Friday, August 29, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How is my sweet son doing today in the Heaven's above? I sure do wonder what you do all day & night. How do you occupy your time... the questions just never seem to end with curiosity when it comes to you now. Mom is doing ok. I had another bad nightmare again this morning. I have been having them a lot lately & I can tell you that I don't like them one bit. I don't know why I am having them but they bother me. I don't need to go into details because I am sure you already know. If you can help Mom out in any way that would great. Thank you so much!
I wanted to write the 2 daily prayers for you...so here it goes... August 28th~ As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God. So many times in my life, I have felt my faith drain out of me, leaving me feeling high & dry. Lost & afraid, I have wandered alone & felt the abandonment of those I thought were my friends. I pray that you will never abandon me & that you will strengthen my faith again so that I will never feel horribly alone. I know that you are always with me, but my heart & my soul need to be reminded of that daily, especially when things get chaotic & I feel as if I am at the end of my rope. Please give me the faith I need to get through one day at a time, for I know that will be enough. Great faith is not found; it is made of tiny demonstrations of commitment on a daily basis. Tyler..... this prayer really hits me hard. Since I was 16 years old I feel that I have had a hard life, but I am not complaining. All that I have gone through has made me who I am today. I know my life was not as hard as yours was when you were here but you know what I am talking about. During the hardest times of my life I stayed away from my faith instead of getting closer. I can't do anything about that because that is my past. All I can do is go forward. I believe that my faith has grown stronger since you passed away. I hope that I never again falter away from it.
August 29th~ To those who are called, who are beloved in God the Father & kept safe for Jesus Christ: May mercy, peace, & love be yours in abundance. Lord, how often in our search for peace do we forget to simply follow your gentle guidelines? You tell us to forgive others. If we do, we will have peace. You tell us to love our enemies. If we do, we will have peace. You tell us not to worry about what we will wear or what we will eat, but to take comfort by considering the lilies of the field & the birds in the air. If we do, we will have peace. You tell us not to worry so much about storing up stuff, but to store up treasures in Heaven. If we do, we will have peace. Thank you, Lord, for showing us the way. Keep our feet on he path to peace that you planned for us. Amen. This another great prayer to read over & over. I have been trying to forgive & make peace with all the people who have failed me in many ways. I talk to them, some I write letters to... even though I don't get any answers I know in my heart that I have tried & that is what matters. In the last 1 1/2 years I have been trying to live a more simple life style with not a lot of " stuff ". I never thought I could do it but it was actually easier than I thought it would be. I totally recommend it it everyone! Mark has helped me along the way. He really is living up to his promises to you.
Well today the weather was cooler & it rained. The skies are cloudy so I am not sure that I will see the stars shining bright. Haven't seen the moon out in several evenings now. I will, as always whisper to you so I hope you can really hear me. I hope you know each & every time I talk to you.... which is so many times throughout the day. I miss you so much Tyler. These last several days have been hard for some reason. I am more emotional & not sure why.
I hope you have a restful & peaceful night. Sweet dreams my precious son. Please watch over us all. Thank you for all you do for us. It means so much. Keep your signs coming that you are around. Those make me smile. Thanks! Forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
I love you, Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How is my sweet son doing today in the Heaven's above? I sure do wonder what you do all day & night. How do you occupy your time... the questions just never seem to end with curiosity when it comes to you now. Mom is doing ok. I had another bad nightmare again this morning. I have been having them a lot lately & I can tell you that I don't like them one bit. I don't know why I am having them but they bother me. I don't need to go into details because I am sure you already know. If you can help Mom out in any way that would great. Thank you so much!
I wanted to write the 2 daily prayers for you...so here it goes... August 28th~ As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God. So many times in my life, I have felt my faith drain out of me, leaving me feeling high & dry. Lost & afraid, I have wandered alone & felt the abandonment of those I thought were my friends. I pray that you will never abandon me & that you will strengthen my faith again so that I will never feel horribly alone. I know that you are always with me, but my heart & my soul need to be reminded of that daily, especially when things get chaotic & I feel as if I am at the end of my rope. Please give me the faith I need to get through one day at a time, for I know that will be enough. Great faith is not found; it is made of tiny demonstrations of commitment on a daily basis. Tyler..... this prayer really hits me hard. Since I was 16 years old I feel that I have had a hard life, but I am not complaining. All that I have gone through has made me who I am today. I know my life was not as hard as yours was when you were here but you know what I am talking about. During the hardest times of my life I stayed away from my faith instead of getting closer. I can't do anything about that because that is my past. All I can do is go forward. I believe that my faith has grown stronger since you passed away. I hope that I never again falter away from it.
August 29th~ To those who are called, who are beloved in God the Father & kept safe for Jesus Christ: May mercy, peace, & love be yours in abundance. Lord, how often in our search for peace do we forget to simply follow your gentle guidelines? You tell us to forgive others. If we do, we will have peace. You tell us to love our enemies. If we do, we will have peace. You tell us not to worry about what we will wear or what we will eat, but to take comfort by considering the lilies of the field & the birds in the air. If we do, we will have peace. You tell us not to worry so much about storing up stuff, but to store up treasures in Heaven. If we do, we will have peace. Thank you, Lord, for showing us the way. Keep our feet on he path to peace that you planned for us. Amen. This another great prayer to read over & over. I have been trying to forgive & make peace with all the people who have failed me in many ways. I talk to them, some I write letters to... even though I don't get any answers I know in my heart that I have tried & that is what matters. In the last 1 1/2 years I have been trying to live a more simple life style with not a lot of " stuff ". I never thought I could do it but it was actually easier than I thought it would be. I totally recommend it it everyone! Mark has helped me along the way. He really is living up to his promises to you.
Well today the weather was cooler & it rained. The skies are cloudy so I am not sure that I will see the stars shining bright. Haven't seen the moon out in several evenings now. I will, as always whisper to you so I hope you can really hear me. I hope you know each & every time I talk to you.... which is so many times throughout the day. I miss you so much Tyler. These last several days have been hard for some reason. I am more emotional & not sure why.
I hope you have a restful & peaceful night. Sweet dreams my precious son. Please watch over us all. Thank you for all you do for us. It means so much. Keep your signs coming that you are around. Those make me smile. Thanks! Forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
I love you, Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope that you are keeping busy by doing all the wonderful things you are suppose to be doing & all the things you want to do. Every day I wonder what you do with yourself... are you always busy, are you bored, are you not bored, what exactly it is like in the Spiritual Realm where this no concept of time....so many questions pumpkin! Mom is doing much better today. The last couple days have been rough with a nasty headache & stomach issues...mostly nausea...not fun! The headache is very little now & I am able to lift my head up with barely any pain & my stomach is doing so much better. I prayed to you that you would help me out... I believe that you heard me & for that I wanted to say thank you. I know you will always be near me & look after me. It is hard to live without you but knowing you are always near helps me.
Anyways... I was not able to write to you the last 2 days so I have the 2 daily prayers to write to you! Here is the 1st one.... August 26th~ The Lord, a God merciful & gracious, slow to anger, & abounding steadfast love & faithfulness. What a gift mornings are in our lives, Lord! When the sun begins to rise over the plains, casting its pink light across the face of the mountains, we forget all about yesterday's challenges & failures. The new day, when we turn it over to you in prayer, is full of joyful anticipation. Thank you, Lord, for giving us a brand new start each morning as we wake. Your eternal mercy blesses us day to day. Oh that one is really refreshing Tyler. I wish I could say that I enjoy the sunrise each morning, but honestly I sleep right through it. For some reason that is the time of morning that I seem to get the best sleep. I have tried to go to bed earlier to get up earlier to enjoy more of the morning time & the daylight hours but I have not succeeded as of yet. I guess I will try again to see if I succeed. I would really like to because of Day Light Savings Time is approaching in the next week... we have to change the clocks back 1 hour & lose an hour of day light. Guess this will be the perfect time to start things off! Regardless of the outcome.. every night I thank you, the Angels, & God for my day & all the blessings & in the morning I thank y'all again for the blessings that were received during the evening. Means a lot to me.. I never have & never will take anything for granted!
August 27th~ Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights. Heavenly Father, when we sit down to eat, we say " grace " before our meal. Through this simple act we ask for your blessing upon our food, & we also thank you for the marvelous gifts we have received from you. Each time I encounter a gift in my life, remind me to greet it in the same way, first asking your blessing & then expressing my thanks. Truly all good things come from you Father. All simple pleasures are opportunities for grateful praise. Well I can honestly say I do not follow this prayer in this exact way. I don't say " grace " before my meals but I do thank God & the Angels for everything that happened during the day & evening on that specific date. I do thank them all again for every little thing that happens during the day that is good. I don't say it out loud but I do say it silently for all to hear Mom. I am learning a lot from these daily prayers that I write to you & I keep a mental note of them all. Things I can change & things that I can continue to do so that when it is my turn to be called home I see you again & be with you for eternity.
Everyone in the family is well I suppose. Grandpa & Debbie are well. Meme is alittle upset with Mom at this time but I am sure she will get over it. Some things were harsh but needed to be said. Honesty is sometimes the hardest thing to accept. I have learned that through the years. Bob I guess is doing well. I know you are with him a lot so you know better than me. Mark is good. Aunt Becky is good & John is well. Was told today that he will be having surgery at the beginning of November. I know you will watch over him too. Everything will go well. Mom is, like I said in the beginning of this letter, doing better. I am busy getting stuff set for the wedding. 4 months today & Mark & Mom will be getting married! I am getting excited, nervous, etc... I just wish you were here to help Mom. I miss you & miss sharing special times with you. It is so hard for me. I am trying my best to make you proud. I love you!
The clouds are settling in for the night sky. I am not sure I will see the stars or the moon for the next several nights as we are in for some rainy weather & storms. I will continue to whisper to you as I always do. Hope you hear me & are listening out. I hope your night is everything you need & want it to be for yourself & others. Fly high & fly free Tyler. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope that you are keeping busy by doing all the wonderful things you are suppose to be doing & all the things you want to do. Every day I wonder what you do with yourself... are you always busy, are you bored, are you not bored, what exactly it is like in the Spiritual Realm where this no concept of time....so many questions pumpkin! Mom is doing much better today. The last couple days have been rough with a nasty headache & stomach issues...mostly nausea...not fun! The headache is very little now & I am able to lift my head up with barely any pain & my stomach is doing so much better. I prayed to you that you would help me out... I believe that you heard me & for that I wanted to say thank you. I know you will always be near me & look after me. It is hard to live without you but knowing you are always near helps me.
Anyways... I was not able to write to you the last 2 days so I have the 2 daily prayers to write to you! Here is the 1st one.... August 26th~ The Lord, a God merciful & gracious, slow to anger, & abounding steadfast love & faithfulness. What a gift mornings are in our lives, Lord! When the sun begins to rise over the plains, casting its pink light across the face of the mountains, we forget all about yesterday's challenges & failures. The new day, when we turn it over to you in prayer, is full of joyful anticipation. Thank you, Lord, for giving us a brand new start each morning as we wake. Your eternal mercy blesses us day to day. Oh that one is really refreshing Tyler. I wish I could say that I enjoy the sunrise each morning, but honestly I sleep right through it. For some reason that is the time of morning that I seem to get the best sleep. I have tried to go to bed earlier to get up earlier to enjoy more of the morning time & the daylight hours but I have not succeeded as of yet. I guess I will try again to see if I succeed. I would really like to because of Day Light Savings Time is approaching in the next week... we have to change the clocks back 1 hour & lose an hour of day light. Guess this will be the perfect time to start things off! Regardless of the outcome.. every night I thank you, the Angels, & God for my day & all the blessings & in the morning I thank y'all again for the blessings that were received during the evening. Means a lot to me.. I never have & never will take anything for granted!
August 27th~ Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights. Heavenly Father, when we sit down to eat, we say " grace " before our meal. Through this simple act we ask for your blessing upon our food, & we also thank you for the marvelous gifts we have received from you. Each time I encounter a gift in my life, remind me to greet it in the same way, first asking your blessing & then expressing my thanks. Truly all good things come from you Father. All simple pleasures are opportunities for grateful praise. Well I can honestly say I do not follow this prayer in this exact way. I don't say " grace " before my meals but I do thank God & the Angels for everything that happened during the day & evening on that specific date. I do thank them all again for every little thing that happens during the day that is good. I don't say it out loud but I do say it silently for all to hear Mom. I am learning a lot from these daily prayers that I write to you & I keep a mental note of them all. Things I can change & things that I can continue to do so that when it is my turn to be called home I see you again & be with you for eternity.
Everyone in the family is well I suppose. Grandpa & Debbie are well. Meme is alittle upset with Mom at this time but I am sure she will get over it. Some things were harsh but needed to be said. Honesty is sometimes the hardest thing to accept. I have learned that through the years. Bob I guess is doing well. I know you are with him a lot so you know better than me. Mark is good. Aunt Becky is good & John is well. Was told today that he will be having surgery at the beginning of November. I know you will watch over him too. Everything will go well. Mom is, like I said in the beginning of this letter, doing better. I am busy getting stuff set for the wedding. 4 months today & Mark & Mom will be getting married! I am getting excited, nervous, etc... I just wish you were here to help Mom. I miss you & miss sharing special times with you. It is so hard for me. I am trying my best to make you proud. I love you!
The clouds are settling in for the night sky. I am not sure I will see the stars or the moon for the next several nights as we are in for some rainy weather & storms. I will continue to whisper to you as I always do. Hope you hear me & are listening out. I hope your night is everything you need & want it to be for yourself & others. Fly high & fly free Tyler. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, August 25, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! Hope you are doing wonderful things that you want to do to start this new week off right. Mom needs to apologize to you as I have not been able to write to you for 2 days now. I took care of Mark when he was sick for the last few days & he was so nice to give me what he had. To say the least I have definitely been under the weather & still am. I wanted to write to you before I went downstairs & relaxed for the evening.
Before I go further with your letter I have 3 days of the daily prayers to write. So I will start with them if you don't mind.... August 23rd~ Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. My Lord, this world continues to have an obsession with whatever can make us happy. Ads proclaim that we can't be happy without this product ot that service, & so we add to the long list of things that may please us for a while, but can't deliver true happiness. Forgive our fruitless chasing after happiness, Lord, for we know that it can only exist in relationships with you. Until we know you & seek your forgiveness, we really can't know happiness. But with you, we are full of joy! Such a reminder to all that happiness is not from what we can buy, places we can travel to, or how much money we all have. Happiness is everything that money can't buy! Happiness is being with people that you love...family & friends & the memories that we all can make from the time that is spent together.
August 24th~ So then you are no longer strangers & aliens, but you are citizens with the saints & also members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the apostles & prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the cornerstone. My Lord, it is in you that we live & move & have our being. You not only hold the direction of our lives in your hands, but you also control every breath we take. By your will we have the gift of this day to live & work & love under your watchful eye. Let us never forget that you are the one in charge, Lord. Keep us ever mindful of your compassion for us, & attentive to your guidance in our lives. God help me build a firm foundation by showing me how to rely on his wisdom, seek his direction, & walk in his path. We owe everything to the Lord... all that we have & every breath we take. We should always remember to thank him & the Angels for all the blessings in our lives....without him we wouldn't have anything!
August 25th~ He will feed flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, & carry them in his bosom, & gently lead the mother sheep. Comfort me, O God, as I seek shelter from the storms of everyday life. I am grateful for the good things I have, but sometimes I feel I cannot carry the burden of life's challenges alone. Remind me with your loving presence that no matter what my day brings me, you are there for me, with me, & on my behalf-making smooth the way before me. In your love, I find true rest. Amen. We find a resting place in God's enduring love, & we know that his plan for us is good. Oh this one is a good one for Mom to reread over & over. The challenges of every day living for Mom is not having you here with me. This is the hardest thing ever. I must remember that you are near me always & that you are never far from me. I must remember that God will never give me any more than I can not handle. I know that he is with me as well... both of you are with me, to guide me to what I need to do next in my life here. I miss you Tyler. I love you with all my heart.
The weather is so hot & unbearable these last few days but I will not complain as the night sky is clear & the moon & stars have been shining brightly. I hope that you have heard me every night as I whisper to you. I will again tonight. I am going to close my letter to you tonight because my head is pounding. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. May your night be all that you need it to be & want. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! Hope you are doing wonderful things that you want to do to start this new week off right. Mom needs to apologize to you as I have not been able to write to you for 2 days now. I took care of Mark when he was sick for the last few days & he was so nice to give me what he had. To say the least I have definitely been under the weather & still am. I wanted to write to you before I went downstairs & relaxed for the evening.
Before I go further with your letter I have 3 days of the daily prayers to write. So I will start with them if you don't mind.... August 23rd~ Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. My Lord, this world continues to have an obsession with whatever can make us happy. Ads proclaim that we can't be happy without this product ot that service, & so we add to the long list of things that may please us for a while, but can't deliver true happiness. Forgive our fruitless chasing after happiness, Lord, for we know that it can only exist in relationships with you. Until we know you & seek your forgiveness, we really can't know happiness. But with you, we are full of joy! Such a reminder to all that happiness is not from what we can buy, places we can travel to, or how much money we all have. Happiness is everything that money can't buy! Happiness is being with people that you love...family & friends & the memories that we all can make from the time that is spent together.
August 24th~ So then you are no longer strangers & aliens, but you are citizens with the saints & also members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the apostles & prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the cornerstone. My Lord, it is in you that we live & move & have our being. You not only hold the direction of our lives in your hands, but you also control every breath we take. By your will we have the gift of this day to live & work & love under your watchful eye. Let us never forget that you are the one in charge, Lord. Keep us ever mindful of your compassion for us, & attentive to your guidance in our lives. God help me build a firm foundation by showing me how to rely on his wisdom, seek his direction, & walk in his path. We owe everything to the Lord... all that we have & every breath we take. We should always remember to thank him & the Angels for all the blessings in our lives....without him we wouldn't have anything!
August 25th~ He will feed flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, & carry them in his bosom, & gently lead the mother sheep. Comfort me, O God, as I seek shelter from the storms of everyday life. I am grateful for the good things I have, but sometimes I feel I cannot carry the burden of life's challenges alone. Remind me with your loving presence that no matter what my day brings me, you are there for me, with me, & on my behalf-making smooth the way before me. In your love, I find true rest. Amen. We find a resting place in God's enduring love, & we know that his plan for us is good. Oh this one is a good one for Mom to reread over & over. The challenges of every day living for Mom is not having you here with me. This is the hardest thing ever. I must remember that you are near me always & that you are never far from me. I must remember that God will never give me any more than I can not handle. I know that he is with me as well... both of you are with me, to guide me to what I need to do next in my life here. I miss you Tyler. I love you with all my heart.
The weather is so hot & unbearable these last few days but I will not complain as the night sky is clear & the moon & stars have been shining brightly. I hope that you have heard me every night as I whisper to you. I will again tonight. I am going to close my letter to you tonight because my head is pounding. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. May your night be all that you need it to be & want. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, August 22, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you on this Friday evening? Mom is ok but boy is it hot hot hot here again. I will not complain about the weather but it is a little too hot for Mom to handle during the day when the sun is up! Another 105 degrees today!!!! In the next couple of weeks it will start cooling down which will be nice!!
Got to speak to Grandpa last night. Things are well with him & Debbie. He is still working which is surprising with all the issues going on with his job but very happy that he was one of the ones that did not get laid off! Tried calling Meme & Bob but no luck. Left a message...Oh ...that's funny.. as I was typing this Meme called me & we are chatting as I am typing you your letter. Please watch over them... seems like this dark cloud will not lift up from them. They both need a lot of help. Bob is still having a lot of health issues & Meme is just in a dark place. She is just ugly & angry at anything & everything. Makes me sad... wish things would change for her. Anything that you can do for them would be great! Thanks Tyler.
Things here in Texas have been well for Mark & Mom. Snickers is doing well too... We have been getting things ready for the wedding.. 128 days...it will go fast. We have a week trip coming up for Mark's job the middle of September. I am able to go so that is nice. At least I won't be home alone for 6 nights. It will be kind of fun to go to another state that I have never been to. I will give you more details as I know.
Before I forget I wanted to write to you the daily prayer of today.... August 22, 2014~For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Teach me, Lord, to look at the world with hope & expectation, not with despair & cynicism. I am grateful for all you have done for me, but there is still this emptiness inside that catches up to me now and then. Help me see how wonderful my life is, just as it is, & that nothing more is needed for me to be happy & at peace, for those gifts that come from you. Teach me to keep my eyes on the bounty that comes from a thankful heart, not from the things we acquire but from the experiences we have & the love we give. Amen. If we can cherish just one precious gift, our lives will be rich indeed.
This prayer kind of hits home for Mom. I am & need to express that I am thankful for everything that I have & need & as everyone who knows me knows I take nothing for granted, but there is that tinge where I can't be happy for everything I still have because the 1 things that meant the most to me was taken away. I don't have you. I know you don't want me to feel that way & be this way but I can't help it. This is a struggle that I have been working on & will continue to work on every day of the rest of my life. All I ask is that everyone bare with me.
The sun is setting now & the night sky is near. When I got out later I will look to the sky to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I will whisper to you as I do every night. I love you with all that I have. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you like crazy & that will never stop. I hope your evening is all that you need it to be & want it to be. Fly high & fly freely. Sweet dreams my precious son. Forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Please tell Ron that Mark & I wish him a very Happy Heavenly Birthday! I hope you are celebrating with him. Give him a hug & tell him " Momma T " misses him too = ] Thanks Tyler!
Hi pumpkin! How are you on this Friday evening? Mom is ok but boy is it hot hot hot here again. I will not complain about the weather but it is a little too hot for Mom to handle during the day when the sun is up! Another 105 degrees today!!!! In the next couple of weeks it will start cooling down which will be nice!!
Got to speak to Grandpa last night. Things are well with him & Debbie. He is still working which is surprising with all the issues going on with his job but very happy that he was one of the ones that did not get laid off! Tried calling Meme & Bob but no luck. Left a message...Oh ...that's funny.. as I was typing this Meme called me & we are chatting as I am typing you your letter. Please watch over them... seems like this dark cloud will not lift up from them. They both need a lot of help. Bob is still having a lot of health issues & Meme is just in a dark place. She is just ugly & angry at anything & everything. Makes me sad... wish things would change for her. Anything that you can do for them would be great! Thanks Tyler.
Things here in Texas have been well for Mark & Mom. Snickers is doing well too... We have been getting things ready for the wedding.. 128 days...it will go fast. We have a week trip coming up for Mark's job the middle of September. I am able to go so that is nice. At least I won't be home alone for 6 nights. It will be kind of fun to go to another state that I have never been to. I will give you more details as I know.
Before I forget I wanted to write to you the daily prayer of today.... August 22, 2014~For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Teach me, Lord, to look at the world with hope & expectation, not with despair & cynicism. I am grateful for all you have done for me, but there is still this emptiness inside that catches up to me now and then. Help me see how wonderful my life is, just as it is, & that nothing more is needed for me to be happy & at peace, for those gifts that come from you. Teach me to keep my eyes on the bounty that comes from a thankful heart, not from the things we acquire but from the experiences we have & the love we give. Amen. If we can cherish just one precious gift, our lives will be rich indeed.
This prayer kind of hits home for Mom. I am & need to express that I am thankful for everything that I have & need & as everyone who knows me knows I take nothing for granted, but there is that tinge where I can't be happy for everything I still have because the 1 things that meant the most to me was taken away. I don't have you. I know you don't want me to feel that way & be this way but I can't help it. This is a struggle that I have been working on & will continue to work on every day of the rest of my life. All I ask is that everyone bare with me.
The sun is setting now & the night sky is near. When I got out later I will look to the sky to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I will whisper to you as I do every night. I love you with all that I have. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you like crazy & that will never stop. I hope your evening is all that you need it to be & want it to be. Fly high & fly freely. Sweet dreams my precious son. Forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Please tell Ron that Mark & I wish him a very Happy Heavenly Birthday! I hope you are celebrating with him. Give him a hug & tell him " Momma T " misses him too = ] Thanks Tyler!
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! Hope you are doing well in the Heavens above. Mom is doing ok.. just really warm here. The heat index stated it would be between 105-115 degrees today.... Boy they were not kidding! Not doing much trying to stay cool. I wanted to take a couple minutes to write to you the daily prayer today.
August 21st~ " Look, the virgin shall conceive & bear a son, & they shall name him Emmanuel," which means, " God is with us. " Dear Lord, when I fall on my knees out of despair & feel that I'm alone in the world, that is when I sense your presence most clearly. Through my tears, I feel your love for me, gentle & reassuring, letting me know that there is hope in the midst of pain. Thank you for never forsaking me, but for finding me wherever I am. I would be utterly lost in the most desperate sense without you.
Powerful message today. I hope you enjoy these prayers as much as I like writing them to you. I know if you were here with me & we were doing these face to face we would definitely have a nice time chatting about the meanings. It would be another thing that would be a " just you & I " thing. I miss all those times. Every hour of every day. I miss you.
I hope you have a wonderful evening doing all that you want to do. I am making this short tonight so that I can take care of Mark. He is under the weather again tonight. This is day 3. If he doesn't feel better tomorrow he is going to the doctors to be checked out. Please watch over us & all our family & friends. Thank you for all you do for us. It means everything to me.
Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. I will look to the sky tonight & whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening for me! BTW... it is Aunt Kristi's Birthday today... go see her & wish her a Happy one! Love you bunches pumpkin = ]
Hi my sweet son! Hope you are doing well in the Heavens above. Mom is doing ok.. just really warm here. The heat index stated it would be between 105-115 degrees today.... Boy they were not kidding! Not doing much trying to stay cool. I wanted to take a couple minutes to write to you the daily prayer today.
August 21st~ " Look, the virgin shall conceive & bear a son, & they shall name him Emmanuel," which means, " God is with us. " Dear Lord, when I fall on my knees out of despair & feel that I'm alone in the world, that is when I sense your presence most clearly. Through my tears, I feel your love for me, gentle & reassuring, letting me know that there is hope in the midst of pain. Thank you for never forsaking me, but for finding me wherever I am. I would be utterly lost in the most desperate sense without you.
Powerful message today. I hope you enjoy these prayers as much as I like writing them to you. I know if you were here with me & we were doing these face to face we would definitely have a nice time chatting about the meanings. It would be another thing that would be a " just you & I " thing. I miss all those times. Every hour of every day. I miss you.
I hope you have a wonderful evening doing all that you want to do. I am making this short tonight so that I can take care of Mark. He is under the weather again tonight. This is day 3. If he doesn't feel better tomorrow he is going to the doctors to be checked out. Please watch over us & all our family & friends. Thank you for all you do for us. It means everything to me.
Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. I will look to the sky tonight & whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening for me! BTW... it is Aunt Kristi's Birthday today... go see her & wish her a Happy one! Love you bunches pumpkin = ]
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope that all is well in your realm. I always wonder what you are doing, where you go, do you stay busy or are you bored? I wonder what your purpose & job is to do...so many questions that I hope to get answered when I have my next reading done. I hope that you will come through for me again & give me an insight to what you have been up to. I want to hear all about it! The last several nights I have not slept & I have had major nightmares. They are all about you. They all start off with things being happy & wonderful & as the day & evening progress it gets worse until things go terribly wrong & you die. Next I see you as I did when you were in the hospital. It was awful Tyler. I don't know why I am having these nightmares but I wish they would just stop. I don't know if it is because it is the middle of the month & I tend to not sleep well during the 18th - 20th of every month since you passed. It hurts me to have to relive those awful days over & over. If you know what is going on can you please help me out & make it all stop. I miss you& the roller coaster ride of emotions are just sometimes just hard to bare. It is all I can do just to get out of bed & take a shower each day. Sometimes I would say that 50% of the time I don't want to & I just want to lay in bed & not do a dang thing. I don't end up doing that because I know you would be disappointed in me & mad.... I would never want that!
Today is August 20th... 14 months since you left this life to go to your next calling. Oh how I hate the 19th & 20th of every month now. All the horror of those 2 days always come rushing back as if it was yesterday. I am trying so hard not to be this way but boy is it ever so tough to do. Just bare with me. I have good days & I have bad... just like you used to have. Maybe someday it will get easier, but I don't think it will be today, tomorrow or anytime soon = [
I missed writing to you the daily prayer for August 19th so I will do both yesterday & today. Here they are:
August 19th~ Keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. Dear Lord, I think I'm doing a pretty good job on your commandment to love my neighbors. But loving my enemies- I'm stuck. I'm having so much trouble loving those I disagree with or dislike, or those who hurt me or who have done me wrong. Please help me to see my way to dealing with them with compassion & love, despite my earthly emotions. If I can see them and their through your eyes, I will be able to treat them as cherished children of God who are, themselves, hurting & in need of love. That is a tough order, & I can only do it with your help. Loving our enemies proves that we belong to God, for he loves everyone, no matter what they have done.
Such a good one right there. Something I definitely need to work on. I need to forgive a few people for their actions that hurt me when I was only trying to be their friend or trying to love them. Something to to think about & wonder how I can overcome this.
Next one... August 20th~ Restore us to yourself, O Lord, that we may be restored; renew our days as of old. God, I feel terribly lost. I'm stuck in a dark place of sadness & hopelessness, & my faith is nowhere to be found. I ask in prayer for your loving assistance- that you may return to me my faith that can move mountains & overcome any obstacle. I have many obstacles to overcome, & I have no idea how to do it. Please help me find that faith reminds me that I'm never alone, that you can get me through this, & that I will be the better for it. The more we seek the light, the brighter it becomes.
Another good one & so fitting for things that I am going through. I am hoping that with your help too, Tyler that I can start to be the person that everyone new. My fear is.. is that person is gone forever now. It left the day I lost you. Please if you can help me... I would gladly take it & cherish it! Thank you for all that you do for Mom & our family & friends. We all miss you & love you so much!
We had another crazy weather day here with sun, humid temps, & lots of thunder & lightning. The sky is cloudy but I am hoping that later it will clear enough for me to see the moon & stars shining brightly. If not I will whisper to you. Hope you will be listening out & can hear me. I hope you have a peaceful night & do all that you may want & need to do. I wish you sweet dreams while flying high & flying freely. I miss you so much my sweet son. I love you beyond anything in this world for me. I love you forever unconditionally. Please know you are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope that all is well in your realm. I always wonder what you are doing, where you go, do you stay busy or are you bored? I wonder what your purpose & job is to do...so many questions that I hope to get answered when I have my next reading done. I hope that you will come through for me again & give me an insight to what you have been up to. I want to hear all about it! The last several nights I have not slept & I have had major nightmares. They are all about you. They all start off with things being happy & wonderful & as the day & evening progress it gets worse until things go terribly wrong & you die. Next I see you as I did when you were in the hospital. It was awful Tyler. I don't know why I am having these nightmares but I wish they would just stop. I don't know if it is because it is the middle of the month & I tend to not sleep well during the 18th - 20th of every month since you passed. It hurts me to have to relive those awful days over & over. If you know what is going on can you please help me out & make it all stop. I miss you& the roller coaster ride of emotions are just sometimes just hard to bare. It is all I can do just to get out of bed & take a shower each day. Sometimes I would say that 50% of the time I don't want to & I just want to lay in bed & not do a dang thing. I don't end up doing that because I know you would be disappointed in me & mad.... I would never want that!
Today is August 20th... 14 months since you left this life to go to your next calling. Oh how I hate the 19th & 20th of every month now. All the horror of those 2 days always come rushing back as if it was yesterday. I am trying so hard not to be this way but boy is it ever so tough to do. Just bare with me. I have good days & I have bad... just like you used to have. Maybe someday it will get easier, but I don't think it will be today, tomorrow or anytime soon = [
I missed writing to you the daily prayer for August 19th so I will do both yesterday & today. Here they are:
August 19th~ Keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. Dear Lord, I think I'm doing a pretty good job on your commandment to love my neighbors. But loving my enemies- I'm stuck. I'm having so much trouble loving those I disagree with or dislike, or those who hurt me or who have done me wrong. Please help me to see my way to dealing with them with compassion & love, despite my earthly emotions. If I can see them and their through your eyes, I will be able to treat them as cherished children of God who are, themselves, hurting & in need of love. That is a tough order, & I can only do it with your help. Loving our enemies proves that we belong to God, for he loves everyone, no matter what they have done.
Such a good one right there. Something I definitely need to work on. I need to forgive a few people for their actions that hurt me when I was only trying to be their friend or trying to love them. Something to to think about & wonder how I can overcome this.
Next one... August 20th~ Restore us to yourself, O Lord, that we may be restored; renew our days as of old. God, I feel terribly lost. I'm stuck in a dark place of sadness & hopelessness, & my faith is nowhere to be found. I ask in prayer for your loving assistance- that you may return to me my faith that can move mountains & overcome any obstacle. I have many obstacles to overcome, & I have no idea how to do it. Please help me find that faith reminds me that I'm never alone, that you can get me through this, & that I will be the better for it. The more we seek the light, the brighter it becomes.
Another good one & so fitting for things that I am going through. I am hoping that with your help too, Tyler that I can start to be the person that everyone new. My fear is.. is that person is gone forever now. It left the day I lost you. Please if you can help me... I would gladly take it & cherish it! Thank you for all that you do for Mom & our family & friends. We all miss you & love you so much!
We had another crazy weather day here with sun, humid temps, & lots of thunder & lightning. The sky is cloudy but I am hoping that later it will clear enough for me to see the moon & stars shining brightly. If not I will whisper to you. Hope you will be listening out & can hear me. I hope you have a peaceful night & do all that you may want & need to do. I wish you sweet dreams while flying high & flying freely. I miss you so much my sweet son. I love you beyond anything in this world for me. I love you forever unconditionally. Please know you are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, August 18, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing this afternoon? Mom is doing well. Been up early this morning & I have done quite a bit. Lots of housework, laundry, made 2 loaves of banana bread & mopped the floors & vacuumed the carpets. I am tired now. I am too old for this crap...lol! I wanted to write to you now before I started dinner because I knew that once I was done with that I would be wiped right out & probably going to bed early. We have workers coming to fix the apartment tomorrow as well. Nothing is wrong in ours but I guess there is a leak in the downstairs one that we lived in & the leak is coming from our shower in the master bedroom. Hope it is an easy fix. Glad we don't have to pay for it!
Just spoke to Bean. She is doing well. She was driving home from work. Joe is finally back from his 7 or 8 weeks in Las Vegas so she is happy about that. Guess things are well & she is happy. She at least sounds it = ] I know you watch over her all the time. You were always protective of Bean. Make sure you let her know you are there, but don't scare her! Spoke to Meme & Bob yesterday. Guess things are still pretty rough there. Breaks my heart that Bob is going through all this stuff. Like you, he doesn't deserve any of it. Please make sure to be with them both along with Grandpa, Debbie, & the rest of our family & friends. Make sure to be with & watch over Mom & Mark too. Always need you near me...always!
So I started a " daily dog picture " on here. I hope you are enjoying the puppy pictures. I know how much you loved all kinds of animals. I am going to keep that going but I am also going to post all kinds of pics of cute & adorable animals to your letters. I can hear you know asking me if we can have them all = ] Of course my answer would be YES!!! Well all kinds except reptiles! I know you are reading this & laughing... you can stop anytime now! Oh how I remember you teasing me with that fear of mine. I would do anything to have you tease Mom again... just not with those nasty creatures...lol!
I wanted to let you know that I have this book called " Prayers For Every Day ". I was thinking that when I write my letters to you that I could write the daily prayer as well. I think it is a great idea & I hope you do as well. I know that you were really getting into your Faith before you passed away so I thought this would be something to add to the blog, your letters that was Spiritual. With that said... Today is August 18, 2014:
The Almighty.... will bless you with his blessings of Heaven above. Father in Heaven when I count my blessings, I am overwhelmed with the sheer number of gifts you have given me. My friends, my family, the world around me, the air that I breathe, & the bed in which I lay my head each night- all these things are testaments to your greatness & generosity. Please let me continue to daily count my blessings so that I may always be reminded of how much you love me, and how good you are.
Such a nice thing to read & write to you. This book has prayers in it for every day of the year. I wish I would have had this book when you were alive because it is something that we could have read nightly together & taken turns talking about the meanings. I miss you so much Tyler. I miss everything about you & all that we used to do together. Not 1 day is easy for Mom. These last 13 months & 18 days have been the toughest for me. I get angry, I get sad, I cry, I scream but I know none of that is going to bring you back. My heart hurts so much & the void is big... no one will ever fill it..ever! I know I am never really without you as you are always near Mom, but not in the way I want it to be. I love you Tyler.
Well, the weather here has been hot, humid, & muggy with thunderstorms through out the day. I hope that the skies will be clear so I can see the moon & stars shining brightly. Even if I don't I know that you are up there somewhere doing great things & enjoying the peace that you now have. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Have a wonderful evening & sweet dreams my precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing this afternoon? Mom is doing well. Been up early this morning & I have done quite a bit. Lots of housework, laundry, made 2 loaves of banana bread & mopped the floors & vacuumed the carpets. I am tired now. I am too old for this crap...lol! I wanted to write to you now before I started dinner because I knew that once I was done with that I would be wiped right out & probably going to bed early. We have workers coming to fix the apartment tomorrow as well. Nothing is wrong in ours but I guess there is a leak in the downstairs one that we lived in & the leak is coming from our shower in the master bedroom. Hope it is an easy fix. Glad we don't have to pay for it!
Just spoke to Bean. She is doing well. She was driving home from work. Joe is finally back from his 7 or 8 weeks in Las Vegas so she is happy about that. Guess things are well & she is happy. She at least sounds it = ] I know you watch over her all the time. You were always protective of Bean. Make sure you let her know you are there, but don't scare her! Spoke to Meme & Bob yesterday. Guess things are still pretty rough there. Breaks my heart that Bob is going through all this stuff. Like you, he doesn't deserve any of it. Please make sure to be with them both along with Grandpa, Debbie, & the rest of our family & friends. Make sure to be with & watch over Mom & Mark too. Always need you near me...always!
So I started a " daily dog picture " on here. I hope you are enjoying the puppy pictures. I know how much you loved all kinds of animals. I am going to keep that going but I am also going to post all kinds of pics of cute & adorable animals to your letters. I can hear you know asking me if we can have them all = ] Of course my answer would be YES!!! Well all kinds except reptiles! I know you are reading this & laughing... you can stop anytime now! Oh how I remember you teasing me with that fear of mine. I would do anything to have you tease Mom again... just not with those nasty creatures...lol!
I wanted to let you know that I have this book called " Prayers For Every Day ". I was thinking that when I write my letters to you that I could write the daily prayer as well. I think it is a great idea & I hope you do as well. I know that you were really getting into your Faith before you passed away so I thought this would be something to add to the blog, your letters that was Spiritual. With that said... Today is August 18, 2014:
The Almighty.... will bless you with his blessings of Heaven above. Father in Heaven when I count my blessings, I am overwhelmed with the sheer number of gifts you have given me. My friends, my family, the world around me, the air that I breathe, & the bed in which I lay my head each night- all these things are testaments to your greatness & generosity. Please let me continue to daily count my blessings so that I may always be reminded of how much you love me, and how good you are.
Such a nice thing to read & write to you. This book has prayers in it for every day of the year. I wish I would have had this book when you were alive because it is something that we could have read nightly together & taken turns talking about the meanings. I miss you so much Tyler. I miss everything about you & all that we used to do together. Not 1 day is easy for Mom. These last 13 months & 18 days have been the toughest for me. I get angry, I get sad, I cry, I scream but I know none of that is going to bring you back. My heart hurts so much & the void is big... no one will ever fill it..ever! I know I am never really without you as you are always near Mom, but not in the way I want it to be. I love you Tyler.
Well, the weather here has been hot, humid, & muggy with thunderstorms through out the day. I hope that the skies will be clear so I can see the moon & stars shining brightly. Even if I don't I know that you are up there somewhere doing great things & enjoying the peace that you now have. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Have a wonderful evening & sweet dreams my precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing this evening in the Heaven's above? I hope that you are doing everything you want to do & you are so happy! Mom actually had a really good day today with Mark. We went out shopping & had lots of fun getting things for the loft & for the wedding. We also did grocery shopping but that is ok... it needed to be done! Tomorrow we have more shopping to do & a skype call with Mark's Dad & Step Mom. I sure do miss skyping with you 2 to 3 times a day. Oh how I miss the sound of your voice & your wonderful smile. I miss you so much Tyler. I can't even put it into words just how much I miss you. My life will never be the same again no matter how I try, no matter how many times I smile or how many times I laugh. I will never be the same person ever again. I really am trying so that you don't get mad at me. I know you don't want me to grieve for you anymore because you are better off but that is easier said than done. I think I will grieve the rest of my life because I don't have you. It is the hardest thing ever to live without you. It just sucks!
Anyways.... There is a challenge going around called " The Ice Bucket Challenge" to raise awareness for ALS. I was nominated by Auntie Kristi & I did mine yesterday & I nominated Mark to do it & he did his a few hours ago. What you do is take ice cold water & put ice cubes in a bucket & dump it over your head. If you accept the challenge you also have to donate $10.00 to ALS & if you don't accept it or don't do it within 24 hours you have to donate $100.00 to ALS. Lots of Mom's friends have done it & donated their $10.00 which is awesome. When I did mine I dedicated it to Ron... 1 of your Amigos. Please share that with him so he knows that " Momma T " was thinking of him as I was doing it. I miss him too. It is pretty funny to watch friends, family, celebrities, & strangers do this for such a wonderful cause. Hope they are raising lots of money for research!
There is another challenge going around now as well. Guess it just started to raise awareness for suicide in honor of Robin Williams passing this week. I wonder how that will do because you have to take a cake & smash it in your face. I think it would be fun... hope I get nominated for this too... anything to help causes out! I will keep you posted on this one...lol = ]
We went to a store that Mom likes called Garden Ridge. It is a place where you can get home decor for your house. It is a great place. You would have liked it. Lots of Halloween & Christmas stuff already up. I ended up getting these glass cylinders with 2 black & 2 white floating candles to put in them with some blue stones for the wedding. These will be the memorial candles that will be lit the entire time until they burn out for you, Amy, & Mark's Mom & Dad. I think it is very simple but classy & elegant all at the same time. I hope you will like them. You men will have the black & the ladies will have the white. I hope Mom & Mark will make you proud that day. I would do anything to see your smile & for you to be there so I can see you.
Got a phone call that Max's ashes were ready to pick up. Only took 4 weeks to get them to us. We got to the place & saw that they gave us the wrong Urn for him. We wanted a black ceramic vase & we got a wooden box. They are going to make the necessary changes for us. Hope it doesn't take too long. We are also going to get Daisy's ashes put into one as well so that they match instead of that wooden box that her ashes are in. I think that would make you very happy. The place who cremated Max gave us a paw print of him. It is so nice & sweet of them to do. It made me smile. Today is 1 month since we lost him. We miss him every day but I truly believe that he is with you along with Daisy, Baxter, Spencer, Ziggy, Snapples & Friskie. Give them all big hugs & kisses for me.
Well it is night fall & the sky is dark. Hopefully when I walk Snickers I will get to see the stars & moon shining brightly. I will whisper to you regardless. I hope you hear me. I love you with all my heart & soul. Always have & always will. Have a peaceful night my sweet precious son. Fly high & fly freely. Sweet dreams & know you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing this evening in the Heaven's above? I hope that you are doing everything you want to do & you are so happy! Mom actually had a really good day today with Mark. We went out shopping & had lots of fun getting things for the loft & for the wedding. We also did grocery shopping but that is ok... it needed to be done! Tomorrow we have more shopping to do & a skype call with Mark's Dad & Step Mom. I sure do miss skyping with you 2 to 3 times a day. Oh how I miss the sound of your voice & your wonderful smile. I miss you so much Tyler. I can't even put it into words just how much I miss you. My life will never be the same again no matter how I try, no matter how many times I smile or how many times I laugh. I will never be the same person ever again. I really am trying so that you don't get mad at me. I know you don't want me to grieve for you anymore because you are better off but that is easier said than done. I think I will grieve the rest of my life because I don't have you. It is the hardest thing ever to live without you. It just sucks!
Anyways.... There is a challenge going around called " The Ice Bucket Challenge" to raise awareness for ALS. I was nominated by Auntie Kristi & I did mine yesterday & I nominated Mark to do it & he did his a few hours ago. What you do is take ice cold water & put ice cubes in a bucket & dump it over your head. If you accept the challenge you also have to donate $10.00 to ALS & if you don't accept it or don't do it within 24 hours you have to donate $100.00 to ALS. Lots of Mom's friends have done it & donated their $10.00 which is awesome. When I did mine I dedicated it to Ron... 1 of your Amigos. Please share that with him so he knows that " Momma T " was thinking of him as I was doing it. I miss him too. It is pretty funny to watch friends, family, celebrities, & strangers do this for such a wonderful cause. Hope they are raising lots of money for research!
There is another challenge going around now as well. Guess it just started to raise awareness for suicide in honor of Robin Williams passing this week. I wonder how that will do because you have to take a cake & smash it in your face. I think it would be fun... hope I get nominated for this too... anything to help causes out! I will keep you posted on this one...lol = ]
We went to a store that Mom likes called Garden Ridge. It is a place where you can get home decor for your house. It is a great place. You would have liked it. Lots of Halloween & Christmas stuff already up. I ended up getting these glass cylinders with 2 black & 2 white floating candles to put in them with some blue stones for the wedding. These will be the memorial candles that will be lit the entire time until they burn out for you, Amy, & Mark's Mom & Dad. I think it is very simple but classy & elegant all at the same time. I hope you will like them. You men will have the black & the ladies will have the white. I hope Mom & Mark will make you proud that day. I would do anything to see your smile & for you to be there so I can see you.
Got a phone call that Max's ashes were ready to pick up. Only took 4 weeks to get them to us. We got to the place & saw that they gave us the wrong Urn for him. We wanted a black ceramic vase & we got a wooden box. They are going to make the necessary changes for us. Hope it doesn't take too long. We are also going to get Daisy's ashes put into one as well so that they match instead of that wooden box that her ashes are in. I think that would make you very happy. The place who cremated Max gave us a paw print of him. It is so nice & sweet of them to do. It made me smile. Today is 1 month since we lost him. We miss him every day but I truly believe that he is with you along with Daisy, Baxter, Spencer, Ziggy, Snapples & Friskie. Give them all big hugs & kisses for me.
Well it is night fall & the sky is dark. Hopefully when I walk Snickers I will get to see the stars & moon shining brightly. I will whisper to you regardless. I hope you hear me. I love you with all my heart & soul. Always have & always will. Have a peaceful night my sweet precious son. Fly high & fly freely. Sweet dreams & know you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet pumpkin! How are you doing today? I hope you are happy happy happy & doing all that you want everywhere you want! Mom is doing better than I did yesterday. It was such an off day for me. I didn't feel like myself at all & I just felt weird. Lots of dizziness & light headiness. I wanted to write to you yesterday but I went down stairs and laid on the couch most of the afternoon & evening. I am sorry. I feel better today that is for sure. I have been drinking a lot of water so maybe I was dehydrated. Not sure. I had a rough night sleep though. I wish I could get a good nights sleep. They come few & far between since you passed away. If you can help me in any way to get sleep I would be so thankful.
Speaking of sleeping... I did get some this morning. I was having a dream & awoke to the telephone ringing. The dream was so sad but so real. It was about you. It looked like DHMC but had people from Exeter, NH in it. Something was wrong in my dream... you only had a few days to live. I wanted to stay with you but I couldn't. I had to leave & I was so upset that I called your Dad. We spoke for awhile & I kept saying.. If I had more time to hug you, to hold you, to play games with you, talk to you, etc... I ended up calling the doctors up & asking if I could come back & stay for a couple days with you & they agreed. I packed up & went to you. We laughed, we took walks, we joked, we had serious conversations, I kissed your sweet face & hugged you for so long without letting you go... then I awoke to the phone so I don't know what happened next. I woke up in a daze & I was so upset. It was so real. I was seeing you & talking to you. I got to hold you again & give you kisses. I miss you so much Tyler. The pain sometimes is so hard to handle. I am trying my best but damn there are so many days I am angry at why it had to happen to you, to us. I know you have the answers but I don't. I wonder all the time to why. I stare out the window, stare up to the sky & just wonder.... I love you more than words could ever say. My heart is not whole & it will never be again until we are reunited for eternity.
On a different note... I spoke to Bob today. Things are just not good there with him & him & Meme. It makes me so sad. Bob is just having such a hard time dealing with his medical condition. He feels helpless & it breaks my heart to hear it. Meme is stressed out & that hurts too. I guess I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. Neither of deserve this just like you didn't deserve all that you went through in your life. I wish I could do something & make it all better. I know you are with the both of them constantly & they thank you & so do I. They need the help. Make sure to watch over the rest of the family.... Mom, Mark, Grandpa, Debbie, Aunt Becky, Uncle John, Bean, & everyone else. We all miss you! We all need you! We all love you!
Everything else is pretty much the same. Mark is working a lot to provide for us. Snicks is doing good. We all miss Max so much but we know that he is happy just like you, he is playing, running, & being able to see again. The weather here is so dang humid..ugh! The last few days have been in the 100's & even at 10 pm at night it is 90 degrees. We have about another 3 weeks of this & then it will start to cool off & be in the 80's again! Can't wait for that! Mom has been working on the wedding plans still & getting things in order. It is hard to believe that it is only 4 months away. This year had just flown right by. I am working on finishing the centerpieces for the tables & also doing something for a memorial for you, Amy & a couple others that are in Heaven with you. We booked our hotel today so that is all set. We really just need to save money now. Every time I go to do things for the wedding it makes me happy & then sad. I wish so much that you could be there with me on Mark & I's special day. I know you will be... I just hope you make it very well known to Mom. Will you do that for me? Thanks pumpkin.
The sky is sunny & clear so I hope that this evening it will be clear as well. The stars have been shining brightly the last couple nights. It is just so pretty. It makes me smile because I know you are out there somewhere doing something special. I also know somewhere your star is out there & I know you have been to it. I can't wait to see it someday too. When I go for a walk tonight I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear me & will be listening out for Mom.
I hope you have a wonderful night filled with all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, body & soul. Please don't forget that. I miss you & love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet pumpkin! How are you doing today? I hope you are happy happy happy & doing all that you want everywhere you want! Mom is doing better than I did yesterday. It was such an off day for me. I didn't feel like myself at all & I just felt weird. Lots of dizziness & light headiness. I wanted to write to you yesterday but I went down stairs and laid on the couch most of the afternoon & evening. I am sorry. I feel better today that is for sure. I have been drinking a lot of water so maybe I was dehydrated. Not sure. I had a rough night sleep though. I wish I could get a good nights sleep. They come few & far between since you passed away. If you can help me in any way to get sleep I would be so thankful.
Speaking of sleeping... I did get some this morning. I was having a dream & awoke to the telephone ringing. The dream was so sad but so real. It was about you. It looked like DHMC but had people from Exeter, NH in it. Something was wrong in my dream... you only had a few days to live. I wanted to stay with you but I couldn't. I had to leave & I was so upset that I called your Dad. We spoke for awhile & I kept saying.. If I had more time to hug you, to hold you, to play games with you, talk to you, etc... I ended up calling the doctors up & asking if I could come back & stay for a couple days with you & they agreed. I packed up & went to you. We laughed, we took walks, we joked, we had serious conversations, I kissed your sweet face & hugged you for so long without letting you go... then I awoke to the phone so I don't know what happened next. I woke up in a daze & I was so upset. It was so real. I was seeing you & talking to you. I got to hold you again & give you kisses. I miss you so much Tyler. The pain sometimes is so hard to handle. I am trying my best but damn there are so many days I am angry at why it had to happen to you, to us. I know you have the answers but I don't. I wonder all the time to why. I stare out the window, stare up to the sky & just wonder.... I love you more than words could ever say. My heart is not whole & it will never be again until we are reunited for eternity.
On a different note... I spoke to Bob today. Things are just not good there with him & him & Meme. It makes me so sad. Bob is just having such a hard time dealing with his medical condition. He feels helpless & it breaks my heart to hear it. Meme is stressed out & that hurts too. I guess I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. Neither of deserve this just like you didn't deserve all that you went through in your life. I wish I could do something & make it all better. I know you are with the both of them constantly & they thank you & so do I. They need the help. Make sure to watch over the rest of the family.... Mom, Mark, Grandpa, Debbie, Aunt Becky, Uncle John, Bean, & everyone else. We all miss you! We all need you! We all love you!
Everything else is pretty much the same. Mark is working a lot to provide for us. Snicks is doing good. We all miss Max so much but we know that he is happy just like you, he is playing, running, & being able to see again. The weather here is so dang humid..ugh! The last few days have been in the 100's & even at 10 pm at night it is 90 degrees. We have about another 3 weeks of this & then it will start to cool off & be in the 80's again! Can't wait for that! Mom has been working on the wedding plans still & getting things in order. It is hard to believe that it is only 4 months away. This year had just flown right by. I am working on finishing the centerpieces for the tables & also doing something for a memorial for you, Amy & a couple others that are in Heaven with you. We booked our hotel today so that is all set. We really just need to save money now. Every time I go to do things for the wedding it makes me happy & then sad. I wish so much that you could be there with me on Mark & I's special day. I know you will be... I just hope you make it very well known to Mom. Will you do that for me? Thanks pumpkin.
The sky is sunny & clear so I hope that this evening it will be clear as well. The stars have been shining brightly the last couple nights. It is just so pretty. It makes me smile because I know you are out there somewhere doing something special. I also know somewhere your star is out there & I know you have been to it. I can't wait to see it someday too. When I go for a walk tonight I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear me & will be listening out for Mom.
I hope you have a wonderful night filled with all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, body & soul. Please don't forget that. I miss you & love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? I hope that you are as happy as you want to be & doing all the things you need & want to do in the Heavens above. Mom is doing ok today. As you already know I shed a few tears today because of the news that I was awoken to this morning. I don't know what the heck is going on in this world right now but more tragedy hit our small little town we lived in. A couple of my friends that I went to school with.. their sons were in a car accident this morning. 3 of the kids died instantly & 1 girl is up at DHMC in the ICU with several broken bones & bleeding to the brain. I didn't know any of the kids personally but I don't understand why kids have to drive so fast. I know I was once that age & drove fast but not as fast as they were according to the Police ( over 100mph ). I just don't know what they were thinking. Such sadness as 4 families will never be the same again after this early morning. I did receive much more info on this accident but I feel that not all details need to be air on my blog, letters to you, or on the internet in general. I feel so bad for the parents. The way they must feel... not that long ago I was in their position. My world was taken away from me so suddenly without any fair warning or anything that I could do. I felt alone, empty, like the nothing mattered to me anymore. I didn't & still don't at times understand how the world keeps going & people keep living their lives as if nothing ever happened when your world just crashed into a trillion tiny pieces. The loss that they are feeling & the voids they have will never repair. Nothing will replace it. Nothing will for me when I lost you. I have a permanent void. That will never heal no matter how much time goes by. You were & still are my everything. My one & only forever. I have been & will continue to pray for these families that are going through this horrific ordeal.
My day today started early & getting up & surprising Mark with coffee & breakfast. Did the morning dishes, worked out, took my shower, did some stuff around the house some more, & finally came up to the loft to write you this letter. The day has gone by quite fast. It is 5:30 pm & I still need to make dinner for us. We got some good thunder & lightning this afternoon. Snicks was so scared. I felt bad for him but I did get angry a little. I guess I don't understand why he pees every where when it thunders. I know he doesn't like it but he is safe with us. I don't know what to do about this & nobody has any advice for me. If you & Max can comfort him during those times I would gladly appreciate it. Thanks!
Friday night the moon was so big & bright. It was beautiful. I smiled so big looking at it. I hope that tonight I will be able to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I am not sure though because it looks quite cloudy out right now. Either way, as always, I will whisper to you. I hope you can hear Mom. I believe that you do so that is all that matters to me = ]
Tyler, please always know you are missed by so many people in this world, but nobody misses you more than Mom. I love you with all my heart & then some. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Please watch over us all. We need you! Thanks pumpkin.
I hope you have a wonderful night. Do all that you want. Fly high & fly freely. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. When you see Amy tell her hello for me & give her a hug from Mom. I had a dream last night & she was in it. Miss her too along with so many more xoxo.
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? I hope that you are as happy as you want to be & doing all the things you need & want to do in the Heavens above. Mom is doing ok today. As you already know I shed a few tears today because of the news that I was awoken to this morning. I don't know what the heck is going on in this world right now but more tragedy hit our small little town we lived in. A couple of my friends that I went to school with.. their sons were in a car accident this morning. 3 of the kids died instantly & 1 girl is up at DHMC in the ICU with several broken bones & bleeding to the brain. I didn't know any of the kids personally but I don't understand why kids have to drive so fast. I know I was once that age & drove fast but not as fast as they were according to the Police ( over 100mph ). I just don't know what they were thinking. Such sadness as 4 families will never be the same again after this early morning. I did receive much more info on this accident but I feel that not all details need to be air on my blog, letters to you, or on the internet in general. I feel so bad for the parents. The way they must feel... not that long ago I was in their position. My world was taken away from me so suddenly without any fair warning or anything that I could do. I felt alone, empty, like the nothing mattered to me anymore. I didn't & still don't at times understand how the world keeps going & people keep living their lives as if nothing ever happened when your world just crashed into a trillion tiny pieces. The loss that they are feeling & the voids they have will never repair. Nothing will replace it. Nothing will for me when I lost you. I have a permanent void. That will never heal no matter how much time goes by. You were & still are my everything. My one & only forever. I have been & will continue to pray for these families that are going through this horrific ordeal.
My day today started early & getting up & surprising Mark with coffee & breakfast. Did the morning dishes, worked out, took my shower, did some stuff around the house some more, & finally came up to the loft to write you this letter. The day has gone by quite fast. It is 5:30 pm & I still need to make dinner for us. We got some good thunder & lightning this afternoon. Snicks was so scared. I felt bad for him but I did get angry a little. I guess I don't understand why he pees every where when it thunders. I know he doesn't like it but he is safe with us. I don't know what to do about this & nobody has any advice for me. If you & Max can comfort him during those times I would gladly appreciate it. Thanks!
Friday night the moon was so big & bright. It was beautiful. I smiled so big looking at it. I hope that tonight I will be able to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I am not sure though because it looks quite cloudy out right now. Either way, as always, I will whisper to you. I hope you can hear Mom. I believe that you do so that is all that matters to me = ]
Tyler, please always know you are missed by so many people in this world, but nobody misses you more than Mom. I love you with all my heart & then some. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Please watch over us all. We need you! Thanks pumpkin.
I hope you have a wonderful night. Do all that you want. Fly high & fly freely. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. When you see Amy tell her hello for me & give her a hug from Mom. I had a dream last night & she was in it. Miss her too along with so many more xoxo.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today? Mom is doing well as can be. I guess I would consider it a productive day here for me. Some parts were emotional though as I am sure you already know. I can bet that you were right by me at those very moments. I did some much needed cleaning of my " trunks " that have all kinds of stuff in them. I got rid of the things that didn't mean anything to me anymore & kept very little. I came across old pictures of you & articles about you through the years. I found your blue blanket that you used to help with straightening you head at night. I saw that & held it for the longest time. Tears came & the blanket still smells like you. I obviously kept that & tucked it away. I was whispering to you as I was doing these things... could you hear me? I always wonder if you can. I miss you so much. While looking at the photos I kept saying " gosh how I miss you " & I stared at the pictures for some time. I looked at all your challenges that you faced daily & whispered that you no longer had to deal with them & be in that damn chair anymore. It made me smile but again oh how my heart is so broken. Those parts will never be mended until the day that you greet me & we are together again. Even though I know you are by my side daily but we are so very far apart in every way possible...my unconditional love for you remains so strong every day & always will. Please don't ever forget this.
I want to apologize to you for not writing yesterday like I said I would the night before. It was such a crazy day but I know you know that. Like I told you I would.. I went to the DMV & got my Texas driver's license. It was different for me as I have always had a New Hampshire license but in ways it felt good. Shedding old things for new ones! I know you were with me at the DMV because when I was finished I looked at the clock & the time was 12:12 pm... our special time. I smiled & even teared up a bit. Thank you for being by my side Tyler. Last night Mark & I had our 2nd couples counseling appointment with Pastor Mike. That went well. We have a couple more sessions with him & we are given the green light for him to marry us. We are learning quite a bit & it feels good. I have never done these classes before & I think they are really helpful to the both of us. Makes me stop to think about things & keep an even more open mind. Mark & I also decided that we needed to start going to Church again so we are going to start this Sunday. We are going to Lake Wood Church where Joel Olsteen is. I hear it is amazing & I am anxious to go. Will have to tell you about it in my letter to you that night even though you will already know ; ]
Yesterday I got to speak to Grammy. It was her 94th Birthday! She had a little party with all her friends. I saw some pictures. Looked like she had a wonderful time. Wish I could have been there but I was there in Spirit. She sounded good. All cheerful that she was away from the nursing home for awhile. I am sure you went to her & gave her a big hug & kiss. She misses you dearly. I know you miss her as well. Everyone else in the family seems to be doing well. Please continue to watch over all of us though. We all love it when you give us signs to tell us you are visiting & are near!
I am sure I will be able to see the moon & stars shining bright tonight. The weather here is so dang hot & humid...ugh!!! The sky sure is pretty at night though. I remember it from last year... the sky is almost like a deep violet/ blue instead of black. Just beautiful when the stars are out. As always I will whisper to you so I hope you will be able to hear me. I hope your evening is restful & peaceful. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today? Mom is doing well as can be. I guess I would consider it a productive day here for me. Some parts were emotional though as I am sure you already know. I can bet that you were right by me at those very moments. I did some much needed cleaning of my " trunks " that have all kinds of stuff in them. I got rid of the things that didn't mean anything to me anymore & kept very little. I came across old pictures of you & articles about you through the years. I found your blue blanket that you used to help with straightening you head at night. I saw that & held it for the longest time. Tears came & the blanket still smells like you. I obviously kept that & tucked it away. I was whispering to you as I was doing these things... could you hear me? I always wonder if you can. I miss you so much. While looking at the photos I kept saying " gosh how I miss you " & I stared at the pictures for some time. I looked at all your challenges that you faced daily & whispered that you no longer had to deal with them & be in that damn chair anymore. It made me smile but again oh how my heart is so broken. Those parts will never be mended until the day that you greet me & we are together again. Even though I know you are by my side daily but we are so very far apart in every way possible...my unconditional love for you remains so strong every day & always will. Please don't ever forget this.
I want to apologize to you for not writing yesterday like I said I would the night before. It was such a crazy day but I know you know that. Like I told you I would.. I went to the DMV & got my Texas driver's license. It was different for me as I have always had a New Hampshire license but in ways it felt good. Shedding old things for new ones! I know you were with me at the DMV because when I was finished I looked at the clock & the time was 12:12 pm... our special time. I smiled & even teared up a bit. Thank you for being by my side Tyler. Last night Mark & I had our 2nd couples counseling appointment with Pastor Mike. That went well. We have a couple more sessions with him & we are given the green light for him to marry us. We are learning quite a bit & it feels good. I have never done these classes before & I think they are really helpful to the both of us. Makes me stop to think about things & keep an even more open mind. Mark & I also decided that we needed to start going to Church again so we are going to start this Sunday. We are going to Lake Wood Church where Joel Olsteen is. I hear it is amazing & I am anxious to go. Will have to tell you about it in my letter to you that night even though you will already know ; ]
Yesterday I got to speak to Grammy. It was her 94th Birthday! She had a little party with all her friends. I saw some pictures. Looked like she had a wonderful time. Wish I could have been there but I was there in Spirit. She sounded good. All cheerful that she was away from the nursing home for awhile. I am sure you went to her & gave her a big hug & kiss. She misses you dearly. I know you miss her as well. Everyone else in the family seems to be doing well. Please continue to watch over all of us though. We all love it when you give us signs to tell us you are visiting & are near!
I am sure I will be able to see the moon & stars shining bright tonight. The weather here is so dang hot & humid...ugh!!! The sky sure is pretty at night though. I remember it from last year... the sky is almost like a deep violet/ blue instead of black. Just beautiful when the stars are out. As always I will whisper to you so I hope you will be able to hear me. I hope your evening is restful & peaceful. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
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