Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today? Mom is doing well as can be. I guess I would consider it a productive day here for me. Some parts were emotional though as I am sure you already know. I can bet that you were right by me at those very moments. I did some much needed cleaning of my " trunks " that have all kinds of stuff in them. I got rid of the things that didn't mean anything to me anymore & kept very little. I came across old pictures of you & articles about you through the years. I found your blue blanket that you used to help with straightening you head at night. I saw that & held it for the longest time. Tears came & the blanket still smells like you. I obviously kept that & tucked it away. I was whispering to you as I was doing these things... could you hear me? I always wonder if you can. I miss you so much. While looking at the photos I kept saying " gosh how I miss you " & I stared at the pictures for some time. I looked at all your challenges that you faced daily & whispered that you no longer had to deal with them & be in that damn chair anymore. It made me smile but again oh how my heart is so broken. Those parts will never be mended until the day that you greet me & we are together again. Even though I know you are by my side daily but we are so very far apart in every way possible...my unconditional love for you remains so strong every day & always will. Please don't ever forget this.
 I want to apologize to you for not writing yesterday like I said I would the night before. It was such a crazy day but I know you know that. Like I told you I would.. I went to the DMV & got my Texas driver's license. It was different for me as I have always had a New Hampshire license but in ways it felt good. Shedding old things for new ones! I know you were with me at the DMV because when I was finished I looked at the clock & the time was 12:12 pm... our special time. I smiled & even teared up a bit. Thank you for being by my side Tyler. Last night Mark & I had our 2nd couples counseling appointment with Pastor Mike. That went well. We have a couple more sessions with him & we are given the green light for him to marry us. We are learning quite a bit & it feels good. I have never done these classes before & I think they are really helpful to the both of us. Makes me stop to think about things & keep an even more open mind. Mark & I also decided that we needed to start going to Church again so we are going to start this Sunday. We are going to Lake Wood Church where Joel Olsteen is. I hear it is amazing & I am anxious to go. Will have to tell you about it in my letter to you that night even though you will already know  ; ]
 Yesterday I got to speak to Grammy. It was her 94th Birthday! She had a little party with all her friends. I saw some pictures. Looked like she had a wonderful time. Wish I could have been there but I was there in Spirit. She sounded good. All cheerful that she was away from the nursing home for awhile. I am sure you went to her & gave her a big hug & kiss. She misses you dearly. I know you miss her as well. Everyone else in the family seems to be doing well. Please continue to watch over all of us though. We all love it when you give us signs to tell us you are visiting & are near! 
 I am sure I will be able to see the moon & stars shining bright tonight. The weather here is so dang hot & humid...ugh!!! The sky sure is pretty at night though. I remember it from last year... the sky is almost like a deep violet/ blue instead of black. Just beautiful when the stars are out. As always I will whisper to you so I hope you will be able to hear me. I hope your evening is restful & peaceful. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!