Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this cold & chilly January afternoon? I hope that wherever you are it is sunny, & warm. I hope you are some where smiling & putting your face towards the sun with your eyes closed. Oh how I can remember you doing this. It would always make me smile. I need that memory today as  Mom is having a hard day. I am trying to get into a new routine with Mark having new hours, etc... I was lonely before but boy am I ever more lonely now. Mark leaves early in the morning before the sun rises & doesn't get back until after it is dark. We are lucky if we have 2 hours to see each other before it is time to go to bed. This is something so new to the both of us right now. It is very hard on Mom. My car is still down in Texas so I have no way to get anywhere right now. I really wish you were here so Mom could talk to you. It is just one of those days where I just need to hear your voice. I need your pep talk telling me that everything will be ok. I just wish I could see you & hear your voice. I miss our talks, our jokes, our craziness together. I miss you so much, Tyler. My world is just not the same without you. They say it doesn't get better in time, you just get stronger... well I guess I am not feeling so strong today. Maybe tomorrow but just not today. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Please never forget this. 
 I guess everything in our family is going well. We have been just so busy with getting situated that we have not had much time to chat with anyone. I know you are watching over everyone so I am not too worried. I know you won't let anything happen to any of us. You love us too much. I am so lucky that I have you watching over me. I wish things were different but you know that I will take what I can get. I really want to have another session with Forrest soon. Once everything is settled & the apartment in Texas is done & we have everything up here again I will start to work on this. I need more validation from you & would love to have some info from you on what you do, what things are like, etc... I hope you come through again. I will keep you posted to when this will take place.
 I have a couple daily prayers for you so let me get to them right now. January 12~ The prayer of the righteous is powerful & effective. Father in Heaven, you have asked us to pray without ceasing. I am finally beginning to understand what that means. You want us to come to you throughout our day & turn to you first in all situations. We can ask & then hope for our prayers to be granted without fear of reprisal. We can cry to you & express our anger. We can bring you all the cares of our day, & you will receive them for yourself, leaving us free to simply love you. I am awed by your generosity & love, & I thank you over & over again for your steadfastness. Amen. I am learning to do just this. It has taken some time but I am finally understanding & getting to the point of where I talk to you all throughout the day. I ask for your understanding in my emotional times, I ask for your help, for you to heal my family, friends, & myself, I ask for you to grant me my blessings. Thank you for directing me to these ways. Amen.
 January 13~ One of the believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water. Heavenly Father, light my way today. Make clear to me where I'm most needed so that I can do your will & be of service to those less fortunate than I. Guide me to the highest calling & help me bring out the best in myself even as I'm constantly tempted with being less & doing less. When I feel as if I can give only so much, show me how to give even more so that the generosity you instill in me may catch on with others in ever-expanding proportions. Seek the goodness that only God can put in your heart. This prayer seems so appropriate for me today. With everything that I am feeling & all this new time on my hands, I need to be directed & shown what I am suppose to be doing for myself, my family, my friends, for strangers, & most of all for you God. Please show me what you want me to be doing. I will make sure to stay focused so I don't miss the signs. Thank you, God. Amen.
 The evening sky will be approaching us in about an hour. The days are so short here in New England. I forgot just how short they really are until we " turn the clocks back " again. Snickers is not feeling so well today so I know I will be walking him several times before it is bedtime. I will be looking for the stars & moon tonight as it has been clear & sunny today. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you have a restful & peaceful evening if that is what you wish for. May it be all that you need & want it to be. I wish you many of sweet dreams too. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark, & our family & friends. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love & miss you so much, Tyler.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!