Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing this evening in the Heavens above? I hope that everything is happy & wonderful for you. Mom has had quite the hard week as you already know. Lots of different emotions going through my head & still are. Your Birthday was Tuesday, Bob being admitted into the hospital on Monday, & then Mark giving me some news Thursday afternoon that I am still trying to swallow & have it register in my brain. I have had a constant headache for the last 4 days. I am trying to think & stay positive but I am having a hard time focusing right now. Not really sleeping is not helping either. I am hoping to get some rest tonight so that I can start to have a better understanding of things, a more positive attitude, & a way to get back to my routine that I started several months ago.
 I am missing you so much. I wish that I could talk to you. You would know what to say to make me happier & make me laugh. I hate not being able to see you, to have conversations with you. Times like these are just so hard. I don't think it will ever get easier or that I will ever get used to this " new " life that I have. Tyler, I need you more than ever. I need your guidance to help me through these things right now. Please be with Mom & help me see the positives in things because right now I am having just negative things going through my head & I don't like it. I am actually scared & not liking where my feelings & thoughts are going. If you can also watch over Bob & Meme that would be great too. They need guidance just as much as I do. I am not so sure what is going on but all hell is breaking loose. Thank you so much Tyler. I appreciate it.
 One good thing that happened on Thursday was that I got the chance to talk with my friend, Laura...the one who lost her son Lucas on July 1st. We haven't been able to connect because of our schedules so it was really nice that we got the chance to chat. Just listening to her made me so sad. It hurt to hear the pain in her voice. It has been 1 month today that she lost Lucas. I remember what & how I was feeling. We got to chat for quite some time. I told her how I was handling things & what I had & have done to get where I am today. I was hoping to help her in some small way. I guess I did because last night on facebook she wrote that I called her & that I helped her out alot. That made me feel good. I smiled & shed a few tears for the 1st time that day. I try my best to be a good listener & to share my experiences with those that are going through the same things that I have. It is nice to hear at times that I am indeed helping. I hope that you have had the chance to see Lucas & that you are showing him the ropes up there. He, like you were special Angels in the physical world & now even more special in the Heavens. Laura put it the best way... We both were blessed Moms to have sons like you 2. She sure was right. I was & still am so blessed. I talk about you all the time. I always will. I love you so much & nothing will ever change that. 
 The sun is setting as I am writing. I am not able to see it because I am on the wrong side tonight but it looks like it is pretty. I am hoping that I can later see the moon & the stars shining. Either way I will whisper to you. I hope you will be listening. I hope that you have a peaceful evening doing all that you need & want to do. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!