Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet pumpkin! How are you doing today? I hope you are happy happy happy & doing all that you want everywhere you want! Mom is doing better than I did yesterday. It was such an off day for me. I didn't feel like myself at all & I just felt weird. Lots of dizziness & light headiness. I wanted to write to you yesterday but I went down stairs and laid on the couch most of the afternoon & evening. I am sorry. I feel better today that is for sure. I have been drinking a lot of water so maybe I was dehydrated. Not sure. I had a rough night sleep though. I wish I could get a good nights sleep. They come few & far between since you passed away. If you can help me in any way to get sleep I would be so thankful. 
 Speaking of sleeping... I did get some this morning. I was having a dream & awoke to the telephone ringing. The dream was so sad but so real. It was about you. It looked like DHMC but had people from Exeter, NH in it. Something was wrong in my dream... you only had a few days to live. I wanted to stay with you but I couldn't. I had to leave & I was so upset that I called your Dad. We spoke for awhile & I kept saying.. If I had more time to hug you, to hold you, to play games with you, talk to you, etc... I ended up calling the doctors up & asking if I could come back & stay for a couple days with you & they agreed. I packed up & went to you. We laughed, we took walks, we joked, we had serious conversations, I kissed your sweet face & hugged you for so long without letting you go... then I awoke to the phone so I don't know what happened next. I woke up in a daze & I was so upset. It was so real. I was seeing you & talking to you. I got to hold you again & give you kisses. I miss you so much Tyler. The pain sometimes is so hard to handle. I am trying my best but damn there are so many days I am angry at why it had to happen to you, to us. I know you have the answers but I don't. I wonder all the time to why. I stare out the window, stare up to the sky & just wonder.... I love you more than words could ever say. My heart is not whole & it will never be again until we are reunited for eternity. 
 On a different note... I spoke to Bob today. Things are just not good there with him & him & Meme. It makes me so sad. Bob is just having such a hard time dealing with his medical condition. He feels helpless & it breaks my heart to hear it. Meme is stressed out & that hurts too. I guess I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. Neither of deserve this just like you didn't deserve all that you went through in your life. I wish I could do something & make it all better. I know you are with the both of them constantly & they thank you & so do I. They need the help. Make sure to watch over the rest of the family.... Mom, Mark, Grandpa, Debbie, Aunt Becky, Uncle John, Bean, & everyone else. We all miss you! We all need you! We all love you!
 Everything else is pretty much the same. Mark is working a lot to provide for us. Snicks is doing good. We all miss Max so much but we know that he is happy just like you, he is playing, running, & being able to see again. The weather here is so dang humid..ugh! The last few days have been in the 100's & even at 10 pm at night it is 90 degrees. We have about another 3 weeks of this & then it will start to cool off & be in the 80's again! Can't wait for that! Mom has been working on the wedding plans still & getting things in order. It is hard to believe that it is only 4 months away. This year had just flown right by. I am working on finishing the centerpieces for the tables & also doing something for a memorial for you, Amy & a couple others that are in Heaven with you. We booked our hotel today so that is all set. We really just need to save money now. Every time I go to do things for the wedding it makes me happy & then sad. I wish so much that you could be there with me on Mark & I's special day. I know you will be... I just hope you make it very well known to Mom. Will you do that for me? Thanks pumpkin.
 The sky is sunny & clear so I hope that this evening it will be clear as well. The stars have been shining brightly the last couple nights. It is just so pretty. It makes me smile because I know you are out there somewhere doing something special. I also know somewhere your star is out there & I know you have been to it. I can't wait to see it someday too. When I go for a walk tonight I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear me & will be listening out for Mom. 
 I hope you have a wonderful night filled with all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, body & soul. Please don't forget that. I miss you & love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!