Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you today? It is Wednesday finally. This week is dragging on...probably because it is the 1st week in a new place. I am getting used to it though. I think it is because I am back in New England...back to my roots. The days are definitely long here & something to get used to again but I will manage. I am getting up earlier & going to bed fairly early. Some days I just feel so old...lol! Anyways... the new place is really quiet. I have not seen but 1 person so far. Have not seen any of my neighbors yet. I know the gal that lives across the hall has a dog because I hear it bark quite often. Haven't seen it yet just hear it. I don't think that anyone goes out unless they have to. The weather is so cold. When I took Snicks out about an hour ago it was snowing. My first thought was oh joy... but I was looking at it while Snicks was sniffing & I said to myself it really is beautiful. Just think each snowflake is different..not 1 is the same. I wonder if you see the snowflakes or if it is always sunny where you are? I remember as a little girl I would stand outside & catch snowflakes on my tongue. When I would play outside in the snow I would eat it... just not the yellow snow..lol! The memories I have of the days growing up in New England. Wasn't much to do in such a small town but we did what we could. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wish I had the chance to tell you all the stories. I wish we had more time to talk. I wish so much. I think you know that though. Something tells me that you know what I am going to say even before I do or before I say it. Since leaving Texas & everything behind I am in a sad place. I wouldn't say depressed but really sad. I miss seeing our pictures together. I miss being able to see your things when I wanted to. I hope that we will be getting our stuff soon. I waited 1 1/2 years to get them last time. That won't happen twice that's for sure. I don't need everything from the old apartment, I just need the things that are not replaceable. Everything else we can buy again... 
 I am trying to get into a routine by doing things that keep me busy & make the days go by faster. I have restarted to workout again. This time I am using my exercise bike. I finally have it back again after 3 years of it being at Meme's house. Remember when I would exercise for at least a 1/2 hour? That is what I am doing again. Not quite up to a 1/2 hour yet but will be by next week. I put music on & away I go. I do it in the morning after I have been awake for a couple of hours. I am really enjoying it again & I am wanting to get back to where I was when we were in Texas. I will do it... I have the will power. I will keep you posted on this..hahahaha!
 Here is the daily prayer for today... January 14~ I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit; you heard my plea. Lord, it is easy to get caught up in my own problems that I forget that there are others far worse off than I am. Help me find the right perspective by taking a step back to see that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Help me remember that you never give me more than I am able to handle. Through your compassion to those with far less faith than I have. Help me, God, to go out to help others. Amen. Pray that you will be God's instrument for bringing good to your world. Funny how this is the prayer for today. When I was on facebook earlier I saw a video that made me stop & think. It was such a good message that I shared it on my page for others to view. I always said to you, Tyler that we didn't get anymore than we were able to handle. Do you remember that? I truly believe that is absolutely correct. Everything happens for reasons whether we like it or not. We grow & learn from the hardships & the mistakes we make. Like you have said to me through my reading... you know why everything happened to you & you are ok with it, it made all sense to you. I still wonder because I don't have those answers to why it all happened. Why the answer were right in front of the doctors face & they just couldn't see it. I hope that when I have my reading you come through & share that with me. It will give me a peace of mind to know & understand the way you do now. Anyways... I will watching & looking for signs from you God on how I can help people out. I have always been a caring person & I really like to help others. Thank you for giving me this gift. I treasure it always. Amen.
 Tyler, you had a special gift whether you knew it or not. Everyone that met you fell in love with you. You gave them reasons to be thankful for what they had instead of complaining about things they didn't have. You touched so many family, friends, doctors, nurses, teachers, & even strangers with your strength. You were sunshine where there was rain in Mom's life. Your friend Sam said it best.. you were Ty-Dye....every bright color in the rainbow. You made everyone smile. Our lives were better because you were in it. You were never the burden that you thought you were. I only wish you would have believed Mom when she told you that. If I had the chance I would do it all over again. I would take care of you each & every day. I wouldn't think twice at all. I would embrace it again. I would however do some things differently though. I am older & wiser now so I think I would be a better Mom to you. Just always know that you were & always will be my world. You still are my true HERO. Even though we are apart I still draw strength from you. I think of you every minute of every day. I miss you so & I love you more than life itself. 
 The sky is cloudy & gray today so the chances of me seeing the stars & moon tonight are highly unlikely but I know no matter what you are shining bright somewhere for all of the Angels & for God to see. I will whisper to you as I always do. I wish for an evening that is restful & peaceful for you my sweet precious son. Sweet dreams & hope to see you in mine tonight. Forever you will be in my heart, mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!