom and I will picture you smiling back at me. Fly high and fly free Tyler. Mom knows you are doing wonderful things up there. You live inside my heart, mind, body, and soul now. You are the Wind Beneath my Wings xoxoxo

 Here is a letter that your Dad wrote to you as well:

My son, I am without words to express the sorrow and longing I feel every day since you passed. You will always be the best part of me. Anguish is a cloud that colors my life without you. It’s an anguish for the thought of never getting to see you get the chance to become the man I saw in you every day of your life with us. I’ve been quiet for years alone in the journey with only your memories. I cherish all that we had, the laughs, the cries, the way you said I love you Dad. I will endure because I know you endured so much more in your short life than I ever could. You were an Angel sent to me and I promise you that I saw it. I will always be in awe of all you were. I am and always be so proud of you.
Your loving father.

You are missed by so many family, friends and even strangers. You touched so many lives. I just wish you knew that while you were here. I know you know now though. The weather today matches my mood....it is gray, cloudy and rainy. I can't seem to get out of my own way no matter how I try. I have been quiet most of the day too. I did go out and get my nails done but it was only because I didn't want to cancel on the girl. I sat there and hardly said anything. She knew something was wrong so I told her. After that she left me alone. M
 Mom will light your candle in a little bit and let it burn until I go to bed. I will whisper to you as I always do every night so listen for my voice and I will smile to you and I hope you will smile to Mom. Continue to grow, learn and fly free wherever that may be and wherever that may take you. Please watch over us all. Thank you pumpkin. Come visit Mom in my dreams tonight if you can. I would love that so much. I will be back tomorrow with another letter to you. Until tomorrow comes please know that I love you so much and I miss you beyond words. Good night and sweet dreams, Tyler. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

Here is the prayer for the day:

TODAY, JUNE 20, 2019

But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 5:8–9, NIV

Lord God Almighty, bring in the day, the day of Jesus Christ, through whom we shall be united. Then we shall recognize each other as fellow citizens, as brothers and sisters, and we shall have peace on earth. Give your Spirit anew, O Lord our God. Free and enlighten every heart so that each person can acknowledge the Word you have given and hold fast to all your promises, even in dark and troubled times. Be with us. Be with our people. Help us in our times, O Lord God. We wait for you. We await your peace, a new peace – not the old peace, not a return to comfort and selfish desires, but your peace – which shall bring us into the life of heaven, where we find Jesus Christ, the Living One, our Shepherd and Leader. Amen.