Saturday, January 31, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Saturday afternoon? I hope wherever you are & whatever you are doing you are just so free & happy. That is all that Mom wants for you. The last few days have still been quite the struggle for Mom. This cough still is with me, & I am doing my best at trying to take it easy so that I can heal through these shingles. My mental state is not where it needs to be either. I am really getting depressed more & more plus I am getting angrier & angrier at Mark. He was the one who wanted to make this move & kept telling me that all would be great. He would be working long hours but he would still be home at a descent hour too. He kept saying " you'll see " that I will be right. Well...we are 3 weeks into it & he hasn't been home in a descent hour yet. Today is Saturday & where is he...working & has been since 6:30 am. He was suppose to be back by 12 noon. We were suppose to go out & run errands & enjoy the day...so much for that. I am getting to the point that I wish I never agreed to this. I am only seeing that Mark is so selfish. He wanted this job for the money & nothing more. There is more to life than money & I wish he would see that. OMG.... I am so sorry, Tyler... I just reread what I wrote & you don't deserve to have this written to you let alone I shouldn't be airing " dirty laundry " on this blog. I will remember this & I will make sure not to do this again. Let's just change the subject.
I guess our family are doing well. I have been so out of the loop lately for the last 2 weeks that I really am not sure. I spoke to Meme the other day. She is pretty stressed out as things are still very challenging for her & Bob. I do know that he is going in for heart surgery again in 3 weeks. I really do hope that this surgery is a success. I know you will be with them both as Bob continues to go through all this medical situations. Grandpa & Debbie are doing well. Grandpa actually works many hours during the week. I wish he wouldn't though. He work his *ss off for so many years. This is the time he should be relaxing & enjoying things. I guess I just worry so much. Always have & always will I guess. Aunt Becky, John, & Bean are doing well. Things are going good for all 3 of them. I know you watch over us all as much as you can & I know that I appreciate it & I know they all do as well. Thank you so much Tyler for being here for Mom. I know you are. I can't see you but I just know you are always around Mom. You see me during the days. You see that I miss you. You see my tears & hear Mom whispering to you on a regular basis. You know I love you with all my heart. To the moon & back & all the way around the world.
So tomorrow is the Super Bowl. It will be the New England Patriots vs Seattle Seahawks. I thought a couple weeks ago it was going to be the Green Bay Packers vs New England Patriots. I said during those play off games that you would have wanted the Packers & Patriots to go head to head for the win. Your 2 favorite teams! At least the Patriots are playing. I am sure you will be rooting for them right along with Mom tomorrow. I wish you were here with me so we could watch another Super Bowl together. We always had such fun = ] We would be yelling at the tv together & eating a bunch of yummy foods!
I miss so many things that we did together. I just miss everything. Not just 1 or 2 things but I miss it all. I miss your smile, your laugh, your voice, your thoughts, your kind heart, & I even miss your anger. It all made up..you! I wouldn't have changed a thing. Times were sometimes rough but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I would do it all again if I could. In a heartbeat, Tyler.
The night sky is definitely upon us now. I have to go & make dinner for myself & feed Snicks. I am up to taking him out later tonight so I will be looking for the stars shining brightly in the sky. Maybe the moon will be out too. Either way I will be whispering to you as I always do each night. I hope you can hear Mom. I know that I have so many daily prayers to write to you to play catch up. I will start working on them tomorrow afternoon.
I hope that your night is all that you want it to be for yourself & all the other Angels. If you sleep, I hope you have sweet dreams tonight. I hope to see you in mine. Remember you will always be in my heart, mind & soul. I miss you so much & I love you more than words could ever express my sweet precious son.
Forever & Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Saturday afternoon? I hope wherever you are & whatever you are doing you are just so free & happy. That is all that Mom wants for you. The last few days have still been quite the struggle for Mom. This cough still is with me, & I am doing my best at trying to take it easy so that I can heal through these shingles. My mental state is not where it needs to be either. I am really getting depressed more & more plus I am getting angrier & angrier at Mark. He was the one who wanted to make this move & kept telling me that all would be great. He would be working long hours but he would still be home at a descent hour too. He kept saying " you'll see " that I will be right. Well...we are 3 weeks into it & he hasn't been home in a descent hour yet. Today is Saturday & where is he...working & has been since 6:30 am. He was suppose to be back by 12 noon. We were suppose to go out & run errands & enjoy the day...so much for that. I am getting to the point that I wish I never agreed to this. I am only seeing that Mark is so selfish. He wanted this job for the money & nothing more. There is more to life than money & I wish he would see that. OMG.... I am so sorry, Tyler... I just reread what I wrote & you don't deserve to have this written to you let alone I shouldn't be airing " dirty laundry " on this blog. I will remember this & I will make sure not to do this again. Let's just change the subject.
I guess our family are doing well. I have been so out of the loop lately for the last 2 weeks that I really am not sure. I spoke to Meme the other day. She is pretty stressed out as things are still very challenging for her & Bob. I do know that he is going in for heart surgery again in 3 weeks. I really do hope that this surgery is a success. I know you will be with them both as Bob continues to go through all this medical situations. Grandpa & Debbie are doing well. Grandpa actually works many hours during the week. I wish he wouldn't though. He work his *ss off for so many years. This is the time he should be relaxing & enjoying things. I guess I just worry so much. Always have & always will I guess. Aunt Becky, John, & Bean are doing well. Things are going good for all 3 of them. I know you watch over us all as much as you can & I know that I appreciate it & I know they all do as well. Thank you so much Tyler for being here for Mom. I know you are. I can't see you but I just know you are always around Mom. You see me during the days. You see that I miss you. You see my tears & hear Mom whispering to you on a regular basis. You know I love you with all my heart. To the moon & back & all the way around the world.
So tomorrow is the Super Bowl. It will be the New England Patriots vs Seattle Seahawks. I thought a couple weeks ago it was going to be the Green Bay Packers vs New England Patriots. I said during those play off games that you would have wanted the Packers & Patriots to go head to head for the win. Your 2 favorite teams! At least the Patriots are playing. I am sure you will be rooting for them right along with Mom tomorrow. I wish you were here with me so we could watch another Super Bowl together. We always had such fun = ] We would be yelling at the tv together & eating a bunch of yummy foods!
I miss so many things that we did together. I just miss everything. Not just 1 or 2 things but I miss it all. I miss your smile, your laugh, your voice, your thoughts, your kind heart, & I even miss your anger. It all made up..you! I wouldn't have changed a thing. Times were sometimes rough but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I would do it all again if I could. In a heartbeat, Tyler.
The night sky is definitely upon us now. I have to go & make dinner for myself & feed Snicks. I am up to taking him out later tonight so I will be looking for the stars shining brightly in the sky. Maybe the moon will be out too. Either way I will be whispering to you as I always do each night. I hope you can hear Mom. I know that I have so many daily prayers to write to you to play catch up. I will start working on them tomorrow afternoon.
I hope that your night is all that you want it to be for yourself & all the other Angels. If you sleep, I hope you have sweet dreams tonight. I hope to see you in mine. Remember you will always be in my heart, mind & soul. I miss you so much & I love you more than words could ever express my sweet precious son.
Forever & Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing tonight on this Wednesday afternoon? Mom is so sorry that I have not had the chance to write to you in over a week. As you already know, Mom has been so sick. I started out with catching a nasty cold last week, then Mark caught it starting on Friday & through the weekend & I really am not sure what happened on Sunday. I was doing just fine & then in a matter of minutes everything changed & I got so sick again. I wasn't even cold but my body was shaking so bad. I laid down & fell asleep. Woke up later in the day & went straight to bed. I don't really remember much. I was so out of it. Couldn't even talk, I wasn't making since, disoriented & wasn't sure where I was, think I was seriously dehydrated. It was so scary & awful. I woke up Monday morning & still felt terrible. Mark said Mom was really out of it. He was sick all Sunday night too. As you already know too... Mom came down with the shingles. It didn't surprise me at all though. I have been doing really good. I was thinking about it the other night & in over 2 years I have only had it 1 time. The breakout was so small & I healed very quickly that time. I am doing better. I was really upset with myself about this one but I stopped as I do not even understand what happened. It is just the weirdest thing. I do know that I kept asking for you to be with Mom. I needed you to be with me & watch over me. I know you were with me. Even though I was so out of it, I know. Thank you, Tyler. It means so much to Mom. I was scared but just not myself to really be able to do anything about it. I couldn't even think. Thank you for watching over Mark too. Neither of us ever what this to happen again. Update... Mark still has a cough & so does Mom. I am in the " healing " stage right now so I can't do much at all. Every day will get better though. Please continue to watch over us both. Thank you again.
The only other thing that went on is that we had the Blizzard of 2015 the last couple days. We had snow totals that were over 28" of snow, gusts of wind up to 50 mph over 30,000 folks without power. The snow is so deep that there is a car out in the parking lot here that we can only see the roof of it. The rest is buried under the snow. It is crazy. Everything was shut down for the last 2 days. Mark has had this whole week off. He goes back tomorrow. Watching the weather we are in for more snow this Friday & next Monday. Just don't know where it all is going to go. Hope we don't get too much more. I keep telling Mark I wonder why we ever left Texas, but we all know the real reasons why we did. Guess I really just miss the sun shining most of the time & some of the folks there.
Meme's birthday is coming up in 6 days. We are going to surprise her & go up that weekend to see everyone. It will already have been 4 weeks since we left NH to come to our new home. Time is already flying by. I look forward to the other 3 seasons & the time change. I look forward to seeing what this new place really has to offer us. I think I will like it so much better. I think you are agreeing. We still have so much work to do with our stuff in Texas. I miss somethings but most can be replaced. I miss all my pictures of you & special items. I can't wait to get them here. Will be working on it the next couple weeks. Another thing I am working on is your flat stone & bench...FINALLY!!!! It should be in & set at your resting place by the end of March. I can't wait. You deserve it. I just hope you like it.
I know this letter is fairly short, but I could not go another night without writing. I was missing it so much & really felt guilty. I have all the time tomorrow while Mark is working to write you a longer one & also do 8 nights of the daily prayers. That is going to be one heck of a long letter...lol!
I hope that your night is all that you need & want it to be. May you have sweet dreams & rest easy if that is what you need to do. Fly high & free always. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you are listening out for Mom. I miss you & love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world my sweet precious son. Until I write tomorrow.....you are forever in my mind, thoughts, & heart.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing tonight on this Wednesday afternoon? Mom is so sorry that I have not had the chance to write to you in over a week. As you already know, Mom has been so sick. I started out with catching a nasty cold last week, then Mark caught it starting on Friday & through the weekend & I really am not sure what happened on Sunday. I was doing just fine & then in a matter of minutes everything changed & I got so sick again. I wasn't even cold but my body was shaking so bad. I laid down & fell asleep. Woke up later in the day & went straight to bed. I don't really remember much. I was so out of it. Couldn't even talk, I wasn't making since, disoriented & wasn't sure where I was, think I was seriously dehydrated. It was so scary & awful. I woke up Monday morning & still felt terrible. Mark said Mom was really out of it. He was sick all Sunday night too. As you already know too... Mom came down with the shingles. It didn't surprise me at all though. I have been doing really good. I was thinking about it the other night & in over 2 years I have only had it 1 time. The breakout was so small & I healed very quickly that time. I am doing better. I was really upset with myself about this one but I stopped as I do not even understand what happened. It is just the weirdest thing. I do know that I kept asking for you to be with Mom. I needed you to be with me & watch over me. I know you were with me. Even though I was so out of it, I know. Thank you, Tyler. It means so much to Mom. I was scared but just not myself to really be able to do anything about it. I couldn't even think. Thank you for watching over Mark too. Neither of us ever what this to happen again. Update... Mark still has a cough & so does Mom. I am in the " healing " stage right now so I can't do much at all. Every day will get better though. Please continue to watch over us both. Thank you again.
The only other thing that went on is that we had the Blizzard of 2015 the last couple days. We had snow totals that were over 28" of snow, gusts of wind up to 50 mph over 30,000 folks without power. The snow is so deep that there is a car out in the parking lot here that we can only see the roof of it. The rest is buried under the snow. It is crazy. Everything was shut down for the last 2 days. Mark has had this whole week off. He goes back tomorrow. Watching the weather we are in for more snow this Friday & next Monday. Just don't know where it all is going to go. Hope we don't get too much more. I keep telling Mark I wonder why we ever left Texas, but we all know the real reasons why we did. Guess I really just miss the sun shining most of the time & some of the folks there.
Meme's birthday is coming up in 6 days. We are going to surprise her & go up that weekend to see everyone. It will already have been 4 weeks since we left NH to come to our new home. Time is already flying by. I look forward to the other 3 seasons & the time change. I look forward to seeing what this new place really has to offer us. I think I will like it so much better. I think you are agreeing. We still have so much work to do with our stuff in Texas. I miss somethings but most can be replaced. I miss all my pictures of you & special items. I can't wait to get them here. Will be working on it the next couple weeks. Another thing I am working on is your flat stone & bench...FINALLY!!!! It should be in & set at your resting place by the end of March. I can't wait. You deserve it. I just hope you like it.
I know this letter is fairly short, but I could not go another night without writing. I was missing it so much & really felt guilty. I have all the time tomorrow while Mark is working to write you a longer one & also do 8 nights of the daily prayers. That is going to be one heck of a long letter...lol!
I hope that your night is all that you need & want it to be. May you have sweet dreams & rest easy if that is what you need to do. Fly high & free always. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you are listening out for Mom. I miss you & love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world my sweet precious son. Until I write tomorrow.....you are forever in my mind, thoughts, & heart.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? I am hoping that you are smiling & happy where you are today! Hope you are joking & giving your Cheshire grin smile to all! Mom is having kinda a down day today. I cried a little bit knowing that today was the 20th of January & it has been 19 months today that you went away. It is so hard to believe that much time has really gone by. Some days it seems longer though & other days it seems like yesterday. The whole thing is just hard on Mom & many others. It just plain sucks. I know where you are there is no concept of time so to you it seems like merely seconds that we have been apart. I am glad that it feels that way for you. I wouldn't want you to have to deal with what I do on a daily basis. I have trying to keep myself busy today with doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, dusting, sweeping, etc... when I am doing those things it keeps my mind from wandering. It helps just a little though. I am trying... Lord knows I am so that I can get through every day without you. I just want you to be happy which I know you are & I want you to grow as much as you can, learn as much as much as you want to & need to. I want so bad to make you proud of your Mom. I know you want to see my smile, hear my laugh, & for Mom to be happy. I am trying to do all those things...I really am. Even when it doesn't seem like it. You are always in my mind. I still hear your voice in my head. I never want to lose that. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Last night when I was walking Snicks I saw the stars shining brightly in the sky. I instantly smiled & whispered to you. Hope you heard Mom! The sky was so clear, but I saw no moon. I thought that was a little strange, but maybe tonight.
Here is the daily prayer for today. January 20~ We love because he first loved us. Lord Jesus, how blessed are we that you left your heavenly kingdom to dwell among us & show us what real love looks like! Without your example, we'd still be looking for love in all the wrong places. Thank you, Lord, for keeping your instruction so simple to understand, even though it's often so hard to follow. Simply love one another, is that it? Okay, Lord, if you say so. It's the only right response after all you've done for us. Love God first, & all of your other relationships will fall into place. So true... much to say on this prayer today. Thank you Lord for the unconditional love that you show & give to my family, friends, pets & myself. It is incredible the feeling that it has on me. Thank you so much. Amen.
I guess I have kept myself busier than I thought. The evening sky will be falling on us in about an hour or so. Today flew by now that I am thinking about this & writing to you. The days are just so short. I can not wait to turn the clocks back & have more daylight then darkness. Makes for a very long evening. I can't wait for the weather to warm up either. I really miss the Texas weather. This cold stuff is for the birds...lol!
I hope that later this evening you are relaxing or doing something that you like to do. I hope it is peaceful if that is what you want. Please continue to fly high & fly free my sweet precious son. Watch over us all like I know you do. Thank you! Please tell everyone that you are around that I love them & miss them too. I will whisper to you later tonight. Hope you will hear me & will be listening out for Mom. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you & miss you more than I can ever express or more than anyone will ever know.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? I am hoping that you are smiling & happy where you are today! Hope you are joking & giving your Cheshire grin smile to all! Mom is having kinda a down day today. I cried a little bit knowing that today was the 20th of January & it has been 19 months today that you went away. It is so hard to believe that much time has really gone by. Some days it seems longer though & other days it seems like yesterday. The whole thing is just hard on Mom & many others. It just plain sucks. I know where you are there is no concept of time so to you it seems like merely seconds that we have been apart. I am glad that it feels that way for you. I wouldn't want you to have to deal with what I do on a daily basis. I have trying to keep myself busy today with doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, dusting, sweeping, etc... when I am doing those things it keeps my mind from wandering. It helps just a little though. I am trying... Lord knows I am so that I can get through every day without you. I just want you to be happy which I know you are & I want you to grow as much as you can, learn as much as much as you want to & need to. I want so bad to make you proud of your Mom. I know you want to see my smile, hear my laugh, & for Mom to be happy. I am trying to do all those things...I really am. Even when it doesn't seem like it. You are always in my mind. I still hear your voice in my head. I never want to lose that. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Last night when I was walking Snicks I saw the stars shining brightly in the sky. I instantly smiled & whispered to you. Hope you heard Mom! The sky was so clear, but I saw no moon. I thought that was a little strange, but maybe tonight.
Here is the daily prayer for today. January 20~ We love because he first loved us. Lord Jesus, how blessed are we that you left your heavenly kingdom to dwell among us & show us what real love looks like! Without your example, we'd still be looking for love in all the wrong places. Thank you, Lord, for keeping your instruction so simple to understand, even though it's often so hard to follow. Simply love one another, is that it? Okay, Lord, if you say so. It's the only right response after all you've done for us. Love God first, & all of your other relationships will fall into place. So true... much to say on this prayer today. Thank you Lord for the unconditional love that you show & give to my family, friends, pets & myself. It is incredible the feeling that it has on me. Thank you so much. Amen.
I guess I have kept myself busier than I thought. The evening sky will be falling on us in about an hour or so. Today flew by now that I am thinking about this & writing to you. The days are just so short. I can not wait to turn the clocks back & have more daylight then darkness. Makes for a very long evening. I can't wait for the weather to warm up either. I really miss the Texas weather. This cold stuff is for the birds...lol!
I hope that later this evening you are relaxing or doing something that you like to do. I hope it is peaceful if that is what you want. Please continue to fly high & fly free my sweet precious son. Watch over us all like I know you do. Thank you! Please tell everyone that you are around that I love them & miss them too. I will whisper to you later tonight. Hope you will hear me & will be listening out for Mom. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you & miss you more than I can ever express or more than anyone will ever know.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, January 19, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing tonight on this Monday evening? I hope that everything is peaceful & happy where you are. Mom is doing well. It has been another 3 busy days here where I am. Mark & I did a lot of shopping for things that we needed for the new place. It is starting to all come together. We just need a couple more big pieces of furniture & then our stuff from Texas & we are finally all set. Hopefully things will be all set by the end of next month. My fingers are crossed for this. Lots of money to shell out for everything but I think once everything is finally finished we will be able to save & breathe. Another long process. This is the 3rd time in less then 3 years.... just too much. Don't think we will move for awhile now though. Mark really likes his job & he is getting into a good routine as I am too. He gets home at a descent hour now which is nice. I miss him during the days but appreciate the weekends more now when I am with him. Thank you for watching over him daily as he goes to & from work. Plus watching over mom during the day too. It means so much to know that you are with us. Thank you pumpkin.
Today when we were out, Mark brought me to a place that he knew I would love.... it was the Ocean. Part of the Atlantic Ocean. It was really cold but so pretty. I was happy to know that we live so close to it which will be nice in the summertime. It is such a quaint little place. I immediately thought of you. You would have loved it there. I think you would have loved where we are now too. So many places to go to & see plus tons of places to go for walks. I sure do miss those times Tyler. Just us going for walks & talking. Spending quality time together was always nice. I cherished them & I always will. I miss you so much. I think that you know that though. I know you see that when you are with Mom. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Never forget that either! You still continue to be my world even though we are in separate places.
I have a few daily prayers to write to you so I want to start them now. January 17~ By grace you have been saved. Supreme Lord, you can't make me new unless I first soften my heart, & yet I'm resistant. Your grace can't take residence within me unless I ask you in, but I've been stubbornly denying you entry. You can't be my salvation until I accept your grace, but I've refused your help. Please, help me offer up every bit of my life to you over & over again until I'm made completely new by the Holy Spirit. I humbly ask in Jesus' wondrous name. Amen.
January 18~ To all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God. Dear heavenly Father, when I was a child, I went to my Mother for comfort. She held me on her lap, rocked me close to her heart, & wiped away my tears. When I became an adult, I also became a parent & had no one to turn to for shelter. That is when I learned that you are my loving father, my Abba, who will always hold me close, just as my Mother once did. No matter how old I grow, I can still feel the safety of a child held in loving arms, comforted, & loved beyond all measures. I know that I am yours, a child of God, who knows my name & loves me for all eternity. God's love for us is complete & constant. Thank you Lord for comforting me in every time of need that I have needed. Thank you for loving me this much.
January 19~ All of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. Lord, some days I wonder what's happening to this body of mine. Aches & pains appear for no reason, & the wrinkles are so plentiful there's no use counting anymore. I know you look at inner beauty, & not outward beauty, so I come to you to ask you to give me your perspective on this whole aging process. Am I as beautiful in your eyes as I was the day you made me? That's what I choose to believe, Lord, & that's all that really matters to me. Keep making me more beautiful on the inside, & I'll try to make friends with the person in the mirror. Ok, so this prayer hits home on so many levels for Mom. I have always struggled with the outside appearance of myself. Why did I need glasses at such a young age, why am I not skinny & always fighting the weight that I am, why is my skin not flawless, why do I have so many scars, why aren't my teeth so straight & have a pearly white smile, etc... the list goes on & on. I have struggled with this for so many years & now I am done. Beauty is on the inside not outside. Never judge a book by it's cover. Everyone has beauty just not everyone sees it. I judge no one. I don't " pick on " anyone either. I don't know their story or what they have been through. I don't want it done to me so why would I do that to someone else? Again, I wouldn't. I am who I am. I ask for no one to like me or love me. I won't change for anyone either.... just myself. I am finally at the point where I am comfortable with who I am & what I look like. Yeah, I could be skinnier & prettier, but I am to those who love me already. I am all that & more to God. That is all that matters. I am happy with myself at this time... all the " battle scars ", the heavier weight, the not so perfect teeth, etc... I am me & I am finally ok with that. Thank you Lord for helping me see this. Amen.
Well the night sky is completely upon us now. The sky is clear so I should be able to see the stars & moon. No matter what as always I will whisper to you Tyler. I hope you hear me every night. Please continue to watch over us. Means so much to us all. I hope you have a restful evening or eventful evening if you have things to do. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I miss love you beyond anything I could ever express. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Wanted to let you know that it is Uncle Ray's Birthday today. You might want to go visit him & say hello. Just don't scare him...lol!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing tonight on this Monday evening? I hope that everything is peaceful & happy where you are. Mom is doing well. It has been another 3 busy days here where I am. Mark & I did a lot of shopping for things that we needed for the new place. It is starting to all come together. We just need a couple more big pieces of furniture & then our stuff from Texas & we are finally all set. Hopefully things will be all set by the end of next month. My fingers are crossed for this. Lots of money to shell out for everything but I think once everything is finally finished we will be able to save & breathe. Another long process. This is the 3rd time in less then 3 years.... just too much. Don't think we will move for awhile now though. Mark really likes his job & he is getting into a good routine as I am too. He gets home at a descent hour now which is nice. I miss him during the days but appreciate the weekends more now when I am with him. Thank you for watching over him daily as he goes to & from work. Plus watching over mom during the day too. It means so much to know that you are with us. Thank you pumpkin.
Today when we were out, Mark brought me to a place that he knew I would love.... it was the Ocean. Part of the Atlantic Ocean. It was really cold but so pretty. I was happy to know that we live so close to it which will be nice in the summertime. It is such a quaint little place. I immediately thought of you. You would have loved it there. I think you would have loved where we are now too. So many places to go to & see plus tons of places to go for walks. I sure do miss those times Tyler. Just us going for walks & talking. Spending quality time together was always nice. I cherished them & I always will. I miss you so much. I think that you know that though. I know you see that when you are with Mom. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Never forget that either! You still continue to be my world even though we are in separate places.
I have a few daily prayers to write to you so I want to start them now. January 17~ By grace you have been saved. Supreme Lord, you can't make me new unless I first soften my heart, & yet I'm resistant. Your grace can't take residence within me unless I ask you in, but I've been stubbornly denying you entry. You can't be my salvation until I accept your grace, but I've refused your help. Please, help me offer up every bit of my life to you over & over again until I'm made completely new by the Holy Spirit. I humbly ask in Jesus' wondrous name. Amen.
January 18~ To all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God. Dear heavenly Father, when I was a child, I went to my Mother for comfort. She held me on her lap, rocked me close to her heart, & wiped away my tears. When I became an adult, I also became a parent & had no one to turn to for shelter. That is when I learned that you are my loving father, my Abba, who will always hold me close, just as my Mother once did. No matter how old I grow, I can still feel the safety of a child held in loving arms, comforted, & loved beyond all measures. I know that I am yours, a child of God, who knows my name & loves me for all eternity. God's love for us is complete & constant. Thank you Lord for comforting me in every time of need that I have needed. Thank you for loving me this much.
January 19~ All of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. Lord, some days I wonder what's happening to this body of mine. Aches & pains appear for no reason, & the wrinkles are so plentiful there's no use counting anymore. I know you look at inner beauty, & not outward beauty, so I come to you to ask you to give me your perspective on this whole aging process. Am I as beautiful in your eyes as I was the day you made me? That's what I choose to believe, Lord, & that's all that really matters to me. Keep making me more beautiful on the inside, & I'll try to make friends with the person in the mirror. Ok, so this prayer hits home on so many levels for Mom. I have always struggled with the outside appearance of myself. Why did I need glasses at such a young age, why am I not skinny & always fighting the weight that I am, why is my skin not flawless, why do I have so many scars, why aren't my teeth so straight & have a pearly white smile, etc... the list goes on & on. I have struggled with this for so many years & now I am done. Beauty is on the inside not outside. Never judge a book by it's cover. Everyone has beauty just not everyone sees it. I judge no one. I don't " pick on " anyone either. I don't know their story or what they have been through. I don't want it done to me so why would I do that to someone else? Again, I wouldn't. I am who I am. I ask for no one to like me or love me. I won't change for anyone either.... just myself. I am finally at the point where I am comfortable with who I am & what I look like. Yeah, I could be skinnier & prettier, but I am to those who love me already. I am all that & more to God. That is all that matters. I am happy with myself at this time... all the " battle scars ", the heavier weight, the not so perfect teeth, etc... I am me & I am finally ok with that. Thank you Lord for helping me see this. Amen.
Well the night sky is completely upon us now. The sky is clear so I should be able to see the stars & moon. No matter what as always I will whisper to you Tyler. I hope you hear me every night. Please continue to watch over us. Means so much to us all. I hope you have a restful evening or eventful evening if you have things to do. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I miss love you beyond anything I could ever express. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Wanted to let you know that it is Uncle Ray's Birthday today. You might want to go visit him & say hello. Just don't scare him...lol!
Friday, January 16, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today on this cold & chilly Friday afternoon? I hope it is not cold where you are & the sun always shines on you.. just the way you like it! Mom is doing so so. I was so happy to see the sun shining for a bit today. I thought that everything was going well & now I have a headache & not feeling so hot. I wanted to write to you before I go lay down for a little nap. Maybe that will help me out. I will go snuggle on the couch with Snickers. Pull a blanket over me & just rest. Things have been non stop for the last several weeks so maybe it is just now catching up with Mom. Anyways.... I was so surprised last night that after all the crappy weather we had...snow, ice, freezing rain, the clouds moved out quickly & the sky was clear & the stars were shining bright! It made me smile. I whispered to you. Did you hear Mom? I hope you did. I hope you hear me every time I whisper to you.
I want to write the daily prayer for today. January 16~O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you for ever. Lord, so many people are blind to miracles you do in the world around us. They go through life without noticing or experiencing your gifts. They miss the beauty of the natural world, they miss the miracle of love, & they miss the very joy of being alive. Please help me recognize these blessings & also let me help others realize that every second of life is to be cherished & appreciated. When I open my eyes upon the morning meadows & look out upon the beautiful world, I thank God I am alive. So many people do not see what they have, what they need to be grateful for, & what blessings they have in their life. They don't see how lucky they really are. I am so thankful that I am not one of those people. I am thankful, grateful, & blessed with everything that I have in my life right now. I wish I did have you still but as I have said before I know that is not possible & you are where you are suppose to be. You are with God & you are finally & truly happy again. That is all Mom has ever wanted for you, Tyler. I would love the opportunity to show others what they have & to be happy with that instead of always wanting more. Thank you Lord for all that you do for me, my family & my friends. Amen.
Tyler, I am going to end this letter to you for now. My head is pounding & I just really need to go lay down. Please be with Mom. I need you... I always need you. Watch over everyone else too. Thanks pumpkin. I hope that you have a wonderful night. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams my precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. If I am feeling better later I will try & write some more to you but if not I will write to you tomorrow night.
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today on this cold & chilly Friday afternoon? I hope it is not cold where you are & the sun always shines on you.. just the way you like it! Mom is doing so so. I was so happy to see the sun shining for a bit today. I thought that everything was going well & now I have a headache & not feeling so hot. I wanted to write to you before I go lay down for a little nap. Maybe that will help me out. I will go snuggle on the couch with Snickers. Pull a blanket over me & just rest. Things have been non stop for the last several weeks so maybe it is just now catching up with Mom. Anyways.... I was so surprised last night that after all the crappy weather we had...snow, ice, freezing rain, the clouds moved out quickly & the sky was clear & the stars were shining bright! It made me smile. I whispered to you. Did you hear Mom? I hope you did. I hope you hear me every time I whisper to you.
I want to write the daily prayer for today. January 16~O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you for ever. Lord, so many people are blind to miracles you do in the world around us. They go through life without noticing or experiencing your gifts. They miss the beauty of the natural world, they miss the miracle of love, & they miss the very joy of being alive. Please help me recognize these blessings & also let me help others realize that every second of life is to be cherished & appreciated. When I open my eyes upon the morning meadows & look out upon the beautiful world, I thank God I am alive. So many people do not see what they have, what they need to be grateful for, & what blessings they have in their life. They don't see how lucky they really are. I am so thankful that I am not one of those people. I am thankful, grateful, & blessed with everything that I have in my life right now. I wish I did have you still but as I have said before I know that is not possible & you are where you are suppose to be. You are with God & you are finally & truly happy again. That is all Mom has ever wanted for you, Tyler. I would love the opportunity to show others what they have & to be happy with that instead of always wanting more. Thank you Lord for all that you do for me, my family & my friends. Amen.
Tyler, I am going to end this letter to you for now. My head is pounding & I just really need to go lay down. Please be with Mom. I need you... I always need you. Watch over everyone else too. Thanks pumpkin. I hope that you have a wonderful night. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams my precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. If I am feeling better later I will try & write some more to you but if not I will write to you tomorrow night.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you today on this Thursday afternoon? Mom is doing as well as can be expected. The weather here is crappy. The sky is gray, cloudy & it is freezing rain outside. I really didn't think that in a million years I would be back here & dealing with all this cold & snow again. When it is snowing the fresh snow fall is really beautiful but that is about it! I didn't really miss anything about New England except for our family & friends. It is really weird... now that Mom is closer to everyone I really feel further away from them. I know that sounds weird & maybe I am not saying it right but I really feel that way. Maybe it is because I am just trying to get used to new surroundings again & while I am doing this life keeps going for everyone else. I hope that the way I feel changes because I also feel that sometimes I think this was the wrong decision for Mark & Mom. I know that everything happens for a reason & I am trying so hard not to question it. I guess time will tell with everything. I have my fingers crossed though.
Today has been really weird. Where Mark drives to work each day there were protesters chaining themselves to 1200 lb. cemented barrels & sitting in the middle of the road. Lots of Police trying to break it up. Mark was stuck in the traffic & watching the whole thing. How scary. I wonder all the time what exactly the world is coming to. This is America & there will be protesters regarding so many things but to do this was a little much. Lots of people could have been seriously hurt or worse. I am so glad that Mark got to work late but safe. I am sure you were watching over him so thank you pumpkin.
Yesterday when I was writing to you, Snickers gave me a big scare. I was typing away & I looked over to see him sleeping which was no big deal. A few minutes later he jumped up on my leg to let me know he needed something & I jumped. His little eye was bleeding a lot & it was just dripping all over his fur & the carpet. He wouldn't let me touch it so I know he was hurting. I was a wreck. Made me go back to when things happened to you & I didn't know what to do. I was a wreck then too. I tried not to show it to you but there were just so many times. Most of the time I would turn around & wipe the tears from my eyes. It hurt me so much to see you hurting & in pain. I always felt helpless. I never told you that until now but I did. I was Mom... I was suppose to fix anything & everything & sometimes I couldn't. You made a statement one time saying you never really saw me cry.... I cried a lot & still do. I just never wanted you to see me cry. I didn't want you to get more scared then you already were. I wanted to be strong in front of you & to show you I had things under control even when I didn't. I hope you don't hold that against me, Tyler. I hope you forgive me for the decisions that I chose to make. Maybe they were not always right but in my heart I felt they were at that given time. I did my best pumpkin. I really did. I hope that I made you at least 1/2 as proud as you always did for Mom. I was so proud of you...all the time! I still am.
Here is the daily prayer for January 15~ If you give others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Father in Heaven, thank you so much for the ability to forgive others of their transgressions. It is a blessing to be able to give others the freedom of mercy. And by giving forgiveness to others, I realize what a wonderful gift you have given me in granting me absolution from my sins. Forgiveness is truly divine, & by offering it to others, you allow me to experience godliness in this human body. When I love others, I am closest to our Lord Jesus Christ in deed & spirit. Love & forgiveness walk hand- in- hand. Our relationships with God & others are intertwined in this dynamic. I think that as I get older I am able to forgive others easier than I could when I was younger. I would hold on to a grudge when someone did something to me & to hurt me. I would hate them for what they did to me & I would want to do something back to them, to hurt them like they did me. I learned by feeling this way it wasn't good for me, it wasn't the right thing to do. It would stress me out which in return would make me very sick ( as you know, Tyler ). It would make everything more difficult for Mom & I didn't want that anymore. After losing you, which is the worst thing that could ever happen to Mom( & a Dad ) so much changed in me. I didn't think the same anymore, I didn't care what others did or said, I let it roll right off me without getting upset. Nobody knew what I was going through. I just wanted you back in the worst way. I wanted to do whatever it took to make that happen. I know now that could never be, but I changed when you left. I will never be that person again. I forgive way to easy now. I don't let things get to me the way they used to. I just don't have the energy for it anymore. Maybe in ways I really have grown up. I don't need or want drama in my life. I couldn't handle it if I did. I am trying to live daily & be the best that I can be for myself & others. I thank God that he has given that gift to me. I have gone through & made peace with people that would let me where I did them wrong. I have accepted many things now. I may not understand them all & why it happened but I know not to dwell on things or question them. In due time I will get the answers to everything I have ever wanted just like you have, Tyler. I am ok with that!
I know that my chances are slim again to see the stars & moon shining tonight in the evening sky. It is so bleak here again. Nevertheless, I know you will be beaming your sweet face & smile wherever you may go tonight. I miss that smile so much. I miss your face & your voice. I miss you every minute of every day. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I wish you peace & happiness this evening. May you fly high & free & let nothing stop you! I hope that if you get to rest you have the sweetest dreams my precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight as well. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul. Don't ever forget this.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you today on this Thursday afternoon? Mom is doing as well as can be expected. The weather here is crappy. The sky is gray, cloudy & it is freezing rain outside. I really didn't think that in a million years I would be back here & dealing with all this cold & snow again. When it is snowing the fresh snow fall is really beautiful but that is about it! I didn't really miss anything about New England except for our family & friends. It is really weird... now that Mom is closer to everyone I really feel further away from them. I know that sounds weird & maybe I am not saying it right but I really feel that way. Maybe it is because I am just trying to get used to new surroundings again & while I am doing this life keeps going for everyone else. I hope that the way I feel changes because I also feel that sometimes I think this was the wrong decision for Mark & Mom. I know that everything happens for a reason & I am trying so hard not to question it. I guess time will tell with everything. I have my fingers crossed though.
Today has been really weird. Where Mark drives to work each day there were protesters chaining themselves to 1200 lb. cemented barrels & sitting in the middle of the road. Lots of Police trying to break it up. Mark was stuck in the traffic & watching the whole thing. How scary. I wonder all the time what exactly the world is coming to. This is America & there will be protesters regarding so many things but to do this was a little much. Lots of people could have been seriously hurt or worse. I am so glad that Mark got to work late but safe. I am sure you were watching over him so thank you pumpkin.
Yesterday when I was writing to you, Snickers gave me a big scare. I was typing away & I looked over to see him sleeping which was no big deal. A few minutes later he jumped up on my leg to let me know he needed something & I jumped. His little eye was bleeding a lot & it was just dripping all over his fur & the carpet. He wouldn't let me touch it so I know he was hurting. I was a wreck. Made me go back to when things happened to you & I didn't know what to do. I was a wreck then too. I tried not to show it to you but there were just so many times. Most of the time I would turn around & wipe the tears from my eyes. It hurt me so much to see you hurting & in pain. I always felt helpless. I never told you that until now but I did. I was Mom... I was suppose to fix anything & everything & sometimes I couldn't. You made a statement one time saying you never really saw me cry.... I cried a lot & still do. I just never wanted you to see me cry. I didn't want you to get more scared then you already were. I wanted to be strong in front of you & to show you I had things under control even when I didn't. I hope you don't hold that against me, Tyler. I hope you forgive me for the decisions that I chose to make. Maybe they were not always right but in my heart I felt they were at that given time. I did my best pumpkin. I really did. I hope that I made you at least 1/2 as proud as you always did for Mom. I was so proud of you...all the time! I still am.
Here is the daily prayer for January 15~ If you give others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Father in Heaven, thank you so much for the ability to forgive others of their transgressions. It is a blessing to be able to give others the freedom of mercy. And by giving forgiveness to others, I realize what a wonderful gift you have given me in granting me absolution from my sins. Forgiveness is truly divine, & by offering it to others, you allow me to experience godliness in this human body. When I love others, I am closest to our Lord Jesus Christ in deed & spirit. Love & forgiveness walk hand- in- hand. Our relationships with God & others are intertwined in this dynamic. I think that as I get older I am able to forgive others easier than I could when I was younger. I would hold on to a grudge when someone did something to me & to hurt me. I would hate them for what they did to me & I would want to do something back to them, to hurt them like they did me. I learned by feeling this way it wasn't good for me, it wasn't the right thing to do. It would stress me out which in return would make me very sick ( as you know, Tyler ). It would make everything more difficult for Mom & I didn't want that anymore. After losing you, which is the worst thing that could ever happen to Mom( & a Dad ) so much changed in me. I didn't think the same anymore, I didn't care what others did or said, I let it roll right off me without getting upset. Nobody knew what I was going through. I just wanted you back in the worst way. I wanted to do whatever it took to make that happen. I know now that could never be, but I changed when you left. I will never be that person again. I forgive way to easy now. I don't let things get to me the way they used to. I just don't have the energy for it anymore. Maybe in ways I really have grown up. I don't need or want drama in my life. I couldn't handle it if I did. I am trying to live daily & be the best that I can be for myself & others. I thank God that he has given that gift to me. I have gone through & made peace with people that would let me where I did them wrong. I have accepted many things now. I may not understand them all & why it happened but I know not to dwell on things or question them. In due time I will get the answers to everything I have ever wanted just like you have, Tyler. I am ok with that!
I know that my chances are slim again to see the stars & moon shining tonight in the evening sky. It is so bleak here again. Nevertheless, I know you will be beaming your sweet face & smile wherever you may go tonight. I miss that smile so much. I miss your face & your voice. I miss you every minute of every day. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I wish you peace & happiness this evening. May you fly high & free & let nothing stop you! I hope that if you get to rest you have the sweetest dreams my precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight as well. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul. Don't ever forget this.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you today? It is Wednesday finally. This week is dragging on...probably because it is the 1st week in a new place. I am getting used to it though. I think it is because I am back in New England...back to my roots. The days are definitely long here & something to get used to again but I will manage. I am getting up earlier & going to bed fairly early. Some days I just feel so old...lol! Anyways... the new place is really quiet. I have not seen but 1 person so far. Have not seen any of my neighbors yet. I know the gal that lives across the hall has a dog because I hear it bark quite often. Haven't seen it yet just hear it. I don't think that anyone goes out unless they have to. The weather is so cold. When I took Snicks out about an hour ago it was snowing. My first thought was oh joy... but I was looking at it while Snicks was sniffing & I said to myself it really is beautiful. Just think each snowflake is different..not 1 is the same. I wonder if you see the snowflakes or if it is always sunny where you are? I remember as a little girl I would stand outside & catch snowflakes on my tongue. When I would play outside in the snow I would eat it... just not the yellow snow..lol! The memories I have of the days growing up in New England. Wasn't much to do in such a small town but we did what we could. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wish I had the chance to tell you all the stories. I wish we had more time to talk. I wish so much. I think you know that though. Something tells me that you know what I am going to say even before I do or before I say it. Since leaving Texas & everything behind I am in a sad place. I wouldn't say depressed but really sad. I miss seeing our pictures together. I miss being able to see your things when I wanted to. I hope that we will be getting our stuff soon. I waited 1 1/2 years to get them last time. That won't happen twice that's for sure. I don't need everything from the old apartment, I just need the things that are not replaceable. Everything else we can buy again...
I am trying to get into a routine by doing things that keep me busy & make the days go by faster. I have restarted to workout again. This time I am using my exercise bike. I finally have it back again after 3 years of it being at Meme's house. Remember when I would exercise for at least a 1/2 hour? That is what I am doing again. Not quite up to a 1/2 hour yet but will be by next week. I put music on & away I go. I do it in the morning after I have been awake for a couple of hours. I am really enjoying it again & I am wanting to get back to where I was when we were in Texas. I will do it... I have the will power. I will keep you posted on this..hahahaha!
Here is the daily prayer for today... January 14~ I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit; you heard my plea. Lord, it is easy to get caught up in my own problems that I forget that there are others far worse off than I am. Help me find the right perspective by taking a step back to see that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Help me remember that you never give me more than I am able to handle. Through your compassion to those with far less faith than I have. Help me, God, to go out to help others. Amen. Pray that you will be God's instrument for bringing good to your world. Funny how this is the prayer for today. When I was on facebook earlier I saw a video that made me stop & think. It was such a good message that I shared it on my page for others to view. I always said to you, Tyler that we didn't get anymore than we were able to handle. Do you remember that? I truly believe that is absolutely correct. Everything happens for reasons whether we like it or not. We grow & learn from the hardships & the mistakes we make. Like you have said to me through my reading... you know why everything happened to you & you are ok with it, it made all sense to you. I still wonder because I don't have those answers to why it all happened. Why the answer were right in front of the doctors face & they just couldn't see it. I hope that when I have my reading you come through & share that with me. It will give me a peace of mind to know & understand the way you do now. Anyways... I will watching & looking for signs from you God on how I can help people out. I have always been a caring person & I really like to help others. Thank you for giving me this gift. I treasure it always. Amen.
Tyler, you had a special gift whether you knew it or not. Everyone that met you fell in love with you. You gave them reasons to be thankful for what they had instead of complaining about things they didn't have. You touched so many family, friends, doctors, nurses, teachers, & even strangers with your strength. You were sunshine where there was rain in Mom's life. Your friend Sam said it best.. you were Ty-Dye....every bright color in the rainbow. You made everyone smile. Our lives were better because you were in it. You were never the burden that you thought you were. I only wish you would have believed Mom when she told you that. If I had the chance I would do it all over again. I would take care of you each & every day. I wouldn't think twice at all. I would embrace it again. I would however do some things differently though. I am older & wiser now so I think I would be a better Mom to you. Just always know that you were & always will be my world. You still are my true HERO. Even though we are apart I still draw strength from you. I think of you every minute of every day. I miss you so & I love you more than life itself.
The sky is cloudy & gray today so the chances of me seeing the stars & moon tonight are highly unlikely but I know no matter what you are shining bright somewhere for all of the Angels & for God to see. I will whisper to you as I always do. I wish for an evening that is restful & peaceful for you my sweet precious son. Sweet dreams & hope to see you in mine tonight. Forever you will be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you today? It is Wednesday finally. This week is dragging on...probably because it is the 1st week in a new place. I am getting used to it though. I think it is because I am back in New England...back to my roots. The days are definitely long here & something to get used to again but I will manage. I am getting up earlier & going to bed fairly early. Some days I just feel so old...lol! Anyways... the new place is really quiet. I have not seen but 1 person so far. Have not seen any of my neighbors yet. I know the gal that lives across the hall has a dog because I hear it bark quite often. Haven't seen it yet just hear it. I don't think that anyone goes out unless they have to. The weather is so cold. When I took Snicks out about an hour ago it was snowing. My first thought was oh joy... but I was looking at it while Snicks was sniffing & I said to myself it really is beautiful. Just think each snowflake is different..not 1 is the same. I wonder if you see the snowflakes or if it is always sunny where you are? I remember as a little girl I would stand outside & catch snowflakes on my tongue. When I would play outside in the snow I would eat it... just not the yellow snow..lol! The memories I have of the days growing up in New England. Wasn't much to do in such a small town but we did what we could. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wish I had the chance to tell you all the stories. I wish we had more time to talk. I wish so much. I think you know that though. Something tells me that you know what I am going to say even before I do or before I say it. Since leaving Texas & everything behind I am in a sad place. I wouldn't say depressed but really sad. I miss seeing our pictures together. I miss being able to see your things when I wanted to. I hope that we will be getting our stuff soon. I waited 1 1/2 years to get them last time. That won't happen twice that's for sure. I don't need everything from the old apartment, I just need the things that are not replaceable. Everything else we can buy again...
I am trying to get into a routine by doing things that keep me busy & make the days go by faster. I have restarted to workout again. This time I am using my exercise bike. I finally have it back again after 3 years of it being at Meme's house. Remember when I would exercise for at least a 1/2 hour? That is what I am doing again. Not quite up to a 1/2 hour yet but will be by next week. I put music on & away I go. I do it in the morning after I have been awake for a couple of hours. I am really enjoying it again & I am wanting to get back to where I was when we were in Texas. I will do it... I have the will power. I will keep you posted on this..hahahaha!
Here is the daily prayer for today... January 14~ I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit; you heard my plea. Lord, it is easy to get caught up in my own problems that I forget that there are others far worse off than I am. Help me find the right perspective by taking a step back to see that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Help me remember that you never give me more than I am able to handle. Through your compassion to those with far less faith than I have. Help me, God, to go out to help others. Amen. Pray that you will be God's instrument for bringing good to your world. Funny how this is the prayer for today. When I was on facebook earlier I saw a video that made me stop & think. It was such a good message that I shared it on my page for others to view. I always said to you, Tyler that we didn't get anymore than we were able to handle. Do you remember that? I truly believe that is absolutely correct. Everything happens for reasons whether we like it or not. We grow & learn from the hardships & the mistakes we make. Like you have said to me through my reading... you know why everything happened to you & you are ok with it, it made all sense to you. I still wonder because I don't have those answers to why it all happened. Why the answer were right in front of the doctors face & they just couldn't see it. I hope that when I have my reading you come through & share that with me. It will give me a peace of mind to know & understand the way you do now. Anyways... I will watching & looking for signs from you God on how I can help people out. I have always been a caring person & I really like to help others. Thank you for giving me this gift. I treasure it always. Amen.
Tyler, you had a special gift whether you knew it or not. Everyone that met you fell in love with you. You gave them reasons to be thankful for what they had instead of complaining about things they didn't have. You touched so many family, friends, doctors, nurses, teachers, & even strangers with your strength. You were sunshine where there was rain in Mom's life. Your friend Sam said it best.. you were Ty-Dye....every bright color in the rainbow. You made everyone smile. Our lives were better because you were in it. You were never the burden that you thought you were. I only wish you would have believed Mom when she told you that. If I had the chance I would do it all over again. I would take care of you each & every day. I wouldn't think twice at all. I would embrace it again. I would however do some things differently though. I am older & wiser now so I think I would be a better Mom to you. Just always know that you were & always will be my world. You still are my true HERO. Even though we are apart I still draw strength from you. I think of you every minute of every day. I miss you so & I love you more than life itself.
The sky is cloudy & gray today so the chances of me seeing the stars & moon tonight are highly unlikely but I know no matter what you are shining bright somewhere for all of the Angels & for God to see. I will whisper to you as I always do. I wish for an evening that is restful & peaceful for you my sweet precious son. Sweet dreams & hope to see you in mine tonight. Forever you will be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this cold & chilly January afternoon? I hope that wherever you are it is sunny, & warm. I hope you are some where smiling & putting your face towards the sun with your eyes closed. Oh how I can remember you doing this. It would always make me smile. I need that memory today as Mom is having a hard day. I am trying to get into a new routine with Mark having new hours, etc... I was lonely before but boy am I ever more lonely now. Mark leaves early in the morning before the sun rises & doesn't get back until after it is dark. We are lucky if we have 2 hours to see each other before it is time to go to bed. This is something so new to the both of us right now. It is very hard on Mom. My car is still down in Texas so I have no way to get anywhere right now. I really wish you were here so Mom could talk to you. It is just one of those days where I just need to hear your voice. I need your pep talk telling me that everything will be ok. I just wish I could see you & hear your voice. I miss our talks, our jokes, our craziness together. I miss you so much, Tyler. My world is just not the same without you. They say it doesn't get better in time, you just get stronger... well I guess I am not feeling so strong today. Maybe tomorrow but just not today. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Please never forget this.
I guess everything in our family is going well. We have been just so busy with getting situated that we have not had much time to chat with anyone. I know you are watching over everyone so I am not too worried. I know you won't let anything happen to any of us. You love us too much. I am so lucky that I have you watching over me. I wish things were different but you know that I will take what I can get. I really want to have another session with Forrest soon. Once everything is settled & the apartment in Texas is done & we have everything up here again I will start to work on this. I need more validation from you & would love to have some info from you on what you do, what things are like, etc... I hope you come through again. I will keep you posted to when this will take place.
I have a couple daily prayers for you so let me get to them right now. January 12~ The prayer of the righteous is powerful & effective. Father in Heaven, you have asked us to pray without ceasing. I am finally beginning to understand what that means. You want us to come to you throughout our day & turn to you first in all situations. We can ask & then hope for our prayers to be granted without fear of reprisal. We can cry to you & express our anger. We can bring you all the cares of our day, & you will receive them for yourself, leaving us free to simply love you. I am awed by your generosity & love, & I thank you over & over again for your steadfastness. Amen. I am learning to do just this. It has taken some time but I am finally understanding & getting to the point of where I talk to you all throughout the day. I ask for your understanding in my emotional times, I ask for your help, for you to heal my family, friends, & myself, I ask for you to grant me my blessings. Thank you for directing me to these ways. Amen.
January 13~ One of the believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water. Heavenly Father, light my way today. Make clear to me where I'm most needed so that I can do your will & be of service to those less fortunate than I. Guide me to the highest calling & help me bring out the best in myself even as I'm constantly tempted with being less & doing less. When I feel as if I can give only so much, show me how to give even more so that the generosity you instill in me may catch on with others in ever-expanding proportions. Seek the goodness that only God can put in your heart. This prayer seems so appropriate for me today. With everything that I am feeling & all this new time on my hands, I need to be directed & shown what I am suppose to be doing for myself, my family, my friends, for strangers, & most of all for you God. Please show me what you want me to be doing. I will make sure to stay focused so I don't miss the signs. Thank you, God. Amen.
The evening sky will be approaching us in about an hour. The days are so short here in New England. I forgot just how short they really are until we " turn the clocks back " again. Snickers is not feeling so well today so I know I will be walking him several times before it is bedtime. I will be looking for the stars & moon tonight as it has been clear & sunny today. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you have a restful & peaceful evening if that is what you wish for. May it be all that you need & want it to be. I wish you many of sweet dreams too. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark, & our family & friends. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love & miss you so much, Tyler.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this cold & chilly January afternoon? I hope that wherever you are it is sunny, & warm. I hope you are some where smiling & putting your face towards the sun with your eyes closed. Oh how I can remember you doing this. It would always make me smile. I need that memory today as Mom is having a hard day. I am trying to get into a new routine with Mark having new hours, etc... I was lonely before but boy am I ever more lonely now. Mark leaves early in the morning before the sun rises & doesn't get back until after it is dark. We are lucky if we have 2 hours to see each other before it is time to go to bed. This is something so new to the both of us right now. It is very hard on Mom. My car is still down in Texas so I have no way to get anywhere right now. I really wish you were here so Mom could talk to you. It is just one of those days where I just need to hear your voice. I need your pep talk telling me that everything will be ok. I just wish I could see you & hear your voice. I miss our talks, our jokes, our craziness together. I miss you so much, Tyler. My world is just not the same without you. They say it doesn't get better in time, you just get stronger... well I guess I am not feeling so strong today. Maybe tomorrow but just not today. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Please never forget this.
I guess everything in our family is going well. We have been just so busy with getting situated that we have not had much time to chat with anyone. I know you are watching over everyone so I am not too worried. I know you won't let anything happen to any of us. You love us too much. I am so lucky that I have you watching over me. I wish things were different but you know that I will take what I can get. I really want to have another session with Forrest soon. Once everything is settled & the apartment in Texas is done & we have everything up here again I will start to work on this. I need more validation from you & would love to have some info from you on what you do, what things are like, etc... I hope you come through again. I will keep you posted to when this will take place.
I have a couple daily prayers for you so let me get to them right now. January 12~ The prayer of the righteous is powerful & effective. Father in Heaven, you have asked us to pray without ceasing. I am finally beginning to understand what that means. You want us to come to you throughout our day & turn to you first in all situations. We can ask & then hope for our prayers to be granted without fear of reprisal. We can cry to you & express our anger. We can bring you all the cares of our day, & you will receive them for yourself, leaving us free to simply love you. I am awed by your generosity & love, & I thank you over & over again for your steadfastness. Amen. I am learning to do just this. It has taken some time but I am finally understanding & getting to the point of where I talk to you all throughout the day. I ask for your understanding in my emotional times, I ask for your help, for you to heal my family, friends, & myself, I ask for you to grant me my blessings. Thank you for directing me to these ways. Amen.
January 13~ One of the believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water. Heavenly Father, light my way today. Make clear to me where I'm most needed so that I can do your will & be of service to those less fortunate than I. Guide me to the highest calling & help me bring out the best in myself even as I'm constantly tempted with being less & doing less. When I feel as if I can give only so much, show me how to give even more so that the generosity you instill in me may catch on with others in ever-expanding proportions. Seek the goodness that only God can put in your heart. This prayer seems so appropriate for me today. With everything that I am feeling & all this new time on my hands, I need to be directed & shown what I am suppose to be doing for myself, my family, my friends, for strangers, & most of all for you God. Please show me what you want me to be doing. I will make sure to stay focused so I don't miss the signs. Thank you, God. Amen.
The evening sky will be approaching us in about an hour. The days are so short here in New England. I forgot just how short they really are until we " turn the clocks back " again. Snickers is not feeling so well today so I know I will be walking him several times before it is bedtime. I will be looking for the stars & moon tonight as it has been clear & sunny today. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you have a restful & peaceful evening if that is what you wish for. May it be all that you need & want it to be. I wish you many of sweet dreams too. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark, & our family & friends. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love & miss you so much, Tyler.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? I hope you are doing well wherever you are & whatever you are doing. Mom has been so busy the last several days since we left NH. We are finally settled in at the new place. We went shopping yesterday & today to get all the things we needed..which was basically everything. Mark is getting nervous as he will be starting some new things tomorrow. Big changes for the both of us but I think they were the right choices at this time. Snickers is adjusting to everything really well too. I know you have been right there with us the entire time. Thank you so much for that. I have so much to say to you but I will in time. I really need to watch what I say on here for a short time. I know you understand what I am saying. Anyways....
Few things happened today that you will be excited about. Patriots won the football game last night against the Ravens so that was awesome! Dallas Cowboys played today & lost in the last 4 minutes against Green Bay Packers... Yeah I know you are laughing...whatever! I know you are happy about that!
I saw your friend Gregg, the one that you graduated with. I met his Fiance too. He was telling me that they will be having a boy in April. They will be naming him Issac Tyler.... they asked if they could after you. I was so honored & I know you are as well. Your friend Willow had her 2nd baby today. Another boy which they named Theo Tyler. Love that name again... he is adorable. So many babies being born lately. Lots of boys which is sweet but never a good sign. Theory is baby boom of boys means a war is coming. Hope not!
Oh yeah.. I had to laugh as Mark got the Uhaul the other day. I stayed behind at the hotel & later on I started to laugh because I said to myself.. " No way will we get the one with all the snakes on it..." Meme called me about 1 hour later & told me when Mark arrived with it not to look at the truck.. I asked " why " & she told me only Mom's luck..out of all the dang Uhauls that are out there with all kinds of pictures on them... yes indeed we were the ones that got the snakes. I just laughed & every one said you were playing a joke on me. Not only did we get that one but I ended up driving it for 3 hours. I was so impressed with myself. I know you were proud of me too. I could hear you say " My Mommy is growing up ".. LOL!
I have a couple daily prayers that I want to write to you so I shall start that right now. January 9~ The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control. Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; & where there is sadness, joy; O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, & it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.
January 10~ Blessed be the Lord, for he has heard the sound of my pleadings. The Lord is my strength & my shield. God, make me whole again. I have been broken & splintered by the stresses of life & feel as though a huge hole has been opened up inside me. It is like a void that only your grace & love can fill. I have tried to fill it with so many things, & I come to you battered by my foolish attempts to find what only you can give me. Renew my body, my mind, & my spirit, so that I may see things through fresh eyes & face things with new-found energy & willingness. Thanks be to you, God, for making me whole again. Oh boy, I have felt this way since I lost you Tyler. I have been beaten & broken like never before. I have looked to family & friends for strength & turned back to my faith as well. Every day is difficult for me but I am strong & I am getting by. I know you are with me even though I can't see you. I thank you for that. I know you hold me even though I can't feel it. I know you will never leave my side. I miss you so much & I love you beyond this entire world that we live in. Thank you God for helping me through this. Thank you Angels for the help too. Most of all, again, thank you Tyler. I need you.
January 11~ Thus says the Lord of hosts; Render true judgments, show kindness & mercy to one another. Where there is suffering, God, let me be an instrument of your loving compassion. Through me, work your miracles to help heal the broken hearts & spirits of those I come in contact with. Let me act as a vessel from which flows caring & hope for those who thirst for it. I want to show others the same compassion you have often shown me & to bring them the good news that they are never alone & never unloved. Thank you, God. True faith is demonstrated when we look for ways to be kind to those in need.
The night sky is upon is now. The sky is dark & the weather is cold. I am still not sure if I am really liking it yet or not. I know that being back I am enjoying things I have missed. It is nice to be back to having things I grew up with my entire life but I sure do miss so much more in Texas too. I miss the weather, the sun shining all the time, & I miss some of the people we used to see on a regular basis. Snickers does not like the cold at all. He is not used to it & his little feet hurt. That breaks my heart. I know he will get used to it again but we all sure miss our nightly walks that we took.
I hope that I get to see the stars shining & the moon tonight. Either way I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening out for Mom & that you can hear me. I hope that you night is all that you want & need it to be. I wish you sweet dreams tonight my sweet precious son. I miss you & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Hope to see you in my dreams. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope that everything is good for you wherever you may be & whatever you may be doing. I only want happiness for you & I believe that you have just that now. I think of this often as I speak about you ( which is always! )... I know you are no longer struggling with the limitations of the every day living on a daily basis. I know it was tough on you every minute even though you didn't tell me. I was & still am & always will be in awe of you & all you did. You are just amazing. I said it so many times but I will say it again... you are my true HERO. I love you beyond anything I could ever express to you or anyone else. Missing you is so tough for Mom. It hurts every minute of every hour of every day. I hold back tears all the time. I know you don't want to see me sad so I don't cry. If I do I hope you understand & you don't get mad!
I wanted to let you know ahead of time that I will not be able to write to you tomorrow night as we will be on the road driving. When we get to our apartment we will not have internet access until Friday night. I will write to you then though. Please be with us tomorrow as we start our travels. I now you will be with us but I wanted to ask just the same. Thank you, Tyler & all the other Angels that will be helping out.
Everything else is going well. Our family & friends are good. Debbie's surgery went really well. She is doing great. I think I may have told you that already but not sure. Meme & Bob are doing well too. Bob has a doctor's appointment coming up soon. I am crossing my fingers that all will be ok with that & he gets good news. I will be seeing Grandpa in a short bit. I am waiting for his call now. After that we are going shopping to get some things we need so we don't have to do it all this weekend. Always seems to be things to do & not much time to relax. Guess that is what we call life, huh?
I wanted to let you know that I was told last night that another one of my friend's sister received her wings a couple days ago. She passed on January 4th from terminal ovarian cancer. I guess it was pretty bad & she was really suffering. I heard it was a blessing. I am glad that she is no longer in pain but I am so sadden & my heart hurts for her family as her parents lost their daughter & my friend, Ken lost his only sibling...his sister. Aunt Becky graduated with her. Her name is Christine but friends called her " Chrissy." If you see her at all tell her she is greatly missed by many & may she RIP now with no pain & suffering. I know her family laid her to rest today. Thanks pumpkin.
Here is the daily prayer for January 7~ Who is it that conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? Yes, God, I know what I need to do next. Your words are clear & your meaning is obvious. But why is it so difficult to do what I know I must do? I'm weak in spirit & resolve, for even though I want to do the right thing, I find myself using excuse after excuse not to do it. Please give me the strength & the courage to follow through on my intentions. With your power, I can overcome my hesitations, conquer my fears, & submit to your will for me. The arms of God are strong enough to guide us toward a brighter life, free from fear.
I am going to write the daily prayer for tomorrow as well because I won't be able to so I thought I would be ahead of the game for once...lol!
January 8~ Your word is a lamp to my feet & a light to my path. Dear God, this morning I come to you to ask forgiveness for my stubborn insistence on doing everything my own way. Gently& clearly you point out the things I need to let go of, but I hold on to them tenaciously. Forgive me Lord. Once again, I come to you asking that my will would become less & that your will would become more in me. I want to trust & obey you, for I know that you'll do a much better job with my life than I will. Live in me, & through me, Lord. That's my fervent prayer. Like a lighthouse beacon, faith guides our way through the fog of fear, doubt, & uncertainty to the sea of clarity beyond. Amen.
Tomorrow is Mark's Dad's Birthday too. His name is Tubal. He is a wonderful man.. I am sure you saw him at the wedding. I know you have liked him a lot & him & Karen would have loved you too. Mark is so much like his Dad if that is any indication. If you get a chance go sneak a peek at Tubal in Ohio, don't scare him, & wish him a Happy Birthday = ]
I will be out & about this evening so I will be looking to the sky to see if I will be able to see the stars & moon shining brightly. I hope I get to but if not I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening for Mom. I miss you so much. I love you.
Hope you have a wonderful night. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope that everything is good for you wherever you may be & whatever you may be doing. I only want happiness for you & I believe that you have just that now. I think of this often as I speak about you ( which is always! )... I know you are no longer struggling with the limitations of the every day living on a daily basis. I know it was tough on you every minute even though you didn't tell me. I was & still am & always will be in awe of you & all you did. You are just amazing. I said it so many times but I will say it again... you are my true HERO. I love you beyond anything I could ever express to you or anyone else. Missing you is so tough for Mom. It hurts every minute of every hour of every day. I hold back tears all the time. I know you don't want to see me sad so I don't cry. If I do I hope you understand & you don't get mad!
I wanted to let you know ahead of time that I will not be able to write to you tomorrow night as we will be on the road driving. When we get to our apartment we will not have internet access until Friday night. I will write to you then though. Please be with us tomorrow as we start our travels. I now you will be with us but I wanted to ask just the same. Thank you, Tyler & all the other Angels that will be helping out.
Everything else is going well. Our family & friends are good. Debbie's surgery went really well. She is doing great. I think I may have told you that already but not sure. Meme & Bob are doing well too. Bob has a doctor's appointment coming up soon. I am crossing my fingers that all will be ok with that & he gets good news. I will be seeing Grandpa in a short bit. I am waiting for his call now. After that we are going shopping to get some things we need so we don't have to do it all this weekend. Always seems to be things to do & not much time to relax. Guess that is what we call life, huh?
I wanted to let you know that I was told last night that another one of my friend's sister received her wings a couple days ago. She passed on January 4th from terminal ovarian cancer. I guess it was pretty bad & she was really suffering. I heard it was a blessing. I am glad that she is no longer in pain but I am so sadden & my heart hurts for her family as her parents lost their daughter & my friend, Ken lost his only sibling...his sister. Aunt Becky graduated with her. Her name is Christine but friends called her " Chrissy." If you see her at all tell her she is greatly missed by many & may she RIP now with no pain & suffering. I know her family laid her to rest today. Thanks pumpkin.
Here is the daily prayer for January 7~ Who is it that conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? Yes, God, I know what I need to do next. Your words are clear & your meaning is obvious. But why is it so difficult to do what I know I must do? I'm weak in spirit & resolve, for even though I want to do the right thing, I find myself using excuse after excuse not to do it. Please give me the strength & the courage to follow through on my intentions. With your power, I can overcome my hesitations, conquer my fears, & submit to your will for me. The arms of God are strong enough to guide us toward a brighter life, free from fear.
I am going to write the daily prayer for tomorrow as well because I won't be able to so I thought I would be ahead of the game for once...lol!
January 8~ Your word is a lamp to my feet & a light to my path. Dear God, this morning I come to you to ask forgiveness for my stubborn insistence on doing everything my own way. Gently& clearly you point out the things I need to let go of, but I hold on to them tenaciously. Forgive me Lord. Once again, I come to you asking that my will would become less & that your will would become more in me. I want to trust & obey you, for I know that you'll do a much better job with my life than I will. Live in me, & through me, Lord. That's my fervent prayer. Like a lighthouse beacon, faith guides our way through the fog of fear, doubt, & uncertainty to the sea of clarity beyond. Amen.
Tomorrow is Mark's Dad's Birthday too. His name is Tubal. He is a wonderful man.. I am sure you saw him at the wedding. I know you have liked him a lot & him & Karen would have loved you too. Mark is so much like his Dad if that is any indication. If you get a chance go sneak a peek at Tubal in Ohio, don't scare him, & wish him a Happy Birthday = ]
I will be out & about this evening so I will be looking to the sky to see if I will be able to see the stars & moon shining brightly. I hope I get to but if not I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening for Mom. I miss you so much. I love you.
Hope you have a wonderful night. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Monday evening? I hope wherever you are you are doing well & that you are the happiest that you have ever been! Mom has had a very crazy 3 or 4 days. I am so sorry that I have not written to you in that time but so much needs to get done on Mark & I's end to get this new change started. I was on the telephone almost all day long getting things set up...finally finished at 4:00pm. I am so tired & my ear is so sore..lol! That never happens to Mom..hahaha!
We are 5 days into the new year & things are going really well so far. I hope this is the year that everything will fall into place. We have made some really big changes & I hope we have made the best ones for us. Please be with Mom & Mark as we continue to go through all this stuff. I know you know what I am talking about & I really don't want to give all personal details on here in my letter if you don't mind. I know you are with Mom & see & hear everything so that makes me feel better, happy & safe. You are my Guardian Angel along with Nana & Pepe plus many other family & friends that are with you in Heaven. I appreciate it all... everything that y'all do for me, Mark, & our family & friends. It is never gone without notice or taken for granted. I miss you so much & I miss everyone else too. I love you with all my heart.
The next few nights are going to be busy & I will try to write to you but if I don't please do not get upset. I will not have any service to write until Friday evening as we will be in our new apartment by then. I will do my best though. I promise that when we are back on line I will be writing to you & updating you on everything. Thank you for your patience with Mom. You are the best, Tyler.
I have quite a few daily prayers to do so I better get that started. January 3~ What sort of man is this, that even the winds & the sea obey him? Lord, even when the storm is raging all around me, I feel your still, comforting presence. Thank you for letting me know that no matter how dark the skies are & regardless of how high the waters rises, you are always with me. You meet me in the midst of the storm, wherever you find me, & you calm my troubled spirit. And so, Lord, I praise you in this storm. For in it, I find you. Thank you. Amen.
January 4~My grace is sufficient for you. Gracious God, of all the gifts you give us, grace may be the most glorious! With your unmerited favor falling upon us, we can survive most anything. Whether in times of plenty or of want, your grace is sufficient. When we feel so exhausted that we don't know how we'll get through the morning, let alone the day, your grace is sufficient. And when serious illness strikes or death imminent, your grace is sufficient. Thank you, God, for your marvelous & glorious gift of grace.
January 5~ Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Dear Father in heaven, how often our faith seems utterly depleted. We come to you asking for more faith, but we ask for such a small amount. You are willing to douse us with life-giving faith, but we come asking for just what we can carry in our cupped hands. We ask for a bit of faith for a certain situation or the faith to get us through the next task at hand. Please immerse us in a complete renewal of our faith, Lord! Let our faith in you empower us---heart, mind, & soul---that others may see you in all we do. We never outgrow our need for faith. No one is too strong, too mature, or too experienced to benefit from it's grace.
January 6~ The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out & your coming in from this time on & forevermore. Heavenly Father, there are tough times facing me ahead. I am scared to even wake in the morning, for fear of what the day will bring. Please help me feel your presence & know that I am not alone, though it often feels that way. Please also remind me that no matter what happens on this earth, I have already received the greatest blessing imaginable---salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord. Be with me now & always. Amen.
The night sky has fallen upon us & it is so cold & dark outside. Guess we are suppose to get so snow tomorrow. The sky looks that way tonight. I couldn't see any stars or the moon shining brightly but I will look later if I have to walk Snicks. No matter what I will whisper to you has I always do. I love you so much, Tyler. I need you to be with Mom & Mark. We leave here on Thursday morning. Please be with us both as we will be driving separate vehicles. Thank you so much.
I will be able to write to you tomorrow so until then.... I hope you have a wonderful evening that is restful & peaceful for you. I hope you have sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Monday evening? I hope wherever you are you are doing well & that you are the happiest that you have ever been! Mom has had a very crazy 3 or 4 days. I am so sorry that I have not written to you in that time but so much needs to get done on Mark & I's end to get this new change started. I was on the telephone almost all day long getting things set up...finally finished at 4:00pm. I am so tired & my ear is so sore..lol! That never happens to Mom..hahaha!
We are 5 days into the new year & things are going really well so far. I hope this is the year that everything will fall into place. We have made some really big changes & I hope we have made the best ones for us. Please be with Mom & Mark as we continue to go through all this stuff. I know you know what I am talking about & I really don't want to give all personal details on here in my letter if you don't mind. I know you are with Mom & see & hear everything so that makes me feel better, happy & safe. You are my Guardian Angel along with Nana & Pepe plus many other family & friends that are with you in Heaven. I appreciate it all... everything that y'all do for me, Mark, & our family & friends. It is never gone without notice or taken for granted. I miss you so much & I miss everyone else too. I love you with all my heart.
The next few nights are going to be busy & I will try to write to you but if I don't please do not get upset. I will not have any service to write until Friday evening as we will be in our new apartment by then. I will do my best though. I promise that when we are back on line I will be writing to you & updating you on everything. Thank you for your patience with Mom. You are the best, Tyler.
I have quite a few daily prayers to do so I better get that started. January 3~ What sort of man is this, that even the winds & the sea obey him? Lord, even when the storm is raging all around me, I feel your still, comforting presence. Thank you for letting me know that no matter how dark the skies are & regardless of how high the waters rises, you are always with me. You meet me in the midst of the storm, wherever you find me, & you calm my troubled spirit. And so, Lord, I praise you in this storm. For in it, I find you. Thank you. Amen.
January 4~My grace is sufficient for you. Gracious God, of all the gifts you give us, grace may be the most glorious! With your unmerited favor falling upon us, we can survive most anything. Whether in times of plenty or of want, your grace is sufficient. When we feel so exhausted that we don't know how we'll get through the morning, let alone the day, your grace is sufficient. And when serious illness strikes or death imminent, your grace is sufficient. Thank you, God, for your marvelous & glorious gift of grace.
January 5~ Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Dear Father in heaven, how often our faith seems utterly depleted. We come to you asking for more faith, but we ask for such a small amount. You are willing to douse us with life-giving faith, but we come asking for just what we can carry in our cupped hands. We ask for a bit of faith for a certain situation or the faith to get us through the next task at hand. Please immerse us in a complete renewal of our faith, Lord! Let our faith in you empower us---heart, mind, & soul---that others may see you in all we do. We never outgrow our need for faith. No one is too strong, too mature, or too experienced to benefit from it's grace.
January 6~ The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out & your coming in from this time on & forevermore. Heavenly Father, there are tough times facing me ahead. I am scared to even wake in the morning, for fear of what the day will bring. Please help me feel your presence & know that I am not alone, though it often feels that way. Please also remind me that no matter what happens on this earth, I have already received the greatest blessing imaginable---salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord. Be with me now & always. Amen.
The night sky has fallen upon us & it is so cold & dark outside. Guess we are suppose to get so snow tomorrow. The sky looks that way tonight. I couldn't see any stars or the moon shining brightly but I will look later if I have to walk Snicks. No matter what I will whisper to you has I always do. I love you so much, Tyler. I need you to be with Mom & Mark. We leave here on Thursday morning. Please be with us both as we will be driving separate vehicles. Thank you so much.
I will be able to write to you tomorrow so until then.... I hope you have a wonderful evening that is restful & peaceful for you. I hope you have sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, January 2, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday evening? Today is day 2 of the new year. Things were good for Mark & I today. We actually did a lot & accomplished quite a bit. We got to have lunch with Meme & Bob, did some emails that were needed, & phone calls that had to be done. It actually felt good to do all this. We are starting to get things going for the next phases of this trip we are still on! I know you are continuously with us & I am so happy & blessed to have this.
The weather has been good...cold, but no snow until today. There were some snow showers that were pretty bad this morning. Several accidents & a huge 50 -100 car pile up on the interstate here in Vermont. That was awful. Guess the weather is suppose to be bad this whole weekend. Not looking forward to that but it will be nice to maybe have a very much needed " down days." Do you remember those really cold, bad Northeastern storms? I bet you do! I remember that you used to hate that weather, but we always made the most of it... hot homemade meals, cozing up in warm blankets, & watching tv when I wasn't outside shoveling the snow. Oh, how I miss those times with you. The quality time we spent together. The laughing, the cooking, the everything we did days. I miss you so much. I wanted to come visit you but I didn't get that chance. I hope you forgive me pumpkin. I have to run errands tomorrow morning before this crappy weather starts so I will come see you while I am out. I promise you this. I can't wait to get your stone & your bench. I know you will like it so much. You deserve the best & that is what you are going to get! I won't settle for less than that!
Here is the daily prayer for today~ January 2~ The Father himself loves you. God, they say all you need is love, & that is true. Your loving care has gotten me through so many humps & bumps, & you continue to be there for me at each & every turn on the road to life. My heart shines with the love that never ceases----the love of you, my God, who always watches over me & makes clear my way. You take away my burdens & lighten my load, & your love smooths the path you have set out for me. Thank you, God. God's love brightens & beautifies even the darkest days. You have gotten me through so many bad ordeals in my life in the last several years. I am so thankful for all the love & the blessings that you & the Angels have given me. I am in awe of everything that you do for me & I am so thankful. I take nothing for granted & you know that. I never will. I want to do the work that you want me to do here. I want to be happy, give hope to others & help wherever I can. Please continue to let me do this for all. I love you, Lord. Amen.
I will be walking Snicks pretty soon for the last time tonight. I will be looking to the sky & hopes to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I will whisper to you whether I see them or not. I know you are out there somewhere. I hope you still watch over us all. Thank you for everything Tyler. You still amaze Mom even if I can't see you anymore. I know you are doing wonderful things. May you have a restful & wonderful evening. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Remember you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday evening? Today is day 2 of the new year. Things were good for Mark & I today. We actually did a lot & accomplished quite a bit. We got to have lunch with Meme & Bob, did some emails that were needed, & phone calls that had to be done. It actually felt good to do all this. We are starting to get things going for the next phases of this trip we are still on! I know you are continuously with us & I am so happy & blessed to have this.
The weather has been good...cold, but no snow until today. There were some snow showers that were pretty bad this morning. Several accidents & a huge 50 -100 car pile up on the interstate here in Vermont. That was awful. Guess the weather is suppose to be bad this whole weekend. Not looking forward to that but it will be nice to maybe have a very much needed " down days." Do you remember those really cold, bad Northeastern storms? I bet you do! I remember that you used to hate that weather, but we always made the most of it... hot homemade meals, cozing up in warm blankets, & watching tv when I wasn't outside shoveling the snow. Oh, how I miss those times with you. The quality time we spent together. The laughing, the cooking, the everything we did days. I miss you so much. I wanted to come visit you but I didn't get that chance. I hope you forgive me pumpkin. I have to run errands tomorrow morning before this crappy weather starts so I will come see you while I am out. I promise you this. I can't wait to get your stone & your bench. I know you will like it so much. You deserve the best & that is what you are going to get! I won't settle for less than that!
Here is the daily prayer for today~ January 2~ The Father himself loves you. God, they say all you need is love, & that is true. Your loving care has gotten me through so many humps & bumps, & you continue to be there for me at each & every turn on the road to life. My heart shines with the love that never ceases----the love of you, my God, who always watches over me & makes clear my way. You take away my burdens & lighten my load, & your love smooths the path you have set out for me. Thank you, God. God's love brightens & beautifies even the darkest days. You have gotten me through so many bad ordeals in my life in the last several years. I am so thankful for all the love & the blessings that you & the Angels have given me. I am in awe of everything that you do for me & I am so thankful. I take nothing for granted & you know that. I never will. I want to do the work that you want me to do here. I want to be happy, give hope to others & help wherever I can. Please continue to let me do this for all. I love you, Lord. Amen.
I will be walking Snicks pretty soon for the last time tonight. I will be looking to the sky & hopes to see the moon & stars shining brightly. I will whisper to you whether I see them or not. I know you are out there somewhere. I hope you still watch over us all. Thank you for everything Tyler. You still amaze Mom even if I can't see you anymore. I know you are doing wonderful things. May you have a restful & wonderful evening. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Remember you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)